₦airaland Forum

@laudate
y so much beef??
it really amuses me when people put on airs and behave like they are above mistakes! Well i am not! and i am man enough to admit it! I made a mistake by cheating on Tolu and i was ready to face the consequences. By the way, their are parts of this story i am not willing to share because it infringes on the private life of another. Life is NEVER black and white,  always try to remember that. i was the baddy in this story but that does not mean everybody else concerned was an angel.

I ve put my mistake in my past and because i slept with another woman does not mean im a womaniser or whatever! Throw the stone! ye who never hath sinneth before!
I only got involved with Tina when Tolu made it clear to me that she was not interested in a relationship with me anymore and in order to spite me she started dating her ex. i was so badly hurt that i realised getting her off my mind was the healthy thing to do. Tina gave me a shoulder to cry on but of course. she had other designs 4 me. I never wanted to start a relationship with her and i never tried to take advantage of her but she liked me so much she was sort of reckless. I'm human,  at that point i was not dating anyone, the person i was in love with hated my guts and so i just sort of played along with her. besides i liked her,  i could tell we could build a strong relationship if we tried since we had been friends 4 so long. however, i never counted on Tolu coming back,  and that is the source of my present predicament. I ve sort of made up my mind,  i ll tell Tolu to let us stick with our earlier decision to stay apart and try and build a relationship with Tina. She doesnt desrve to  get hurt

Oga, there is no 'beef' anywhere. Na you take yah mouth talk say you dey 'nack' another babe behind Tola's back & she caught you red-handed. My guess is that it wasn't a one-night stand. You must have been doing it for a while, until she finally caught you in the act, not so?

Secondly, you also admitted that you made a dash for Tina after Tola had caught you with another babe. Abi na lie I talk? Are those not the facts?  All I did was to do a quick recap, analyse your actions and give you an opinion. So why are you talking about 'beef'? I don't get it o!

Now in your first post, you swung round in full circle to say you want to go back to Tola, (while you are still dating Tina o!). . . .ehen. . . .and that you don't know how to dispatch Tina out of your life, now that you want Tola back. All I did was point out to you that Tola now had a boyfriend, so why should you be talking of getting back with her, especially as you have now built up a relationship with Tina?

This your habit of going back & forth between different women ( which you so aptly described) was the subject of my response, and like I said before. . . . .check yourself. It is an unhealthy trait. Even if you and Tola get back together again, there is no guarantee that you won't cheat on her again & she wouldn't catch you in the act a 2nd time around, and dump your ass one more time. And if you still decide to stick to Tina, there is a huge chance you would definitely cheat on her too, a few weeks or months down the line (if you haven't done so already ,sef). So you are likely to still end up at square one. Me. . . .ah don talk my own.

Finally, just because you engage in a particular habit, doesn't mean everyone else shares the same tendency to engage in the same kind of act. So no one is "putting on airs and behaving like they are above mistakes." All am saying is that based on the scenario you have presented, you need to check yourself. It is silly to keep doing things the same way, and still expect a different result each time. 

simeons:
thanks bussy,
laudate----

You no dey serious. You remind me of one lawyer like that. . . . . . . Make I no talk too much as the person sabi imself. Anyway Oga Simeons, your 'tory don change o!

simeons:
@ busta
well sort of. her (tola) ex had been bugging her to re start their relationship and he had been telling her nasty stories about me. so when she finally caught me red handed in the act, she got fed up and left me 4 him. i pleaded with her for some time but she refused to listen to me. after a while i guess she decided i was 4 real. she tells me she doesnt love her ex, but she trusts him because she knows he loves her, unlike me., she says she finds it hard to trust me now.

i really have no doubt in my mind that i love tola. we were planning to get married before we broke up (mainly because she caught me sleeping with some female totally irrelevant to this story--oops my bad!). unfortunately sh.t happened and i started to get used to tina. i have feelings 4 tina and i m sure with time i ll get to love her as much as she loves me. but for now o, im still in love with tola.

i really don't want to hurt tina, at the same time mayb i should just stay with her, because i know she loves me very much.

Initially, you said that when you were dating Tola, you were busy sleeping around so much until she caught you red-handed with another babe, not so? Yet you claim to have loved her. Um, na wah o! Alright, what led you to mess around with another chic behind her back? When she caught you being unfaithful, did you stop & check yourself or make a vow never to repeat that kind of behaviour? Did you find ways to make amends and rebuild the trust you had already shattered in your relationship with her? Nope. Don't forget that rebuilding trust is not a day's job o, neither is it one months' work or done within a few short weeks.

Instead of acting like an honourable guy, you made a quick u-turn to jump into Tina's pants. A few months down the line, you have suddenly developed itchy feet (or loins) again, and instead of working on yourself & your character. . . . .you have decided to swing back in Tola's direction, claiming in a silly juvenile way, that you still 'love' her. Hmmn. . . . .we all know the brand of[i] 'love'[/i] that you have for her. It is the kind that leads you to fool around with other babes behind her back, and sleep with them when she isn't looking. Ah omo, I question this yah brand of love o , and I shudder to think of what you would do if you really hated Tola. I believe Tola had a lucky escape from you!

Now, let's get back to Tina. She was the one you jumped into bed with, after Tola had caught you 'nacking' another chic. Tina doesn't know your true nature yet, so she thinks that you are truly in love with her, as I'm sure you must have told her many fake stores coated with sugar. Anyway, now that you are bored with Tina, you are looking for a way to take your exit from the affair, without looking like a bad guy. So you have decided to make a bee line for Tola. I'm sure if you still got back into a relationship with Tola, you would still cheat on her again.

Keep hoping from one bed to the other, instead of seeking deliverance from the lustful tendencies that have held you in bondage. By the way, why are you still lusting after Tola when she now has a new boyfriend? can't you see that she has moved on with her life? Or was she the one that said she wanted to come back to you? Or are you just doing some wishful thinking with your loins, instead of reasoning logically with your mind?

Tola isn't what you need. Neither is Tina. What you really need is to look for a way to address the uncontollable urges that keep making you jump from one babe to the other! I don talk mah own finish. . . .

Oga Simeons,

You never talk the whole truth about this matter finish.

Oya, marry the two women on the same day. No problem!

After the wedding, you go still dey sleep with different women until each one of them catches you in the act. The Tola girl sef, get time for nonsense. Wetin she forget for yah body wey she come back come take, especially since she don sabi say you dey sleep with another babe called Tina?

You dey confused. . . . .no be small. Too much awoof babes don run your belle!

Spencer, each time she comes around, refuse to let her in. Ask her what she came for through the window.

If she meets you on the road, tell her you are on your way to see your own babe. Then wax lyrical about all what the chic is doing for you.

If she calls your phone, ask your girlfriend to pick it up and answer the call.

Sometimes. . . . .you need to be cruel, to be kind!

zarazara:
You discover your partner is a compulsive liar, and has been cheating - can you forgive and forget?

Your partner physically/emotionally abuses you can you give him/her a second chance?

You find out that the person you have been dating is a convicted felon - can you forgive him/her for not telling you (lying through omission)?

Can you give a second chance to someone in your life who abuses drugs and alcohol - or who gambles?

What about someone who is clumsy and keeps breaking stuff in your home - or someone who claims they are good at fixing things and makes matters worse?

What kinds of things can you forgive and forget? When would you never give someone a second chance?

May God deliver us from such people! Are you are a masochist that you must continually associate with such a person?

Nollywood Part I & II!!

Where is Emeka Snr. Kanezi to tell his own side of the story? And let him give names & dates that pertain to the time he spent in Nigeria with his kids. Maybe Emeka junior would recognise some of them & come back to this thread.

I firmly believe that if Emeka Snr. wanted to find his kids in Netherland, he would have been able to do so all this while. Netherland is not quite the back of the beyond. . . .is it?

adconline:
Ask all these girls who are telling you that five years will be far too long how many men they have taken to the altar within 1 or 2 years of dating? This is why some of our sisters don't find suitable husbands. They don't like to wait, always looking for ready made and drive through husbands. Most girls still don't get it, they will say guys like sex, but don't like to settle down. Guys can get sex elsewhere, go ask Client 9 or Gov Elliot Spitzer, but marriage. You MUST TELL THEM WHERE IS THE MONEY FOR MARRIAGE WAHALA AND RAISING A FAMILY. Guys think long term, girls think short term. Girls are looking at marriage as an accomplishment while guys are looking at marriage as a fulfilment in life. That's why they don't get bothered so much that their mates are married, but could be so hung up on the fact their mates are more successful. Here is lifecycle of a man. His family, a successful career that will bring a beautiful and loving wife, his kids.

You keep forgetting that time is NOT on a woman's side.

Haven't you seen women being patient for some years, waiting the man to make progress and then when he finally hits the big bucks, he changes his tune or decides that she is too old for him? Na which kind advice you go give dat kind babe? B.A (Begin Again)?

Sisikill:
Anyhoo, that is all besides the point because this line of yours  . . is what I was responding to. The girl says some psycho is threatening her and your advice is to tell her that if she loves him, she should stay and if she doesn't stay. . .it means she was only looking for somewhere to hook herself.   You don't even make allowances for the fact that she does love him but she does not want or refuses to be threatened.

I hear say for some areas, na acid some babes dey take settle scores.

I beg make this Nenenwa girl come back here, come finish di 'tory for us. Na how them take settle di case now?

And make she answer my last question. Na which way her phone number take enter di other girl im hand? Abi di other babe dey psychic?

spoilt:
funny as heck but true talk my sister

Abi, o! I beg, talk am louder make dem hear!

Kekenapep:
@ Halle B & Octopus

"Your ex is d only one that understands you", "I share DEEP secrets with my ex"

Your present relationships (and marriage) will never reach its fullness because a part of your mind still reaches out to your ex's. It's like trying to drive a car to two destinations at once. You can't. If I were to ever find out that my (future) wife shares deep secrets with her ex and not with me, then the relationship is not worth it.

GBAM!! GBAM!! GBAMM!! If this was a term paper, omo na A-plus you go get for this answer!

Why can't people just see the truth for what it is? If you are in a relationship, you should be confiding in your better half, and getting him or her to understand you thoroughly, not saving up the gist about your spouse, lover, girlfriend, partner or boyfriend for your -ex! _{(*Shaking my head mode. . .*)} Some folks just don't get it!

outlaws:

If she wants to keep her ex as a friend, no problem, I will show her the door, her property and her transport money to her excapade and the relationship is over.

Wa'sere my guy! This is why some folks cannot move on with their lives, and subsequently have newer, fulfilling relationships. They are still swapping silly stories with their -exes, and running stupid errands on his or her behalf. What a shame!

salsera: Since you are posting out what you feel right now it will be hard to offer any advice.


Why are you finding it hard to convince her

is it her or is it you


because if its just her then there is nothing you can do if she feels that all men can not be trusted. We are human beings we WILL dissapoint the people we love that where second chances, forgiveness and faithfulness build from Love itself is a risk but we all need to take it or else what's life worth living for.
if its you then you will just have to build trust in this case and be patient because it will take a while because once bitten twice shy

|Just make sure all your efforts are worth it

Ever heard the phrase "once bitten, twice shy?" Like someone said earlier, she must have gotten a bitter deal in a previous relationship, which left her with too many emotional scars. So she is now finding it difficult to trust anyone again & I don't blame her.

You said[i]:" because if its just her then there is nothing you can do if she feels that all men can not be trusted.'[/i] I disagree. There is a lot HE can do, to restore her faith in him as a man, even if it is only to change her previous mind set from what it is.  Too many people don't know what it means to earn and[i] keep [/i] the trust of those they are in a relationship with, and that is why too many relationships are in a shoddy, sorry state. We throw ourselves into an affair or a relationship without taking out time to study the other party or check if they are worthy of our emotional investment. When it crashes, we wail and shout. I beg, I don't blame this lady for being cautious. She has been there, done that and is now trying to take her time before embarking on a journey with someone else, to see if he is truly what he claims to be.

First, expecting trust to be handed over on a platter of gold in a relationship where one partner has had a raw deal in the past, is. . . . .not always easy. Right now, he needs to be there for her, and has to make sure he is as open and as transparent as daylight. Don't hedge, don't pretend, don't hide & don't take things for granted. Be sincere, straight-forward and honest. Slowly but surely, when she knows that she can count on you, her trust level will build up.  Seun's advice was still one of the best. Mind sets can be changed, It just takes time, effort, information and persistence.

Don't cut corners. Always say what you mean, and mean what you say. Walk the talk. If you cannot, please let her know upfront what your weaknesses and constraints are. Nothing good comes easy.

If at the end of the day, you suceed in your quest and she learns to[i] trust [/i] you. . . . .believe me the rewards will be great. Even if the relationship doesn't work out in the manner you expect at the end of the day, she will at least be able to vouch for you before others and behind your back, that you are truly a man of integrity. And the beautiful thing is, she will never forget you. . . . .& you may end up with a long-lasting friendship that is worth its' weight in gold. Think about it.

sammyjl:
They deserve each other and they will definitely not last.

Ehn? What makes you so sure their affair will not last?

tony Issey:
hi nairalanders i ave this new female friend and my girlfriend doesnt approve of for no just reason but  accept all her female and male friends but she doesnt approve of just this one, of recent she has been acting up and avoiding my calls and i don't want to loose her what should i do if i please her now and do away with this my friend would i always continue like this please advise

Omo, your girl sees your new female friend as a threat.

There could be something in the way she acts or talks that sends negative vibes to your babe, which makes her feel your new female friend has a crush on you. Do some investigative work, my guy.

When you are truly in love with one person, and you love that person body & soul. . . . .you won't have eyes for another.

The fact that you are checking out another babe, means you are not deeply in love with the first one.

What you should really be asking is if you feel it is possible for one to fall in lust with two friends. And the answer is that when it comes to lust. . . yes, it is!

tobaaro:
Love makes you stupid!

All d peopl claimin 2 be "Bad Boys" are not dealing wit their heart!

Wen u meet someone u really love, You get stuupid!

Y'knha'mean?

I beg, tell dem di 'koko' o jare!

vincey:
This days, patient dogs no they see bone at all.

Hehehehe. . . . . .

TopBooty:
You don't get custody by just telling the judge that she can't take care of the baby. You have the burden of proof and distress calls is surely not one of them.

Says who? Just make a note of all the distress calls, and use your phone records to back it up. Her calling ever so often shows that she is ill-equipped to take care of the baby and she needs help or she wouldn't be calling ever so often.

If that fails, then he needs to move to another state. Chikena!

tRoOE:

Hell no why is he/she an ex for , when I call someone my ex I expect him never to contact me in this lifetime or any one, and I will surely do the same

Ex = garbage, and they bring too much drama into your life (acting all jealous in shit) especially when he/she realize you've moved on with your life with someone else

Abi o, na which one be all this -ex this, -ex that? Why can't exes keep their distance from each other? 

banni: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the surface there is nothing wrong with it .but I for one might not be against it but think its a very bad idea.

Remember until some years ago the mere notion of doing this was frowned upon.

so as you can see there is probably a 50/50 split on keeping ex as friends.

Chances are you will most likely date/marry  a person who does not believe in keeping ex as friends and this can cause tension.Often they will not even say a word until one day a big arguement will happen and it will come out as ammo against you.

If you can avoid trouble why bring it ? There are so many people in Nigeria to make your friend.Why should your woman have to see or hear you with a woman who don see your rod?

Also as someone pointed out we are all human and you can easily fall into temptation in a single moment of weakness.And if caught or even suspected you cannot even defend yourself.

Also I would be weary if someone says they are comfortable with it and don't keep ex as friends.It often means they are just been silent about it.It might be a different case if both have ex as friends.

also even if your intentions are good ,what stops the girl coming to your wife and lying against you?

Imagine if your wife accuses you of cheating and she tells her family that your ex is regularly phoning or texting you.Do you think even if innocent your own family will support you?

120 million Nigerians .Find some friends who are not your ex.Why risk your lovely new relation or marriage?

I am not saying if you see her make you take cutlass chase am! That na police matter.

Just simple hello and goodbye if you see each other on the road is fine.

Na you talk am well well, pass.

Too much stress in the world, why complicate things by having an '-ex ' as a friend? Keep them as aquaintances, passersby or even strangers from the past. Why keep them as friends? What kind of yeye friendship be that?

Another problem is that very often, -exes don't respect the boundaries of friendship drawn for them.

There is usually this easy familiarity especially with the ladies (maybe because they feel they have seen all there is to see, about you or they know all there is to know concerning you), so sometimes they just forget themselves and say things they shouldn't even say, or even act too familiar towards you in a way that is likely to cause friction between you and your current girlfriend or boyfriend. And you know what they say about familiarity breeding contempt. Unfortunately, most guys often interprete such actions as their -ex being friendly or nice, while their girlfriends see such -exes as babes with a hidden agenda. By the time the truth comes out, it is often too late to remedy the situation, and the guy is left pants down trying to do damage control.

I know a case where a girl told an ex-boyfriend of hers', that his current chic was 'unfashionable' and shouldn't be seen wearing jeans. The guy too laid down the law for his new babe, and said she should henceforth desist from wearing jeans. Meanwhile, only this ex-girlfriend has ever said that jeans look bad on the current babe o! 

To cut the long story short, I always wondered why the guy would take his ex-girlfriend's words as the gospel truth without seeking a second opinion, and even go as far as insisting that his current chic should dance to the ex-girlfriend's fashion rules.

Needless to say, their relationship is now over, and word on the street from the guy's office mates is that he is now back in a steamy relationship with his ex-girlfriend after breaking up with the other chic that was tagged 'unfashionable'. 

Shey una see the harm wey some -exes dey cause?? She don take mouth spoil di other babe, and then she come take style move back into the bobo's arms. . . . .God dey!

Tell him to get custody of the child since it is so obvious that she can't care for the kid on her own. Once the kid is with him, restrict her visiting rights.

Please check. Let's know if it is a 2-WD or a 4-WD.

It will make a lot of difference. Let's know if you can accept 1.2m, too.

yebariba:
all you male supporters of evil, let me ask you a question. how many of you would still keep dating or stay with your wives or girlfriends if you somehow stumbled upon a video of half of the sexual escapades your wife indulged in before she married you. imagine watching on video, your wife sucking and eating up privates after privates of different sizes and shapes and colors. imagine her moaning and calling out another mans name. she did all this and the guys didn't have to pay a dime. you had to pay a dowry and throw a big party to get the remnants. what a pity Cool

Wow!!   Was that what happened to you?? Eeyah! Sorry o. . . .but have you sought counselling? I mean, your psyche must have taken a whacking after that discovery. May God heal your troubled soul!

;d

babymine:
@ Itoco

Why were you sleeping with her, collecting gifts from her and hanging out with her when you have a girlfriend you claim you love?

Good question! I have heard some strange things in my life, sha. Its' such a funny way to show his lack of love for the girl in his compound.

jkpretty:
Now i say there's no smooth/sleek/experienced/blabla player. A player always & will always leave loop holes. You can never get away that successfully. She knows, she has just decided to keep mute.

You are so right. A player always leaves loopholes, even when he thinks he has tidied up all the loose ends.

They don't like to accept the fact that they can't make perfect moves all the time. They always feel they are so on top of their game, that no one would know, forgetting that they are only human. . . .and all human beings make mistakes.

One day, the game will crash down on their heads and they will see disgrace staring them in the face.

Gamers:
I'm in it and the girl is pregnant after I had rang in her ear that I had a girlfriend I was serious with. She kept forcing herself on me.
Now I'm mentally preparing myself to marry two women. I'm in shit right? I know!

This one made me laugh well, well. She forced herself on you! Um, lemme guess. . . .she held a gun to your head, abi? Or she grabbed your JT and insisted it must perform?

4 Play:
@D-R

As a matter of principle,women shouldn't tolerate infidelity.However,from a pragmatic perspective,its always very likely that the next male partner will be a cheat and the next after that,e.t.c.

That's not condoning cheating by any stretch of the imagination but simply acknowledging reality.

I always say the woman should leave her cheating partner not because it guarantees her the fidelity of a future partner-most likely,it won't-but as a matter of principle

Well, it looks as if you are saying all men are cast from the same mould. Are all men likely to cheat on their women?

sillyboy:
@ topic.

Times without number

I am even praying to God to make me stop after marriage because I strongly feel am still going to continue.

At least you don admit yah own weakness. Go for deliverance, my brother. You sabi where MFM dey, abi you wan make people give you di address?

didiomos:
i really appriciate your reponses towards this issue. i think i will just let him go and then try and get hold of my life. if he truly loves me he will come back but if he and his ex were meant to be then i don't think i would want to come in between them. its possible he used me to get over her when they brooke up, but now that its not working then i should just let them be.

Wait o. . . .don't you feel he must still have been dating his -ex, right from the start when he started dating you? He never broke up with her, despite all the fake stories that he told you! Shine yah eye, girl.

By the way, if he feels he was losing out on his countless female admirers, by proposing to her. . . . .what makes him feel that she too doesn't have countless male admirers checking her out from afar?? Or he doesn't think that she too would not have countless male admirers? 

And if the advice of his randy friends meant so much, maybe he should plot the graph of his life based on the advice of his randy friends. When the blind follow the blind, they both end up in a ditch. So the advice of those randy friends are the gospel truth, abi? Wonders shall never end. It just tells me that any guy who takes the advice of his randy friends seriously, does not have a mind of his own! Period. Neither does he know the direction in which his own life is headed. That is why he would be considering the advice of his randy friends, or placing a premium on the fact that such advice may account for something.

As for letting go of his wayward ways, ah. . . . .that one is so pathetic. So being wayward in the first place, is a thing of pride, abi?

Finally this one takes the cake: "planning towards the wedding which might turn out to be a big hole in his pocket but he is willing to do it for her because he loves her." Before, nko? Is it too much of an effort on his part to plan towards the wedding? If he doesn't plan towards the wedding, who would do the planning for him. . . .his maiguard or the priest conducting the ceremony? 

Na wa, oh!

lawyer: Some people are just natural born clowns. Just because a guy said "I have finally decided to marry you", the poster took offence to that and told him to shove his proposal up his ass! How ludicrious can some people be. Anyway, i don't blame her. Too much romantic movies have probably influenced her way of life and thinking. Most women just think that a man should just marry them because they have dated for donkey years.

She doesnt even want to know what went through his mind at that moment for him to come to that kind of decision after a long while. Marriage no be beans and he must have heldher in a very high esteem to plan his future with her and get things done properly.

For one she didnt even consider the following before she told him to shove it:

1. His countless female admirers and boyfriend snatchers that he had decided to let go of in favour of the poster

2. Solving the parental problems associated with marriage and culture in favour of the poster

3. Ignoring the advice that some of his randy friends would have given him so as to pursue more girls in favour of poster

4. Deciding to be finally responsible and plan to have children with her and letting go of his wayward ways

5. Planning his financial future that would adequately cater for her

6. Planning towards the wedding which might turn out to be a big hole in his pocket but he is willing to do it for her because he loves her.

And because he proposed in a casual manner, she decided to tell him to shove it because he didnt say it the way "Ramsey Noah would say it to Stephanie Okereke" in one of those nollywood home videos.

Rubbish! If i was the guy, i would take her advice very seriously and move on and probably look for another girl because, from that little statement she made, the marriage would definately head for the rocks because it is so obvious she is a narcassistic, obsessive, demanding and compulsively hormone raged perfectionist. Its either her way or the Highway and he is better off with someone less endowned with such traits.

If he held her in high esteem, he would have taken out time to study the kind of things that make her tick. He would also have taken out time to find out what kind of things would turn her off, and would try to avoid doing those things deliberately.

His choice of words makes it look as if she has been begging him to propose to her, or as if he feels he is doing her a favour by finally popping the question, or as if he has shopped round, checking out other girls, hoping to find one better than her,  but couldn't suceed, and has now finally chosen to manage her (the girl) the way she is.

How would you feel if you propose to a woman, and she turns round to say "I have finally decided to marry you?" 

What if you pop the same question to another girl, and instead of giving that dumb answer above, she squeals, jumps into your arms and shouts "YES!! YES!! YESS!! I would love to be your wife!"  

Now which of these two responses, would you prefer?

The girl is not blindly in love. . . .she is just BLIND. Period. May she receive her sight!