₦airaland Forum

Hi!Will =N=1 million be acceptable? let us know.

Am sure this has been sold. Do you have another one in stock? 4x4 wheel drive would be preferred.

Am not sure everyone watched that debate from beginning to end. Yes, Fashola was articulate but he was also petty. Watch how he dodged the question concerning his refusal to see Randle and then went on to belittle the respectable old man by accusing him of criminality without proof.

Then he cleverly side-tracked Dosunmu's question on the cost of the Lagos-Ajah road. Last time I checked, those who live in Ajah, Lakowe, Ibeju-Lekki, Badore along the Ajah axis etc do not pay less tax than other Lagosians who live in Yaba, Surulere, Onipanu and Ikeja GRA. Yet, people living on the Ajah axis are expected to pay toll at 3-4 toll gates before they get to their homes.

All Lagosians are equal, but some are meant to suffer more than others, abi?

And I simply loved what Dosunmu said about the Housing projects in Lagos state (even though I do not care for PDP): "Lagos state govt builds houses and sells them for 40 to 50 million naira. A man that can afford to pay this kind of money for a house, does not need the state's assistance to get his house built." Someone should please tell me what type of houses Lagos State govt has built for the masses since Fashola became governor.

Your Xterra is not a 4x4 or an all wheel drive. For a rear wheel drive, the price is exorbitant. You need to lower your rates if you want it to fly.

@ibejiibeji,

Wake up and smell the coffee. And take to your heels. From his words, actions & his attitude, guy's future plans does not have a script with your name written in it.

If a man truly loves you, he would want to make it official and have you for keeps by taking you to the altar.

It doesn't take a man 8 years to make up his mind about a woman. he is just using you to warm his bed. When he is ready to tie the knot, he will throw you over for someone fresh & hot that he finds more exciting.

He has had 8 years to take your relationship to the next level, but he hasn't. Can't you read between the lines and look for someone who would value & respect you??

I know a chap who dated a girl for 15 years without marrying her. Each time the word marriage came up, he would dodge. He later met a young lady and married her 4 months after their 1st meeting. The fomer girlfriend was left to pick up the pieces of her messed up heart. . . . .a word is enough for the wise.

dudet:
hey all, new too, on the topic, when you feel a need to hide stuff u're doing with somene else from your partner and of course u know within urself (if u have a conscience o!!) what u're doing is wrong, that's cheating, it don't have to be physical, there's something called emotional infidelity, depending on someone other than your partner to make u feel the way u wuld want your partner to, when u begin to look to someone outside of r relationship to fill that void, that to me is cheating,

Fatimata:
Your missing the point.

You know what your partner likes and dislikes. You know your partner will not like you talking to that particular man or woman so you do it secretly.

If your not an open book, your not trustworthy and that's my stance.

Sometimes you make calls to someone and your partner is not around no problem but if the occasion arises, you can always explain freely why that person called you or why you called that person.

Am not saying you have to report everything you did immediately to your partner, but if there isn't anything to hide then you don't need to lie.

WORD!! Abeg, make una help tell dem. . . . .

If he is not cheating on you, he will give you the full facts about the e-mail & what led to the other girl's messages.

If he doesn't give you the facts, and he is doing nothing but blaming you for accessing his mail, then he is cheating on you & trying to use reverse psychology to get himself out of the whole mess.

He wants to lay a guilt trip on you & paint you black for checking his mail. But why would he do that, if he had nothing to hide?

Think, girl. Think!

CAN'T TOLERATE:

Cheating (if you know you have your eyes or your mind set on someone else, for goodness sake just spit it out & I'll take a walk! I won't hang around & let you make a fool outta me!)

Infidelity (and all the pretence, lies & deception that comes with it!)

Not having a mind of your own (so because your friend is a serial dater or a cheat that has gotten away with it, you feel you must take part in the game, too?? I don't get it o!)

Insulting my intelligence (with pathetic lies that even a ten year old won't tell!) 

Secrecy (what the heck are you hiding? Why can't you be open enough to lay your cards out on the table, and spill out the truth, the whole truth & nothing but da friggin' truth?)

Twisting the story ( yep. . . . .also known as 'white-washing' or trying to paint yourself 'innocent' when in fact you are as guilty as sin!)

Expecting me to look the other way when you stray (nah, my folks didn't raise no fool!) 

Lack of self-respect (you give members of the opposite sex such cheap & easy access to your body & time that it stinks, and then you complain when I tell you off for bad behaviour) Gimme a break!

Violence (you are ready to throw a fisticuff, when caught in the act. . . .mugu!)

Comparing me with your -exes (if they were so damn perfect or great, why da heck aren't you still with them? Why did you come on to me?)

@deluxecad:  So slim women are unforgiving? And throw up bucketfuls of venom? Pray tell, what crime exactly did you commit against them?? let us know. Maybe a slim lady caught you cheating on her with an 'orobo' and refused to fall for your lies a 3rd time around. Don't bother hiding the truth. . . . . .and stop trying to justify your inadequacies and failures with such pathetic declarations.

sillyboy:
@ poster.
My guy, you can still put things back the way they should be. You'll only have to follow the theory of "iron sharpenth iron". This is what you do. Start to cheat her all over again, my guess is that, when she realises you are cheating her again, she'll be knocked off. She'll feel hurt and not justified like she's feeling right now. When you are sure she's now hurt again, you now try as much as possible to be caring.

WARNING. In as much as this could work, it could destroy whatever little thing she must feel for you right now. So you must be ready to take the worst. If you ask,I think you should try, afterall you are already loosing her.

Ha-ha-ha-ha. . . . .una no go kill person for here o! On a serious note though. . . .cheating and 'respect' do NOT go together. In fact, cheating has a way of killing any form of respect a person could have for his partner, especially when you think of the deceit, trauma and pretence that accompanies the whole thing. Someone needs to tell the original poster the whole truth.

Some girls have no sense of decency. If you were the girl-friend that he was seriously involved with, would you be happy to discover that another lady has developed strong feelings for your boyfriend and is ignoring your presence in his life, and planning to dive headlong into a relationship with him?

Put yourself into the other lady's shoes! 

The chap will finish chopping you & go back to his babe. And if that babe ever finds out about you, be sure that she will give you a hard time. Even if it is just to prove a point!

You cannot retain your self-respect while messing around with someone else's man. You will only cheapen yourself & expose your life to ridicule. . .

This case reminds me of one Rivers lawyer like dat. . . .

Abdblues:
People, will just like to hear what you think about this friend of mine who is in a dilemma!
He Just Got married about 2.5 months ago to a very nice girl (by my own reckoning) and shocked
us (friends) when he told us 2days ago that he has gone completely tired of his Marriage, i suspected
that there might be another girl involved but he assured us that this is not the case, he said he is
deeply unhappy and is looking for ways to end it!. Truth be told he has always told us he wa getting
married to the girl because of pressure from some friends and family alike but he thinks he can handle it.
He is a christian and the wife is a muslim. he said she had previously promised to change as soon as they
are married but is now reluctant to go to church with him. He said the marriage is very cold and not interesting
at all!!!

Was your friend a player before he got married?

He is probably bored & wants to continue sampling other women, but he feels his marriage is a leash that restrains him.

Also, there is some other chic in the picture. . . . .there may not be anything happening between them yet, but his thoughts are now focused on the new lady, that's why he is now emotionally detached from his wife. So don't believe him if he says there is nobody else.

Finally, I don't believe in this day & age, that family pressure or friends can make a man marry a woman he does not love. Any man who peddles that excuse is a mugu acting out a script of deceit written by a Machiavellian player. Doesn't he have a mind of his own?

Such a man lacks integrity, character & the courage of his convictions.

Leave your friend alone to lie on the bed he has made for himself. He chose to get married, no one held a gun to his head to force him into holy matrimony. . . .so what is he complaining about? Why do people play Russian roulette with their lives in the name of marriage?

Ayeisha: Clearly, this man is placing this woman that he cheated with and is probably still cheated with in front of you and your emotions!

He does not love you. He just does not want to lose you as it would break his manhood.

It seems he uses this art of juggling two women as validation of his manhood.

He only dangles her over your head in conversation to keep you in the place in which he wants you: Groveling at his feet, pleading with him, submissive, his pet.

If you marry this man you will suffer from years of instability, insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, and pure torture.

You will be cooking, cleaning, washing, and making love to a man who will not be making love to you!

He does not love you. He is trying to enslave you.  Don't you see he shows no remorse for what he has done. He is a jerk. Leave now while you're still young and vibrant and get with a real man.

Find a man who will love, respect, and cherish you. A man who will show you he loves you with actions not with words. We women often fall victim to the magic of words and that is just ridiculous.

I say, "You love me? So show me? I need to see this love not hear this love." Hearing something does not make it valid. These things we hear are intangible pieces of useless information.

How are you showing someone you love them by cheating on them 3 times and they have the nerve to throw it back up in the persons face time and time again. You have to corroborate your words with actions!

It's a done deal! Hands down, he is a joke and a loser. If you stick with him this is what your union would be. A downward spiral of uneccessary torture.

How can you focus on your career or raising your children while being preoccupied with the depression cultivated by the actions of a useless, adulterous husband?

Preach it sista, pr-re-ea-ach!! 

Those who have ears to hear, let them hear!

Don't mind the guy, I guess he was proving his love to his girlfriend by cheating on her. . . . . .stupidity 101.

@OpeLovely,
Na you talk am well, jare.

There are too many genralisations in Orikinla's initial post.

Just like you have women out there who believe in no romance without finance, you also have men who would use a woman for years while they were dead broke, only to turn round & dump her once they hit jackpot.

Quite a number of ladies stuck to guys who had nothing to their names, and I know one humble, pretty lady who used everything she had to help her boyfriend get a job. They dated for over 2 years.

When life improved & the chap moved on to better things, that was when he realised that she did not come from his local gvernment area. See life!

It takes one man to turn a woman into a bitch o!

madambini:
[size=14pt]12 signs u should dump that so called boyfriend![/size]

1. He hardly calls you, and you are the one doing the calling most times. He gives excuses that he is busy.

2. You barely know a thing about him. You ask him questions and he's always evasive.

3. You do not know any of his friends. If a guy realy likes you, he'd always want to show u off!

4. ,

Ok people, add some more!

hahaha. . . . .you left out the most important bit. . . .

4. If he has cheated on you &  can't tell you exactly why he did it or steps he would take to prevent it from happening again.

5. He is always receiving calls from his ex-grilfriends whenever he is with you;

6. He is always acting out a script written by his friends. His actions are taken based on what his friends have said or would do, if they were in his shoes. Hello! Doesn't he have a mind of his own?

7. He is always comparing you with his ex- or some other babe. . . . . .

8. He listens to other people's opinions about you and hastily rushes into judgement without listening to your side of the story. . . .not once or twice, but often?

9. He disrespects you often, with his two-timing moves and repeated acts of infidelity making the phrase, "tell me the truth," look like a Greek word in his dictionary?

10. He makes you feel inadequate whenver you are together.

Oh dear, here we go again!

No woman can steal a man who does NOT want to be stolen, and has made it clear in word & dee[/b]d that he is [b]unavailable and uninterested in any romantic liaison outside his marriage or existing relationship.

Some men are married, but are continuously giving other single women the "come-hither" look or giving them cheap, easy access into their lives.

Some married men flirt & flatter other single women showing interest in their lives, and this could give such women the impression that they are ready to mingle.

If you find a woman who is determined to steal a man who is already taken, please do a quick check to find out if the man has not encouraged her in some way or expressed an interest though his words or gestures.

If a man gets stolen by another woman. . . . . .other than the one he is currently involved with, then he is nothing, but the world's greatest pretender! Some men through their actions passivley encourage such things knowing they can always plead Adam's excuse. . . . . ."it wasn't me Lord, it was the woman!"

Na wah o! I don't even know why we are debating dis matter.

Have you ever heard of call barring, call diverting etc? Just bar her number permanently on your phone. If you can't, let it ring interminably until it cuts off.

Next, ensure that if she ever gets through to you on the phone, you are as abrupt, brief and dismissive as possible.

Finally, action speaks ten times louder than words. Say it, mean it & act it. Don't give her any audience, wether secretly, privately or publicly even if it is just for 2 seconds, NO!!

Your case reminds me of one Rivers lawyer like that. He was always complaining to everyone that he was through with his ex-girlfriend. And all his friends believed him. Okay o!  

The only thing was that anytime the ex-girlfriend called, he would pick her calls so fast you would think there was a million dollar deal on the other end of the line.

He ended up buying stuff from her, listening to her pleas, placing a fixed deposit in her bank through her, confiding in her  etc. In short, the guy continued to give her cheap & easy access to his life, his body & his world.

All that talk of "we are through" was nothing, but pure eye-service. His actions were a direct contradiction of his words.


What am I saying? If you really don't want to have anything to do with your ex-, please take the advice of the people here and put it in play. Then back up your words with relevant action.

NO means NO, not maybe or perhaps. Chikena!

Men who cheat are those who have no respect for their bodies and lack any commitment to their relationships or their marriages.

If you are truly committed in your heart to your wife, girlfriend or fiancee, why would you cheat?

The minute a man starts exchanging phonecalls & text mesages with another woman secretly and cannot share such information with his better half, he is setting the scene for infidelity.

Men who do not place any value on their relationships, or place any premium on their own promises and vows are those who find it easy to joepardise such relationships by cheating on their spouses or girlfriends.

Otherwise, if you hold something in high esteem, why would you want to jeopardise it?

If you loved someone with your entire being, why would you want to embark on an odessey of deceit that would cause them pain?

If you had any respect for yourself & your body, why would you give any third party such cheap access to it?

: From Natashi -The thing which I respected is he could of had us both and no body would have known about it. I have a full life school, work, working out, etc,  in the relationship he was always honest to a fault and he knew how to chill and be laid back. That type of man the only thing you could do is say, I was a better person for knowing you even if it was for a short time.    I got sooo close to what I was looking for but hey life goes on,

Eeyah! I feel you o jare, they don't make honourable men like that anymore. Some men would not only have had you both, but would also have strung you two out to dry, while doing alternate shifts in bed with either one of you, whenever it takes their fancy. Y'know, Friday is for Doh. . . .Saturday is for Funmi . . . .and the beat goes on.

Same goes for a number of women too, they can do "chop & clean mouth" far better than a lot of men can.

Wish I could say such nice things about my own -ex, but . . . . . .nah! Anyway, here is my letter. . . . (it was actually written by a friend of mine. . .he-he-he)

Dear Ex,
Wish I could say loving you was a "pleasure", but nah, you were not honest enough, truthful enough, sincere enough, committed enough, thoughtful enough or caring enough. . . . . .to make things work.
Your constant cheating wore me down and I had no choice but to walk and close the door on the part you played in the story of my life. I learnt a lot though.
The first was that your words had an inbuilt "expiry" date, unknown to anyone but you. It was only valid as long it served your pupose for that period. If anyone ever brought it up later, you would wave it away dismissively by saying it happened long ago, or it was said ages ago. Sad thing was, I didn't find out till it was too late. Lies have a way of killing a person's feelings, just as it eventually killed all I felt for you. Deception breeds derision, ridicule and scorn. . . . .so you always took offence preferring to reach for the moral high ground by playing the innocent, instead of ammending your ways. Whenever the mud-slinging started, you hit the road, dished out incoherent insults and made silly claims that didn't hold water. What did you expect? A round of applause for your hypocrisy?

The second. . . .I will save for a later date.

Learn to be honest in your next relationship (oops! sorry marriage ) . Tell the truth straight up everytime, 'cos it will make you a better person . Try to be open. It pays. Hypocrisy never won anyone any laurels

waterworks:
DEAR X,
. . . . . . You left your girlfriend for me?? I never asked nor wanted you to! lucky bitch! she got away in time. I should have been in my room on the computer chatting to frnds and family, i should have remained the little girl I was.

. . . . . . You cheated on me and i forgave you. you even asked me for advice because she hated you. was i supposed to make you feel better the other girl was sad you didnt leave me as promised? you made me cry tears of utter pain. Made me see in 2 yrs what many women have not seen in 10.

I did everything you requested and more. and i regret. Oh how i wish i could turn back the hands of time. You used me. . . you took advantage of my innocence and the independence I was too young tounderstand. Now i know why your EX hated you so much. I hated you too 'X', I just diddnt know it yet.

. . . . . .I[b] do not wish you luck, happiness or a good woman. I wish you GRIEF, GRIEF and more GRIEF[/b]. This time I am doing the stepping.

Ever regretful,
Waterworks.

Chukwu biko!! Na wah o! Dis one na serious matter o! Girl, let it go. . . . .puhleeze! Just thank God for His mercies and the fact that you were able to get out in time. . . .

[quote author=Mr Kelly ]@ poster,

Marriage is not always a bed of roses. Those who have a successful marriage today had gone through crises that could even be worse than yours. The early years are usually filled with trials and crises. The devil will always fight to destroy God's instituted union but remember you made a covenant before God on the day of your wedding. Please try not to break that covenant.

Real men dont run away from problems, they face it. Divorcing and remarrying will not solve the problem. You both need to go for counselling. Remember it takes two to tango, your wife cannot fight you without a course except if she is insane, so stop doing things that provokes your wife to anger. Pray to God to intervene in your marriage and back it up with positive attitude and your wife will be amazed with the transformation in you and will have no choice than to change. No responsible woman will like to destroy what took her years to build. There must be something you are doing wrong so you need a self examination too.

Wish you all the best and  may the Lord be with you.[/quote]Omo, if for say na term paper be dis, na A-plus you go get!! Na correct advice you give for here. Abeg, give me one hi-five, jare!

Obotte: @post
My dear am sure your story should be two sided but you are giving us one side of it. marriage is a union of two individuals with different background, even if you court for 7 years before marriage there are things you can not change in a person so you have to tolerate one another. You only talk of your wife what about you? Are you sure you are not the one fermenting trouble and when she reacts to your trouble, hers becomes over bearing for you?

My brothers and sisters in NL suggest you divorce her, am sure they don't know what marriage is all about  a sacred union. Let me give you illustration or example you should think over. Marriage is like a house with time it will develop problems (leakage in the case of a real house), what will you do if your house leaks, will you abandon it and build another? If you say yes than you will continue abandoning all the houses you will leave all your life because a house must always have leakage or some problems that requires fixing.

Conclusively, try to see areas you are not doing well and improve on them and areas she is not doing well and talk it out with her. Am sure she loves you and you love her that's why you got married at first. Think of it like a house you are the head of the marriage fix it, don't chicken out or abandon it.

Truer words have never been spoken! Ol' boy, there is more to this story than you are telling us. A woman cannot suddenly change without any good reason. What exactly did YOU do to provoke her to this stage? Some things that seem like a minor issue to a few people, may end up being a deal breaker to others.Was there emotional abuse? Repeated acts of infidelity on your part? Family pressure? Did you have a child out of wedlock behind her back? Was she pushed to the wall by your words & actions? Is she suffering from depression? Did you date an -ex who vowed you would never know happiness after you had messed up her life? Maybe, her words have come home to roost. You never can tell. Just what exactly took place to turn your wife from a gentle person to someone who suddenly has the guts & ability to slap you around??

"To thine own self be true". If you don't sit down, look deep within u & try to fix the cracks in your marriage that has led to this state of affairs, things will not change. Don't shop for excuses.

Its easy to get out & marry someone else. But another new set of problems could re-occur with that new chic that could make this one seem like child's play. 

Before you call it quits, make sure you have done all you can do to make things work, so that there would be no regrets at the end of the day.

ocelot: To the poster and all those that support his action (infidelity), and all those that cheat on their loved ones (both male and female): was it worth it? And do you guys have no shame? As far as I'm concerned, the negative consequences of cheating on your loved ones far outweigh the, "benefits" (if that's the right word). In return for a night of infidelity, what do you get? A name dragged through the mud, zero self-respect, broken hearts and a broken relationship, lack of trust, and betrayal.

What the hell happened to faithfulness, one's integrity, and self-control?

WORD!! Thank you jare, for this sane voice of reason!

friendl:
l could get you one at cotonu with 1.65m , duty cleared, although a friend just cleared three ,,

Talk true, your friend cleared 3 of what?

Am still waiting for an answer o! Abi you no wan sell again??

Girl, this guy is cheating on you big time!

If his motives, intentions & actions were clean, pure & honest, or if he had nothing to hide, then he wouldn't take your pictures off his page on "facebook." He has a lot to hide, mostly from the other women in his life.

Wake up & smell da coffee.
Another woman has confessed that she has been dating him on & off. You have seen proof of his infidelity in the text messages on his phone. What else are you waiting for?

He is just getting defensive  & using reverse psychology on you, because he knows his lies are beginning to stick out like a sore thumb, and he hates being found out. He has multiple relationships running simultaneously, including the one he has with you. 

Personally, there is no point in staying with a person who cannot be faithful to you and who finds it more convenient to play you for a fool rather than be upfront about the issues in his life. But then, the choice is yours.

No one has walked in your shoes, so it may be difficult for them to tell you exactly when its time to take them off 'cos its been aching so much. Forget all those excuses that whitelexi & The Seeker are trying to throw down.

The guy is not doing you a favour by dating you. Love, honour, truth, fidelity & respect are still the right buidling blocks for any relationship. So girl, start as you mean to go on. Don't fake anything. Trust is not given, it is earned. And if a man cannot show himself to be worthy of your trust, let him go & meet other girls who will fall for his deceit.

Dear Ex-,

Erm, yawn, yawn, yuck!

Tell your friend the cold, hard truth. You owe her that much, if nothing else.

1. The guy was just using her to catch his fun, and still is.

2. The guy has absolutely no plans to marry her and has drawn up a future that does not include your friend in it. Heck, she is not even in the footnotes, not to talk of being on the first page.

3. The guy has his eyes & his mind on something else & wants a way to break free of their relationship in a polite manner

4. The guy is dropping hints that she should move on with her life.

5. If he truly loved her, he would be making marriage plans with her, introducing her to his family and talking about building a future, not advising her to get married without making it clear that he would love to be her groom.

6. The fact that he hasn't said or done any of those things (i.e. planing a future with her) shows that he is just looking for a way out.

So tell your friend to close the door on this so-called relationship, and ask God for someone who truly loves her & wants her for keeps - body, soul & spirit.

@Olanajim,

Even if she willingly entered his house, nothing on the surface of this earth gives the guy the right to rape her! Jeez, what if it had been your own sister that this happened to? Would you have said the same thing? If she had known that the guy was capable of doing such a thing, or that rape was on his mind, do you think she would have gone there?

I truly sympathise with the girl. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The guy should just be castrated in my opinion, period.

Max Siollun, you don waka comot from Nigeria village square come enter here??

Anyway, na small question I wan ask you - did William Walbe kill Fajuyi & Ironsi?

Oya, will you sell this Xterra for =N=1.6 mill?
Answer quick o!

Naturez:
More so,she monitors my phone day in day out because of my ex(s) who still reach me but i don't care about that,so that doesn't give her advantage over me because i don't check her phone like she does to me.

Omo, am scratching my head trying to figure out the logic behind this your answer. So it is okay for you to still be in touch with your ex-es, but it is a taboo for her to call her own -ex.

Alright o! Just remember that what a man sows he will reap. You cannot maintain close phone contact with your ex-babes, and expect your own chic to give you undiluted loyalty.

In my book, that is known as hypocrisy, chikena!

Delete the numbers of your own ex-es first, before asking your babe to delete the number of her own ex. What is good for the goose is equally good for the gander, na so dem teach us for nursery school.

Angel4luv, what led to your break-up? Was he cheating on you or were you cheating on him?

Were you the one that went back to beg that he should take you back? Have you resolved the issues that led to the initial break-up?

If you haven't, your happiness could end up being be short-lived.

My 2 cents,