₦airaland Forum

yes, thank you Michelin89

thank you all for your opinions I am very grateful (even though you may not think I am) I am very sorry if I came across as insulting Nigeria i have no reason to insult Nigeria and Nigerians.

I would like to know where 'fat' came into it though

also what makes you think i am fat?

instead of encouraging me here I am called name like this? do you think many white ladies want to live by a different culture? I am one who is and look what besteric and m guage have said? that has really upset me.

Hope everyone is happy now. I am a fat used alcoholic white lady according to besteric and gauge. You really know how to paint a good picture for yourselves.

Hi there, my brother in law, he has his wife, her sister, and his own sister living under one roof and two of them dont get along and the police have been called a few times. The couples marriage is on the rocks becuase of it. The kids had to sleep in the bed with them!

I would have it for a CERTAIN AGREED amount of time. Call me bad ass westerner but this is a nigerian home I am referring to.

@echidime. I have no taste for sex I can actually live without it. I understand why you think all white women are leg opening dick craving sluts, no echideme we are not ALL like that.

I am not looking for flimsy reasons for a divorce I was CONSIDERING it due to our cultural differences in which he will NOT compromise on coupled with the fact that we have a different mentality thats not to say I dont love him I was trying to be practical and I figured should I draw the line now it may have been better than him drawing it in about three or four years time when it would be harder for our child to deal with ( of course together with the horror stories). But know what call me all the names you want. I love this person and I want the best for our family. I had gotten to a stage where I just found it very hard to understand the different mentality and felt like I was not good enough for him. But thanks to the opinions of some which have been genuine practical opinions I will be patient and continue as I normally do. I now feel a lot of it is down to laziness as opposed to culture. I will endure torture to prove it if I have to.

PS white ladies do not look for flimsy reasons to divorce for god sake especially with naija men they usualy fall head over heels with them and some of them put up with terrible S***.

I don't expect him to cook he cannot do that anyway thats why I sought how to do it from others. I don't nag about it. I know the ngozie issue. You see what sometimes confuses me is that in africa in a usual setting lets say, the wife is the homemaker, the husband is the provider therefore he clothes them, dresses them and feeds them. In the west here well in my home the rent is 50 50 the food bills are 50 50 I purchase my own clothes etc.  I come home from work daily tired but I have to run around like there is a bee up my arse cleaning and cooking while he can sit on the sofa spraled out frinking cans of beer. What also annoys me is the lack of compromise here. I have pointed and I mean pointed this out before in a very nice indirect way that I was not naggin. I understand his culture and i am currently living by it and it is my choice to live by it. Lets put it this way, its a good way of loosong weight and keeping the ngozies away - joke I'll neva be able to shift dem away!!!

Thank you very much everyone for your advice, in particular sin thank you also. I do not want to divorce. As regards his family his brothers wife lead me into extracting information for her from my own husband and because she was being 'maltreated' by her husband I helped her out on that only for her to hang me. Now, she is in the process of a divorce and she is nigerian it turned out she is very nasty after this and there has been a lot of things going on and his family are not happy with her. I no longer visit his family members here because of her, however I do speak to them on the phone. I feel like this incident and the fact that I gave her information has been the cause of my worries.

As regards our cultural differences I work 9 to 5 same hours as hubby. He cannot cook or clean I have addressed this issue for some time now and it goes nowhere so I am just going to overlook it. I open one drink at home once a week (usually on a Sat) but if I do I am a shameless woman so I can't do that anymore either, he drinks about four nights a week lying on the sofa watching football which I don't mind that much (I am not going to nag over these things) while I of course cook up dinner make him his lunch for work the next day and clean the kitchen etc, this is on a daily basis. I am happy if he is happy but sometimes I do get tired. life goes on.

Sorry,i really have to made myself clear. I was THINKING of obtaining a divorce in my heart that is not what I want I do not have any evidence to suggest he is gonna leave me only that fact that when I married him he had no papers at all. he took me to Abuja and we married there we have been very happy he really is a wonderful dad but sometimes in my heart I feel its all too good to be true. I have put this to him about how I feel and the fact that I am obviously not of an ngozie quality. He says to me to stop that if he wanted an ngozie he would go get one but really- what else is he supposed to say

The reason why I was contemplating a divorce was becuase I do not have the qualities of ngozie. As a naija man when he straightens himself out ie obtains his passport surely he will be fed up of me, a white lady! not to say I am fed up with him b'coz I love him to death I just don't wanna get a hard hit down the line. i am not pointing to finger at all naija men, but the reason why nigerian and western marriage does not work is because of the cultural differences. I am willing to be anything to make it work thats why I am here to see if there some advice on offer on how I can actually become like ngozie, seriously

go to the immigration and report him. tell them you no longer live togehter as a family unit. i bet he will be back at your door then.

well I'm white and I would raise hell it one split second I would beat on his ass if caught him cheating that is (not for flimsy reasons)

I would never take a man back if he cheated on me. it seems most african women forgive their husbands for that. But in other ways they would be more fierce than me. it all depends on the individual. Weak or strong.

PS everybody my husband never even mentioned the word ngozie, I just figured it out for myself! so just in case you thought he mentioned it he never did.

I feel as though I am painting a terrible picture on this board I do NOT have it in for ALL naija men. My husband took me to abuja and the state where he is from, we travelled for hours and hours on an ABC bus it was so picturesque and beautiful I will never forget it. I love my husband dearly but I am somewhat of the opinion that a naija lady is better for him. I can cook all and I mean ALL of the native soups and dishes so what! its whats in the heart that matters and it seems to me its our ways of reasoning that varies. I want to be with him for the rest of my life but I am terrified that one day he will divorce me to marry someone from his own tribe which would be practical and understandable. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE TO SUGGEST THIS WILL HAPPEN. But, as I have said I am not an ngozie i have a fair idea how to be become one though. OK, so how do I become an ngozie? this may slim the chances of him leaving me LOL! - but on a serious note, do I really have to have the patience of a saint? any tips here? greatly appreciated and thank you all for your opinions.

I am far from stormfront, I am not an ngozie so how can we be compatible for christ sake.

thanks militia, I will certainly take on board your opinion. I will be patient, the yahoo man aint that much better but at least I can understand em. I have been to nigeria, I am very familliar with the culture and way of life. I used to be very interested in the culture more so before but when I realised how women are treated its a big turn off. However I will give him the benefit of the doubt but will not sign any papers no matter how saintly he may be.

sorry didn't see that was fro family rip MY FATHER FRANCIS XAVIER who died of a pulmonary embolism aged 58 1/05/2005

I light a candle for my colleague Attamah who died last Feb 9th aged 30, unfortunately whilst awaiting a kidney transplant. RIP

Confused i am confused as to how the heck you ended up having two kids for this man I mean I have one for a lovely naija man who took me to Nigeria too but as good as he is I would not end up pregnant again. The reality of it is nigerian men are best with their own women becuase they will put up with them. don't be disheartened, they do worse to their own women and I can verify that.

As happy as we are I am contemplating divorce because I actully don't believe him that he is happy although he respects me and has done absolutely nothing wrong. Life goes on and we are all better off with our own kind.

@militia please can you find him an ngozie becuase thats all that can put up with naija men and their nonsense.
he is a great father though he really is. But as I have said, I am not ngozie I am a good housewife for a white woman though I was even told that. But, as I have said I am not a silly ngozie that treats her man like a king and gets abuse in return. Coz that what they do to each other in his family. If their wives don't concieve with in six months they are 'fat bitches' justice for women please, in particular naija ladies as much as I admire their patience and respect for their husbands sometimes they let themselves be made mince meat of. BTW papers! that does not even cross mymind becuase I will not even get to the stage of signing them. I'll be the one gone by then

Hi can anyone help me. Due to irreconcilable differences I have to file for a divorce. problem is I am Irish and I married my husband in Abuja he lives here also. How can I go about this I cannot even get a number for the marriage office in Abuja.

When I first got married I was as paranoid as hell about papers etc but then I realised there was so much that he did to prove to me he is not messing me about ie taking me down to Nigeria. I sinceraly appologised about my misconceptions and thankfully I was forgiven. If he loved you that much he would see where you were coming from. He could have been looking for a gateway who knows? appologise and do what you can if he wants ya that much he will be back. How long were you married for?

Irish Nigerian and she has been there too!

Hi there everyone, my name is Pamela I joined this forum to learn more about Nigerian culture, politics and everything really I have been to Nigeria (abuja) where my husband is from and I thought it was very nice. i find this site very informative and interesting.

what adorable children this is my child leilah she is Nigerian african american (myhusband) and irish (me)

my hubby cant cook one single thing I watched some of his family members cook plus then went to the internet and got the rest from the likes of congocookbook etc now i can cok all of the igbo stuff

money money money

I have become increasingly aware of the fact that a lot of african men in the west are having affairs. Despite the fact that they work same hours as their wife. But, the wife is doing all the household chores whn she gets home from work and dedicatin hersel ft the marrige 100% but why is it not being met both ways. Women, we are people with moral and ethical values, why are we settling with forgiving our men for having affairs just because we don't want the social stigma of being divorced!

Seperate holidays, for eg if your husband wants to go to a holiday resort filled with bars and clubs in Spain without you and this kids for a week because he wants to 'buy some handbags' what would you say?

If these 'trips away/weekends for supposed business' or football team weekends away to holland without you of course and were a regular occurence what would you say? would you mind?