₦airaland Forum

Sure there is enough misstresses out there to keep men happy why should they put up with more than one 'nag'.

I think its becoming more and more outdated thankfully. One of my aunts in Jordan her husband took on a second wife and she split with him after twenty years of marriage and four children.

A man is supposed to do justice amongst his wives but can a man really do equal justice in that regard? surely the most desirable gets a little more.

Bottom line is, men don't need to take more than one wife exept for saudi were there are no potential mistresses there are plenty of able bodied broke, willing, non god fearing,lonely pretty women out there. What more can you ask for. Personally, no I would object to another wifey unless it were world war 3 and women and children were starving to death and needed help from a man. For charitable reasons I would allow it but not for reasons of want.

I was brought down to nigeria and I am not from there.

I'm irish and there was no problem with me going down and I met all of his famiy.  I consider myself extremely fortunate to have had that opportuinity. Two plus years? thats a considerable amount of time. Don't be disheartened though many many foreign partners simply never make it down there but there is hope that you will some day by perhaps expressing a huge interest in his culture and family that you'll make it there. Many may argue with me the fact that it is of paramount importance that one meets their spouses family and yes even if they reside in Nigeria, as expensive as it was at the time I went I enjoyed every bit of it.  I was not even working then and had no money at all. Besides you are a medical doctor? I imagine one would be overjoyed to bring such a high ranking professional to meet his family. Now, saying this I am opening a can of worms in this forum. Two apparent factors that must be taken into consideration is:

It could be that fact that he is not married to you. My husband would not have brought me down as his 'girlfriend' perhaps it could be this. He would not have had me staying in his parents house as his girlfriend, nor did he want for us to stay in hotels.

Speaking generally, nigerian medical practitioners living in the west usually marry from home (becuase they don't need to marry any westerners) as they are sorted out for life with regards to their immigration status, (being a medical doctor) now, not all but MOST doctors that I have seen from Nigeria my husband and I know a lot of them and out of about twenty, one is married to a jamaican the others all went home to marry after dating other various females (including doctors also) from the west and I can verify that I have indeed met such people.

I felt and feel priveleged to have gotten there, his family are not intolerant towards me but there are some families that are intolerant. As much as I complain about my partner and cultural differences etc I think laziness/carelessess can easily be confused with cultural differences but bringing me to Nigeria really showed what he is made of.   I am not Nigerian myself, my conclusions maybe wrong but thats my view.

Who knows, all you can do is address the issues.

Course he gonna ask for food he isn't the one cookin it up

Hi Camille, sorry you need to mix it with the fork twice as follows: yes you do mix little oil and salt into it when its dry (b4 u add water).
1. After you let it set for two mins covered with something (just before you microwave it for two mins)
2.Then after you microwave it for two mins it should be soft then so you can seperate the grains once more then.

Your welcome.  I mean just a dash of oil in the cous cous.

Cous cous al maghribi:

You will need:
oil (either groundnut or olive oil for this dish)
Little salt
knorr chicken cubes (about five or six)
some chicken leg pieces
one whole bulb of garlic ie about nine or ten cloves
one onion
black pepper
one or two if you wish of hot peppers
three carrots
two potatoes
one small can tomatoe paste or about three tablespoons of it.
one can of chick peas (aka garbanzo beans)
One Zucchini aka a courgette(optional)

Wash and season the chicken with maggi/knorr chicken
meanwhile peel the carrots and potatoes and slice the potatoes in four quarters
chopp carrots (in whatever style you like I like to slice it across half way, then down and down again (put aside)
heat little oil in a pot
chopp and add onion to the hot oil
chop garlic and add
brown them for about a minute then add the chicken and brown that a little too for a few minutes
add some salt
some black pepper and hot peper (or hot chilli powder 1 tablespoon)
then add in the tomatoe paste mix it around so that the chicken has paste on it.
now you add water (fill the pot up with half water so that there will be enough for vegetables to cook in.
Now put the vegetables in.
meanwhile leave it to boil for half an hour ( make sure to stir it occasionally though)
it should thicken and look more stew like over time
now, after that half hour add one can chick peas
add the courgette (optional)
leave it to cook for another twenty mins.
*note This stew sauce is not supposed to be very thick and sharp like regular groundnut stew.
You can decide on your own consistency by adding or removing water, but the arabic way is that the sauce is sort of light and little bit runny becuase cous cous is dry and it kind of absorbs the sauce itself while you are eating it.

Make your cous cous and pour your stew over it.
You can also make this dish with lamb
or you can just use some curry powder insted of tomatoe paste.

How can women treat such dirty fools like kings!!!!

What a dirty man. Please stay away from him. there was once a congolese man I worked with and he too got one of his colleagues pregnant he had a wife and four kids over here and a wife and three kids in Congo. The girl ran fast and aborted her pregnancy after what she found out. Then she resigned. This man was also messing around with a single parent another african lady and she had HIV.

Sit at home = Devils workshop (for some)
I imagine the man would be called a scrounger if this happened.

Could I have an igbo translation of Sienna's posts?

Obviously he intends on having a great time with other women whilst having you at home. Why is he travelling alone anyway? apart from that you are in Germany yeah? you are not in Nigeria why should you have to put up with this dirty man. Bible this, bible that, he is a cheater. I just don't know why some on this sit are of the view that becuase he had condoms its ok. You are his wife for Gods sake. Let man travel alone is like giving a child candy.

That is just crazy! sure wat if the condom split?? that can easily happen. Western ladies wouldn't put up with that SHI* as a matter of fact why should you put up with a man that has been up other women? YUCK!

Yes, you are so right, I actually am here to learn about the nigerian culture.

If you take time out to read varacious's reply above she also adds nutmeg

Well I got this from my sister in law who is an igbo lady and she puts little bit nutmeg in while cooking the meat and it takes the sourness away.

I make that quite often. You make your stew sauce with lots of meat and veg and one bulb of garlic. Seperately you take one full cup of cous cous and pour it in a deep bowl put some salt and litle oil (not palm oil) then boil you kettle with boiling water and fill the same cup with boiling water plus another half a cup - so its one cup cous cous to one and a half cups of water. Pour the one and a half cups hot water on top of the cous cous and cover it for about two minutes. Then remove the cover off it and put the bowl of cous cous in the microwave for two minutes. take it out and seperate the grains with a fork and a little butter(optional) and pour you stew over it. I have recipes for arabic stews for cous cous if you like.

The reality of it is the wife and husband are breadwinners.
Husband=breadwinner

Wife= breadwinner
Wife= housewive also (because hubby doesn't do a tap) (2 fulltime jobs)

I didn't mean to push anyone away I'm so sorry jazzyred and NikkiTBowens. I guess some naija men really get on my nerves. As I have said its not about colour I am more like a white person but it doesn't matter. I;m sure your partners appreciate your interested in their culture (unlike mine)

No i do not mean good ridance. I was not referring to culture I simply think 'dating' for ten year is hideous. But fair play to her for ebign so patient. I didn't mean to be cold hearted and its nothing to do with colour for heavens sake. Sure I'm not fully white myself (check my profile)

thank god!!!

;d

Gemmie, please consider and weigh out your options, single parenthood is not easy.

I am irish - Jordanian

In all the com[plaining I do about him not cooking a thing I think I would honestly die of embarrassment if he could do a better job than me!!!

Hi Tanushka, I am an irish lady married to an igbo man and have been to Nigeira. He MAY be serious with you. how old is the man? its good that you have spoken to his family but its very important that you meet them in person. There is just no way of telling. Tanushka, the only thing you can do it is just give him the benefit of the doubt. Remember there are a huge amount of differences between european ladies and Nigerian men just be patient and compromise with him. Nigerian men don't like to be equal to women they like to be strong and the head of the family. In their culture/society women look up to men and serve them like kings. If you love your man you will treat him like a king and vice versa, also you need to learn about his culture so open up to that and ask him about his tradition if you have not already done so. Communication is the key. Does he plan on staying in Russia? PLease make sure you do not get pregnant before you marry as they cannot accept these things . Good luck.

Ps no I'm not Nigerian - I'm Irish.

Yeah thats true Debosky yeah well I am leaning more towards the second. I mean I just don't get why he avoids any culturally realtion conversation. Maybe I'm actually lucky in a way. I would like to be educated int he area of nigerian culture as I am very interested to know. Thankfully, I have gotten answers in this forum. Thank you.

thank you, I feel guilty now that I have addressed the issue to him. I said it in friendly way to him and I just aske dhim if it was normal in his culture and he said no its not normal for the lady to attend to her husband that its just him that asks of this. I was confused, but thankfully now I have more insight. Now, it confuses me as to why he did not elaborate on this (same way as he never elaborates on any cultural issues). he still tends to aviod any cultural debates either because 1. He may not be interested in all this teaching me when he may not be with me forever,or either
2. he may genuinly feel as though it should be of no major concern

Any thoughts?