₦airaland Forum

Furthermore, I bet if I asked my husband to getme food from the kitchen he would laugh his ass off

I don't mind cooking it though. its just that well, I would understand if he was the SOLE breadwinner and I am quite surpirised that this traditional submissive female atitie is still there 100% even when the lady has been out working all day!

mmm but we are both out working all day. Thouht a woman was the weaker individual. why can't a man get his own food?

hey all! I need to know the general position on something, take for eg a family are having dinner together (a naija family) everyone is eating and the man asks his wife to leave her meal and go to the kitchen to get him some more food. Does this ever happen?is this normal? I know my mother did it for my father but she never worked and she would always offer automatically. In any naija household whether the woman is a full time housewife and/or full time worker outside the home does this custom apply? thanks in advance

Yes well good luck to you. I am white and I can say in sincerety that I have embracred all aspetcs of nigerian culture and I know for a fact that if a nigerian man meets someone that he is really serious about he would want to marry her given his culture. This is not a colour complex. Women who speak openly abot sex are not respected. Simple but understandable. Good luck in your road jazzy. But really, make him marry you

oh tbowens 10 years! are you not married? why? and why is it that when a naija man meets a lady that he is serious about he marries her after as in a few months after or a year or two NOT TEN

@jazzyred you said the sex is great. Have you anything else to say apart from sex and that you are a good cook! you really make a scandal out of white women because there are some dirty white sluts out there tht think sex is sooo important! well not to me and I would keep thinkgsl ike thats personal-as any decent respectable woman would. I am white/western myself but pleae, think before you speak. and you are wrong when you say that naija men marry older ladies for papers what anothe rignorant statement. Reality is sweetie. some of them would marry absolutely anyone for papers no matter what shape, age or size. Well, good luck with your efforts, I hope they will succ ;Deed.

that really nice simi thanks for your recipes I like to try different things at home. You have got guts posting your native recipes here!!!!!! don't think nigerians are into any food other than their own.

nutmeg adds a sweet distingtive flavour

Hell no! I have been to that village in Enugu there aint no wife there!!!!

him being selfish in bed is the least thing you have to worry about!!

Well good luck. We know how the cookie crumbles. As they say in nigeiran terms 'its the condition that makes the crayfish bend'

How and ever the bottom line is if a nigerian man marries a westerner in a registry office that means its only for paper by the way yes he is an igbo. I am obviously vulnerable still to believe in my heart that that wedding was genuine. But then again I have seen doctors that had their paper over here marry jamaicans in the registry office

I oh I tread with caution all right and i have been called terrible things as a result. I am simply putting my points forward. I try my best to learn more and more and for the marriage to work smoothly. I am inclined to pick up on things quite easily which of course has its good and bad points. Well hope my quickie registry hotel dinner wedding will last forever and ever and ever because without my darling i would have no purpose in life.

WELL WE WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE WONT WE? IN THE MEANTIME I WILL HAVE MY OWN MODUS OPERANDI. FUNNY ENOUGH WE STAYED IN ABUJA THEN WE TRAVELLED TO ENUGU (THATS FAR OBVIOUSLY) I DIDNT WANT TO FLY. HE COULD HAVE EASILY PUT IT OFF AND SAID THERE WAS NO NEED FOR US TO TRAVEL ALL THE WAY UP THERE BUT HE ACTUALLY BROUGHT ME TO MEET THEM ALL. THATS NOT TO SAY OF COURSE ITS NOT A GREEN CARD GAME.

at least he was being honest with you Simone.

Reading all this wedding plans stuff it makes me feel ill now. My wedding was in the registry office in Abuja. Quick job indeed it was. My ring cost ten euros here in Ireland and know what, at that time I didn't have a job or nothing and a child for another man that was nine months old at the time. I was in a vulnerable situation. Thankfully, i have managed to gain some benefits my husband, I gained some love and help for my child (financially) he toolk me and my child to see his whole family in Enugu. Now my child is three and I'm in my last year in my MA in Law. We should just make the best out of a bad situation and respect each other whether it be temporarily or till death do us part. Funny enough, there are some white ladies that married in a registrars office ten years ago and they are still married! but thats is like one or two in about ten thousand. Even if the paper is gained there are serious cultural barriers to cross. I am currently crossing those barriers. I have been to so many nigerian weddings and I can say I had tears in my eyes with happiness to see a genuine faith filled union. I looked at myself and I felt a lump in my throat and looked at how my wedding was. I put it to my husband how I felt (like an idiot) and he said we simply didn't have the money for a big wedding. I have also often pointed out to him that a nigerian lady would most likely, not settle for the type of setting I have. Bottom line I will and will continue to prepare to be alone in the event should I be alone I will have some sort of bank account with money in it. I am thinking of setting up a run away fund.

PS I'm on top of the game to a certain degree. I have him under 24hour surveilance since I met him four years ago - me don't want no HIV

You for got to mention, there are quite a few that skip the culture thing and the religion thing to justify their behaviour some don't even have the patience to speak about culture or religion its straight in with the fist!!!!

PS I'm on top of the game to a certain degree. I have him under 224 surveilance me don't want no HIV

oh you Have said it afrodixie hit it on the nail. You see they are used to ruling with an iron fist. As much as I love my husband he would be WAAAAYYYY better off with on of his own tribe who will let him out on holidays, parties without her, clubs without her etc etc. Its only the strong naija ladies that can handle em kudos to you naija ladies you really have the patience of saints.

I'll try thanks!!!!

yeah I know. I have had to address the issue. He said it will not happen again. I will forgive him and hope that it doesn't happen again and yes I did think it was part of the culture but even if it was it wouldn't make it right and I know that.

PS he is a born catholic and I am muslim (non practising for now) I had many a problem due to this but now things are begining to fall into place in that regard. Point is, if I wanted something 'exotic' I would have no problem finding one. I found what I wanted.

its not about the food coz I just adore nigerian food (exept coconut rice LOL) I don't mind cooking it all the time we have it most days but not everyday. However, yes he can be violent it has happened twice before over petty things. He thinks its okay to hit a woman I take it. I have told him before not to do it but I guess he did it again anyway. Maybe your right about the culture and no I am not with him for his exoticness absolutely not!! as a matter of fact I didn't even fancy him at first and was seeing someone else (that was from the same religion as me) that was a long time ago but very soon after I met him I realised that I had to be with him regardless because thats where my heart was. I have put up many a fight and will continue to do so. But bottom line yes he should not hit me and I think I need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him. Thanks for the advice all, i really appreciate it.

dance nude for him
Can't do that if you're a certain shape and size

Yeah true David, he just won't open up about his culture at all I hope he is not in denial of it now that he is living in the west
surely not

Jeez Dave your right. Ya see I was thinking on one hand that I needed to learn and have a very deep understanding of the culture. Then when I explained that I am very eager to learn more about it he flipped out! so i was not sure how to interpret how he reacted, whether it was the fact that he didn't want me to learn it for some reason or the fact that he is not into it himself. Dunno really, guess maybe I shouldn't draw too much attention to it. It just goes to show you though that it is obviously is a sensitive issue for some reason (given that he reacted like that).

You see I cannot ask questions. Thank you very much naija cutie you hit it on the nail. I have addressed these issues but he roars at me when I do he simply doesn't answer and yes I have no one to go to for advise. All I want is a general overview from a nigerian/igbo mens perspective, if they had a wife who Can cook and understand their culture (not thanks to him) on that matter at the end of the day do they NEED an igbo wife IS it compulsory? . One day I asked him some questions about his culture and he threw me against the wall and put his hand up to my throat like he was going to strangle me. He could not understand why I have to ask him, I explained because I am interested in his culture and he said he doesn't know that much about it himself and to stop annoying him about cultures. I am very patient with him. The reason why I am here is that I can get a more in depth understanding of the igbo culture and naija in general. What is the general position when it comes to an igbo man that marries a western lady is the family accepting? BTW I went to nigeria and I went to his hometown. It seems to me, that someone from another tribe unnacceptable so what is the position with a white person amongst the igbos.

I do not use ogiri as its not available here. do I really need it in nsala or pepper soup? is there anything else that I can use. I have tried locust bean but maybe not enough. Could I put locust bean iru in it? thanks all!

So basically what this is saying is, if you are not an igbo lady forget it that he I will go find his own when he is ready. What is the position in general with igbo man/western lady? ie a western lady that can understand his culture and cook. Do you think that an igbo man will usually leave the western lady at the end of the day and go home to marry?