₦airaland Forum

The Catholic church is the largest and oldest christian organization in the world. They are the originators of christianity as we all know it today. Their beliefs and doctrines stretch across every single corner of the whole world.

Catholics believe in the HOLY TRINITY, this makes God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit into one and the same entity.

If you're a Christian but beef the doctrine of the Catholic Church, then you are just being rude to your "OGA AT THE TOP", only the religion of Islam can rival catholics. All other churches and religions are mediocre

bin gbagbo: so do we have a moderator here?

For where

Where the moderator wan take answer you from?

See, dani no dey do much for now, na spam bots dey run the show now.

Really both phones are okay. Technology is a Hong Kong company and Samsung is a korea company both with manufacturing plants in China.

I may be wrong

I'm using the Techno a+. My broda there is absolutely NOTHING to complain about. I change phones yearly so using this for the third quarter of 2013 is a good deal. When Techno releases its jelly bean 4.3 fone I will sell/ditch this one for it asap. TECHNO ROCKED on this ish

also how much is the htc one S?

how much is the one XL?

I am in warri and I need the htc onex. How much is it and how can you make it get to me? I intend buying tomorrow so a quick answer will be appreciated

[quote
author=lilkech]1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must
immediately change some of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant
misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing
the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written
consent of The Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him
to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether
she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what
she said.

15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take
the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.

16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male
must cater to her every whim.

17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to
Rule #5.[/quote]

2012 has come

and is going . . . going . . .

Soon gone, but guess what ?

JOKES SECTION REMAINS THE 'SAHARA DESERT' that it was as at 31st December 2011

na real wah !

plz i need a step by step guide. Thanx

what of 'AWD' vehicles?

Nowadays i have noticed that most of our numerous banks and their branches never stock any currency note apart from the N1,000 in their various ATM machines. In fact i just can't remember when last i tried withdrawing N500 and was successful, the machine must tell me to withdraw in denominations of N1,000 or 'go to hell'

what if after the introduction of the N5,000 bill our banks continue doing the same thing? How will petty traders, students e.t.c with less than N3k in their accounts cope when our ATM machines start telling them to 'withdraw cash in denominations of N5,000 notes or go to the cashiers counter and withdraw while paying their 'SMALL' commission ?

THIS IS GOING TO BE A SERIOUS ISSUE OH !

I have been trying to call them on 111 for days now without any success. Is yours connecting?

toygod2: Sori guy, but why are ur jokes all abt slamming(punny). Funny tho.......SMH

yeah man. Na mature jokes dem be. I no dey post under-age jokes. No vex. Just look am like sex education e hear? Thanx

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"

Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"!!

The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"

Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"

. . . . . . . . . . . .


Little Johnny was on his way back home from the store with a loaf of bread in one hand, and his other hand in his pants pocket.

Off in the distance, Father Joseph sees little Johnny and realizes this is the perfect opportunity to go preach the gospel of the Holy Bible to the young boy.

Father Joseph approaches little Johnny and says, "I see that you have your 'Staff of Life' in one hand."

"Yep," replies little Johnny. "And I have a loaf of bread in the other!"



. . . . . . . . . . . .



One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny...

Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fuc*in beautiful!"

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"

Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Why do you think it would be your feet?"

Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!! I'm coming! If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her for sure!"


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list.

"Lady," Little Johnny explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three fingers of a hawk, a butterfly's bone and a gramm of spider web to earn a dollar."

"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"

Little Johnny answered, "Our senior sister's boyfriend."



. . . . . . . . . . .



Little Johnny asked his Dad one morning "What's sex Dad?"

Dad looked kinda surprised but figured what the hell. "Little Johnny, follow me".

They went into his parents bedroom and there was Mom, butt naked and spread eagled. "Little Johnny" says Dad. "You see that hole between Momma's legs? WATCH ME!"

Dad got naked and commenced to having "sex" with Momma.

Directly Sis came in and said with a shocked tone of voice. "Little Johnny! What are Dad and Momma doing!?"

Johnny replied, "Sis, they are having sex."

"Sex?" asked Sis. "What is that?!"

"Sis" says Little Johnny. "You see that hole between Daddys legs? WATCH ME..."

A travelling salesman knocks on the door and is suprised to see a Little Johnny answering with a martini in one hand and a fat cigar in the other.

Is your mummy or daddy in, little boy? Asks the salesman.

Does it f**king look like it? Replied Littly Johnny



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


An middle-class woman is walking in the park when she sees Little Johnny smoking a cigarette.

You know that habit will kill you, don’t you? She asks the boy.

My grandad lived to be 83. The boy replied.

Did he smoke? She asked.

No, said Little Johnny, he actually knew how to mind his own f**king business!



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,


A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day.

It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.

Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Patrick ?"

"I just saw thighs!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.

Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.

Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.

She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again.

So she bends over to pick it up.

This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.

She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Little Johnny, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Mrs. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned."



. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration.

With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine.

"Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped.

"I’ll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It’s something your Mommy probably calls your Daddy all the time."

Instantly, Little Johnny spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "quick, Spit ’em out, you guys, they’re assholes!"

Little Johnny came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically... so he asked his dad.

His dad said, "Well Johnny, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000.

He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes".

"Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question."

He did and came back and said, "She said yes."

And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing."

He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!"

And the dissapointed dad said, "Well Johnny, hypothetically we’re sitting on three million dollars, realistically we’re living with 2 whores and a gay!

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,

"Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Little Johnny walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her son has seen she dress’s quickly and goes to find him.

Little Johnny sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You’re wasting your time," say’s Little Johnny.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone just she and I

Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do

Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine

I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her brea.st

I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart

And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came

At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
OF MILKING A COW

Ubenedictus: God is not a name it is a title that is used to refer to the supreme divine being.

A name is a title and a title is a name

They mean the same thing

Thats why on some forms and stuff they usually write "title" where "name" is supposed to be.

Logic Mind: write it in reverse and you will understand. Don't forget the CAPITAL G.

Guy get off this thread.

Whatever we discuss here does not concern you at all.

Excercise a lil bit of self respect okay.

[quote author=Lord_Reed]From wiktionary.org but just search for etymology of the word God.[/quote]Oddly, the exact history of the
word God is unknown. The word
God is a relatively new European
invention, which was never used
in any of the ancient Judaeo-
Christian scripture manuscripts
that were written in Hebrew,
Aramaic, Greek or Latin.

According to the best efforts of linguists and researchers, the root of the present word God is the Sanskrit word hu which means to call upon, invoke, implore.

Well, from what I read it seems that the word 'God' has no direct meaning except where I read that it may mean 'the invoked one' in some pre indo-european language.

Thanx for the help Reed

[quote author=Lord_Reed]Etymology
From Middle English, from the Old English god (“supreme being, deity”), related to Old High German got (“a rank of deity”), from the Proto-Germanic *gudan, from the Proto-Indo-European *ǵʰuto- (“that which is invoked”), from Proto-Indo-European *ǵʰaw- (“to call, to invoke”) or *ǵʰew- (“to pour”). Not related to the word good.[/quote]Abeg what dictionary or encyclopedia did you cull this from?

okeyxyz: That was a perfect definition of god. He had just defined "god the spirit"

I see. This makes some sense

Hello,

I and some guys are in an argument. And a question has come up.

We all know that each and every individual and entity has a name, and it is right to believe that every name has a meaning. Both foreign and native names all have their respective meanings. E.g

IGBO - EZE - KING

YORUBA - TUNDE - ANOTHER FATHER

ENGLISH - CYNTHIA - GODDESS

Your name(s) has its own meaning, mine have theirs, even down history and into the bible its the same. But why I started this thread is to know the meaning of the word 'GOD'.

Why I ask this is because I know that tribes and races have their different 'gods' and their gods have names which have meanings we can translate it to.

According to the dictionary God is defined as "The creator and ruler of the universe and the founder of all moral authority", but the question here is not 'who is God' (atheists please take special note) instead the question is 'what does the word/name God mean'?

One guy was open enough to make meaning of our debate and told us that the word God means 'cause to happen'. Another guy when asked answered that it means 'Jehovah' when asked further what Jehovah meant he said 'I AM THAT I AM' when asked further still what it meant he then came right back to 'God' . . . Well, what can I say? I don't know the meaning of the name 'GOD'

Or do you?

^^^

U nor well oh

This joke is expensive