₦airaland Forum

Yes. And I have in the past. Why should livedit discriminate? My first "boyfriend" I dated had 5 kids, which later I found out it was double that in the end. But that didn't matter to me at the time. You never know someone's past circumstance(s).

To me, my definition of a "real man" or shall I say a "man" is a matured guy with dignity, goals, integrity, with great moral values and respect. Someone who isn't afraid to take care of his responsibilities no matter what it is. He don't have to have "millions" or "degrees" to make you a "real man". It's about how you carry yourself, how you handle your responsibilities and how you treat those around you.

Considering you've only been dating 3 months, maybe he is feeling overwhelmed or "claustrophobic" by you.  You two haven't been dating that long and maybe he isn't the type or ready to "empty" everything about himself to you yet.  You keep contacting him like that will only make you appear even more desperate and clingey.  Why not continue on living your life and try to do things to take your mind off of him.  There is really nothing more you can do but to wait and see if he contacts you.  You've called him, went by his house and texted him numerious times.  I wouldn't advise contacting him anymore.  As hard as it may feel, you need to preoccupy your time doing something else as if he didn't exist.  You are only going to make yourself even more miserable and lonely chasing after him.  Depending upon how deep his feelings is about you and what you mean to him will determine rather or not if he will accept your apologies and come back.  If he don't, then he don't.  You have to accept it, and move on.  He know's you are sorry and I'm sure he knows you care deeply for him.  You don't have to keep reiterating it to him.  Right now he probably is annoyed, upset about his "grand parent", probably other personal things.  But you can't force anyone to talk or be with you.  If he wants to "walk", then that's his right.  It's still very early in your relationship so it can go either way.  No one knows but him and God.  Just try and relax and get yourself together.

Sorry, but "cyber fun" IS cheating no matter how you slice it.  Having "in-appropriate"  chats with someone who is NOT your "partner" is not an option.  And being "bored" or out of "material" to talk about is also un-acceptable and in-excusable! Why? Eventually, this will escalate to "other" things.  

For livedit before she got married, the main issue from some (not all) but some, that didn't originally approve of livedit marrying their fellow Nigerian.  It was because it was thought that American women were not marriage material.  That we were not reliable, crazy, ghetto, too self sufficient among other things.  It wasn't until later, when they met livedit until they realized that not all American women are the same. Now they are crazy about livedit.  So it's possible, those guys may have that mentality too that American women aren't no good.  This is why livedit HATES stereotypying.  Get to know someone FIRST before judging them.  Now they all can't get enough of me. 

Personally, I don't think so. But it's not to say someone can't actually meet the "the one" marry and actually live happily ever after.  But considering your friends repeated pasts, I can understand why you are very concerned and against her making this leap.

You've told her and pleaded with her to really think about her actions before proceeding and if she refuses to listen then sadly to say, that's on her.   It's only so much you can say and/or do considering this IS her life and she has the choice to live it how she pleases.  You've spoken your peace, so all you can do now is leave her be, pray for her and move on.  There is no need to stress or upset yourself over the decision she is making/made with her life.  You have no control over that.  If it fells, then it fells.  IF she is making a bad choice (again) then she is the one who have to live with it.  If she haven't truly dealt with whatever her issues are to why she has such low esteem or underestimate her value in these tainted relationships, she will continue to go through this until she learn the lesson that's trying to be taught to her.  Unfortunately, besides praying for her and being there to listen, there isn't much you can do.  Some people have to learn the hard way.  Eventually, she will learn "the lesson" and deal with the "issues" she has within and stop falling in these kinds of relationships.  You can't save the world and I know it's hard to sit back and watch someone you care about make one of the biggest mistakes of her life.  But she has to learn.  Remember that.

Hi kokoye!

I occassionally browse my fellow nairalanders profile pictures just to be nosey for one. Two, as someone pointed out, if I enjoy reading a post, I like to see the person "behind the mirror" (sort of speak)!

I'm with MRbrownJay on this one, I don't understand, have you two had been dating for two weeks and she confessed that she slept with someone else? I think you should let it go. You two were only dating 2 weeks and I'm sure at that time "marriage" wasn't in mind at that time. If she's been faithful since, then it's no need to be stressing yourself over something as old as this. What's done is done and can't be un-done. Just have to find a way to deal with it and move on.

I agree with the others. I know this is your best friend and infecting someone with a in-curable disease is horrifying and frightening. But as much as you care about your friend and I know how upset and horrified you maybe at this woman, but this is between your friend and his "girlfriend". As debosky pointed out, why not have your friend get tested again before he confronts his "girlfriend". If it IS positive, then HE not YOU, needs to confront her and find out if indeed her results were positive. At this point, it's nothing no one can do. Retaliating or trying seek vengeance isn't going to change the fact that your friend maybe infected with this virus. I'm not saying he wouldn't have the right to be angry, devastatingly hurt and confused. But seeking to cause any bodily harm to someone is crime. Last thing he needs to create any further drama for his life because I do believe that will have a negative impact on his body and maybe his life. I could hardly imagine what it's like to be in this predicament and I pray I never will, but the last thing your friend really needs is for you going off the handle and/or end up in jail or doing something you will regret down the line somewhere. What kind of support system will your friend have then with you in jail or him?

I don't see why not? It's a job!

Wow! Livedit is going to have to agree with a majority of what you wrote. You broke it down. As iice stated, whenever I use "whatever", it usually means just that or "okay".

190:
^ok can i spare you 20mins of my trouble then we could NYASH after

What the?    I have nothing but love for ya Mr. 190.

190:
^can i look for your trouble

Awwww, Mr. 190, why the mean faces? Livedit isn't about "drama" and/or "chaos". It's too emotionally, physically and spiritually draining. I pride myself to always respect myself and those around me. I don't go looking for trouble and trouble don't come looking for me.

debbie:
i really appreciate all the advice,but come to think of it,how will i ask him whats he take aspa the relationship and where its heading without sounding confrontational or rude, well if i give him some time and he doesn't come up with something,i wouldn't mind leaving him or better still let the relationship lie low,
friends,i must say its not easy leaving a relationship after a long time, HEARTBREAK OOOO!

It's not always about what you say, but it is HOW you say it.  When you talk to him, you don't want to come off like you are pressuring him into anything because he will more than likely retaliate as most men would do.  You sit him down and talk to him.  Maybe one day when you two are out at dinner or driving home when it's just the two of you.  You can then ask him what is his future plans down the line and you share yours.  Or you can ask him straight out, you would like to know if he see marriage some where down the line for the two of you.  Let him know how much you care for him and you want to know if you two share the same goal.  You need to find out if you are are actually compatible.  Because if he is the type who don't want to get married or can live with out it, then there is a problem.  Obviously, this is something you want and should have.  Never compromise yourself for anyone.  So if he not "feeling it" getting married, then maybe you need to decide rather or not if he is the right one for you.

Aawwl.  Well, that explains it a little bit better.  Have you told your girlfriend why you feel down?  I know for a man, you have pride, but maybe it will help for her to know why you are feeling the way you do right now.  Only thing I can suggest for you if you are unable to borrow the money from someone to go and visit with your girlfriend is to maybe trying to find other things to keep you preoccupied with your time while she is away. (minus the cheating)  Maybe you can try going out or hanging out with your guy friends, family, co-workers.  Do you two talk on Skype or webcam? Maybe try working OT or get a part time job, this way you can save up and then be able to plan and take her and yourself away on a trip together.  I'm sure she won't be gone forever right?  Just try to take some of this time to rediscover who you are.

I've never been a trouble starter and prefer to handle things in a civilized mature manner. But I think if just about any woman who is pushed (physically that is) to fight in public, she/he would.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=691256.msg8525453#msg8525453 date=1308161277]I refer to people by their last name as well. Sometimes I will say mam or sir if I do not know the person. But if I know the person I will say their pet name or government name unless otherwise specified.

There are names I have for my other half that no one will be called and other names that is general. So again, saying sir/mam is NOT an indication of how respectful someone is.

I bet when you had that visual I was rolling my eyes saying this some bullshit huh?[/quote]You know it! I couldn't picture you saying that for no amount of money in this world. Not seriously that is.

Since when does having a "fibroid" make a woman sterile from having kids?  Have you talked to the doctor to verify if she is capable of having children?  There are plenty of women, including my mother who have/had fibroids and still capable of having children.   

As said many times before, Livedit isn't the one to let anyone dictate to me how to live my life.  To me, it sounds as if these people are speaking curses upon your relationship and if you don't stop them now, rebuke those curses and speak LIFE into your lives, then all this they said WILL come to pass.  It don't matter who you marry, I think too many people have too much influence over your lives.  It doesn't matter what "man" say, it is what God says. 

I hear you say your praying, but are you actually standing and believing in His Word?  Your finance seems like a nice woman I just hate to see you past up on a good woman over what someone else say/said and/or think.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=691256.msg8525305#msg8525305 date=1308159447]Why would I say yes sir to my husband?

Respect has nothing to do with saying yes sir or yes mam. It is polite to say that but that has nothing to do with respect. Oh my goodness.[/quote] OMG! Too funny! Mrs. Chima, you are a trip girl! You just gave me a visual of you saying that to Mr. Chima! I'm choking laughing at your silly self!

I agree. I respect my boss and I respect my husband. Actually, I don't call my boss sir/ma'am. I call them by their last name. Mr. X or Mrs. X Then too, I've been pretty cool with just about all my managers so I usually call them by their first name as they do with me too. Just a matter of courtesy. I address my husband "honey". And he is WELL respected.

My thing is, why have you been feeling down? Are you depressed because your "girlfriend" is out of town? Are you feeling alone, lonely etc.? Livedit hate games. Why on God's green earth would a GIRL not a woman, tell her man to go out on a date to cheer yourself up. I would be completely bothered if my man was depressed or upset. Why? Because I care about him. I'm not for the "test" games. Those can/will backfire on you. I respect the fact that you acknowleged and told her that you going out with someone else would make you a cheater. In your time of distress, she should be trying to encourage you and find a more POSITIVE way to bring your spirits up.

I agree with feminineA. Communication is the # 1 key to a successful relationship. After two years, you are entitled to ask exactly where this relationship is headed. However, you will have to be prepared for whatever his answer maybe. IF he don't see marriage in your future, then YOU will have to decide if that's a dealbreaker for you and decide rather or not you want to continue on within this relationship. For Livedit, I couldn't see myself in a relationship for several years and I don't know where my relationship is headed, especially if I wanted to get married and start a familly and so forth. As hurtful as it would be, if he don't see himself commiting himself to me some where down the line, then it would be time for Livedit to walk. But again, that's just me. This IS your life and you are the one who has to live it.

Please forgive Livedit for laughing, but "ripe for marriage"? Making yourself sound like a piece of fruit or something.

Anyway, on a serious note, it sounds to me that you just maybe ready to settle down and began a new life. I think that is great! It's nothing wrong with a man to say he is engaged IF he is engaged. Because that's what you are if you proposed to that lucky woman! There's nothing unmanly about being upfront, honest and proud of your marital status. Just as long as you are sure you are ready to take on this responsibility of a wife, family etc. You'll be fine as long as you diligently seek and keep God first in anything you do.

Congrats!

I'm assuming you mean gifts that were given to you PRIOR to the break-up. It depends on what it is, how things "ended" and your emotional status. If it was a "horrific" break-up, then more than likely, I wouldn't want anything that reminded me of him. No, he wouldn't get it back under no circumstances. Whatever "it" was, "it" was given to me. So I would either donate/give or throw it away. Who needs the reminder?

obowunmi:
^^^^ Livedit, I'm curious to know. What will you do if the one you love has erectile dysfunction ?

What the?    Where did that question come from?  Well, Livedit had a FWB she use to kick it with who had "ED" and it was quite a challenge.  She basically just dealt with it.  He wasn't interested in any of the ideas I had to help him with his "problem", so she wasn't going to force him.  As long as she was satisfied, she was okay with him.  But if MY husband had that problem, then I would want to get down to the root cause of it.  Try to rule out reasons as to why he would be have these problems.  Rather if it's medically, mentally, stress etc.   I wouldn't love him no less or act any differently towards him.  In most cases,  this problem can be fixed.  If it's unable to be fixed, then him and I would have to find just deal with it and find "other" ways to keep Livedit and him happy.   

I really think you should let this one go and move on with your life.  You stated you "loved" her BEFORE she even hooked up with your friend, but yet, she STILL chose your friend over you.  She just may "love" you.  But not the way you want her too.  Sounds to me you are more like a "friend" category than a "romantic" category.  It seems you really care for her and don't want to see her hurting like this, but you have to also think about your own well being.  Will you be satisfied with only being "just friends" with her?  I'm not saying it's not impossible she may want a "relationship" with you some day. But are you willing to just sit around and wait?  Then again, she may never see you as someone she wants to date.  Again, are you willing to take that chance?

In the meantime, time is still going and I think all these "feelings" you have bottled up for a "maybe" could be actually put to use on a "will be".   Time waits for no one and you could be passing up on some really great women who will want a relationship with you.  Enough time has been wasted on her as it is.  Not to sound unsympathetic about what your friend did to her.  But at the same time, don't you think you deserve to be happy?

I would say he must be very insecure and have trust issues.

Foremost, he would have to be a Christian with God the head of his life. He has to know who he is in Christ Jesus. He has to be emotionally ready and mature. The rest Phate you pretty much covered it it. But I can also add, he must be respectful, eccentric with great integrity and family values and morals. He must have a great sense of humor to be compatible with Livedit, share common interests and goals in life.

I would hope no one wouldn't do anything childish like this. Why not be mature adult about your needs/wants and express to your "significant other" how you are feeling than play "games"?

Livedit has been through that before. All you can do is pray and ask God to release that person from your heart and to move on with your life. Love is something you give someone freely and unconditionally. If they don't feel the same, then let them go and find someone else whom will return the love back to you.

Umm, that's what happen when you have sex without a condom. Where else is it going to go?

Although Livedit could sympathesize with you on a few of these complaints. I'm still proud to be a woman.  God doesn't make mistakes and knew what He was doing when He made Livedit and when He also made you.  Although it's somethings, I actually could live without I still don't regret having too. It's all apart of being a woman.  The human body was uniquely made and I've learned to embrace it and accept it.  Having bosoms/womanliness all makes me feel like a woman. It's a blessing.  I'm sure it's things men wish they didn't have or had to go through, but that's all apart of being human.  Women do have many advantages, that most men do not.  Men will never know what it's like to actually be able to carry another human being in their body.  Sure the pain you can do with out, but in the end, I think it'll be all worth it to experience motherhood like that. Then not including the countless "pleasure" points the female body is given.  In addition, Livedit isn't the one to try to keep up with "the Jone's", she wears what she wants to wear as long as it's cute and respectable.  I can careless what "other" people think about what I'm wearing.  If they have a problem,  they are more than welcome to buy me the clothes they "think" I should wear.    Livedit don't wear make-up either.  Nor do she needs it.  Unless my husband specifically says" "livedit, I want you to wear make-up for me, then she would.  Anybody else can go jump in the lake. Lol

Quite frankly, I would think, why would you want to be with someone who is a habitual liar?  You can't trust nothing this persons says?  Then on top of that, you have to practically beg your woman not to love-peddler herself in order for you to help her with her schooling.  I agree with the others, why would you want to be in a relationship with someone with no morals or values at all?  I seriously doubt you will be able to get your money back, but you can always ask.  Frankly, I think you should first forgive her, cut your loses and then walk away.