If I'm understanding this correctly, me and "my guy" was dating for "x" amount of time. I assume "he" lost his job and started cheating and treating me like "crap".  Despite our "history" together, the relationship ended  and I moved on with my life and now "he" is back trying to holla again.    

Livedit is going to agree with the others. He can keep it moving.  I understand things happen and life can be cruel. But that gives no one the right to mistreat that person and cheat on them.  Especially if you suppose to "care" or "love" that person.  To me, he can do all the "confession" he wants, but the fact remains, he should've thought about all that before he behaved like a horses behind.  Yes, I could forgive him, but it is a NO in taking him back. Who's to say he don't lose another job or something goes "wrong" and he don't do it again.  Some people can change, that's true. But that's a chance I'm not willing to take especially when it's involving my life and happiness as well.

No, we're not "complexed" at all. Some women can be overly emotional due to our hormones at times. But not all women behave mentally "unstable" like many of the statements you stated in your post. No one wants someone "over doing" things or having ridiculous expectations on someone in a relationship. For example; alot of men don't like women calling/texting all the time. If she does, then this person appears "needy" or "insecure". That's a turn off and vice versa. It's about balance and respect. I think if you are dealing with "women" in all those categories you mentioned, then you are dealing with someone who mentally unstable and immature. I feel there comes a time, not just women, that everyone likes to be reassured that they are loved, appreciated and given compassion when needed. That goes for men as well. Although men don't have "PMS", there are times throughout their life when they may feel overwhelmed, sad, dissappointed or not appreciated and maybe want time alone to themselves to think things through. And then if their partner is not be understanding to their needs, then they too may act grouchy, moody and so on. We are all human and no one is perfect and going to act the perfect way all the time. It's about being attentive, respectful and considerate to others around you since you are not the only "one" in the relationship.

I would tell her to seek legal advice (AND action) in divorcing that man. In the meantime, she should separate. He made it clear that he don't plan on changing and basically telling her to just "deal" with it. She don't HAVE to deal with it. Why should she stay with somebody like that? She should divorce him and move on to find someone who will love her and be faithful to her. Cheating is something livedit could ever put up with again. Especially bold habitual cheating. When cheating becomes like breathing to people, oh no! There is no way I would stay in such a marriage/relationship like that.

Of course not! Women are what makes the world go round.

Okay, death is apart of life. How did this partner die? If I care for my partner, why would I leave them because they told me their previous partner past away. As long as this partner didn't pass away by "the hands" of my partner. No, I wouldn't leave. I would hope they allowed themselves to grieve and heal before venturing out in a new relationship. Even still, dealing with death is still hard on the people "left behind" especially if they were someone who really meant something to them. I would pray for him, stay and be supportive and love him.

Well, first I would want to get a blood test just to make sure and for my own piece of mind.  It sounds like she's been cheating/lying to you for quite sometime to have claimed that any of the children are yours.  Personally, infidelity alone is bad and hard enough to deal with then to say, the kids you've been raising and love may not or are not your's.  If I was you, no.  I could not take her back.  I would stay in the children's lives because I am all they know since birth and they have nothing to do with their mother's infidelity.  But then again, that's livedit.  It is YOU that have to decide if this marriage is worth saving.  Before you make any decision(s), I would strongly reccommend praying about this.  I mean really pray about this first.  You don't want to make the wrong decision and regret it later.  Whatever you feel in your heart and spirit, that's what you do.  No matter what the circumstances look like now.  Don't react on your feelings, because they could change later.  You will truly need to seek God away from her to meditate on this.  Your decision to stay with your wife should be in the best interest of yourself. NOT your children, because nobody deserves to be lied and cheated on and in miserable relationship just for the children.  You too deserve to be in a happy fulfilling relationship. 

Again, if you feel you should remain in this marriage, you may want to consider marriage counseling.  It will definitely take sometime to restore this marriage.  And trust is something that can't or shouldn't be rushed.  I truly hope everything work's out for you and your family.  I know this is devastating and hard to deal with after being married to someone, trusting them and having a family with them for them to turn around and betray you.  As far as that "friend" and I do use that loosely.  You may want to rethink your friendship with him.   Regardless of what you do, you must find it some where in your heart to forgive both of them.  And believe me, I know that's easier said than done.

What the? Mrs Chima, That guy was in his own little world.

I pretty much agree with the other posters.  I truly think this guy is stringing you along.  Those excuses he gave was so lame.  His dissappearance for hours and days on end shows a strong indication that he has someone else in his life.  If he is not married, I can assure you that you aren't the only one he's "dating" or talking to.

We can all sit here and say, you shouldn't have slept with him so early on in the relationship because most men won't take you serious (meaning girlfriend/wife material).  Because then they wonder who else was able to "hit" that quickly.  You have to be careful when giving yourself to someone you barely know.  No need to beat yourself up about doing that now.  What's done is done.

I truly hope you are sincere and mean what you said about moving on with your life.  Don't give this guy any opportunity to play with your heart and emotions like that again.  Rather if he has someone else in his life or not, the way he is treating you is unacceptable.  Please have more respect for yourself and know that you deserve to be treated like a lady and be respected.  You have wasted enough time on this "fool".

If he tries to call or send you a message, block him or don't answer.  Any attempt from him at this point should be avoided completely.  Don't fool yourself into making excuses for him and thinking he has changed.  Because more than likely, I can bet he has not. 

Just pray and ask God to help you and guide you.  Keep looking forward and don't look back.  Forgive him and let him go completely.  Just learn from this mistake and try not to make this same mistake again.

@ MzDark - girl, you are killing me!    (Marching with Jesus) 

Being 34, I don't have issues with younger women.  Age is something that can't be changed because growing older is a part of life.  I feel, the older I get, the more life experiences I learn that teaches me to become a better and wiser woman.  I love all people and communicate with people on at any age level. 

Some younger women just may feel "envied" by older women.  It could be because of their looks, any accomplishments they've achieved that maybe an older woman may not have at their age or current age for that matter.  Some young women may feel their bodies are tighter and have more and a better selection of men to choose from.  But a mature minded women wouldn't or shall I say shouldn't envy these young women.  You can't change the past and eventually, that young woman will become that older woman.  So why not enjoy life and be happy with who you are?

You all know livedit has to but in on this discussion. It is also known that there are nurses in the room regardless if it's a man or woman doctor. I have to admit, I don't feel comfortable with either one. But I do feel a tad bit at ease with a woman doctor. But whatever the issue/reason was, you have to be examined and/or treated.

I'm not a man so I can only "assume" what's going through their heads when "examining" numerious women each day. I'm sure they have "thoughts" or "fantasies" because the way I see it, having on a "white jacket" don't make them "not human". But as other's pointed out, it IS their responsibility to keep it professional. I'm sure a lawsuit is the last thing on their mind.

kokoye:

Hold up there Livedit.

Dont tell me a LOT of All American ladies do not woo strangers.

No you did not just say that . . . .

Hi kokoye!

No, I was speaking for myself as an all American woman. Not for everyone. That is why I said the 2nd paragraph.

I don't know about "Africa" since I've never been there.  But speaking from an all American's point of view, no.  I can not "woo" a stranger.  I am old fashion and prefer the man to approach me.  Plus it's in the bible: "A man who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing".  Now, once he "does" find me, I do my woo'ing of him by treating him like the "king" he was made to be.  

But unfortunately, that's not for every woman.  Some women are bold enough to go after what they want and don't give it a second thought.  And who am I to "playa hate" their game.  You do you.

Pweety4me:

Hmm i no want over pierce sha

I use to say like a few years back, dat i wanted the one under the nose u know dat1?ontop of the lip area, reason being i always wished i had a beauty spot in dat area. . .lol but there were a lot of stereotypes about it & the girls that had it done around me kind of put me off it

As 4 ear piercings, i always like the idea of 3, i like the the look of those silver little hoops u know dem?& little studds well dunno tho. . .cause i can't pierce all both ears twice the same time & also, a bit worrysome cause i know they could heal really slow & bad. . .

I've heard of fade creams out on the market that helps to lighten the tattoo alot. And some people like to try and change the tattoo into something else.  If you are planning to get a lip piercing (above or below).  I would advise having someone reputable to do it.   Plus you have to be aware that when you do get a lip piercing, depending where it is, that it moves when you talk or eat.  Like I had one under my bottom lip, and it took a while getting use to. Gotta make sure to keep it clean and gurgle listerine and keep it with you all day.  Be careful biting into an apple or a sandwich.  The base part that's in your mouth can pull in the earring.  Not a pleasant feeling.

This is too much for livedit. My God! I don't see any love on ANY of your parts. It's true, most men DO NOT want to share their partner they claim to love with anyone. Rather men or women and most morally sound women feel the same way. I don't see the point in either of you being married to each other when you are "with" other people. I shatter the thought of wanting my husband, key words (MY HUSBAND) sleeping with other women and I'm cool with it. Boy you two are really deceived. Anyway's, like the other poster said, you can try talking with him and sharing with him why you feel this won't be a good idea. You may want to really emphasize on it. I would think you both has set limits for each other that the other won't dare to cross. This is obviously a limit you don't want him to cross. No other human knows themself more than you do. Quite frankly, you have went way and above a woman would do for her man. So this maybe nearly impossible to convince him that you not into this. If he still persists, then let him know he will have to deal with the consequences later on. And so will YOU!

I also agree with kokoye on this one. I also want to add growing up as a young girl, I use to think dark skinned people were unattractive. I would say, I could never marry someone dark and with big lips. They either had to be "high yellow" or "white." I remember my older brothers use to always crack on my sister and call her a "blackie" because she was dark skinned. Until one day I grew up and life hit me. I was prejudice against my own race. You look at the older movies back in the day. I mean way back. (no color television) why was all the dark people the butler or something and they always made those ugly dumb faces and I do believe they use to paint their faces even darker to make them look less appealing.

Inked_Nerd:


Who told you it was played out?!?! Girl, comer here to NY and you'll see it all over the place

Girl, a couple of my friends and a few co-workers told me that. I was like dang, for real? I always wanted a piercing in my nose, but back then was afraid to when they first came out. Now that I have the courage, they told me they were played. I think my husband would kill me if I came home with another piercing.
My piercings aren't gonna be over the top


[color=#000099]   Cool! You sound like you have good taste and I'm sure they will be done right.

By the way, I have a friend who's grandmother has her whole face pierced and tattooed. Her ears are pierced, her tongue is pierced, her arms, neck, and face is tattooed, her nose is pierced. When I first saw her, this was my reactions >>>

Mind you, this woman is like mid to late 60's. I thought it was interesting to see someone like her. And she's getting more piercings and tattoos.

Wow!!!  Gone and rock dat grandma! 

MzGreat:

@livedit pls is dat your picture in your profile?

Yes, that's me. 

@deniyor and kokoye -  it's cool.  Thanks for looking out.     That "insult" is completely meaningless to livedit.  It'll take something way worse than that to steal my joy.

Inked_Nerd:


Hehehe, I'm still a gluten for pain but I wanna wait till I get more piercings.

You so silly. That type of stuff get's addictive though. Gotta be careful. Like someone mentioned earlier. You can over do it. But I think mines is tastefully done. I get compliments all the time about my piercings and tattoos. Of course, my husband told me I can't get anymore. I thought about one more piercing (nose) I know it's played, but I still like those. But since he said no, livedit is done.

Crude Oil:

What can I say? Back then, I was a gluten for pain.

MzGreat:

yea m guilty of that too nd it feels so funny when you know the person will be angry
pls dont derail threads again o. its not good

You're right MzGreat.   I'll try alot harder not to derail and stick to the subject at hand.  

Inked_Nerd:


I don't really think its a bad thing to laugh at some things between members. When you're in the street and you hear two people crackin' on each other at times you may laugh.

Some of the things I was referring to were calling people names, insulting people's parents/husbands/wife, that kinda stuff.

I'm just so silly Inked_Nerd, I hate that. I would laugh at the most opportuned times.  And you know what they say.  It's not nice to laugh at people.  But the "caps" that come from some of you, I can't help but to laugh.  I just hope it's all in fun and "entertainment".  I truly hope no one is literally taking things serious on here.

Believe it or not, livedit has been told by close friends and relatives that she was spoiled. Of course, I don't agree. I can take "no" for an answer and have countless of times. It is I, that have a hard time telling people I care about "no". I've dated a "spoiled" guy before, or should I say "very selfish" and it definitely didn't work out.

However, I do believe people can change if they want to. Because in reality, you won't always get what you want, when you want it, where you want it or how you want it. It's called reality.

Livedit will step up to the "mic" (cleared her throat);  I've derailed many of threads talking about my personal life or nosing in on other peoples lives.  In addition, I've also laughed at many insults between members where someone could've felt offended by it.  

@ Mrs. Chima - Girrlllll, you are a trip!  

In all honesty, I really don't have nothing to say to my ex.  Quite frankly, what would be the point?  What's done is done and what's over is over.  Let it go.

It's sad to hear all of these stories. Just to feel the hurt and the anger. What all of you has experience. As bad as it is, someone else has at one time or another. No, that don't suppose to make you feel better, but this just let's you know that heartache and dissappointments are apart of this imperfect world we live in. You can't rely on another human to never to hurt you or mistreat you in some way form or fashion. Why? Because we all are imperfect human beings. It's hard to pick up and move in after something traumatic like that happens to you. But that's the only thing you can do is pray for strength to forgive and move on with your life. When you have all those bad thoughts, feelings, unforgiveness held up inside you and feeling like "love" isn't worth it or you don't need it. You are only cheating yourself and lying to yourself. You keeping yourself in bondage. By doing that, this is why you experience "problems" in other areas of your life, rather it's your health, jobs, other relationships etc. The power of forgiveness is very hard to do when being wronged like that. But that's something you have to do. It's for YOUR own good. We've all been hurt, I've been treated like garbage in the past by family, friends, boyfriends, heck even my parents. But I had to forgive them and let it go. It was only holding up my blessings I needed in my life. Because that's what unforgiveness does. I've been molested, abused, money taking from me, talked about, put down, and even as far as someone trying to kill me. Why? Because they just didn't like me because how I looked. Just dumb stuff. I've witnessed so many things in my life and went through so many things in my life. But I refused to let anything like that change who I am as a person. Not everyone is as hateful as that. Not believing in love, or feeling you can never love again is a LIE from Satan. He is the only one incapable of love.

Just think about what Jesus did for us. And what did the same people he healed, ministered to and helped. They chose to let a thief live and kill him anyway. But for the sake of love, Jesus died for all of us so that we don't have to live defeated, tormented in this life and most of all. You get the gift of everlasting life. Not burning in hell for the rest of your life. There will always be people out there who will refuse God, they can careless why he died for their sins. They will never accept him. But does that stop God from still loving them and giving them a chance. No. Thank God it's none like Him. We could all be condemned to hell, but that only happens is by choice. And you have a choice to love. That's the best gift you could ever give someone.

When my ex boyfriend did what he did to me? I was ready to give up on love. I was ready to think all men should be sent to hell. That no man was ever worth nothing and no good. But God's mercy and grace healed me from all that. And He helped me to forgive those who hurt me so that I can inherit the good things in life. Feeling like that is no way for anyone to live. I truly pray that you forgive those who railed and betrayed you and that you will no longer live in bondage like that.

God bless you all. Livedit is done preaching for today.

Livedit has a tattoo on her left leg, left boob and right arm. I have 8 piercings in each ear and a tongue ring. I had a piercing under my body lip, but that got infected so I had to take it out. I had all these BEFORE I rededicated my life back to Christ. And for the prices I paid and the pain I went through, I'm not getting rid of them.

My husband don't have any piercings or tattoo's. He don't care for them.

Mrs.Chima:

Both parties unless it was violation.

I agree with you.

Mynd_44:

The child is to blame for refusing to stay in heaven

What the? OMG! Too funny!

It's very sad that happened to her. But you can never be too careful. It is YOUR responsibility to make sure you use the necessary precautious when "just dating" to ensure your health. That was so evil of that guy to do that. I shutter the thought of what I might do if that was me. It'll take every angel in heaven and my Lord to stop me from going loco on him. Sadly enough, the damaged is done and she gotta live with that disease for the rest of her.

When the thought of them makes you "sleepy"

chic2pimp:

Yep you've definitely being watching too much T.V

(Poking out lip pouting) leave me alone. Just kidding.

Is your "girlfriend" your responsibility? No. She is NOT your wife. A relationship should be equal. Meaning a mutual giving and take on BOTH sides, not just your's. One-sided relationships is NOT healthy nor will last.

We don't have all the details of everything you are doing and "her past". But far as livedit is concerned. You are only responsible for yourself, personal obligations (work, child (if you have any), your bills etc.) It's nothing wrong in "helping" her because she is your girl friend. But is it your sole responsibility NOPE!

As one independent African American woman, when I was single, I didn't look to my "man" to take care of me. I looked to my Father God, My Creator, My Master.