I don't understand what the problem is? What does their relationship has to do with YOU? What does her work ethic has to do with any of this? Maybe I'm not understanding the question.

Growing up, I always fantasized about getting married at the age of 30. However, I am newly married and I'm at the age of 34. So I'm still in the same ball park.

It's a great possibility she could be.  Then again it could be she's retaining water or just gaining weight.  Only way to know for sure is for her to go to the doctor and/or take a pregnancy test.

The real question is, who do YOU want to be with?  Frankly, his sister needs to kick rocks.  Aren't you in a "relationship" with her brother anyway?  That's sick!  

Although Livedit is newly married now. There hasn't been in drastic "changes" since we've been married. However, I noticed a slight difference when we met versus later during our relationship. During his courtship at the beginning, he was a slight more "romantic" than he is now. But he is still wonderful, caring, loving and attentive as he was before we were married. I pray it continues on as we get along very well. We always try to find ways to keep things "spicy" and "fun" between us. He keeps himself looking for Livedit and she does the same.

Wiggle it? That's funny! I would say, because "she" wants to make sure everything is looking "good" and "tight". Who wants to be strutten by, thinking they looking all cute and sexy and then to find out they got a "wedgie" or outfit all jacked up looking a hot mess.

kokoye:

Sarah,

There are bad people everywhere . . and there are good people everywhere . . you know it is true.

You know you got a good man. Keep him

It is OK for people to have their reservations about whoever but you need to stand up for your man and he will stand up for you.

Mrs Chima talked trash earlier . . .asked her who she is married to: a Nigerian, and that's why she is on Nairaland.

Stay strong and focused and you will be alright.

Let those people know you have a good man and their opinion may start to change.

Excellent post kokoye! I'm an American Black Woman married to a Nigerian man. And I get the same thing. I just let them know, first of all, quit stereotyping. Livedit hates it!! Yes, there are some Nigerian men/women who are exactly as they are saying. But not ALL of them are that way. Just like not ALL black women are ghetto, gold-diggers, loud, demanding, welfare recipients and so on. A hand full of rotten people can not account for everyone in this world. You say you have a good man, school them on that. They can take it or leave it. You know differently. Let them think what they want to think. It's their right. Don't let what he/she say determine your lively hood and/or relationship about a certain group of people. Their's garbage in every race.

I would tell them the truth. I would politely tell them, that you are uncomfortable sharing your phone number so soon since you've just met. Instead, I would offer them an alternative such as an email address (not a personal one). That way you can let them know that you would like to chat more and get to know them better before providing them with your personal information. If they find a problem with that, then that's on them. What exactly are you losing out on? To me, you find out their true intentions. They should be able to respect your decision. It's pointless lying. Then you will have to keep telling lies to a "stranger", all for what?? If you not interested, then you are not interested. Simple as that. Keep it 100 by being true to yourself!

I agree with the others. Livedit will be 35 in October and my brothers (even my younger brother) treat me like their little sister and act overly protective. That's just the way it is. I've learned to accept it, but if they do something that REALLY works my nerves then I would just tell them. Although you are 18, you ARE still a teenager. So to them, you are that little girl they see.

claremont:

I believe you are talking about the so-called "Agape Love" which exists between God and his followers. I believe you know that even theologians agree that the God of the old testament is a petty, unjust, unforgiving, control freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty, ethnic cleanser; homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, capriciously malevent bully. If this is what is been described as a "loving" God, then it is sad really and it explains why his followers actively express this same traits, afterall by their fruits, ye shall know them.

I am a true Christian, and although I do not claim to be perfect and also make mistakes and be disobedient at times, GOD is STILL yet faithful, just and merciful to forgive me.  Even you Claremont.   WHY?  Because JESUS paid the way for all of us.  God knew when he sent his only begotten son, that he would still be denied.  Even before they crucified Jesus, they couldn't find no just reason to doing so.  All this, IS written in His word.  Without going into essays of trying to prove a point to someone who obviously have a mindset of what's real and what's not.  I will not judge you.  I can only pray that GOD remove the blinders from your eyes and reveal who is the true deceiver behind all of this.  My GOD is faithful and just to forgive for those who seek him and believe that He is.  He loved us first.  He also loved me when I didn't even love myself.  He is our creator.  His Love and Word endureth forever!  His love and existance is proved day in and day out.  I remember when I use to think like you.  I remember I hated God and everything that was associated with Him.  I was in complete darkness.  I remember cursing the Word of God.  But even still, He still showed himself faithful to forgive as His Word says.  

The Devil is the ONLY one incapable of Love.  He is the one that don't believe in it.  His job is to kill, steal, and destroy.  The devil is the liar and the deceiver.  I really don't know what bible you are reading, but everything I've read has come true and is still happening in this world.  It IS the end of time and the devil is working overtime to get as many souls as he possiby can.  Right now, you can believe what you want to believe.  But in the end, as the bible says: EVERY knee will bow and EVERY tongue will confess that HE is GOD.  That's all the proof we all need.

Who cares what OTHER people are saying?  This is YOUR life!  You don't love her, you don't trust her and you don't want to be with her.  So why not tell her this is not going to work and walk.  Your family/her family will eventually get over it.  Yes, you two have been together for a minute, but does that mean you have to settle down and stay with this person for the rest of your life?  She has proven to be a constant liar and a cheater.  You actually think she is going to "kill herself" if you don't stay with her?  She's only trying to manipulate you.  This girl don't care about you, she don't even care enough about herself to care about you.  She seriously has some serious mental/emotional issues that only God can deliver her from.  I would pray for her, forgive her and let her go! That's the best and ONLY thing you can do for her at this point.  You have to think about your happiness too?  Do you not matter in any of this?  Why live in torment and misery for the rest of your life to make OTHER people happy?  You do what's right for you and that will make YOU happy.  And you can get started first by getting yourself together before seeking out a new relationship.  You need to internal healing of your mind/spirit before you can truly move on to love someone else.  This is why when you tried to move on, you couldn't.  If you are a believer in God, I would advise you pray and seek him for healing, wisdom and guidance with your life.

I know you said this is for the "fellas".  But livedit can't help herself but to chime in on this discussion.  Quite frankly, I don't believe there is just only one person in life that holds the cord to a person's life.  What if something happens to that person?  Does that mean, you can't find someone else in place of them? 

Anyway, if I was the guy, I'm sorry, but no. I wouldn't take her back.  Especially if the main cause was because the guy was away on work or something like that.  What happens when or if you leave for another job assignment or something?  Regardless, that's still inexcusable.  If she had an issue with you leaving for long periods of time or whatever the case maybe, why not tell that person how you feel?  If this is a situation that can't be changed or want to be changed, then why not end it and find someone who has a local job?  Cheating is inexcusable and livedit feel there is no valid excuse to cheat.  Blame it on your past relationships, upbringing, or alcohol.  IF you are going to cheat, then you don't need to be in a relationship PERIOD!

A married man/woman is COMPLETELY off limits!!!! I don't care what kind of "relationship" you had in the past with him/her.  A "married" person does NOT belong to you.  Adultry is NOT an option!  I suggest you try and get your feelings/emotions in order and find someone who isn't "attached".   In the meantime, you politely (but firmly) tell this married man/woman that you are not interested in his/her advances.  If he/she continues, then you just may need to inform the spouse of what's happening.  I'm sure there are plenty of good single men/women out there you can date.

I think you should slow your roll partner.  Although it seems you are quite "taken" or "fascinated" with her you need to try and take it easy.  You don't want to scare her off.  I seriously doubt if you are "in-love" with this chick since you don't even know her or know what she is about.  And since she isn't answering your calls each time, shows she's not that all "interested".  I think you need to chill and try not to focus ALL of your energy and time towards this girl.  I'm not saying to pull back completely, but phoning her all the time isn't going to win her over.  Give her some time and some space.  Let her get in contact with you sometimes, that'll show she is interested.  If you are calling all the time, how are you going to know she is truly interested in you as well?  Besides, your don't want to appear like a crazed desperate stalker.

larimo:

From my understanding, God created man and placed Him a garden to work it, etc. After that, He said, man did not have one who is like Him (human), hence he created a woman from man to be his "helper".

It does not insinuate that man was "lonely" because after God clearly specified why He created woman; to be helper to man in the tasks that God had entrusted to man.

Any objections to this view

No objections here. Only to add, we were also created to help populate the earth.

Livedit is super lost on this one. That's just too much darn family. (Assuming this is not a true story)

Livedit understands what the poster was saying and also with MrBrownJay. This all boils down to being grateful for what you have because there is ALWAYS someone out there that is/was less fortunate than you. Not all of us grew up with a silver spoon in our mouths and for those that were, that's good for them. Just be grateful that you even HAVE a job. Be grateful that you are physically able to work a job. So many people would focus on what they don't have versus to what they do have and wonder why they don't have more.

Forgive them and LET IT GO! What's the point of contemplating revenge? Is it actually going to change anything? Only thing it's going to show you being just as low, conniving and ignorant as the both of them are. That old man didn't do nothing your girlfriend didn't allow him to do. Yes, it was wrong for him to be sleeping with someone else who's not his spouse. You let him reap what he sewed. But why go jump into the lake of fire with them? I know you feel completely disrespected, betrayed and hurt. But to contemplate to use and mistreat and sleep with his daughter whom have no idea what kind of father she has, is completely wrong. And you two will reap what you sew! Eventually that man's wife will find about his infidelity.

You have every right to be angry and upset. You were wronged in this. That's true, but don't damned yourself because of them. Like the others said, SHE IS NOT WORTH IT! Tell your ex to kick rocks and move on with your life! Trust me, she is not worth it. Don't lower yourself to them. Your BEST revenge is to forgive her, let her go and move on and find someone who has dignity, self respect and will be loyal and faithful to you and only you! Neither one of them is worth a bead of sweat off your brow. Let it go brotha.

Definitely. But as excited as you are, you still want to take the time to get to know the person and for them to get to know you. You have to keep in mind, things can always change.

ajigglin:


very true. but because you love someone doesn't mean you have to stay married to them if it is detrimental to your well being. you have to love yourself as well.
your love can be unconditional, but your marriage better not be. if you marry someone that can kill you in your sleep, better love that person from afar.

That'll be crazy to stay with someone who is abusive. But tell me something, if this marriage was actually brought together by God, why would he send someone who would harm his child? It's a big difference when man go out and choose a mate instead of waiting on God. Then you have cases like these.

ifyalways:

LOL
God's love got conditions babe . . .you have to love,serve and obey him with all your heart too.
Love is a two way thing with conditions attached for the mutual benefit of both parties involved.When "he" wants out,stops loving you,starts abusing you,start disrespecting you and the vows you took . . .wud you thrive and survive on love,when its clear its not appreciated or reciprocated ?

Anywayz,till morrow,My love get conditions attached.

I'm sorry, but I completely disagree with you. God's love does NOT have conditions on them. God is a gentleman. God will not force us to do anything we don't want to do. He gives us choices to make. You can only serve one God. You either serve Him or you serve the devil. It is the person that chooses darkness over light. God is faithful and just to His Word. He sent his ONLY begotten son to die for our sins. so that we may have everlasting Life. If you don't choose Him, then it is YOU who chose death. So how does that make His love conditional?

I'm newly married and don't have any children yet. And my child(ren) name has already been picked out. But in some cultures it maybe customary to wait to name the child.

IF love has "conditions" on it, then it's not real love. Love comes from God, because God is love. God's love is agape. No matter what "we"do in our lives, God will always love us. He may hate the sin that we do, but that don't stop His love from loving us. Therefore, why would I put "conditions" on someone I claim to love? I agreed to marry my husband. Accept the good and the bad. He can and have said/done things that I didn't like. That goes the same for my parents, siblings etc. That didn't stop me from loving them. If marrying the right person, your love shouldn't be nothing less than unconditional.

are you saying Livedit has to shuffle along to the family section now?   

Livedit IS newly married (14 weeks) and hence became accustomed and actually quite fond of this section. My husband knows I visit and comment on these boards and don't have a problem with me being on these boards.  My advice/comments I make are in hopes to make a difference in someones life (granted the threads are genuine).  Many of the things I've read in this section I find does apply to Livedit because she has been through it (lived-it) and I can share my thoughts and point of views.   Plus I've been learning somethings too on here. In addition, I find this section much more highly entertainable and the posts from alot of you are a riot.      

You can't possibly discriminate and want Livedit to leave just because she is married.

Yeah right! Livedit don't share and Livedit will never share her husband with ANY other woman. He know's better than to ask ME something like that!

I'm in agreement with my girl Mrs. Chima.  By this age, I'm sure fatherhood is clear in his mind.  But he is wrong for trying to "trick" and/or pressure you into having a child.  Children are no joke and that's a life changing experience.  And if you can help it, you should make sure to be well prepared in advance to take on such a responsibility.  Raising and taking care of children is more than just combing their hair, playing with them and kissing them.  There is alot more involved in that and needs mature responsible parents to raised them, to teach them and take care of them.  You barely know each other (from what you wrote) and he is riding your back already.  Why not take the time to get to know each other?  You nor he even know if you two are even capable of having children?  He wants you to have his child, but you two haven't even met each other's parents or nothing?  If you are a woman who wants to do things the right way, and get married FIRST before baring his children than you stick to your guns and do that.  Don't ever contridict who you are for no man!  You only setting yourself up for regret and failure down the line and all for what?  He is not the only man that walks this earth.  You need a man who will respect and honor your values and not always seek to fulfill his own selfish needs all the time.  You let him know the deal, stand your ground and if he decides to walk then let him walk.  Then that means he wasn't the one for you and keep it moving.

Obviously this chic hasn't gotten over her ex and still hold a "torch" in her heart for her ex. Quite frankly, I would let go head and be with her ex because that's where her heart still is. If she's ready to bounce back to her ex at the first sight of a dissagreement isn't someone you want to be in a relationship with. You just setting yourself up for continued drama, distrust and heart-ache. Learn to love yourself more, let her go and move on with your life.

First off, stop worrying about what "others" are doing.  Why stressed yourself out about that?  They are their own person as you are. You may just not have been ready or "concerned" as much in trying to date around or what have you.  There is nothing wrong with you.  I didn't go out on my first date until I was 27.  As said many times before, Livedit isn't the one who tries to "fit in" with my peers.  I would drive myself crazy and no one won't ever get to know the real "livedit" if I'm trying to run around and be someone I'm not.  Be yourself and be proud.  

Dating is just that.  You date people to get to know them to determine rather or not you two will be a suitable together.  Some people just date for fun of meeting new people and enjoying life.  Not every date you have have to always necessarily end up in a committed relationship.  If it happens, it happens. If not, so be it.  You are getting out there, learning and developing experience with life.  How would you know someone is "true" and "solid" if you have no idea what you want, the type(s) of personalities and what is good for you.  


Right now you are still growing and sometimes the environment you grow up in can wreck so many unnecessary pressure on you to do this or do that.  Don't let anyone or anything pressure you into a life you are still unsure about or unprepared to be in.  Let life happen naturally as it should.  Eventually, you will get out there and meet "the one".  Just remember to keep God first, listen to your "gut" , be yourself, relax, have fun and let things happen naturally.

WHY would anyone want to be with someone who takes joy in hurting (slapping) someone? It's one thing defending yourself, but finding happiness in it. I'm assuming this person will just smack you for no apparent reason at all. And in this case, YOU get what YOU deserve in return. This person obviously has some psychological problems (disorders) and need to seek professional help. Violence only begat violence. Hurting (slapping) someone out of pure unjust satisfaction is NOT love and if it was, who needs that kind of love. Why would you want to hurt the one you love? My thing is, would this person like to be hurt (slapped) just for the heck of it? Probably not, but you want to inflict pain on someone just for happiness. Think about that for a moment. What's wrong with this picture? Does that sound like someone who is dealing with a full deck?

If as you say, the man was the one giving "more" and she STILL used that statement, then that is a term a girl would use because she was rejected/dumped. In her mind, she felt more "invested" (emotionally) into the relationship than he was and felt if he was equally investested as she was, he wouldn't have left/dumped her. So then leaving her to feeling *used* and dumped.