₦airaland Forum

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

what she wants for your wedding is normal for girls. My worry is her approach to it; it's an indication of what you will be facing if you eventually marry without working on your communication and sense of understanding. Married life is quite challenging these days with the economic demands it places on the family especially where one partner is the sole provider

Bluntemperor:
Ma'am,you dey try Sha!
All those girls celebrating with David ,you can see them smiling and may be they even have a better idea how normal home should run, but in case there is another Davido nearby!

this is heartbreaking to parents who passed through a lot inorder to inculcate values, principles and morals in their children

YungMillionaire:
Davido na correct Yoruba boy...fear dem

polygamy is recognised in Nigeria...but I don't understand the nature of the relationship between him and his women

blazepascal:
Good day nairalanders

There is a very serious issue in our home right now .its about my sister marriage .there is a guy my sis love she cherish this guy a lot because the guy do take care of her and he's financially stable I even shared a good rapport with him and he sometimes give me free money .he also loves my sis a lot and has even proposed to her and my sis said yes she will marry him

But the problem now are my parent they didn't approve the marriage because they are triabalist or should I say triabalistic. The guy is Yoruba and we are Igbo. my parents told mY sis that if she wants to marry she should marry an Igbo guy . I've tried to persuade them yet they still remained opinionated .I don't know what to do else my sis has been crying .pls what should she do now .

It's easier to handle if the bride is Yoruba. Men are the custodian of a people's culture; it won't work well if the guy is a traditionalist.

Solsix:
How much is that?? For how long will they tolerate you if u don't make a sale?? Will that be enough for feeding and transportation?? Marketing involves a lot of movement. I have been there before.

I believe the spare time you will have can be used for side hustle. I bet the private school job will not give you the space to use your creative potentials

Solsix:
I would have advised to take the teaching job, but the pay is to poor and for the marketing job what if you don't make sales how will I survive??

weekly stipend. You will not die

Peejayx01:
Good day everyone, hope our day went well.
I want your honest opinion on a issue bothering me.

So recently I got a teaching job that pays 25k per month, this job also comes with a free accommodation, a stone throw from the school(which means no transport fare). I was offered this accommodation due to the fact that my place is very far from the school.
Also, just today, a friend got a marketing job in a popular real estate company who only pays based on commission meaning no customer, no payment, but it comes with weekly stipends for transport. This has left me at crossroads presently and I'm not sure of the best decision to take right now. Please I need your advise...

take the marketing job. That's what Rich dad says

udoji2021:
Life is sweet generally but can be cruel to others.

I was once a happy guy with a bright future but marriage is practically killing me. it all started when I become sick and was admitted in a hospital. my aged mother was the person staying with me and was responsible for my everything. inside the ward, another patient was with this very beautiful girl that was very hard working, my condition was critical that my mother will have to bath me sometimes, this girl now started helping my mother and to a point, my mother will leave her to be taking care of me and go home.

I become close to her, but i use to think that she just pity my condition and wanted to help so I did not think of having any relationship with her. I was later discharge and went home but since we exchange our contacts earlier, we use to talk often. I asked her one day to visit me which she agreed. To my surprise, this girl brought some provision for me and slept over in my house. she continue visiting till one day, I told her that if i was strong and capable, I would have loved to date her. she confessed instantly that she was really interested in me and did not care about my condition. According to her, she was born in a poor family and can handle the pressure of been broke, that she will be the happiest person if I love her back the way she loves me. I was moved with her words and to cut the story short, we started dating.

Her parents were highly against the relationship initially but when they become tired of us, they allow us to do our thing but never involve them if something happened. fast to December last year, we got married.i was not even able to pay 1h to her parents. she just pack her things and join me in my house. we were the happiest couple on Earth till things started going north.


First, we agreed to do many things in the farm against hunger next year, we started with melon farm, then groundnut and yams. we were still on this and I must confess that she is hard working but pregnancy came and this girl started misbehaving, she will not follow me to the farm again and will not even cook for me. I dare not complain cos she will insult me seriously. sometimes, I will tell my sister to cook but this girl will not eat it because the food is bad.

One night, she sent me out of the room in the night that I must get bananas for her to eat. I suffered that night till I got it from one woman on credit cos I was not having money on me. last month, she was sick and visited one private clinic, I was to 10k for her treatment but did not have the money so I told her to give me 4days to look for it, there was no insult I did not receive that night. I have to sell my yam seeds and pay. infact, I'm tired of this life presently cos i use to think that she will help me but the reverse is the case now.


please I need advice on the way forward, I want to run away from home but she is pregnant, her people refused to help us too cos they warn her before.

pls advice me

your headline is not appropriate. Nevertheless, I advise you work harder on yourself and marriage. You don't have any serious issue

ewaski:
Good evening everyone.. I am from a very humble background.. My parents did their best raising us up.. My mum used to be a petty trader.. But due to financial constraints, she stopped.. My dad is not doing badly at the moment.. Because I made sure I settled him according in his line of business.. But the problem now is that my Mom has suddenly changed since I established a business for her.. She's a different person entirely now.. Since she started earning.. I don't want to take sides in quarrels between them.. But ever since she started this business.. She's now the boss of the house.. Please what can I do..

she will soon run short of money with that attitude. Don't make her think you are supporting your Dad but you have to keep him afloat so that he will regain his place. It's a matter of time

Billionsclub:
A friend of mine called me and told me what happened to her. this happened recently.
she is a single mother. she said she went to meet her boyfriend (not the father of her child) on an outing. As they were there, unknowingly to her, her boyfriend friends and their girl friends were all there. Before you know it, the guy knelt down and propose to her, they were recording, but my friend said she refused. according to her, her boyfriend was not happy. one of her boyfriend friends called her to ask her why she refused to accept the proposal and she told him the reason. according to her, she said she has only met the boy four times and they just started dating two months ago. in order words, it was too early for the boy to propose. after she explained all that happened, I told her she did the right thing. I also told her not to take the relationship serious because the boy may want to use her and dump her because of the embarrassment she gave him in public.
on a second thought, I felt a little bad because I might have given her the wrong advice.
should she continue the relationship or step out of the relationship because of the embarrassment she caused the guy by refusing to accept

. Ladies in such situations will usually ask for time to think about it. If that was the case, then she should continue with the friendship while working hard inorder to give him an answer within the agreed timeline.

Klass99:
Saphiere, I don't know what it is about you and Zzor but the moment I see your monikers on any thread I start laughing even before I read your comments.

I start laughing and at the same time I'm thinking to myself, these babes no dey taya? Speaking of Zzor she has been scarce I hope she's okay, as for you Saphiere I am yet to see your popular slogan on this thread - the future is female .

Take care of you oh!

Odiegwu oh!

[quote author=HonNL post=100905229]SOURCE
Sometimes we think our partner is cheating when they don't respond to our calls without realizing they are in danger. mobilizing a search as quickly as possible may save the situation

adenigga:
Source: https://m.punchng.com/FG-suspends-Adeboyes-helicopter-from-flying

There's no need to embarrass Pastor Adeboye for speaking up against corruption. They know how to communicate him on any issue without sounding retaliatory

Lostchild:
Why are women like this?

I keep wondering why their brain is negative

I just keep wondering why their brain fluotuate

I keep wondering what is it like to be married and live with a negative women

Please. I am on nairaland for my personel. I am here to talk about myself and my experience. If my ego or pride offends you, it is OK. Feel free to insult me or ignore my write up. I still understand

My own mother spent all her life being very close to my sisters. She sacrifice so much for all my sisters including their children. But to me and my brothers she never cared at all.

She would make plans with my sisters and when problem come because of their plans, she would then involve her male children trying to use we men to solve that same problem her plans with my sisters caused

Even if I make any plans with her that will better her life, she must involve my sisters to spoil that plan as long as my women sisters involve

She would reighter give my sisters financial help than to give her any of her male children money to help them.

In growing up, she can spend heaven and earth for my sisters but not to me or any of my brothers.

It got to a point that my elder brother walk away from her an also warn me many times to walk away from my sisters if not all my life plans will continue to destroy.

I was heavily against my elder brother as he told me to stay away from my sisters. My elder brother told me many times to stop spending money on my married sisters. I never knew he was trying to protect me from these household women called sisters

Despite my mother attitude I still take care of her. I gave her all the love a son would give to his own beloved mother. I over looked her bias attitude and continue to shower money and care towards my mother and my married sisters. I was always faithful to my words as I keep my promise to them always.

My anoyance towards my mother is that she will listen and believe the lies of my sisters and disbelieve my truth. This continue to the point that I quarrel with my mother and I called her a useless woman. I walk away and I never look back.

I even separated from my elder brother because of my mother and sisters because my elder brother wanted to protect me from the craziness of the household women. I am currently looking for my elder brother so that I can apologize and say sorry the way I treated him because of this foolish house hold women

Because of my terrible experience with my sisters and women I stop making friends with women in general apart from good morning, good morning lifestyle.

I move to a new 1 bed-room apartment where the owner of the building is a woman, she lives there too. The crazy experience is that some of the lady/women living nside the compound will go and report me to the landlady and tell lies against me.

The hidden agenda for all their report is that I dont relate with them. I dont befriend them. I don't rob shouders with them. I understood that I gave them all the feeling of rejection but they forgot that they have their own husband

When these women report me to the land-lady, I will explain the trurh to her what happened and told her she should not listen to my women neighbors. Sometimes I do tell my land-lady to wait a little just to confirm the reality of the jealous report she got from them.

I told her one day that whatever she heard from anyone about me. She sould come to me and ask question. Whatever I say to the woman land-lady, she doesn't listen. She react with negative report she head from her female friends inside the compound.

I began to sense strong negative deslike from the Land-lady base on the fact that I am not loyal to her friends..

It got to the point that I clashed with the land lady last night and I warn her heavily that she sould back off from me and my domain.

My conflict with her is such that we will always be enemies around each other. I still have 6 months rent left, and I have plan to move from the compound as this land lady has violated me to he extreme. Many of the men tennant were happy the way I restrain the land lady because of her excessive control

My anoyance towards this land-lady is that she wanted me to loyal to her women friends, she will listen and react negatively to the lies of her female aproko friends than to believe in my gentle truth.

I do get along perfectly well with men but not with women

Why are women this negative?


EDIT

This my experience and write up here on nairaland is out of curiosity to see if anyone can make me to understand little more about women. I was also wondering if anyone has esperience this in their life or family

my view is that the best way to relate with women generally is to pretend to be nice. Always wear a smile. Sweet words and promises you may never keep but never let them know all is fake till you spot the ones whose virtuousness will move you

saphiere:
It's not a do or die. How many God's prophets and apostles were married?

you are right about ministers of God. Mary Slessor had to abandon her fiancee for the call; if you are willing to accept the level of calling and service the prophets and apostles gave, then I'm with you 100 percent

saphiere:
I'm so busy to be dreaming of a man. If it's God's will I get married I'd definitely get married. If it's not His will, I'm cool with that.

Some of you think if a lady isn't married she's not useful in/to the society.
This is 21st century. Change the way you think.

I think marriage is a commandment from God for our good

BlesE:
Good morning nlanders
I have live in this community where we've not had light for about 3 to 4 years, the light was restored around February after the incoming of the new community chairman, so my neighbour has not been around work's in Lagos comes back and stays for 2wèeks the very day the light came I and my wife went to meet his wife to discuss how we are going to connect our light, i called him some day's after on the phone he didn't take my call i wanted to do a temporary connection from our neighbours at the back pending when the husband will come so we'll discuss on how to get our new pole then connect from the main pole, another discussion with the wife she said the husband will soon be coming so we should just wait I had to abandon my plan and waited for like 3weeks before he came, the evening he came i greeted him trying to exchange pleasantries how's Lagos and work and all the rest thing's but was just forming activities of being busy I noticed it but didn't put much to it my wife also greeted same thing, in morning I went to work hoping in the evening we'll discuss after he might have rested only for me to see this selfloader carrying a pole to be installed, before then my wife told me that his wife came to her complaining that the husband is angry that he thought he has a neighbour that am waiting for him to come back if he's the one he would connected the light since that I let his family be in darkness I try to explain to him what we wanted to do but he didn't want to listen went to his house with my wife he said he doesn't have chance to discuss anything with me using the "f" word on me that i should get out from him otherwise he's going to fight me in the presence of my wife, he has done the connection he has light in his house. Pls house where did i go wrong.

meet the community chairman. You don't have to bring another pole except to share the cost of the already installed pole but you may ask to be billed separately

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

it appears you don't have a cordial relationship with your in-laws. You don't loose anything by pretending to accommodate her. You may not have to part with any gift and you may politely inform her of any engagement you have; with time she will reduce the frequency of the visits without you confronting her

SATANICALLY:
https://thenationonlineng.net/chioma-deletes-all-davidos-pictures/

I may not be privy to their relationship but I think I read that her parents were against it. May God help us to always listen to good counsel

Thank you for the protection mods

AmOnline:
Hunger has no prestige

where is the nobility we were told of

Funmilehot:
Good people of NL please with the present hardship and economic downturn of the nation I humbly seek ur advice.

For a couple with two kids who unfortunately only one partner shoulders the responsibility and only a salary earner of 110k how much of a budget nursery/primary school should the kids attend considering the income.

Presently my two kids attend a private school of 60k per term aside text books so I cough out roughly 150k a term for the two of them including text books.

Is that too much considering my salary?
Are the fees OK for my salary?
or should I withdraw them and go for a lower school.
Range of 10k, 20k, 30k, 40k 50k? Ur opinion plz.

Ur counsel really matters cos things are not easy these days. Prices of every commodity keep rising but salaries remains d same.

I once had a similar challenge. My wife was of the view the kids attend better schools and she had the support of some of my friends but I came back to myself and reasoned that 1. financial provision is solely on my head 2. My mom once told me how I was pampered with good schools, foreign clothes and food as a child 3. I struggled through the university cos I didn't meet any of the cars or good life I was told about cos things turned out bad for my dad who was the bread-winner. 3 I put the idea of a better school on hold and decided to focus on making secure investments my priority. It is better to make do with a not so good school today but afford to attend a world class university in future.

Rhodaogunpeju:
Why are our Nigerian Men so insensitive.

I'm naturally a chubby lady with curves and I remember vividy how my husband used to praise my physique and say I'm his spec. According to him skinny girls are not his type.

We got married and I have given birth to two kids and I added weight a little, plus we were living comfortably so the good life was evident in my life and body.

The church we normally attend, the pastor's wife has 5 kids already and she's much older than me but she still looks moderate enough with little or zero stomach fat.

My husband seeing this woman has constantly been telling me to try and work on myself, this man literally wants me to be skinny, when we married I wasn't skinny, the blow was when he compared me to my Pastor's wife, saying I have just 2 kids and I added weight while our Pastor's wife has 5 and she's looking like she never gave birth.. I cried and I have been crying since..


It hurts so much .. It makes me wonder if this man still loves me?

. Generally, women tend to relax, eat everything, sleep and enjoy when they are happy and less stressed: as a result starts getting fat. of course a man with extra money will have to work hard on his self control and discipline in order to over look the skinny but curvy girls thrown at him now and then. He did well to open up to you. It's an opportunity for you to guide your marriage

Zzor:
You really think I'm bothered,I've been controversial right from primary school,so I'm used to it, some of them beefing me are doing that for some personal reasons, I'm that good/bad girl you will fall in love with if you don't keep your distance,I'm blessed and I'm not just zzor ,I'm zzor in every sense of it.Now I remember you,the unforgiving man,I hope you've changed,I apologized when you took my joke for something else and you didn't acknowledge my apology, work on your mindset and learn to let go easily, I'm friends with some of them that insults me here,I don't have energy to beef anyone irrespective of what they type, this is social media and its all fun for me

I think you ought to protect your psychological health

fergie001:
Smart Adeyemi is a journalist by training, and was a former National President of the Nigerian Union of Journalists (NUJ) for about 7 years.

Okezie Ikpeazu has a PhD in Clinical Biochemistry.


I love the reply the ABSG gave to Senator Adeyemi.

If not that I like him personally, I would have added mine.

My NYSC was in his LGA and it is a pity how things are there.

. I was referring to the Governor's CPS

Boye33:
Senator Smart Adeyemi is not that smart afterall.

Abia state government must have consulted quite a number of pages in the dictionary while drafting this piece.

. I think the man is a lawyer

It worked for my wife; she got me with that. Incidentally it's our kids that have replaced me

osmeka:
Hello house, i have a 2007 Toyota Corolla that arrived with a faulty manual transmission and instead of replacing the transmission with same manual, is it possible to convert it to automatic? If yes, please i need a recommendation of an expert ilwho can do a perfect job. Thank you

they say it's better to buy automatic than to convert. Except for ladies, manual transmission is maintenance friendly when compared to automatic

chinedumc91:
My dear people in this great forum. I seriously need your advice.
I'm dating a deeper life lady, we have see each other up to six times but four of our meetings were at eateries while the remaining two we met was her own house and I always go with gifts like shoes, sandals, slipper, clothes etc.
The issue now is that, I wanted her to at least know my place since we are both living in the same city. But she said no, that her parents wouldn't approve it even though, I told her to come along with her two sisters if possible. She insisted no is against her church.

In this last Xmas, she asked me to buy her Ankara materials, which I did but she was expecting me to either take her out and use the opportunity to bring the gifts I bought for her. But I used covid19 as an excused. As I'm writing this now those gifts are still in my house.

Now, she urgently needs 50k to register her carry over courses and her parents said no money and she crying everyday because Tuesday next week is the deadline.
She begging me to either give her or borrow her the money. But I told her that there's limit of what I can do for her now since we have not yet marry. in fact I told her it is against my church to be spending on her when we are not yet to marry.

Note, we are getting marry this year even though we have not started our church courtship.

what do you advice me to do.

You are already getting yourself into things you may regret. Forget about the 50k thing. Those other small gifts can easily be forgone. If you are physically, emotiolly and financially matured for marriage, most girls, including deeper life will not hesitate to bug you for your house address.

Freshbank:
Please moderator push it to front page

This is my first post and I'm writing from the comfort of my lodge celebrating my honeymoon but I'm not very happy. I truly want to know others opinion on the issue causing my unhappiness ( please for those of you who would say brought my marriage issues to the public, just try to be civil, I said I want to get your opinion if it where to be you how will you handle it).

Straight to the subject matter I just got married less than a week, the entire marriage plan was drawn by my spouse and I we both agreed on what to spend and how to go about it, during the whole planning process my wify was super supportive (I have to acknowledge her before I throw in the complain). I trusted her judgements that I entrusted the execution of the marriage plans to and her families while I provide the funds, of which she was also covering some of the expenses I forget to cover. From caterers, mc, live band, renting of canopies, chairs, deco, make-up etc everything was left for her to handle since we were doing it in her home town the only service I brought someone to cover was the coverage (cameraman). I had to send the cameraman there the previous day before the event because she said she needed the cooking process to be covered and other stuffs before our arrival.

Fast forward to the main day, it was about 3:30 mins drive to her home, we (I and my kinsmen) arrived five minutes to 12pm it was during that time some chairs were carried in, the arrangement was not very organized, by 2pm MC was no where to be found, the couple's stage and the cake design was like the expression "what I ordered for vs what I got". In preparation she traveled to Onitsha to buy stuff including gift items but all the cars that accompanied me I didn't see anyone with any of the souvenirs. Some of you might want to think from the description that my wife is unexposed but this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

women need backup, whether in business, domestic or official matters. We men ought to learn a subtle way of managing them without them realizing. Move on

frozen70:
Leave him, he is cheating himself

Just stop buying all that stuff and start saving to buy a land and make sure you buy it in you name and not his name

Start planning as if you are a single mother

You are preparing yourself to be an independent woman

Spend on things that you think us needed not this that you want at home

He has choosen not to be responsible, a time will come it will be too late for him to apologise

this advice will break the flourishing marriage

notoracism:
Hi Guys,

This is really disturbing me, I do not have that dream home. How do I mean? Buying home fittings and keeping the house neat. We both work, but since we've been married my husband has refused to buy things at home. My living room has no tv as I write, this is over 2 years! I decided not to buy and it has remained so. I only bought one in the kids room. He drags remote with them atimes to watch sports!..

I bought the cushions in the living room when it has become so shameful having the old ones there, so bad that my kids were complaining they couldn't sleep on it. Talk of anything at home now, ai bought them from fans, to AC, to bed frame to whatever we have at home except the 2 mattress and they are old now. Our mattresses were in the floor until I bought the frame. Even Window blinds name whatever.

He wasn't a made man when we got married, I don't even discuss buying things at home before marriage because I thought we'd jointly make our home homely when we get married but na lie.

Even for the kids, the only thing he does is paying school fees, I pay a part too (Bus fees), after that, he doesn't care about cloths or extra items needed in school. Since we had our kids he never gives me money for kids Christmas clothes, he call them luxury. My husband went to market one time and bought them rubber shoes.

This same guy like good things oo, when it's time to go out he selects good cloths and shoes for them to wear but he can't buy them.

He once told me it's woman responsibility to take care of the home, I think his orientation about life is wrong but he is also had to convince. How do you Share the responsibility of taking care of the home married couples?

I love cute home but he doesn't. He says atimes, he doesn't mind sleeping on the floor. I have told him several times to let's jointly make the home beautiful but we'd decline. Am doing the little I can but atimes i get financially stressed. I have other responsibilities too.

Let me add, I bought even gen too after the first one we had got bad. I buy units, his excuse is he doesn't know how to buy it online. Am really getting tired and am feeling cheated. I don't know how to lie that I don't have money, he knows how w much I earn.

I've gone through this and some comments made thereto. You have a great family. You are the dream of any visionary and focused man. Two things I will advice. Always prioritize your health and that of your kids. With time, every of your dream will come to pass. I am glad he's putting all his money in the project and not side-chicks and frivolities