₦airaland Forum

Pussywar:
So its okay for men to DEMAND respect but women have to earn it? Does the clown gene run in your family?

Instead of you to keep your head and keep dishing out cold,hard logical facts, you focused on abuses and diatribes, effectively killing your own campaign.

Why can't you reason outside your emotions? I was enjoying your points till you committed word-suicide.

*sighs*

maynattion:
Just like yesterday fa.

Rich marrying the rich, poor marrying the extremely poor.

Dont be like that o...pity poor guys like us naaaa...I know say u carry gan.

segebase:
Lemme take ma seat

Have some fuqin decorum....

Barthley:
FTC for the first time

That's almost 90fuckingthousand

If you're broke, dont come near me.

you have said it all babe.


infact, i have nothing else to say.You fuqin nailed it



*walks outta thread*

czarina:
There's just something about the dark-skinned man's perchant for flamboyance.

Oyibo go tiff, dem go jejely dey one lane but not the black man. You must know say him don arrive.

Poverty truly does things to our minds.


P. S

I'm not an enabler, only stating something most of you already know but hate to admit.

If you do the crime, you do the time.

maynattion:
I'm still laughing damn hard at the 'hydraulic'.
I only cook draw and I'm glad we have varieties of draw soup. If I ever have to eat any soup apart from draw then it's prepared by someone else gaskiya.

Mind you, you've broken my heart too by calling my favorite hydraulic and slow motion.


I have deactivated like 2 accounts already, I can't afford to lose my main again gaskiya.

I didn't read afterbthe boldened.
I unread it already.

oh well, lets disagree to agree na
oya learn to cook vegetable and i will cease calling your favourite hydraulic soup... deal?

did you say two accounts?
you tried oooo.
@the boldened, i get your humility

maynattion:
Ahaha. I guess the shame is on me then as I couldn't spot the tease.

At the boldened, Seriously that's why I'm letting it be for a while since I'm not ready to deactivate yet. I would just pretend I didn't see the words after the boldened.


HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA Hydraulic soup? Da phoq? Even slow motion soup?
I hope heavens will forgive you.
I don't do any other soup apart from draw I swear down. You are missing.

seriously, you dont cook any other soup apart from hydraulics?
you have broken my heart!
At the boldened? its true and dont you dare deactivate yet!
After the boldened, you saw it and liked it, swear say you no blush.

maynattion:
This baba can't even spot a sarcasm.
But you are missing a bunch for not eating draw soup. Haha.


As per my main moniker, I want to let it rest for a while.

I can spot it naaaaa...

Was teasing you too.

Your main moniker attracted too much heat from men, I dont blame them. If you're as cute as ur dp says and have a good heart like your 'Jay' diary portrays, every guy wants a good woman na.


Oh fuq draw soup. I call it hydraulic soup. What's special in slow motion soup na

maynattion:
It's not only pounded yam and vegetable, it's groundnut and amala.

I hate amala with passion. Any draw soup is a no-no for me too.

Be a darling and invite me for a treat.

BTW... What happened to your maynation moniker?

Ladycewhy:
Action reaction and counter reaction, everything has let to this point, everyone has traded blames.


The question here is does the op want to salvage his marriage? Cos in my personal opinion since the girl's parents are involved already there is no way this issue will be resolved quietly without him getting someone from his own side to join in the appeal, maybe an elder or a pastor. He has to let the elder negotiate on the phone with her parents and go to her house with wine and kolanut. What do you suggest?

I think he should withdraw and let elders from his side contact his wife's people. I think emotions are still running high so he should stop his personal begging. Let the elders take over and negotiate.
They will blame both sides and tell them what to do to forestall future occurrences of such.

maynattion:
Why do I come across you a lot??

The lord is telling you something babe...


Pounded yam and vegetable things.

Ladycewhy:
You just said one thing i want to build on, no one stays out that late out of the blue, there is something the op is not telling us. Just like the other thread where the guy was manipulating the narrative i feel the op too is manipulating this narrative too.
For someone like me who is not a night crawler i doubt i will not be on my phone updating my partner of every single thing. The op is not telling it all.


Also i just want to say i would be very afraid of a man that makes me bleed in the height of a disagreement. I have seen rage, and its not funny. There are different types but there is the type that the only time they calm down is when they see blood ,either yours or theirs. Which is why i am very skeptical about the op. Contrary to what people think ,it can start at any stage of a person's life, more like a trigger hence the reason i said the op might hence forth feel physical assault is the quickest way to solve his problems.

OP may be manipulating narrative, yes but the point I'm trying to make you see is if it was a one-time thing my ex did, I wouldn't have minded. She repeated shiit. So if OP's transgression was just that one time and he had apologised, he deserves a second chance.

One thing I can also tell is that as a woman, know your man's strengths or weaknesses and try not to exploit it. No matter how how much we blame the man,I also blame her for not leaving him be(at least till the alcoholic effects are off) Like I did for my ex. He clearly had no intentions of beating her but with her agressivesnes and insults joined to trigger his own alcohol-laced aggression.

I see things for from both perspectives while you seem to see it from the woman's. You never did condemn anything OP's wife did.

Ladycewhy:
Have you heard of the term "blood boil"?that is a rush and its called adrenaline and it can become consistent with pattern of behavior.


I strongly disagree, so let me rephrase your comment "any one can get angry but not everyone reacts violently".

Lets even the steps that led to the back hand slap.

The op went out, it was getting late, a responsible man who is not in the habit of staying out late will definitely inform his wife about the development, i am sure they both have phones, i am assuming he should have called to let his wife know he will be staying out that late ,atleast if it were me i am sure i will be worried sick about my husband and be checking in every 30mins cos i personally hate staying out late, too many dangers lurking in the dark. If this aspect was sorted i doubt she will be that upset ,infact na gist for follow .


Now he came home ,she was upset,yes i know it can be difficult to calm a situation like that down,but instead of addressing it he decided to ignore ,wishing it will go away, when he saw it didn't work out he decided to use physical assualt.


This is the pattern i am concern about,that op ignored and switched to physical assault, until he learns to stop ignoring issues and seek for solutions before he looses his temper this pattern will continue.

You make nice points but blood boil happens to everyone once in a while and while not everyone lashes out violently, they still react in some ways.

I agree OP should have called his wife. To tell her he would be late. Lemme tell you a scenario that happened to me. I had this babe who was pretty,big assed and everything. But she smokes and drinks. I never knew on time. When she came to stay with me for a week, na when kasala burst. She went out one day and came back oozing of alcohol and shisha. I was disgusted and yelled at her. She went mad. Raised her voice and was shouting my house down. Looking at her with disgust, I left her. She followed me around the house and hooked my shirt(which was a taboo where I come from). I never knew when I pushed her away from me and she fell on the bed. She came right back at me under the influence of alcohol and screamed she would kill me. For the first time in my adult life,I almost beat her but I remembered my strength and I knew I may seriously wound her plus the fact that she wasn't in her right senses and left her in the room, slept in another room.

Next day,she came to knock on my door and she was on her knees begging. I just smiled and gently told her to pack her stuffs and leave my house. She has been begging me since. I realised the logical thing was to let her go because a girl like that could potentially push me to beat her one day. Nobody would get my side of the story because I'm a man. Yet she came back drunk 3 times already,begged and I forgave her. The scenario I told you of, was the 4th time.

I know OP gave her a slap and he was wrong but she did wrong too by inviting her mum and brother,not to reconcile but to leave the marriage. Two wrongs never make a right.

Vivonose:
let him continue begging
Begging no dey finish for market
Call her,call her mum,..if he really loves her,that's won't be a problem

Vivonose:
Most guys would be forming tough here,blabla rubbish,while in real life,they practically worship the feet their wives/gfs walks on# smh
Someone even said he should leave her,that there other ladies willing to be 2nd or 3rd wives
Can u imagine??

Lol, where do you ladies get this info from anyways?

That online alphas are lambs outside!

If you react to everything people say here, your high BP no go be here o...

hush15:
Bro, I understand your pain but at this point, you already did and truth be told, you can't be blamed. It happens to the best of us. You have said sorry and said it over and over again and if she refuses to heed, don't overwhelm yourself with sorrow. Let her be and give it time, the truth is she will still comeback if truly she is mother of your child and you haven't done this before. I don't know how to put this but don't push it too much. Just as she decides to leave, in all the worries, let her comeback of her own accord also cos she can't just really comeback cos you were begging, postratin up and down, being rubbished and embarrassed cos you want your family back. Don't get me wrong o cos many will say, I want to scatter family and not that it's not worth all that but her comin back will be based on all that, she will still leave cos she will tie everything to that and at any small mistake, she will leave again and that become her constant threat. When she decides to come back after apologizing severally, don't ever hit your wife again. It's not good, it's not right and it's not the right answer to the problem cos women will always use that against you. The minute she began frustrating you, if you are mobile, you go into your car and sleep if you don't want to drive out again that late or if you can afford it, take Uber to a safe hotel around and sleep or better still, drive to a friend's place who can accommodate you till morning. The best reply to a woman's rant is ignorance. If you have apologized and she is still bent on bring down hell, just ignore if it means lock-in yourself in the room alone. Her battery will run out...

I learnt something from women and that's overbeggin. Now, this is my own opinion but am sure millions can relate to it. When you beg a woman too much cos you afraid of loosing her or what you have with her, eventually you end up loosin her or them cos you will enslave yourself in the process. Many may disagree but I have seen this in many relationship including mine both pre and post marriage. I apologize when am wrong and even as many times I get the chance but if as a woman, you insist on doing your thing, enjoy. When you are back to your senses, we can continue from where we stopped and that's if am still available but in a situation like bein married, when you expressed your anger finish and you still feel like been married, we can continue, child or not, afterall, na me know say that kind of thing won't happen again.

So bro, you have said sorry and say it when the chance permit you but don't over do it so you have you dignity and respect intact.

Beatin a woman doesn't really work in modern time, even for your own good. Just pretend like you not there when she starts to get to you so you can live long.

Nice points.

roybanjo100:
Thats the problem some of you guys faced when you marry a girl that has head without a brain, they push you to the extreme expecting you not to react forgetting u are also human, and then hold u responsible,...Keep begging but expect more frustration from her and im sure u will still hit her again

Good point

Ladycewhy:
It cant make sense to you cos you are ignorant of psychological patterns and circles of abuse.Ever wondered why an abused person will tell you their abusers were never like that, cos it starts a with like the op , a little back hand slap to face hand slap to blows and so on. She has done well to protect herself from further abuse and if the op doesn't work on himself ,he will likely degenerate into someone that resolves arguments with his fists instead of this words.

Sweetie,I have seen it all. Why call myself alien if I dont know how the human mind works.

Unless the OP is a serial woman beater before or a sadistic narcissist, no sane man would feel any rush from slapping his own wife and mother of his child. Anyone can get angry and react violently, that's human nature. What is sick is to enjoy the violent act(in your case,the dopamine rush).

sparko1:
You can pick the area you choose to read, we all knows from what he said, he left the room and clearly don't want to get into it.

A reasonable woman will wait till the next day before engaging the man, now when he leaves the room, that should tell her that, its not a good time to talk about it.

You know women love this emotional blackmail thing, sometime what you say is worse than the slap you receive from the man, but nobody talks about that, the emotional pain inflicted by your consistence shouting and abuse is worse.

I in no way condom what he did, a married man should know when to leave a party, latest 10 pm, you are out, but sometimes things don't work out the way it should, you might even leave 10 pm and car broke down, there is an attack and you have to wait, lots of things can happen, a woman should put the need of understanding the situation before reacting to the events.

That's one of the reason most women of this generation are just dumb faces, some with certificates but nothing in their head to show for it, logic is very critical in marriage, if you can't control yourself, you shouldn't be married in the first place.


Now for you, the Poster, my advice should you choose to listen, don't! I repeat Don't go over to her parents house to apologies, that is the first sign of weakness, you may think it doesn't matter, but it does, women are creature that follow habits, if she succeed now, there is a good chance it will happen again. (Not to sound stereotypical, She's YORUBA, that is their trade mark) DON'T GO THERE TO BEG, TRUST ME, IT HAS HAPPENED TO AN UNCLE, SHE WILL ALWAYS LOOK FOR A REASON TO GO BACK!

This is what you should do, call the your wife and apologies for the last time and if she still refuse, ask her what she want, does she want a divorce trust me, the thought of you moving on will bring her to her senses quick. Of course she won't want to give an answer, tell her, you need an answer, after seven days, call her, tell her if she doesn't give you an answer within 7 days you will engage a lawyer. (If you think you will loose her, waiting will only make you loose both her and your kid, I know lots of guys that in your situation).

DO NOT GO TO HER PARENT HOUSE TO BEG! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, OR YOU WILL LIVE IN BONDAGE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

You make nice points too.

The emotional blackmail stuff is not limited to Yoruba gehs alone. Coming from a man who dated girls from several tribes except Hausa, they all do it. Once they identify a weakness in your psyche,they will keep exploiting it. Just be unruffled and they will be comfortable playing emotional games with you.

Few sensible comments here...


The rest are from testosterone fuelled diatribes from men and progesterone overdosed women who couldn't keep their emotions apart and logically dissect the issue.

In the end,OP will end up being more confused about what to do.


*sighs*

You make nice points. He should have informed her he would be late.

obimag:
Once you are staying very late you would have call her and get her emotional consent. it would have settled the whole issue. Third party breaks home and have to be avoided. I will advice you to arrange a meeting with some elders or your priest and her family members with strong committment from both of you and take your wife back. There is no ego trip here. Your are the head of the family and must be man enough to settle this issue.

Acidosis:
You married into a wrong family. A sensible mother in law would call to speak with you about the ill treatment before jumping into your house. This is one of the many senseless things women do when they have no man in their lives. You won't see Father in Laws running upandan to settle issues without objectivity. Mind you, you never see wife o! Right now, you've lost all forms of respect from your wife and in-laws.

Not justifying your actions but two wrongs never make a right.

You have a point.

Ladycewhy:
I am more concerned about the aftermath of this altercation ,you see the op has drawn blood, the pattern with abusers is it progresses. I am sure the op had a dopamine rush when he hit her and it has imprinted on his psychology ,the next time they have an argument he will likely see physical assault as the quickest solution. The op is now like a vampire who just had his first taste of blood and will keep looking for more.


If i were your wife i will take legal actions to protect myself from further assault before i return to live under the same roof with you.

Dopamine rush from slapping a woman?

Jesus Christ!
Where in hell do you girls get this bullcrap from?

Shugargal:
Lol. sorry bro. She has been taken.

Lmaoooo....



Do have a nice day.

Sankabson:
18,500 on a wine ??

Tell me, Can your DAD or Relative get you that easily ?? Apa Ni E.

Naija minimum wage on a wine ??

She is not serious I believe.

jackals:
Most of them are even broke ASF. One decided to take me out last week Sunday after consistent begging from his side. He started complain about how he's been meeting gold diggers in the past. he was trying to manipulate me. he took me to a place. The idiot couldn't afford to buy wine of #18,500 and claimed to be working o. In this age and time, you can't afford to spend 30k on a woman you want to impress, shame. Had to block the idiot before he waste my Time. and I conclude in my mind" no pussy for him"

Lmaoooooo...
You're making the OP look bad with this post biko.

Wine of 18,500 and 30k to impress you? Fear God naaaaaa...

I believe you dey joke sha.

Jewessgratitude:
Take a walk already!!!!
Nobody invited you here in the first place. You just seeking my attention and I dont have a spare to give. So scamper off now!

Lmaoooo...

You will soon learn that the best way to survive here is to never take things serious. If I can get to you and make you lose control on a simple issue like this, then nairaland is not the place for you. You're too soft.

Jewessgratitude:
How can you go about spreading faulse news that I was begging you to pay my bills and now claim you didn't call me names?
Let this be the last youll ever say such about me. I never and will never ask you to pay my bills. Only told you my worries where you asked me what it was thinking i was joking with a human being.

Lol...you still don't get me,do you?

Remove your emotions and reason with me. You type with lots of insults and that shows me I got to you.

I told those I quoted that you were likely trolling(not serious) with your 'notice-me' comments. They lacked reasoning and as such I took them as the comments of a troll.


Whether your worries are genuine or not, I dont care...I was just being polite.

N.B: I never said you begged me for anything. Your emotions are getting the best of you.