Lai Lai. Sense will not keep u my sister. This post is full of sense.

pocohantas:


Exactly. Let’s think about it, a man wants marriage, just like a woman. However, a man wants to live up to the image that he doesn’t want marriage. That way the woman can do most of the work.

The man starts to threaten the woman with menopause, singlehood, unhappiness, lack of prick...etc. The woman runs to any available man. The man remains the non-marriage party, while enjoying the marriage, if he is lucky o.

Sense will not kill me.

You have to be careful about exploitations. some elderly people who have well off family members can be targeted.
This young lady has made herself available to him. Let it remain this way..
Never get into the discussion of marriage at this point in his life, remember that a legal spouse has legal rights too. At his death, you guys will see why she came.

Yes, I will marry my father even in the life to come.

They already trained you by not wanting you with opposite sex. You can't tell me you didn't know about pregnancy and STDs. What else do u need from them?
Don't blame them for your many sexual partners. It is strictly your choice.

Goodmorning2u:
One thing my parents failed to teach me was about sex education. They don't always want me with the opposite sex and never explain the reason to that. Growing up as a young girl with no moral training on sex life and partner from my Parents. No relationship discussion with my Parents till I grew old and got married.
I ended up with many broken relationships and sex partners.

You are doing yourself.

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

What a table

funmisticqueen2:
or request for an STD test every 3 months before opening shop

Be the Abigail or Esther of your family. Some times, these men need someone to save them from themselves.

Anni3e:
I have made up my mind, just if anything happens I want to have something to fall back on. When he nearly went broke in 2014, none of his brothers helped him, they all claimed broke still he doesn't want to learn . He won't listen to any advice, if I leave things to him, one day we might end up on the streets.

Everything on the whole world is manipulated. You just have to get into the right circles.

Kobicove:


This is proof that the whole thing is being manipulated...

@OP,

It all about love. Have you not seen that Nigerians are incapable of true love? If there is no gain, then no love. Save your strength.. wickedness will not allow them understand.

They are your quotes however.

Work is a means to secure your basic needs and absolutely necessary for every living full-bodied human being, unless someone else is providing for you.
I agree that we should all find our purpose or calling. If you have found yours, pray for those that are yet to find theirs.
However, note that not everyone makes a living out of their purpose. It could be a sacrificial calling and nothing comes out of it, financially. In spite of that, you still need to feed, provide the basic things of life.

Physiological needs(food , water, warmth,safety,security) rank lower than emotional needs, not to talk of self actualization. In fact, self actualization is at the very top of maslow's hierarchy of needs.
[img][/img]
Like someone else said, purpose changes as we go through life and it is a reflection of the needs in our current state.

bukatyne:


You quoted me directly out of context:
Women are not told to ignore their purpose in favor of a job; they are told to ignore their families hence that line.

These are still from the same OP:

Now, there is something called 'calling or purpose'. This is the reason why you were created on earth. People's purpose range from pulling drugged kids off the street, inventing something to make our lives easier to writing lyrics that touch the soul. It can as well be spiritual as per pastors, evangelists, teachers, etc. etc.

Every body has the duty to discover their purpose and fulfill it.

In summary, work is just work: a means to an end of living a better life and fulfilling your purpose/assignment in earth.

The summary is the hence of the thread.

It is not about work vs. family.

It is about fulfilling your purpose.

I actually quoted you directly. The two lines I lifted are right there in my post.

bukatyne:


Miarose,

You read my OP with an open mind and concluded that the subject of the post is that women who put their jobs ahead of marriage/husband will end in tears?

Did you see the summary bolded at the end of the OP?

Ok, I would like you to point out the lines that led you to that conclusion.

Are you a pastor or a pastor's wife?
Your statements are too definitive and biased.
let me just give you twolines from ur post;

1. Whatever variation of the advise, it generates laughter in me
2.Work in itself cannot give satisfaction hence replacing your family with 'work' always ends in tears


with these two statements, you have laughed at women who put their careers ahead of a marriage==man and you have stated as a fact, that they will always end in tears.

How does your opinion differ from the northerners who believe a girl child is only good enough for marriage?
How does your opinion encourage the education of a girl child since her ultimate goal is marriage, should she stop at secondary school?

Working a job to earn a living has never been the solely a man's job. In most cultures in Africa, women run the farms and markets. They have always been busy for the benefit of their family.
let me quote proverbs 31 for you.

She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar.
15She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
16She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
18[b]She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night.[/b]
19Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
20She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
21She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm clothes.
22She makes her own bedspreads.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
26When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
27She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.


The advise to face your career is never wrong. A cursory look around nairaland will tell you a lot of guys today want working women, they need support. The economy is tough and there is so much uncertainty. It is more likely that a young educated working woman will have more suitors than the havenots.
The working woman of today is not in competition with the man. Her purpose is to build without fear for the future, both for herself and her household.
Any lady who diligently gets up everyday to make an honest living should be encouraged. "Work"today, career tomorrow. we will all reap the fruit of our labor.

bukatyne:
Happy Sunday peeps.

I see, hear and read a lot of ladies been advised to 'face their career (which is actually work sef) and think of marriage later'.

Or just the short form 'career before marriage'.

Whatever variation of the advise, it generates laughter in me because:

1. Work/tilling the ground is actually a man's curse;
2. Work is just a means to an end: survival, sustenance etc.

Work in itself cannot give satisfaction hence replacing your family with 'work' always ends in tears.

There is a reason work is often described as 'soul sucking'.

I watched an interview of Kourtney Kardashian where she said as she turned forty, she was afraid to die empty and felt she wasn't living enough.

That is a work/job: it gives you money and the fine things of life however, it can never give fulfillment. That's why even the very rich after they have made money start to look for causes how they can touch the lives of people positively or negatively.

That is not to say we should not be productive or resourceful. Every human should to the best of their ability be productive in a job, vocation or their calling.

Now, there is something called 'calling or purpose'. This is the reason why you were created on earth. People's purpose range from pulling drugged kids off the street, inventing something to make our lives easier to writing lyrics that touch the soul. It can as well be spiritual as per pastors, evangelists, teachers, etc. etc.

How do we discover this purpose or calling?
1. God tells you;
2. You discover what you do effortless or what you are always drawn to. Some people would say what you can all day got free and be satisfied;
3. You discover your talents or gifts.

Some people are extremely lucky that their calling is their work. E. G. Someone whose calling is taking off drugged youth off the streets working in a NGO into rehabilitating drug addicts etc.

Every body has the duty to discover their purpose and fulfill it.

In summary, work is just work: a means to an end of living a better life and fulfilling your purpose/assignment in earth.

I got into a rare paid group that leaks binance listing info. That is all I do now.. average returns per listing is 80%. 4 hits out of 4 leaks so far. 2020 is my year.

You seem quite confused..
While life plays it number on you, you have to be sure of what you really want fir ur life..
You also have to learn to count your blessings... Cos you are blessed but you don't know it..3 healthy children, a working and supportive wife?
Practice mindful gratitude.. It will help you keep your spirits up.
About your occasional cheating and flirting, can you be honest with urself? Are you working on stopping it ? Are you on the borders of depression or do u want her to accept that this is the best you can be? what response will you prefer from ur wife?

You need to gather yourself together and take charge of your life.. The woman is not a problem here

@Adaego5,

Don't fall for the baits..you don't have to prove yourself to anyone.Enjoy your new relationship.

@crackland, you are such a primadonna.

1st Corinthians 13:7 says,"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
She played her part, loved him beyond his wrongs which she didn't count.. did he do the same? He broke it off, didn't he?
Its just a relationship that didn't work out.. no need picking her apart.
Happy holidays..

Bros stop naa. just stop.Not on this thread. You have gotten more attention than COVID19 today. Lets get back to OP matter abeg.

Crakkland:

I can post the screenshots again for you to see that there was no begging.

I know broads liks you always want to create their own version.

Your concerns are not clear cos I also reached the same conclusion as her. Is a bad marriage better than no marriage? It's a personal decision .it just seems like u are on an evangelical mission to convince women to live for men, however bad it is, as long as you are in a marriage.

bukatyne:


If in all my posts on this thread you think I am so concerned about her marriage, then you need to put on your thinking cap (no offense).

She is free to try conceiving with another person afresh.

Lol, humans must understand that death is not a punishment. It is a certain end for all human, the only variable is time.
What comes after death is the grand question..

Log out abeg.. you have filled this thread with thrash. Low voltage brain. A mother wants to take care of her kid who has been rejected by others..leave her alone. There is NOTHING else to understand.

Psoul:


Nobody is saying that the boy should be allowed to die.
The issue is about someone taking up a responsibility that is not his while he still has his own responsibilities pilled up for him.
Secondly, ppl that are more closer to this kid have all refused to have anything to do with him.

My point is that the woman should not present it as if the solution lies only on the money she will give to send the boy to school.
There are more important thing to talk with the man. Then when she is able to convince the man, she can then be telling him not to worry, that she will try as much as she can to see that she provides for the boys school fees.

Can't you try another tactic? Reduce the confrontations if it's creating a hostile environment. make you case gently , use emotional blackmail if you know how to.You are pregnant and you can't entertain these heightened emotions without adverse effect. Doesn't stop you from getting your son on Sunday though but try to douse the tension at home, even for the boys sake.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Husband and I had a heated arguments only because he had seen a conversation I had earlier with my sister she was telling me not to neglect my son because of him and she is in support of me to go and pick him up this Sunday and I told her not to worry my son will come and stay in the house the same way as his siblings so he got angry that I went against him and still want to bring him over he was saying a lot of bad things about my son which made me raged and I told him my son is important than him If he doesn’t want him he is free to leave me I will manage okay with my children have said a lot of harsh things because he made me angry so he took his car key and left the house since 11 something pm and is still not yet back and I regret the harsh things that have said to him but he also deserved it for talking bad about my son a innocent 11 years old and I decided not to check on him or apologise. I’m tired of everything I don’t want to die of bp why can’t we just live in peace with all the children instead of him causing problems for me without thinking about my condition

No he didn't.
By being dishonest about his intentions and separating she and her son with false promises, he has done her no good cos apparently, she will choose her son over the fake marriage.
.

BoboKush:



Didn't he...?

Good Question.

He has slept with over 200 girls but wants to meet a virgin. HEHEHEHEHE

lepasharon:


Are you a virgin?

Strong Mama. If the men on this thread had mothers like you, they will not be so bitter.
How would they feel if their mothers chose a man over them? A lot of them will die of pain but here they are recommending you to do same.
You are making the best choice .. dont be scared..

Even in the bible was Jesus was being crucified, his mother was in the crowd.. No mention of Joseph.
we are not the same as them..
Our calling is different
God be your strength.

Vyvyanvyvy:

Yes you are right before I brought my problem here have already made up my mind to bring my son to the house this Sunday but I didn’t want to act fast so I decided to come here and seek opinions / advices from others too because is very important. My children are not my relative responsibility while I’m still alive it’s my duty to care and protect them myself nobody can take care of them better than me and if I die ( God forbid) I know my sister will never abandon my children the same way I will do for her kids if she is not around.

I agree with you..40%.

Awareness creation is very important.
Humans have been on earth for thousands of years, but the most progress for women was made in the 20th century. Awareness campaigns drove the changes in policies and laws that you and I benefit from today.

Right to vote
right to education
Child marriage abolishing
abolishing of circumcision
abolishing of breast ironing

etc
these rights that we have today were fought for , and the battle still continues,the fight has not ceased.

Heck, in some societies like saudi,women just won the right to d[b]rive.. in 2019!!![/b].Education levels of our northern nigerian girls are still so low..

This is true feminism, not husband and wife power struggles.

Why the generalization that dads bring money? how many households are run by men alone? our moms are everywhere.. selling fish, oil,vegetable,kerosene, firewood. frying akara,yam,etc,very often they drag their kids along with them to their shops and markets. Moms still provide and care for the kids..
I know there is a silent campaign to discredit women now..but not ur mothers please..

Both genders have failed the society. The men are entitled to promiscuity but they don't sleep with themselves, do they, they sleep with women. Are these women imported from China?
When you fetch ant infested firewood into ur house, it will bite everyone including the children. They are the biggest casualties of this self entitled generation. Women today are more educated, more opinionated, more empowered... They will not stay and cower like our mothers. The men of today have no shame, they can't even open their mouth and speak against their flag bearer that die in hotels. Right now, anything we see, we take.

Finally, men bashing men thread. I love it.

It's his habit since he was single. It's only the grace of God that will make him stop. Sad that u are already pregnant I would have advised you to walk away. You have to let ur parents know.. don't preserve his image by hiding it from them. Don't carry it alone.. ur mum should be good support especially now u are pregnant. If u know u can't live with it, walk away early.. don't stay and pray for him to change.else j will see urself with four kids and stuck in a sad marriage..

It's the virgo in you. Your role here is to empathize and tend to the world. read more about yourself and embrace it. I am exactly like you too. And please, don't marry a Scorpio..

UyaiIncomparabl:
I am never happy. For every reason I have/find, I'm just always happy and content with my sadness. I always find a reason to be downcast and burdened. I'm very skeptical about everything/everyone around me. I carry scars of everything I have seen and see; pain, sadness, disaster, sickness, death etc. I wear on the gloom and doom of a hundred persons. I can't even say if I'm a sadist.

I constantly seek the meaning of life, the reason of my existence, and as soon as I can't find the meaning, I pass aggression or get mad at myself. I don't have trouble building relationships with others, but I don't strive to build them anyway. I don't like people. I have a huge difficulty fitting into the norms of the society. Could it be that I'm not in the right society for me to be appreciated?

I strive to make friends but I cut them off before they even come close. I'm a realist but people misunderstand it as pessimism.

I'm a very good, ambitious, nice, lovable, generous and approachable person, but people scare me. There's no real love in the world. I have a fairly good life to be thankful for. I have good people around me too, thankfully, but I'm still not happy.

I have a stable job. A fairly good business by the side. I have a good shelter above my head, in school and enough food to eat, in fact, I have totally everything to make the average young adult happy. On here, people might mistake me to be an outgoing and bubbly personality, but in real life, I'm not that. I only come here to have fun, and out of here, feel miserable.

I'm not even passionate about what I even do. I have a job but I don't enjoy it. I just love to be by myself and still get angry for being by myself. In turn, I'm called non-challant.

I'm very passionate about the arts, fashion, poetry, academics, but I lack the right motivation to forge with these things. I usually am very immersed in my emotions to do anything reasonable. In totality, I'm just a sad person.


Is there a help to combat recurrent melancholic symptoms? Do other people feel this way? Am I okay?

What is your concern exactly?
Are u worried about loose vagina for yourself or for your husband?
Does lose vagina kill anybody?
What is the calibration for lose vagina?
Don't come and kill yourself.. if it bothers u that much, go for elective CS.
With time ,you will learn to put your well-being above a man's pleasure, they will find reason to dance naked outside no matter how choking the vagina is.

So OP contacted his dad and apologized as seen from the chat. Well, maybe he wasn't abandoned.. maybe OP did the abandoning.
Also, he said he is 26 and haven't spoken to the dad in 6 yrs, since his 200 level. So the dad was in his life up until he was 20 yrs.
I guess it's a Tiff between him and his dad. Not as deep as abandonment as an infant. Not a deadbeat dad if he was there till ur 20s.

Poverty of the mind. The worst of it all