₦airaland Forum

I dont know why but I just CANNOT stand MUSHROOMS! (I know I know , abeg dont tell me, heard enough of rant about its unending goodness from my mum but I still dont get it!)

oh come on people! give people some more credit than that! Nigerians in palestine, cape verde, on the mount kilimanjaro, or in timbucktu - that is hardly surprising is it? havent you heard the world IS a global village? anywhere you want to live you CAN live. harsh conditions or not, goat di chop fo place wey dem tie yi!

constantin. thank you bro. this is very informative. You see - our people dont realise how beautiful our Africa can be until they have 'seen' for themselves. It's all in the concept of 'see before you beleive'. Long live ANGOLA!

@lunafish. sista! i couldnt have analyzed these people better than you did gyal. You don strike the hot iron, you hit the nail right on - you get am spot on. Look, when i find a suitable position for my cabinet, i go hire you! you do well. More grease, 

a relationship is what you decide to make it to be. wether you met virtually or physically. wether he fell from the sky and you came from down under, it is all about what you want, what they want, who the are, who you are and wether you both want your whos.

@robby. so you really consider yourself boyfriend material? I urge you to calm down o! Small time we go start chew broken bottles 

Moukee - something dey worry you! You too much!

My friend you are in desperate need of a refinery for that english before any young woman sees the likes of you. Come to think off it, you'll put her of by the mere 'sound' of ya!

God dey! God dey o!

I urge you all to go and re-research your geography and stop putting foward subjective arguments. Bakassi territorially BELONGS within the Cameroonian geographical boundaries. It has always been. The maps have been changed and reshaped since WW1, preindepence and indepence of the west african countries. Am I joking? Picture-Google some west africa maps pre-WW2 and you'll be surprised! Only a geographically limited person will be blind enough not to see that.

@davidylan - you seemto be the only one in this thread with some sense of maturity in this issue. Democracy still seems to be a 'written' concept to most african governments. Whereever the people want to be should be settled in a referandum. If they prefer Nigeria then so be it, their choice is premium.

Cameroon had the same before it's independence in 1960 when a referendum asking if the people of southern cameroons wanted to join Nigeria or unite with west Cameroon. Back then, they made their choice - almost 50 years later, noone has complained of being badly treated by western cameroonians.

Who says Cameroon has nothing to offer the Bakassi indegenes? How many 'casualties of war'/'famine refugees' of other countries have been made welcome and offered more than most in Cameroon in recent years? History is perhaps failing some of us - or perhaps we are failing it. Or just perhaps we (young people) who sit back and call our leaders corrupt/greedy/inefficient and the rest, should take a rain check. From all I read here, if some of us were today given the baton of leadership, we surely will annihilate the world with our hunger and quest for untold power!

Personally I think the Bakassi issue is the worst thing that happened to Cameroon and Nigeria, don't know how two close Africans can get to kill each other for a resource and land that will be there when we are all gone and no more to be remembered! let me tell you this, before the Europeans expedition to Africa, was there ever A Cameroon or anything like a Nigeria? I guess we all have to go back beyond WW1 and realize that the so called westerners that divided our lands in order to control our forebearers are all united and building metrocultural nations without any known boundary.

Oh and they're the same ones who've built thier EU, now turning thier travel boundaries into a virtual escapade! An causing us same africans to fight tooth and nail for their passports so we can have immigration fascilities! we africans - always ready to destroy our own. Deplorable

Give me a break!

Cheating - simple dictionary meaning. No beating about the bush is : a deception for profit to yourself - simple. if you did that, then i'm afraid you cheated, one way or the other

@ all the girls who say they cant cook/wont cook blah blah blah blah blah. Piece of advice - no cook now. no problem. but no cry when i come cook better food for ya man and them him follow me come run away from you. knowing how to cook is an art, a talent. it is first and foremost for your own benefit and then that of your man/subsequent family. it is a GOOD thing. trust me. Ask all the men who have left thier women for the simple reason that they were rubbish in the kitchen. I know my cooking well well o! No man will run away from me when he starts eating from my pot! word to the wise,

You MUST read this. Hilarious! My sister sent it to me, I just loved it!

[b]ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.[/b]

This one is just way out-of-order funny! I am told these are Actual writings in hospital charts - Only in Africa! Now mind you, the next time you go to hospital, you may want to read your notes?!

[b]1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11.Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of Instruments reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
29.Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. [/b]

Come to think of it. Have you ever wondered about any of these? I sure have. Enjoy wondering!

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Here are some signs that you won't find anywhere else in the world except in Africa. Very funny. Hope this makes your day.

In a restaurant in Zambia:"Open seven days a week and weekends."

On the grounds of a private school in South Africa:"No tresspassing
without permission."

On a window of a Nigerian shop:"Why go elsewhere to be cheated
when you can come here?."

On a poster in Ghana:"Are you an adult who cannot read? If so, we can help."

In a hotel in Mozambique:"Visitors are expected to complain at the
office between the hours of 9.00 am and 11.00am daily."

On a river in the Democratic Republic of Congo: "Take note: When
this sign is submerged, the river is impassable."

In a Zimbabwean restaurant:"Customers who find our waitresses
rude ought to see the manager."

A sign seen on a hand dryer in a Lesotho public toilet:"Risk of electric
shock-Do not activate with wet hands."

In a Botswana jewellery shop:"Ears pierced while you wait."

On one of the buildings of a Sierra Leonne hospital:"Mental Health
Prevention Centre."

In a maternity ward of a clinic in Tanzania:"No children allowed!"

In a cemetery in Uganda:"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers
from any but their graves.

In a Malawi hotel:"It is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are
not a person to do such a thing, please don't read this notice."

A sign posted in an Algerian tourist camping park: "It is strictly
forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance a man and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose."

In a Namibian nightclub:"Ladies are not allowed to have children in the
bar."

In a photo studio in Chitungwiza(Zimbabwe):"Photos taken while you wait"

Hey Hot!!!! have missed you gal - guess I've been missing myself, hope you're good.

ahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha!!! chei! a don die me today fo nairaland. nairaland go kill me finish. Nice one.
Cameroon Economics
Your neighbour has 2 cows, You swear they are yours. Call everyone and start shouting how your cows have been stolen. The council decides both of you must go and swear before the Gods. You take your neighbour's picture to a dibia.

hahahahahahha

smart woman!

This is in reponse to the guy's rules thread. Oh yes, We always do have rules, if there are none for you lot I wonder what will happen to the human race. Notice, the numbers follow each other, that is SIMPLY because they HAVE to. Normal logical reasoning (which few/no man/men has/have. Someone said men are daft - Needless to second that. They are. Have fun!

1. Call.

2. Don't lie.

3. Never tape any of her body parts together. Or film her during sex. Or film her at all.

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

6. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

7. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.

8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.

9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.

10. "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lard*ss," and "B*tch" are bad.

11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.

12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

13. None of your ex-girlfriends was ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

14. Her cooking is excellent.

15. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.

16. Dish soap is your friend.

17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.

18. Buying her dinner does not equal pre-intimacy.

19. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.

20. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"

21. Two words: clean socks.

22. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're all sweaty.

23. Burping is not sexy.

24. You're wrong.

25. You're sorry.

26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.

27. Ditto for your discourse on football.

28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.

29. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.

30. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.

31. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.

32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.

33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.

34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.

35. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

36. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.

37. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.

38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

39. Always, always suck up to her brother.

40. Think boxers. Silk boxers.

41. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so names.

42. Don't try to change the way she dresses.

43. Her haircut is never bad.

44. Don't let your friends pick on her.

45. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit on your butt in the waiting room, smoking cigars, isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

Nferyn, you ARE one lucky man. Beautiful wife + beautiful children = beautiful life. Happy married life my dear,  and keep the missus (and kids) always as happy as they too keep you. I am still praying for mine. Amen

How much time do i spend on the internet? hmmmm let me think *scratching chin* ----- I spend my whole LIFE on the internet - and yes that includes my life! - oh and that is literally my life ! oh - I don't have a boyfriend to pull me off it. Plus, even if I did, I think I'd make him join me - that'll mean two lives spent on the internet. At this rate, we'll need internet cops.

Actual question to this one should be "WILL THE STAR SLEEP WITH YOU?" - now that will be the day ------hehehehe. But also, knowing men, they'd probably sleep with a twisted can/broken bottle/binbag/, if they don't already!

anobscase:
.you are funny mizkay

what's better than a good strong dose of infectious fun to spice up this hard-knock life?

and the americans have come crawling out of their holes hehehe.....God knows what you guys are talking about. I love the grammys but not everyone will have the opportunity to watch it prime - time, which makes this thread a bit one-sided I'm afraid. But heck, carry on guys, did I pass through here at all? naaahhhh

anobscase:
@mizkay .A ready amde woman would buy herself husbands..

i feel you my brother - but i regret to say i have/and refuse to be in any market o!

snazzydawn:
well,I am 70 and still going strong.Look at me y'all....
I mean,don't I look young?

Snazz - dont push it! otherwise we will push you. and seeing that you are 70 - you will take an almighty tumble eheheheh -- what's up girl?

Isnt this supposed to go the other way round as well? No seriously, I am a ready made woman and apparently ALL guys want to settle with ME!!!