₦airaland Forum

If a child of mine stole, I would want to know
Tell his Mom, chances are she would get through to him better than you think you did/would

maclatunji:
2. As a woman, how would you manage earning more than your husband and being able to finance things for the family (if you choose) that he cannot afford to do? If you are already in this situation, your insights would be very interesting to read.
Other angles and experiences are welcome.

It starts with the design you have for your marriage. As far as we are concerned, the good, the bad, everything is joint. He makes a little over 100% what I make but everything goes in one pot. Even when I had no income, it was always one pot so if I found myself earning more, nothing would change.

We have a "household income" and "household expenses" it's never been about Mrs or Mr's income. Big ticket items/ideas are discussed before purchase/commitment because it is "our" money, not his or hers and when either of us spends, it has nothing to do with the ratio of contribution.

It's a very simple model and it's worked from day one.

I remember that coup, who knew the country could slide into what it is today
General, can you complete what you started 30 years ago? 30 years of indiscipline is a significant loss to any nation

Very nice, teachers should strive to leave their students with positive memories. For some kids, the teacher is the only caring adult in their life and they can influence as much as a parent can.

God bless teachers

Interesting accessory

Our God is an awesome God he reigns
From heaven above

You are, you are, you are my freedom
We lift you higher, we lift you higher
Your love, your love, your love never ending
You're alive in us, nothing can take your place
You are all we need, your love has set us free

I can't think of anything that would make me abandon any of our kids.
I take personal responsibility and pride/shame in how they turn out and what they do. I believe that by choosing to have kids, you are making such a commitment.
As far as I am concerned, my kids are the embodiment of my parenting skills or lack thereof.

I really like #1, that whole stomach to heart route is so ancient.
With today's rat race, food should be the least of any man's problems. Man shall not live by bread alone, you only need enough to keep you healthy

#20 is sacrosanct, you will go very far with it. God is still alive and yes, He still answers prayers

Seems like a classic "mind your own business" kind of story. They each made their choice(s) and should live with it, good or bad.
Sometimes, focusing on our own lives is more productive+rewarding, there's always room for improvement.

With regards to cooking - anybody can learn to cook if their situation demands it, it really isn't rocket science. I think a cleaning man is worth a lot more than a cooking man. Same goes for women
Men that really love food [/b]generally learn how to cook [b]even if they are not forced to. The ones that will learn without being forced at home and with a normal interest in food, will probably not embrace the skill unless forced to, unless their pockets are affected by eating out.
A woman that likes men cooks should marry one and a woman that does not should not make it a priority in choosing a mate.

My sugbon is impatience

Maybe grinding pepper? The onions stinging your eyes, the amount of mess that's created through multiple cycles with the blender, etc
I wish they had "ero" for grinding in this part of the world

E se, el-Shaddai mi o
Bi eniyan ti po to ni ile aye
E ranti wa

Baba e se, e ku itoju wa

ximarro:
Hello Guys, I've thought for sometime of creating a thread like this but haven't had the time...thank God i'm doing it now. It's not a strange thing to see that in some homes, d husband is in charge of preparing the market list as against the wife which is usually the norm. Those of you whose fathers do that and wives in the house whose husbands do that, please share your experiences especially if it is acceptable in our African Culture. In my own opinion, I do not see it as the right thing to do.

Writing a list does not necessarily mean the writer is also the shopper.

I do 90% of the grocery shopping but all members of the household are welcome to update the list on my the special folder/file I created on my cell phone for that purpose. If you want me to buy it, better make sure you get it on my phone. If I go shopping and it's not on the list, chances are I'm not buying it.

Perhaps the wife in your story is not very organized and it's easier for her husband to write the list. Perhaps he even haggles better so he buys the groceries himself if it saves the household money. I call that prudence.

No problems with either, nobody intimidates me unless they are carrying arms

Once you've established that his/her intent is mischievous, stop reading their posts, you should never expend a non renewable resource like your valuable time on the posts from an unreasonable mind.

The person ends up looking very foolish when you ignore and you can give yourself a pat on the back for the willpower to not read, not acknowledge. . . . . . .

@ Topic

I doubt it. I was raised to embrace getting a good education, get a good job with a living income, then get married to a responsible person.

Much as I believe in love, I'm not sure it could have even occurred to me to marry someone without a job. I might have dated them but my focus would have been helping him find a job first before marriage.

Plus, liberal as they are, I'm pretty sure my parents would have vehemently objected to a jobless husband.

I don't make fun of them but unless you have a health constraint, please make the effort pick up your feet and walk, not drag like a snail that is pregnant with a bigger snail.

pickabeau1: LOL.. but Nairaland did not have to exist to tell you that marital relationships differ..?

Nairaland is where I have heard/read the strangest things about marital relationships
Who would have thought there are women, in today's world, whose names are not on ownership documents, part financier or not?
And what kind of man leaves out his wife's name on ownership docs?
I do not know any such couple amongst my contemporaries, not in my world
So, now you know why I made that statement

Tucees: I'm 5 weeks pregnant and its my first! So excited and grateful to God for taking away my shame... But the devil seems hell bent on keeping me shamed!! For 2 years I was in a relationship engaged to be married but on the condition that I conceive first before a date is fixed! We tried for years nothing happened not even a miscarriage! Eventually we parted ways cos his family said I was a "fruitless tree". Months later I met another guy who also wanted to marry me, until some time in May when he traveled to see his people and came back saying that his family did some spiritual consultation and they were informed that I can't bare children so he can't marry me!!! I felt my world crumble again as we parted ways in June 3rd. On June 9th a business friend of mine came over to my office and as he was about to leave he kissed me on the lips I resisted at first but he held me tight and I soon gave in that marked the beginning of another relationship. Saturday July 5th on his birthday he asked me to marry him in the presence of his friends and family... Was I excited? Not really. I got a feeling of deja vu as the ring slide into my finger I only managed a smile and people thought I was too shy to express my joy not knowing that I was dreading the impending breakup! As I was sure he will soon find out that I can't bare children. August 8th we made love and he traveled out the next day. Two weeks later precisely on monday August 25 I did a home pregnancy test just out of curiosity my period was suppose to come that day and I was feeling odd. It showed a faint pink line I held my breath and did a repeat test on Wed 27 it was a Big Fat Pink!!! I couldn't believe the fact that I'm after all a fruitful tree? I praised and thanked God as I waited for my fiancé to return so I can share the goodnews with him. He came back on friday and I got the shocker of my life!!! He told me without mincing words that I have to get rid of the pregnancy that he wasn't ready to have a child just yet. Yesterday saturday my parents invited him along with his uncle and wife(his parents are late) the matter was tabled and he told me and everyone there that if I don't get rid of the pregnancy he will call off our engagement!!! His reason was that he wanted to be married for at least 2 years before having children that I want to deny him his desire and put his plans for the future in disarray. My father got upset and told him to get lost and he left even though I pleaded with him to see reasons why I simply can't do what he is asking of me! He has since changed his relationship status on fb from engaged to single and has also deleted me from his bbm contact and removed our picture from his whatsapp dp! He called me this evening to say we are through and that am on my own if I choose to keep the baby. One thing is certain I am definitely going to keep this baby and I pray for a safe pregnancy and delivery! I need you Nlders to include me and my baby in your prayers! I've been so restless and my heart is beating so fast I can barely breath I fear for my life and that of my unborn bundle of miracle

Getting engaged or getting married does not mean a person wants to start having kids right away. For some of us, getting to learn how to live with each other and run the household before children is not a bad thing. More importantly, the guy might have specific targets in terms of financial comfort and aspirations that he wants to achieve before having kids. I salute his courage in not allowing himself to be entrapped, no man should have to endure that and what kind of marriage would you have with a man that feels he was blackmailed into marrying you?

Believe it or not, accept it or not, the buck stops with the woman. Morning after pills are available to prevent pregnancy if you must have unprotected sex. A man not using protection does not automatically equate wanting to have a baby with you, especially when you are not yet married to each other.

Well, the deed is done. You have made your choice and he has made his. If you can't work out a compromise, sounds like you may not have been that much into each other in the first place so maybe it's for the best. The speed with which he deleted you from his life and the desperation that made you involve your family members confirms that. If a man does not want you, no point involving family members to pressure him into a marriage he does not desire. If you cannot sort out your issues without inviting family in, you probably should not be married.

You have both learned lessons - being engaged without a discussion and agreement on childbearing is not a licence to get pregnant (you) and when you have unprotected sex, you are risking an unwanted pregnancy (him). Other people will learn from your experience. Best wishes.

crackhaus: Having both husband and wife as legal owners of properties is only logical if both actually contributed financially in the acquisition of said propert(y/ies).

I disagree but Nairaland has taught me that marital relationships differ so being married to someone does not necessarily mean you trust them.