₦airaland Forum

Too many rules killing the spontaneity in marriages -
He should do this, she should do that
It's not about rules, marry someone who at least likes you a lot (and that you like a lot too) if you can't find one who loves you head over heels
If you can be buddies, your relationship will go that much smoother
Don't get bogged down with dos and don'ts
She must be able to cook, he must be able to cook, she must wash clothes, he must wash clothes and all the other distractions
Marriage should start with friendship and deciding what you can accommodate/tolerate with the right person
In the end, there is little that is non-negotiable

#ditchtherules

I may agree with the being romantic bit but that could be said for men all over the world too and like the Poster above said, some of us Naija women are not deeply into the romance thing for whatever reason. As for the rest, I disagree. I see and have seen enough Naija men around me to dispute such grand proclamations.

Hereeeeeee we goooooooo
Looking good, General

@ Wish I knew who you were


You resurrected this thread with your "likes"

I was chuckling as I read, thanks for making me laugh.

Hmmmmm, my memory is mostly of the yeye list of fine wines and the good things of life the local govt officials demanded. I went to Oke Aarin to buy them fake wine

Reminds me of Sunny Ade's song:

Ka l'aya to buru
Iye o pe ki o pa ni
Abi ki o ma pa ni
Ko dabi eni l'aya ire
Ti o l'ana ire

Sunny said evil inlaws are worse than an evil wife

My opinion-

Yours is a valid choice
Marriage is not for everyone and nothing wrong in not desiring it

Poor woman, she should have walked away
Now she's ruined her own life
Imagine being locked up for killing a cheating husband, insult upon injury
If you are going to be locked up, let it be because you were involved in a diamond heist (no bloodshed please) not for a wandering man
Such a waste

There should be laws against parents that support such, the potential for a life of ill health is high for those children.

My wife's proportions are moderate but speaking on behalf of men whose wives have big boobs; after children-

"The bigger they are, the harder they fall" That's just nature

Modupe Jesu
E ko je ki oro mi ja si asan

Eru Olorun bami
Eru Olorun bami o
Oun ti o ba ti pinu l'okan re, ko si eni ti o le da duro

Lady in green is the Mom

The kind of kids that help you go to sleep every night with a smile on your face and a warm feeling in your tummy
Awon omo olori ire
Awon omo sansan bi owo

wristwatch:
In recent time, the rate of sudden break up in relationships is quite alarming due to intolerable attributes which can make lover boys dump them in a wink without thinking twice.


6. Bad cooks

Some ladies are bad cook but the most annoying thing is that they are not ready to learn. Helping their mothers in the kitchen is a difficult task for them. They can't prepare common noodles let alone eba. This is a turn off for many guys.

Your girlfriend is NOT your Momma nor is she your cook and you are NOT her father nor ATM!

Very nice, Nigerian kids doing us proud and not only in academics, he has a life outside that too -drums, social justice
Smart kids are a joy, smart kids with interests beyond academics are a blessing to the world

These ex-militants are businessmen, not ideological in the least
They do not "militant" for free. Any militancy about results would be unpaid work. . . . . . . they do not roll that way!

I don't know enough about APC as a party for me to claim to be a "supporter" but I know enough about the General and have enough trust in him to celebrate with my fellow countrymen on this wonderful day. I am so happy at the idea of discipline in this nation again

Sai Baba!
Sai Buhari!
Sai Nairaland Buhari supporters
Sai Buhari supporters from all over the globe!

Madampinkolo:
I am currently a SAHM,and I'm not doing any selling on the side.I just buy,Buy,buy when I need to .I am not business savvy unfortunately but I'm a wizz at managing our finances.
I have NEVER suffered abuse and never will.
If you are married to a raving lunatic,whether stay at home or earning 1million,if he's abusive he will continue that way no matter what.
Why should I earn respect due to the size of my salary or wallet?Why should my views be heard or not based on my earning ability?
I control the family ATM. HUbby doesn't bother with anything that has to do with money cos its safe in my hands.Why should he add that to the list of headaches he has?When he has a natural calculator as wife?
I know how many hours I spend making and balancing the excel sheet making sure we meet all responsibilities, give a percentage to charity and still set aside something for savings.Plus something for eating out o.I subscribe to living below your means. My hubbys colleagues earn the same,have same nbr kids but always in the red and borrowing.
I could live in a bigger house and drive a faster car left to hubby BUT I've reasoned that having money saved plus small small investment is better at least for now.Bigger money bigger things but still will be living below our means.
I do not beg for anything.I buy whatever I want,when I want.He doesn't ask at questions cos he figures I have a reason for whatever I buy.Heck,I buy all the clothes in this house.He just CANNOT be bothered.He has said if I finish all the money we will die together hehehe.
He even feels I'm suffering at home.I wash clothes in the washer, someone irons them and a cleaner comes in twice a week.our child goes to nursery a couple of times in a week to allow me cool off.Just one toddler can send you to a mental asylum.
When you have shown yourself to be sensible, smart, intelligent,capable of holding your own and worthy of respect,a normal sensible man will recognise that and adjust accordingly.
If you are all that and married to a demon,you shall gnash your teeth forever.
If you are an olodo in every way plus sahm,then you also need salvation.Even at that,there will be someone who will love you and your block head like that
It would have been a nightmare if I was working as baby has sleep issues,feeding issues etc.Hubby appreciates all the effort I put into making our home run smoothly.He's reached a point in his career where his earnings now will be much more while allowing flexibility with his time which wasn't possible these past years.Next year its my turn to build my own career.Its worked out great for us.
Stay at home mom and dad get levels. Just always plan together and know who you are married to.
Remember as i always say..I'm naturally kolo and hubby is very very chilled out.It's working for us as is.Many may end up in Hades if they live like this.Trusting someone so much with finances.From next year of course,all my money earned will enter the family purse and i'll continue as per usual

This is such a refreshing post, I am happy I got to read this. Hopefully more Naija women like you will speak out to stop the fear mongering. Most abused Naija woman I have seen or read about, work. For most, the reason they stay in spite of abuse, is because they are afraid of what people would say if they left or they are afraid the husband would seize the kids, etc.

Taking care of the finances is work and it's something my husband avoids because he cannot be bothered to do all that it takes.

From your post, I could probably guess your background and fairly accurately too. Somehow, the majority of people here have a very different background and since we are all products of our backgrounds, our experiences, and the things we see. . . . . . . . you can guess what informs the terror.

In my time on this forum, I have written a couple of epistles about this staying home idea. What I have found is that most people have trouble grasping the idea that it does not put you in servitude or at a disadvantage if you married the right man for you and you are the right woman for him. Trust is earned and when your husband knows you are capable AND trustworthy, why would he not share the same pot with you? Why would he be dishing out 10 kobo here 10 kobo there for tampons!

A lot of people adopt the stay home model without considering affordability. It is simple arithmetic and budgeting, not rocket science. If your household cannot afford it, if you are married to a controlling man, a wakabout, spendthrift, stingy fellow, habitual partier, gambler, alcoholic, etc, etc; how could it make sense for you to stay home? If either or both of you support your extended family and you can't afford your generosity on one income, why would you stay home?

People speak/act from their experiences. When we decided for me to stay home, if someone had said I would be subject to abuse and begging, I would have laughed in their face. Why? Because I have never begged for anything in my life. Even with my parents, I asked, not begged (sometimes I got what I wanted, sometimes I didn't) and I humbly submit that the man that can abuse me has not been born. Yes,
I am that kind of woman and my spouse knew whom he was marrying. There was no way I could have attracted an abuser of any kind, those guys have a nose for victims and will avoid women they cannot abuse.

So, ladies, the first step is to know whom you are marrying and work on yourself too so that you are trustworthy. Be realistic with your spending and marry a man you can trust. Don't forget life insurance, they are available in Naija too. If you can afford it and you both agree, stay home and give your kids the best care possible.

Most people will go back to work at some point because it's not economically sustainable and because it can get boring. Just realize that a lot of the women that will malign you for staying home are talking from their own relationship with their spouse. Make your decisions based on your relationship with the man you married. Like plague, avoid people that come and tell you " all men are like this or that"

So, I very much enjoyed my time at home and then the kids grew and now they cost and will continue to cost us so much money that I am back to working for the capitalists.

Have a good evening Madam, nice meeting you.

Befriending an individual I could not introduce to my kids as my friend

One piece of advice - don't rush into anything and don't be quick to throw your savings down any dodgy business
You will probably get people providing advice on all kinds of business ventures that will suck your savings away and leave you destitute
Don't be desperate, this has just happened, now is the time for deep thought not quick moves, hold on to your cash while you think
I repeat, beware of dodgy business ideas, do your research well before you start spending your savings
This too will pass. Where there is life, there is hope

Yes, a very nice poem
Right up there with that "sweet mother" evergreen song

For some of us, pregnancy was simply a means to an end, it was not a state I loved at all