₦airaland Forum

PharoahIII:
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I suspect you're the type that uses visa as a weapon, a tool to subjugate and dominate a man. He doesn't love you and I see reasons with him. You call yourself intelligent because you've been able to use his dependency on you for a visa to your advantage? You are the biggest fool in the world, you can eat your passport. I can tell you're the type that will even call the home office if he does something wrong. If he was Black British or perhaps wasn't dependent on you for a visa will you have the temerity to misbehave?
My advice to all men: Never ever trust a woman, a man that uses a woman as his head-pad to carry his load should know he's carrying his load on his bare head. To the wannabe jandos, this is what awaits you when you go abroad. Better remain in Nigeria jeje o before one idiot will trample not only on your rights but your manhood all in the name of visa. No be beans

Although your comment is needlessly laced with blistering odium and unnecessary expletives, this post, just as you aptly noted, should serve as an eye-opener to some guys here obsessed with white women. The grass is not always green on the other side.

However, this does not mean that I align with you in placing blame on the women for using visa as a tool of control. We don't have all the details, but from her explanation, I see someone eager to make her marriage work. We must admit that this issue is common with Africans, especially Nigerians, who always want to have their cake and eat it.

XhosaNostra:
Nobody dresses like that on a daily basis, only when they're "celebrating culture"/their roots. Hence I pointed out to the other guy that there's nothing "naughty" about it. It is how most people used to dress in the past. Simple. Culture & tradition remains the same, with only a few changes to adjust with the times.

If there are changes (which is inevitable) culture and tradition won't ever remain the same.

xendra:
the lonely ones will be first to give advice

Sadly, you happen to be among them.

Chongaiman:
@OP
You are not European. Your poor grasp of English, poor spelling and style betray you. Get serious with your life.

English is the first language of diplomacy and commerce but it has limited speakers in Europe.
I had a good laugh when I read your comment. Besidess, your unwarranted, unprovoked, and baseless attacks on the distraught OP betray what a mindless ignoramus you are. Thank God nairaland is a teachable platform. Now, who needs to get serious with his life?

Dear Mrs OP, please listen to the advice of sensible and compassionate Nairalanders.

flyca:
I told you that my father was “content” by his own understanding of the scriptures. How can this be an insult? How dare I insult the person you who fully and responsibly saw me through school? Do you have to insult him? Does calling him a fool make you happier?

I don't feel happy right now the way you have addresses my very own blood. You hurt me deeply by your careless statement but don't worry. Your daughter will be my age someday.

"Content" or contented? I equally feel you did not represent you dad in the best way possible. To be honest, your description of him left much to be desired. It is obvious you struggled to present a vivid picture of his disposition to acquiring properties, next time when revealing an unpleasant fact about a relation be very careful of your choice of words. Cheers!

Abascoh:
Fake story, Anambra people and Imo inter marry regularly. My Dad is from Anambra and My mum is from imo. Two of my cousins are married to Imo men. My uncle (mum's younger brother) being from Imo is married to an Anambra woman and I have never heard anything of these so called hatred you talk about. I only know that there is a cliché that Imo people collect more as bride price than Anambra do but even that is not an issue when you see who you want to marry. I will advise you to go and find out why your woman's people don't want her to marry you, it has nothing to do with any alleged hatred Anambra people have for imo people because there is nothing like that

Being from Anambra myself, it is obvious you are a little bit dishonest, or you are blissfully ignorant of the decades-long irrational fear majority of Anambra people have for their Imo brethren. The genesis of the phobia is yet to be fully ascertained. But it existence is nonetheless factual.

However, this anachronistic, stereotypical profiling has been unable to prevent many marriages as your post clearly explained. It is annoyingly a tradition for most Anambra parents to object their son's wish to marry an Imo lady, but this resistance does not almost always endure if the parties concerned are determined to pull through. I have lots of relations who are married to Imo ladies, after the customary parental disagreement and subtle threat. True, there are many instances where ladies from Imo exhibit unexpected behaviour as a wife, but that does not conduce the acceptance of a faulty generalisation. We also have some Anambra ladies who have not lived up to expectations in their marriages. Why are they not profiled as we easily and commonly do with Imo ladies?

Those using this unfortunate drawback as evidence to proof the purported disunity and "tribalism" in Igbo land have successfully led themselves up to a blind alley. What about the celebrated Igbo/Yoruba disagreement in marriage? So, in the end, it is not an Igbo problem, but a human shortcoming framed in the mould of maintaining or having your son or daughter marry from a place not too far in tradition and viewpoint. What the OP is experiencing now is common with many ethnic groups, although not widely reported.

Dear Mr OP, I having no misgivings that you will triumph at the end of the day. Let not this minor distraction derail your determination.

MissRaine69:
You are not responsible for her life. If she opts to end it it’s her choice and you should not feel guilty. She is emotionally blackmailing you and that’s blatant manipulation. Continue with your plans and do what you have to do if she ends her life that that’s it she will be very dead.
Don’t be sucked up in all her mind games. Actually she should be ex-girlfriend by now.

You are very cold and extremely unfeeling towards the travails of a fellow woman. The young woman is apparently lovestruck, hence her inability to think properly.The young man nonetheless must carry out his plan, but I expected a sort of knid word from you to him.

To the topic: don't just dump her like a tissue of paper. Her suicidal threat is a demonstration of uncertainty and love. Even if you don't see a future with her, at least, her peace with her before you travel.

DanDeeBoss:
Lol... I am still hot as before, just that I joke alot these days.... But I'll get back.... BTW you follow my comments??

Yes. But as a guest reader. Anyway I wasn't really expecting or advocating an exchange of uncomplimentary remarks, that would be childish and vain. I anticipated a coherent and detached explanation to support
your viewpoint.

DanDeeBoss:
Just leave us alone

You know I can't. You are becoming inexplicably soft and sissy these days.

DanDeeBoss:
Yeah You're right, Alright then..Take care

Really? Just like that? She called you a HYPOCRITE because you expressed contrary/conflicting view and you pretended you didn't see. Do you think she will take it in good faith if it were in other way round? No. She will challenge you; defend her position, and force you to offer an apology. But here you are, supinely capitulating with a big grin. So I am qualify to call you your new name. Congratulations!

Mobi47:
"I told him i would revenge by going to visit my single
male friends come easter,after all,it'sa festive season"

madam what u told him here is very bad....capable of ruining ur marriage. please apologize immediately cos hmm u hv lost d trust he has on u. Apologize to regain that trust, then let him know that u don't like d way he visits d single lady....u guys should talk abt it but in a low tone....I believe he will apologize.

Talking about apologies? It should come from the husband first for the heartbreaking own goal he scored during Christmas.

I think your husband crossed the line of propriety and decent conduct expected from a married man. There is more to his visit that meets the eye. Even if his conscience is clean, the visit, at your absence, is as unnecessary as it is meaningless. And your reaction is modest and appropriate. Be calm, do not overreact yet. Be on the watch out, something sinister might be in the offing.

Flattino:
Ok

Sorry you were denied an opportunity to regurgitate your stereotypical, narrow-minded, and cynical hogwash. Unfortunately she is Yoruba, not Igbo. And that makes it your loss.

LegitGirl:
Stealing is a matter of intent. No, I'm not blaming anyone for my carelessness... the items were indeed in my bag and I put them there...And that certainly is pathetic.

My grouse is that things should be done with a human face...I've been to Blenco twice...never with a bag... I simply left my house to buy provision. Today, I had a bag because I carried a file in it...And I realised there weren't lockers to keep the bag in.
Having a human face means they should have understood they made no provision for lockers...having a human face means they should have seen from their recording that it was a purely accidental situation.
I stopped at the security point to be checked, because that's what I expected to happen...And dude told me to go. What's the duty of security at the entrance? He should have checked. When I was called back, I didn't hesitate even for a second...I didn't look guilty...I had not the faintest idea what was about to happen... Having a human face means they should have realised people make mistakes. When you were in school, didn't you ever accidentally pick your seat partner's textbook, put it in your bag and take it home? Didn't you ever get your clothes off the line only to realise you also packed your neighbour's clothes along?
Intent is the crux of the matter.
Blenco didn't put measures in place to guard against stealing... they put measures in place to get victims...deserving or undeserving.

But it's all good. I wasn't lynched...wasn't arrested... wasn't beaten. Only my feelings got hurt and I felt really unfortunate, but I'm fin,e now. Life gets funny at times.

If "intent is the crux of the matter" how can the security camera dictate the intention of someone who took goods into her handbag with her own hands? It is not difficult to imagine that countless number of petty thivies have been caught in the past whose excuse for pilfering is based ALARMINGLY on intent. In fact, I found it amazing that you are protesting that the security camera should be a mind reader, to ascertain and prove your good intentions and consequently declare you INNOCENT. This is a basic problem of the black race: we always seek a scapegoat; someone to blame for all our shortcomings and missteps.

This is a non-issue, and I think the supermarket did have a human face in the treatment metted out to you. If I am in your situation, although I will feel highly depressed and disappointed, but I won't go shopping for a culprit. The charge that lockers weren't provided to eliminate the possibility of moving in with handbags is not only shaky, but based on slender foundation. Stop attempting to pass the buck; it is not only puerile, it casts questions about yourself.

I don't think the supermarket is in the wrong for making you pay for goods that mistakenly found its' way to your pursue. Of course, as a sign of understanding and maturity, they made you pay through your nose, instead of calling the police or apply the infamous but disturbingly common jungle justice method. Those blaming the supermarket and exonerating you forgot that countless number of cases had occurred, concerning people more wealthier than the OP.

My take: you are to be blamed. And yes, anyone in similar situation will feel awfully bad. But I think the supermarket handled the debacle in a mature and sensible way.

The General Public Should Note That The Association of Nairaland Vulgar Herd is having a meeting on this tread tonight. Agenda: Spineless, Uncouth, Simplistic, and Vain Women Bashing. Time: The Meeting is in Progress.

yvelchstores:
it's OK dear. I am content.
But one thing u should know. Marriage is not just a title, it's a training ground. I have achieved so much, I have sacrificed so much. Marriage is a blessing cos it has made me a better person. So when I say married woman, I see a woman of strength and courage. God bless.

I like your mindset towards marriage. A keen observer noted you mentioned your status three times to her dismay and, perhaps, have broken the core tenets of feminism. Please, keep on flaunting and advertising your status to the discomfort and displeasure of "enemies of marriage."

Medunah:
You must really carry this your 'married woman' like a title cos you mentioned it like 3 times on this thread.
Aren't you other things?
I don't blame you thou, where u come from goes a long way in shaping you.

What "other things" do you want her to project beyond the fact that she has found joy and happiness in her marriage? I am very pleased she is very proud to flaunt her status. I wonder why her relentlessly reminder to her interlocutor about her marital status is a threat to you. It grates your nerves she didn't speak ill of marriage and men, and inevitably swell the rank of leperous and vain company of those ladies who have had failed marriages.
The problem is not having failed marriage but the little-minded advocacy that nothing good can come from marriage. Nairaland is not a space to recommend to anyone seeking marital bliss. Some people are poised to democratise pain and sorrow, because in their narrow and warped mind someone wouldn't succeed where they failed.

For example, I know a lady who wears pessimism as a garb; condemns marriage and men, and is steadfast on dishing out disastrous pieces of advice to people who encounter challenge in their marriages. It is my hope you don't belong to this category of women.

Toks2008:
Before you entered nursery school I have cleared my waec and I had A1 in English. Your silly innuendo about a flimsy typo errir which I had no time to correct after posting does not mean you are of a sound mind.

Apparently you have no meaningful input to make here so please stop digressing and allow intelligent minds make comments ok! Mr gramme r.

What a prolific writer you are! It seems like making infantile grammatical error is part of your thought process. Oga Prolific, it is grammar, not grammer. Or is it another evidence of typographical error? Resorting to name-calling and empty boost about making good grade in English language show how bruised your fragile ego is.

There are two type of errors: errors of ignorance and errors of carelessness. The mistakes I pointed out in your previous posts are inexcusably errors of ignorance, and not as a result of lack of forethought and carelessness.

funmisticqueen:
L[url][/url]nothing is wrong if he sends me a pm, but it isnt everyone who sends me a pm that i reply, because of past experience. My issue is his passive aggresive behavior and transfer of agression on this forum, and mentioning me unecessarily because his feelings are hurt.

"His feelings are" truly "hurt." In fact, I am feeling what you have felt all these days. Note that you are not alone.

DaySpringer:
There is no one that will be Manipulative, Narcissistic and Lacking in Empathy (Narcissism basically covers all these) that will not cheat, Cheating also comes with the package when the person also has all these qualities.

Nawa o! I have learnt a new word from Nairaland today. Thank you very much. So the meaning of narcissism covers "manipulative and empathy?" Guy, you must be related to both Achebe and Soyinka. But don't confuse empathy with sympathy, and also note that manipulative has no denotational relationship with the word narcissism.

Toks2008:
No pun intended but you are beginning to sound lame. I am a prolific writer and i do realistic stuffs so if you have nothing to contribute to the topic of discussion maybe you should let others do whilst you read comments. This is not about supporting or opposing anything but stating the reality.

Thanks

Again, a "prolific writer" should do or engage in "realistic stuff", not realistic stuffs.

Toks2008:
I don't write about my life...i write realistic articles that has no correlation with my lifestyle or persona.

Shall we say every movie producer makes films about their lives?

Truly, "realistic articles" should have (not has) no correlation to your lifestyle and persona.

Is this a piece of advice, a "pen-lashing," or one-woman advocacy? Even though it is against commonsense to question the usefulness of contraceptives, there is no empirical evidence to conclude (or support your grossly subjective and unfounded claim) that women who had "backstreet"(whatever in the world this word means) abortions encounter difficulties conceiving a child.