₦airaland Forum

victorian:
Truly speaking you are right but I need to ask this question.
Please are you based in Nigeria? Be sincere.

Haha. First, I want to commend your incredibly open-minded submission to superior argument. It is very rare in this platform. Conversely, I feel she wants to accuse me of playing to the gallery. A disposition which almost always induces double personality: one for online platform, which is thoroughly fake; and the second, which reveals the real persona, often vile and abysmal. I am a Naija-based dude.

victorian:
But truly speaking, that's the reality. No mincing words.

I call a spade, a spade. No need pretending. After God! Money is all there is to it, followed by Character. It applies on both male and female.

Even colleagues I asked this particular question in the office, agree with me. Both male and female.. It's all about the money and how productive she can use her brains to make money, stay afloat then support her husband and family when she gets married.

No one can rightfully and convincingly argue that money is not important to human existence. However, I cringed when you ranked money above character in your order of priority. A more plausible rendering will place money at the rear, not in the middle. Telling lies or hiding sensitive secret from your significant other should not be condoned under whatever guise. And no amount of material possessions will compensate for defective character.

victorian:
I'm not available. I am taken.

If you are truly 'taken', it is pretty awful to imagine the type of relationship you have with your hubby/boy friend -- based on your inane materialistic advice to the Op.

President al-Sisi of Egypt had earlier visited Trump before President Buhari. So, President Kenyatta will be the third African president to meet Trump, not second.

President al-Sisi of Egypt had earlier visited Trump before President Buhari. So, President Kenyatta will be the third, not second.

You simply can't tolerate the mother of your husband, who visited her son's house because you think she is not your mom and, therefore, not deserving of respect even when she is wrong. If she is mom, would you treat her the same way even if her behavior is unbearably nasty and churlish? Won't you tolerate and wait until she leaves your house just as she came? To prove you are equally a woman just like she is, you engaged in a shouting match which consequence is the basis for this validation-seeking tread. It is obvious you are the architect of your misfortune, as hubby has drawn the battle line which cast you in the camp of the enemy. You replied a member about the sheer 'difficulty' of tolerating her, yet you are worried about the ejection notice served to you.

There are no good men left on Nairaland anymore. Reason? Nairaland ladies made them bad.

Loveisascam:
He planned to act like he was really serious in the relationship and wants us to marry. Then he would probably suggest I support him by giving him a certain amount of money so he can successfully relocate to Canada. Once he gets there, he marries a white woman for papers and then forgets about me and refunding my money. Not like I have money though. He assumed wrongly. I am just managing.

You are certainly surviving not managing. Managing would mean you have the resources your lover needed.

AfroSamurai:
i quiver to know why you feel women have the upper?

. Quiver no more my friend for the facts you need are right in front of you. If you have a girl friend, can you recall how the relationship started, keeping an eye to the efforts both of made to begin and sustain it. And even in the relationship, who has the upper hand? You? Have you ever strive to impress a lady within the normal confines of your strength and resources? Maybe you have not taken such step, but I know a lot men have and many more in the future will do similar thing. Woman might appear weak at the surface, but they are very strong and influential at the background -- whether in relationship or marriage. All man's labour and effort in this earth -- in the final analysis -- is to please woman, whom he may choose to call girl friend or wife.

Why is it difficult for you to understand that both of you are not of similar wavelength. Here is a play boy -- who is yet to truly understand what life means -- seeking validation on an anonymous forum for his lack of good conduct. The mere fact that you now fancy her neighbour more than her is a glaring testaments that you need her body and her body alone. Who told you that a week is too early for someone who has priority to express them unambiguously? The lady knows what she wants, and has stated it in an uncertain terms, yet you are appalled at the urgency of her priority. This is my advice to you: you have no business whatsoever with that lady, especially when she has stated what she wants, which according to you, is not compatible with your needs now. Walk away now with your pride intact. Don't lead her on!

ib4babes:
am really and truly confused honestly, what should i do?

I support any move that will lead you closer to the truth; to reveal the true state of things to you. But remember you are at the center of it all, your decision is supreme and final. While dismay and disillusion may appear admissible giving the gravity of your predicament, confusion and jittery should be varnished from your mind. You need a saner mind as well as a foolproof strategy to make headway. A part of me tells me you are 100% certain that your wife is a cheat, but fearful of what the consequence would be. To this part of me I proffer dialogue, a multilateral dialogue that would penetrate both families and include your church.

Lilisticlili:
even the mod can't move it to fp because it won't ganer traffic. Truth is dead so badnews castigations makes life worth it.......

Whether it gets to front page or not is inconsequential. Perhaps it does not make business sense to get it over there. But the thrust of the post has been comprehensively received by my sisters, even though they have refused to make comments. Make and female are not competitors; hence, we need to occasionally compliment one another. In doing so, we suppress some bias and negative emotions, begin to see a totally different picture of the opposite. Nevertheless, I believe that criticisms, when and where necessary, should not be misconstrue as hatred but an act of love.

Lilisticlili:
even the mod can't move it to fp because it won't ganer traffic. Truth is dead so badnews castigations makes life worth it.......

Whether it gets to front page or not is immaterial. However, I think message was well received by my sisters here, even though they have refused to make comments. We need to say few complimentary remarks about one another, not always castigating ourselves as if we are eternal competitors. And if we begin to say good things about the opposite sex, it affects our thinking and disposition as well. This is not to say that, criticisms where necessary, should be glossed over.

It is a bit easier now that you know at least a little of what she is doing. Human beings are unpredictable and insatiable. You seemingly created a picture of affluence in your home, discernible in your hefty salary. I hope your wife has unfettered access to your money. Cheating is a serious issue in marriage. However, you need to marshal unassailable evidence before taking any action. Any less would not subsist. On the other hand, what made her to develop such vile and nasty lifestyle: your job, personality, or the atmosphere at home? Even if one of the above is responsible for her irresponsible conduct, cheating is not and cannot be the solution.

chiommy123:
alright Sir. The problem is them guys they talk anyhow here

Haha. OK. The guys are wrong; Chioma is always right. It sounds nice to my ears.

MissRaine69:
There is severe lack of conceptual depth on this forum. I am glad you are one of the view that has the power of deduction.
Thank you.

You are welcome. A truly educated person must be open-minded, exposed, and not vulnerable to the emotions associated with his gender or ethnic group. In the dating arena in Nigeria and elsewhere, women have the upper hand; a fact yet to be understood by most of our ladies.

chiommy123:
well since you called me back to it I'll try. Some guys are truely nice especially when they have not really mixed up with all this negative influence out there I mean bad friends ( guys too). Happy now. thou I have not seen any here.

Maybe the reason you haven't seen nice guys here is because you aren't nice yourself, or you have an unrealistic criteria of what it means to be nice. Like minds, the saying goes, attract. Just tilt your mindset a little towards guys and see what startling result you will get.

chiommy123:
Since Satan and his agents are here I need to flee

I don't think you are truly afraid to encounter 'Satan' as you claimed. However, I give you credit for attempting to play smart.The problem is the thrust of the tread; it compels you write few good things about guys, something you are not accustomed to.

Where are the ladies? Where are their pleasant and fascinating stories about meeting coolheaded and responsible guys? Or is it that because this tread isn't about attacking and shaming guys for failing to tick all their boxes, they have deserted this nice tread. It is now clear that most ladies here are unconsciously biased toward guys, do not think it is necessary to give guys credit for behaving gentlemanly. It is the Op's fault, she could written a guy-bashing tread and behold an unremitting stream of comments castigating guys for perpetually not being man enough. So, the call to share complimentary stories from ladies will not be heeded for obvious reasons.

It is amazing how some female members are attacking the Op because they naively think she took side with the male folk against her gender. She must be guilty because she did not use the usual denigrating terms to describe men whose sole objective is to sleep with female bodies, forgetting that there is mutual agreement or consent. An intelligent reading of the post reveals a subtle attack or reprimand on Nigerian male's objectification of the female body, through deploying all manners of sweet talks and gift items, when sex is the overriding objective. 'Why not state your aim clearly to ladies, and stop pretending to love them,' the Op seems to suggest
The post, in my view, is a wake-up call to ladies to study carefully proposal from the opposite before deciding to say yes. And when it appears that the guy is a player who merely wants to get his bed warm, they should not bemoan endlessly and attempt to tar all men with the same brush, but quietly reassess their cognitive competency.

chigoizie7:
Sister, didn't u read up to the point where I also said that thunder will fire anyone who mentions me?















And their generations too

This is coming right after you have replied her comment with a speed of light. You are a classic example of someone who writes before thinking.

Next2Bezee:
Just start saving for the double-head Love Machine that you and your wife will be using.

Bros, please attach inverted commas to that wife.

Since he has been dreadfully demystified as an ordinary Nigerian politician who is both clueless and hypocritical, let him take to walking as a strategy to renew his battered and increasing plummeting image. As to be expected, his political base is already on frenzy mode, savoury his physical strength and agile to contest next year's polls, derived only from trekking few distance. What an intimidating credential! He should increase the distance covered next time to perpetually shame his political foes; but what he hasn't been able to do is to demonstrate a mental and intellectual capacity necessary to lead a state as diverse and complex as Nigeria. Such sterling characteristics are not derived from mere trekking, even if you trek from Daura to Mecca in one day.

nikkypearl:
u well so ? abeg lv me
Is it your agitation ?

Yes, I am perfectly well. Of course, I am not worried, why would I be? You seem to subscribe to the misguided position of second Sarah.

Mizk:
Ok agreed, you can leave me alone now.

Ta! Who is holding you?

jessca048:
shouldn't the advice be a two way both for the male and female. who does these same women frolic with if not the men.so she should balance the equation because no gender has got the monopoly to cheating and immoral lifestyle

Yes, I agree with you that no gender should be given a pass to immorality, but consider the implications for both sexes. As stated by Sarah, the consequences are never equal, women suffer more than male. That is the lesson to be derived from the advice.

nikkypearl:
Two Sarahs'
The honest Sarah and the guilty Sarah !

Just passing!!!

I know your character align with the second Sarah that is agitated with the harmless comment of the first Sarah.

Mizk:
You suggested those pronouns, there's no rule stating i must use them to convey my message so you're the ignorant one here, my sentence is correct and you understood what i meant, what you're doing right here is what you're known for, obey what rules? Where's the rule?

You have proven to be grossly unteachable; doubling down on ignorance and unleashing subtle inflammatory remarks just to cover up a solecism. I must therefore announce my surrender. You right, I am wrong.

Mizk:
What if i don't want to use your suggested pronouns? Or theres a rule that said i must use specific words to communicate?

It is not 'suggested pronouns' as you erroneously stated; you simply did not obey the rule. And I sense the error is a product of ignorance, rather than carelessness.

Next2Bezee:
Her punctuation was off, but her choice of words wasn't entirely wrong. If she just used "we", you'd wonder which group of people she was referring too.

Clique: a group of individuals who interact with one another and share similar interests.

My clique = My friends.

"My clique and I" = My friends and I.

Therefore, I think this can fly: We, my clique and I, call it 'needles'. It's polite and funny.

I cannot but agree with your brilliant analysis which obeys all the rules of grammar. What amazes me, though, is your motive of leaping towards her defence.

Mizk:
Lol me and my clique call it needles, its polite and funny

My clique and I= We. Me and my clique=Us. Madam, stop making wrong use of pronoun.