iamsaved: I am extremely confused at this point as I need to plan my future and my kid(s) future.

We have been married for 4years now, blessed with a child and expecting the second. For weired and unexplained reasons, my hubby is fond of abandoning our home whenever we have mild to heavy misunderstanding. He first abandoned me 2weeks after wedding over a minor arguement, came back, 4months later after wedding, same thing for one month and finally when I was pregnant with our first child over a little misunderstanding but this time for a long time. Yes I know it sounds funny. We reconciled late last year after he came with his family to beg, my major reason of going back being cos of my child. Now am some months pregnant and he attempted to leave again last two weeks. It was his friend who stopped him from leaving. During the meeting held last, Hia friend asked him exactly the reason he keeps doing that, he said he just doesn't want wahala or stress.

This didn't start with me, he once said he ran away from home for 5years when he was in his early 20s cos his mum was telling him to o house chores.

I regret reconciling with him. If I wasn't pregnant, I know i would have walked out finally since its still the same thing happening all over again.
I am scared for my future and the future of my kids.

Please go ahead and make plans for yourself and the kids. I see your hubby as unserious and not ready to be responsible. A man walking out for months on his wife and kids is not serious and would one day walk and not come back. In your pursuit of security, talk to counsellor or pastors(depending on your religion) to see if something can be done. I wish you the best.

taryour:

I am not leaving the useless man out of blame,for him to have acted such as battering his wife and doing such to his daughter makes him an animal. All am bringing out here is all this could have been avoided if those kids where not with him. If she can leave the man and run for her own safety then why allow her kids in such danger

You talk like this probably because you are not in a situation where you are forced to leave the kids with their father. He is their father! How can one know he would molest his own kids especially when he never did before she left. Remember, she left the kids with her mother. The man went to get the kids. She knew he went but hey, this is Africa/ Nigeria! They would fight the woman saying the man is the father. "Why would you want to take them away to another man" Don't you think at that point, his family will be solidly behind him to get the kids from the woman or her family. It happens. Happening right now to someone walking by. The woman has no fault. I pray that they release the kids to her soonest and pray for healing for the girls. Meanwhile, the man should never be oppotuned to see the girls again.

Personally, I feel Ribadu would do way better in EFCC or its like rather than in Aso-Rock.

Becomrichn:


Even look at this, how would Nuhu win. Is nuhu going to win Yorubaland. No.  So what have ACN got from this.?? I am confused.??

Can they learn from the lesson of Atiku 2007

why do we bring tribe to issues? even to election? Cant we look beyond this and vote for someone who is ready to serve the people and be accountable to them, be it yoruba, igbo or hausa?

aysometin:

It's a big shame that such event is not available to view online

Nigeria really needs to step up, am so sad I need to see Atiku's expression's live and direct

I know that feeling

interesting!

Dr Know:

Don't be fooled! We've been there before, these are just mere utterances. I can assure you no acction will follow. Easier said than done. We need a new breed of politicians.

My thoughts exactly!

jason123:

Hands are steady; escorted by Sambo.

GEJ's abridged speech:

"Takes on down memory lane. Says Allah knows best; observes 1 minute silence for Umaru

Our nation is on the threshold of history, the world is looking up to Nigeria to make transformational changes. Everybody believes that the PDP will set the agenda for future development, even the other political parties.

Delegates must vote for one candidate. As you traverse this country, you see the lack of money and education

*lion roar* I GEJ is that AGENT!!!!,

That can bring the transformation
That can lead the change
That is the President you need!!!!

Have you forgotten when you used to sleep at filling stations to buy fuel at prices set by a faceless cartel?
Have you noticed that the power situation has improved significantly?
On Education, we resolved to strengthen primary, secondary and secondary education. I felt that the existing policy that was supposed to give every state a university was a good one, and I committed to implementing it.

In the health sector, we are setting up 6 zonal centres of excellence to work with the private sector. Nigeria has a wealth of health experts, all practicing their trade abroad. We must stop this drain; we will put up structures to accommodate their specalist skills

In 2008 an aircraft disappeared and we did not know what happen. Now every part of this nation has been covered by radar; we have gotten category 1 rating from America.

I will not join issues with my rivals who raised the issue of the niger-delta, and other issues in a disparaging way. You know us all, so I don't think I need to speak about our respective characters.

On the Niger-Delta, if we take oil production as a scientific measure of security, before I came into office, production dropped to less than 1/3 of our capacity, now we are producing above our domestic and OPEC quotas

Let me quickly assure the youth that my govt will be your govt. Job and wealth creation will be one of my top priorities; I will make you proud to call Naija your country.

GEJ and Sambo will never, never, let you down.

Crowd is chanting:

"you don win! you don win!!"

Nice summary!!!!

jason123:

Promising nine new universities!

Do we need new universities? what about the old ones?

Timehin:

GEJ on stage with SAMBO, protocols, One minute silence for yaradua

Why are they wasting time? The party was supposed to do that b4 the speeches started

You mean GEJ is yet to talk?

jason123:

I believe that people have come because they believe in fairness, integrity. They are gathered to take a decision that will save the country and guarantee progress.

More importantly, the party has an opportunity to provide real and visionary leadership. They have to choose between a man who understands the challenges facing Nigeria, or a man who believes that to be president is an end to itself. At the risk of sounding immodest, I am more trustworthy than any other candidate, and I have more experience than them.

Vote for me, because it is the right thing to do. Anyone who cannot stand by his word should not be trusted with the leadership of this country.

GEJ signed as no. 35 in the meeting that endorsed the zoning principle. I have the minutes of the meeting here. Today, that man denies these events, and has actually said that the party has never practiced zoning. Such a man cannot be trusted, especially when he is willing to mortgage the future stability of this nation to satisfy his personal ambition.

As a Party man, at the risk of sounding immodest again, no one has done more to build the PDP; but under my main rivals watch, paprty faithful are leaving to other parties in droves. While we made some mistakes in Government, there is no doubt that we made progress. But after 8 months in Govt, my rival cannot boast of 1 programme or policy or achievement. rather our country is more divided than it has ever been, our debt is spiralling out of control; even the amnesty programme has been derailed under this most incompetent of administrations. What do they stand for? Please ask, and I will be surprised if you get a coherent response.

The ATiku Policy Document was drawn up by experts to deliver employment and wealth generation; infrastructure and Niger Felta rehabilitation.

I thank you all, and I hope that this evening you will make the right decision. TOgether we can make good things happen"


LOL

thanks jason123. Did Atiku say the above?

Wumine:

still on gej's case. See as obj dey look am with pity

. Is he still blabbing?

Wumine:

time up atiku. He spent 5mins antagonising Gej

can someone please escort him back to his seat!

Dr Know:

Somepeople might have imposed candidate on you but search your conscience and vote for me~Atiku

My conscience says NO TO ATIKU!!!

Dr Know:

Atiku is croaking now

what is he saying?

jason123:

6:55 pm Eagle Square, FCT Abuja

PROGRAM: Mrs Sarah Jubril, PDP Candidate of the PDP takes the stage.

COMMENT: She spend her early minutes praising Jonathan, VP, their wives, and PDP. She is running out of time,

lol. you kidding right?

binhozie:

I heard Sarah Jibril says she will keep contesting till she either wins or dies.
My money on the latter  

@all, thanks for the real time updates!

TewMuch:

Lmao, I wonder why men make this mistake? Nigerian economic system makes it a hot bed for the worst wives. Most of these girls have lived a hard and very open eyed life. You need to pay. Visit to the public uni's and see your future wives in action.Nigerian women are not traditional they are hustlers. It is just the reality. They grow up very fast and are actually wiser than the Nigerian women abroad. Even the village ones come to the cities to sell their market and are actually the worst.Nigerian women are the most selfish, feminist creatures. They only live in a repressed society. Once they get the opportunity of freedom then what you will witness, your mouth will not be able to give account.They also watch a lot of MTV these days and are learning fast.If your woman has gone through Nigerian public school, doesn't come from a God fearing and known God fearing family or you didn't date her before you left for Nigeria? Omo forget it, dem go show you sey Devil pass devil. The Nigerian girls that travelled abroad right after secondary school or went to private uni's in naija are a better choice. All other's are hustlers.

That is so not true. Most often than not, It is the Nigerian men that are to be blamed for the seeming change in Nigerian women when they get abroad. In nigeria, you have maids et all to help the women out. Therefore,as the man you go to work and come back to find out that the house is clean, the food is ready etc. Who do you think did all those? your wife? think again. Most times, it is the maid of whom you pay the salary from the income you make. Over here, there are no affordable maids, there are no help even from families. It is every man for his own. The woman struggles to do all by herself. She Cooks, cleans, care for the kids and to crown it up, she does 9 to 5 and most times overtime just to help the man with the bills. Some nigerian men who most of the time gets home b4 their wives expects her to come home, have the strength to cook, clean the house, train the kids, help with their assignments and still have s.ex while they (the nigerian man) wanting to use the Nigerian mentality, just sit in front of the tv doing nothing.
Tell me, dont u think such women will feel pushed to the wall and hence would want to fight back? Are these your reasons why you said they changed? Nigerian men who marry nigerian girls already in america/Uk or what not knows that the woman would expect him to do stuffs at home as a reault, they forget the nigerian mentality and help around the house. Why dont you treat the women whom you claim "imported" from
nigeria the same way as you would treat the women whom you met here? It is a basic rule.
Nowadays, you cant treat women in Nigeria like crap anymore. Not to talk of a woman you brought abroad.

PS: Not all women brought to abroad change. Most times and often, it is the men who changed! You forget you aint living in nigeria.

@OP,
I dont know what you mean by sole signatory. Is she a beneficiary of some sort or a sole signatory to the family income? If the second, who works? what law says that a woman should be the sole signatory cos you are filing for her? Or did she file for you? seems you are not really open about the state of the finances and immigration here.

The man and the woman

WARNING!!!

Anytime you see a police man, do not laugh

, And where is the father of the child in all these!!!

harakiri:

@MsTom. . . I respect and appreciate your well structured response. I have a question for you though. . . Would you give this same 'if you love her,go back and make it work' advise if the person involved was your blood brother or better yet. . . YOUR SON? An honest reply will be welcome. Thanks.

Yes I would. I gave it and will still do. And I also followed that step too. Love is complex and not fully understood. Hence why we say people act stupid. Love conquers all they say. From me, it does if it is alive. If he tried and it didnt work, hey, at least he tried. Never assume until you try. If dead and gone, I would never advice him to go back home. It aint worth it.

BonnyFace:

Honestly, you need to answer those questions asked before one can profer a reasonable tactics of you solving your problem.
1. Do you have Kids and how many?
2. Are your parents in support of marrying your wife?, they are in the best position to resolve these issues.
[b]3. Is your father in law alive?, if yes, your father need to call him to come and pick his wife.[/b]4. You need to go back to your home, your mind should be where your treasures are, Wife and kids.
5. Did you carry out all the formality of traditional engagement?

The questions are endless, but most of all, if you do attend a church, it's high time your pastor and wife step in.

Regards.

True to that!

harakiri:

@elrazur,wislet,synthasase and other realistic posters. . .thanks a billion for your responses. The thing is people like Mstom and Blazay would be singing a different song if this crap had befallen them or the blood relatives. A man has tolerated his mil for 5 long years including his wife's nonsense and they are still telling him to go back to home and suck it all up in the name of making his marriage work. This man wants peace and thats why he left home to see if there would be some remorse. The handwriting is pretty clear at this point. He is neither respected nor cared for by these people and to make things right,he must take well planned out drastic steps. Nobody is advocating for the breakup of the marriage but it falls on the wife to make things right. The man is not at fault here. Please, the unrealistic posters on this thread should desist from giving impractical advice that will give this man high blood pressure. If the marriage doesn't work out,its not a do or die affair. Life is too short and sweet to continue living in this bondage.

Actually, it is men like you who sing a differnt tune when
such happens to them. What is the unrealistic things that I
have mentioned so far? I did mention that I am faced with the same tribal
issues as him. So I know what I say.

I bet the part in which you oppose me is where I made mention
to the guys who told him send the MIL packing to get ready for their wives to send
their mothers packing too. Most of the time, the MIL who sticks around is usually the guy's mother.
And Why not? afterall, he was adviced to do it to his MIL. He waited 4 years and 9months too
late to want to do that and aslo when his marriage is almost falling apart. He cant handle both now.
Everyone will forget the fact that there is potentially another man is in the picture.

Marriage is not a do or die affair. true. But if you want it, then be ready to work for it.
Hence why I continous mention that if he loves her, he should go back home and talk. If not, dont go back home.
You think all women will call if their hubby walks out? Dont you think she could be somewhere
angry and thinking that she was not treated right?


Now that he left, did he find the peace? If he did, he wont be on NL asking for
advice. He needs to face it head on and quit being an ostrich who buries his face at the site of trouble.
I made mention earlier that marriage needs understanding and respect for each other not necessarily control.
How many men on here can sincerely say that they control your wife? or would you say you act smart so your
girl thinks she has the control?

I still stand by this;the couple need to talk and know where they stand.He cant just sit at work and assume
that she would call. she wont. And knowing women, I bet they are planning how they would discredit him and
tell the other family that he is out with another woman.

pannyman:

Quoting Ujujoan, ''Now I know she's pretty and lots of the club members want to sleep with her, but I trust my bf enough to know that he can't stoop that low.''

For your information, Tiger Woods slept with waitresses.

Others are: David AQrquette, George clooney, Eddie Murphy, David Schwimmer, Reggie Bush, Michael phelps, Adam Levine, John Mayer and many more.
Waitresses are women who wait on tables to earn a living. There aint no stooping low in that

keep thinking why a woman would get a man as a house help knowing that she has 2 girls?

ElRazur:

Now that I think of it.

Can you imagine I am sleeping-with my woman and her mother is in the next room hearing her daughter moan? Kai. Good forbid bad thing.

Lol. Now you know how it is when your mothers are in the house too. We cant scream on top of our voices when we reach there.

carnal:

poster,the first mistake u made was leave the house.atleast i hv some xperience cos hv been married for 8yrs now.the first thin to do is go back home (let me remind u dat no mata wat mite happen in future,neva abandone your home,if u must do it must not b more than a nite/day).go back home,seat your wife down,if u r sure u can forgive her do that but if u cant call a family meeting.as for MIL call her husband to come and take her away,give an ultimatum maybe 14days or less.if your wife will not change after the talk,let her go with her mother definately she will come to her senses soonest and return home.look a woman is not divorced cannot stay away from her marital home for a long period because ppl will poke her with insults nd she will come to her senses.

please let is always be never to the bolden parts. It causes more harm to walk away than to talk it out!

To all the men asking this guy to throw the MIL out the door, I hope you will be ready when we/ your wives throw your mothers out the door too. Things like that can not be done by one person. If he does that, he creates room for more problem. Put yourself in his shoes. Easier said than done. There is a greater problem at hand. His marriage! He needs to work at that and when that is sorted, the place of the MIL is automatically sorted. Even the daughter will be the one to ask her mother to go.
@Poster, go home. Dont allow another man toast your wife. A woman's heart can be fragile esp if the hubby aint nice to her. I wonder why she is listening to another man. What are you doing at that? I think communication is lacking and she needs someone to sweet talk her. You are busy typing on NL from your office when you should be working it out. If you love her, go home and talk. If you dont, continue to sleep in the office cos no one is gonna call you.

Blazay:

^^^

Seconded!

Thank God. . .these divorced, single women on NL were trying to snatch this poor man from his wife.

Lord have mercy!

you are funny!