₦airaland Forum

@poster,
Ponder on the these words of this song. Some have food but can not eat, some can eat but have no food, we have food and we can eat,
Thank God that you have a job and you can spend the money it provides. It is for a short while. There is hope for a better one.

We need to read our bible more often so as not to be deceived. Tithe is a command. Offering is what you purpose in your heart and should not be what a pastor or any man convinces you to pay. Christians should have their tithes and offerings ready from home so as to avoid being confused.
The bible can not and should not be replaced with Rhapsody of reality.

bawomolo:
you didn't answer the question though, how is marriage a commitment in a country where i can easily amass multiple wives?
isn't sticking with a woman for 8 years a sign of commitment?

why do i have to "put a ring on it" before she thinks i'm committed. i doubt any guy would  spend 8yrs with a woman just for the fun of it.

i have a feeling this chick wants to get married because of societal pressure and all her friends are getting married too.  27 isn't too old by the way so all that biological clock talk is bullshittt.

women have kids into their late 30's and early 40's so getting married because your biological clock is ticking is a dumb move.

h202 - u no well, na your area father be rebel?

well, like you said, society matters. But then guy is who is with one woman for 8years and had not cheated on her seems to me to be a man that would stick to one woman if he eventuallly gets married. She knows him well and we can deduce a thing or two from his words. Examples are where he told her she could go with another man from "that if i have found someone who wants to marry me i should go but that the guy will have to settle him".   and also, he does not want to talk about the future etc. He obviously doesnt want to go any future than where they are. Common now, you are a guy and you can read between the lines. Hence my advice to her. Never to force him to marry her for whatever her reason might be cos she could regret that move and also for her be true to herself. She either continues to stick with it or just move on without him.

PS: I do agree that nowadays, the ring means nothing.

H2O2:
MsTom we're africans here, okay? Marriage ain't just a paper to us. Lol

If you read the post well (btw me and bawolomo), you would see that I was responding to his reference of marriage as a 'piece of paper'. Also note the quotes. They are not my words. I am and african and a Nigerian. Omo yoruba sef. So you would understand how we take marriage

bawomolo:
how does a piece of paper signify commitment?

What if i marry multiple wives ko, is that a sign of commitment? aren't Oprah and steadman committed to each other?

The committment used is in relation to a marriage. One can be committed in other forms of relationships, even friendship. Now, you tell me, How come that 'piece of paper' (marriage)is so strong that you need second 'piece of paper' (divorce) to move forward. Marriage to some is like being enclosed in a corner. Marriage comes with loads of stuff. Some people are not just ready. Some of the excuse I hear is they love their space. In a marriage, there is nothing like space.

You can only sign 'a paper' at time. If you want to marry others, you just go for blessings. There are no paper to sign there. If per adventure you do sign more than one paper at a time, you commit a crime. Hence why there is room for one to sign a second paper which is called divorce.

hassymo5:
May be he has kn money 4 marriage, may b d girl want church marriage, which is expensive.

I doubt if this issue has anything to do with money. I wouldnt be surprised if the OP says he has a good paying job. The problem is that some individuals are just scared of committing to a lifetime with another person. The thought of spending the rest of their lives with other scares them especially if they feel they might fail in keeping their part of the vow. She needs to talk to the guy and be ready for whatever he says. If he wants marriage or not, she should be true to herself and not hope for him to change. If he changes cos of pressure she gives him, such a marriage is endured and not enjoyed and may ultimately not last. I have two of such people that I have as friends. They have just refused to commit even though they love their women to death.

The fact that he is telling you to go with someone else speaks volume. But then, who am I to judge. You know him very well. My advice is this. NEVER force him into marriage. If you do, it would blow up in your face in the future. Either you wait till he is ready which may be never(as some men are scared of commitment and you would know this expect you lie to yourself) or you walk away. It is your choice.

It is so sad that you are going through all these. Moreso, he has no one whom you can talk to. Not even his mother- She is living a bad example. My advice is pray, pray and continue to pray and be patient. But then, be smart. Save money for yourself and your future along with your daughter's. No one would do that for you. Do not let him bother you to the extent of affecting your academics. Be the best you can be. Continue to succeed. If possible, dont let him know of your successes as he is not happy that you are. Be slow to speak. Be as gentle as a dove but as wise as a serpent. That is what the bible says. I wish you the best

If no one is to sit near the governor, why cant he just get his own plane. That is a commercial airplane for goodness sake. Never knew they still do that cos it happened to me once. I was on my way to Lagos from Kano and I sat beside a man. He was probably rich and popular cos those Hausa men when bowing down for him and maybe kissing his feet. One of the Hausa men wanted to force me off my seat but I resist and the man calmed the Hausa man down and told them to allow me sit. I thought it happened to me cos I was from the south. Never knew it could happen between 2 southerners.

190:
[size=23pt]@pro01
I love u
come here lets KISS[/size]

@Poster,
NO WAY!!! Why would I do that? Like I dont have time for something better. To those who spy on their partner, married or not, what happens when you find out that he cheats? Most of the time, nothing. The woman gets hysterical and would cause a fight.

cap28:
sade was great back in the day, however i dont really regard her as a nigerian artist more a nigerian born artist - she left nigeria at the age of 4 following her parents divorce and was brought up in england by her white english mother and white grand parents - therefore to me she is more english than nigerian. also she tended to date white guys although her only child (a daughter) is with a black jamaican man. she was married briefly to a spanish guy but divorced him in 1995.

i liked her music back in the day though - havent listened to her most recent album but i wish her all the best as she seems quite down to earth and not desperate to be in the limelight like these other "celebrities" that we're lumbered with today.

Dont mind nijas. they love to claim good things. Would I blame them, no. I do too.  
I have listened to her new album and its simply great. You'll love it if you listen to it too. She didnt disappoint me and am sure she wont disappoint you too.

Why wont they be shifting blame when the army is biased? Were they not supposed to be on a stand by since there was tension in jos already. I dont like this. FG needs to do something fast. Those who bear the brutality of a riot or war or clashes are usually women and children!!!Enough of blame shifting. They need action.

@Ayemokhia,
that picture is disheartening. please remove it and let the mother and her child rest in peace.

VPG:
The same s(hit) happened to my friend his was 5 days to the wedding she was caught at the hotel banging some guy. To make the story more interesting it was 3 of her bride's maid that ratted her out, they told the husband but he didn't believe them, so they took him to the hotel for the guy to see with his own korokoro eyes. At the end of the day the guy marry the girl o, my people simply becos the guy's dad is a pastor and he told him to forgive the girl of cos plus enough begging now. True Story this happened in Newark, New Jersey.

Another one, I was in Nigeria for my boy's wedding not too long ago. The night before the wedding me and my boys were all at a spot drinking and suyaring you know the norm. The next thing the friend of my boy's wife to be showed up and the next thing the husband to be was banging her in the car right in the parking lot. Omo i almost faint o. it's one thing if na random chick it's another when it's your wife to be friend. True Story.

So mr poster s(hit) happens and life is a B.(I.T.C.H).

It happens. True. Similar thing happened to someone I knew. Went to where the girl was serving as a surprise only to find a guy on top of her. After much pleading, he accepted and got married. The marriage lasted only 6months. the guy found out that the girl had a 70yr old man she had as a sugar daddy even after marriage coupled with some other younger men. She only wanted to be called mrs 'something'. The girl had other men but she was the guy's first love. Imagine what they guy would be thinking of women.
PS: if you see the girl, you would call her an angel but her heart was that of the devil. In a relationship, when you see hints, take it seriously.

KunleOshob:
His touring of the USA is strategic to his campaign strategy, as you know he has huge followership amongst the elightened Nigerians most of whom are outside the shores of this country that aside he has to raise campaign funds for him to be able to execute a very effective campaign, Nigerians in disapora would come in very handy in raising these funds.

Seems you have been paid to campaign for him. Is he the only gov who did something good for his state? NO. If he is in PDP, I would not vote or support or campaign for him Besides, according to the PDP power zoning bull, it is not yet time for the south to take over power. We need someone from another party to rule. Enuff of the mess we receive from PDP. They have rule for how many years, yet no improvement. Please bring another person from another party. Maybe we'll consider. PDP is not the only party in Nigeria. Donald Duke is not the only man.

@Poster,

I am so sorry. I felt your pain. Pele. But please forget that side. Forget it. A girl who had the boldness to cheat on her man who is in town for the final preparation for a wedding with her is no woman. If you marry her, she would do it again while you are at work sweating to get money to pay bills. Again, a broken relationship is way better than a broken marriage. Some may say ahn ahn. How can a woman say this? sorry but am just being real here. If she did that while you where away, maybe i would have asked you to reconsider but she did this right under your nose and while you were pretty close too.  To your question, there is true love and we still have decent and beautiful girls out there. Wish you the best

omega25red:
I think the best thing to do will be to talk about all the things that is bothering you in your marriage with your husband. let him know everything as in you have the thought of possibly leaving the marriage if thats the case. After such a conversation you will find out his true intention. But then again from what i have heard things change when you have a child in a marriage. The guy recents you secretly because you were probably hormonal all through the pregnancy and now that you can't really work because of the baby he recents you even more because in his mind you already had the baby so why are you still sitting at home while he works and pays all the bills (This is from a man)

You have to talk about it so you dont go crazy which would lead to rash decisions. If your child is not old enough to be in daycare, explain this to him and i guess to show effort on your part cut your spending if you spend a lot that way money is less of an issue. I could go on and on but talk bout it

A 6weeks old child is ready for day care not to talk of 5months old. Children should not be used as an excuse to ruin something beautiful as marriage. If you dont want to take the child to day care cos of your own insecurities, get a maid. Gone are the days when we have sit at home mums who dont make money. Get something going. If you are in nigeria, get a chair and an umbrella and sell phone cards. There is no shame in making money leagally. Contribute to the upkeeping your your home. It is your home.

@Poster,

From your posts, seems you have problem in your marriage. You need to talk with your hubby and find out the source. It could be that he felt abadoned during and after the birth of your child. Men get jealous you know and only few know how to act on it. Have  heart to heart talk with your hubby. Go out together. Why didnt you go to the wedding with him? Really, dont see anything wrong in coming back from a wedding at 2am. depending on where you live though. There is nothing wrong with him hanging out with his guys. Let him loose a little. For my hubby, I let him hang out with his guy friends. I even organise a pizza nite at our house where the guys come over, watch football or any sport and eat pizza and drink beer while am in the bedroom watching my own show. I let them be. Try that. You get to know you hubby's friends too. Bring back the romance. Usually not easy with a child. Get a baby sitter and go out with your hubby. Make yourself beautiful. Lose that fat around the tummy. No tying wrapper. Wear sexy jeans and tops. Make yourself attractive again and go on a date with him. About you asking for money for stuff, I dont encourage that. Be your own woman and a virtuous one too. Work! From where I work, you have max of 6weeks to get back to work after child birth for which you are not paid. There is nothing like you are nursing and staying at home. Pump bre!ast milk for the child( you dont need a machine. you can use your hands), put in bottles and go out with your hubby or go back to work.  If you dont have a job, sell stuffs. You dont have to have a shop to sell. Start from your house. Sell clothing. sell phone cards. Do something. Make a little money for yourself. What happened if he walks away? How would you feed yourself and your child. Dont 100% depend on a man for money. Men get irritated when you ask for money for little stuffs. For your information, Most men dont do house chores after marriage. so, dont expect much from that angle.  I can go on too. Men are volatile. Any little thing can turn them off. Most importantly encourage him to go back to church. He is leaving cos he doesnt want his conscience pricked. Finally, pray for him and your marriage.

@all,

A house divided against itself cannot stand. We need to remove what divides us -tribalism and religion. Now is the time that a someone from the west should unite with someone from the east and those from the south with someone from the north. Unless that happens, we cannot fight the issues that face us all. Rather, we fight with one another. Remember, he who points a finger has other fingers pointing at him. Even on a networking site, ibos, yorubas and hausas would be cursing at each other. Tell me, how do we live at peace with each other when we instigate one another through the power of the internet? Our fathers fought, must we fight also? Is there nothing in Nigeria worthy to keep us united? Must we continue to blame the folly of our past leaders or rather source for a way out? Other countries like America had a civil war too. The north and the south fought. But when it comes to a united America, they forget their origin and fight for a one America. Cant we do this? Cant we for the future of Nigeria lay aside every element of tribe and religion and fight for a one Nigeria? Afterall, we live in the same area. We have people from the south living in the north and people from the north living in the south. They face same issues concerning transportation, education, politics, health etc. Dont spread hate, spread peace!

@platoon 18,

I am so disappointed in the comments you made about you using soldiers under your platoon to fight civilians. Is that the vow you made when you were sworn into the army? There should be no tribe or religion in the military but a stand to keep the vow you made on your honour to keep and protect the people of Nigeria. With your comments, I wonder what others have in mind. No wonder the police and the military are biased. If two citizens fight, who do they trust? Too bad. I dread to think of what the future is when those who swore to keep the law and protect the citizens are actually using their arms to fight the citizen.  

@others,

I believe there should be better ways to express your anger instead of inciting others who read your comments to fight people of other religions and tribes. If you want Nigeria to break up, write a letter to your representatives. Is that not why they were elected? Or, do a peaceful protest. The only thing your comments on NL or other public forums would do is just to incite people to shed more blood which does nothing but to hurt a few. I wonder how many people who were involved in the jos crisis read comments on NL.

I dont believe the contents of this article. Something else happened that nite because a lot of things are not adding up. I thot the govt said they never knew what happened and that it should be investigated? I thot the police were not aware of the crime. why would armed men tell people to lie on an express road if they didnt have any cynical reason to do that? How fast can a truck go despite the claims of the bad road for the driver not to be able to stop until after killing 19 people? Where is the driver of the bus that carried this victims? where are the surviours? What is the aim of this article anyway? Are the police not supposed to be looking for these armed men so as to avoid a repeat of this? Are they trying to blame this driver( whether he ran over them as a result of fear or was forced by the armed men to run over them). This is not the kind of investigation needed.  

May the souls of those who died that nite rest in peace.

Intelligent nonsense!

@Poster,
He is the son of his father. Besides, I think the ladies love having the kids

ochukoccna:
[size=28pt]So NOW,condoms PREVENT HIV?[/size]

It prevents HIV and other STDs. That is if it does not slip or break. It is adviceable to have HIV and STDs testing done every 6months- even if married. You may not have but what about your partner. Situations happen you know esp for guys.

lovemoi2:
dang people need to were condoms , a girl whether getting laid or not should always have at least 5condoms in her bag

i believe condom is accessible in nigeria and should be cheap too, well i dont know being that i only went to naija when i was a kid
but STD is real ooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why cant the guy have at least 5 condoms in his pockets or car. It is a unisex disease. If she no carry, why you no carry? Soon when she get pregnant, the guy would be crying out that he was trapped. The guys should be responsible as well,

echezz:
I don't think I have a need for a BB, my Nokia E71 rocks

SwtzMinx:
.bb sux. . .i d0n't need one.
>>NokIa ROckZ<<

Thanks jare. I use Nokia myself. Its simply the best

jumobi1:
All those that don't understand why Nigerians/Africans run overseas to suffer rather than suffer at home are rich and daft of just daft.
Overseas, there is something called hope. In Nigeria, there is NO hope. If i go to Nigeria now and look for a job with my foreign degree, won't i have an unfair edge over my counterpart with a Nigerian degree?
I pray for this woman. Nigeria is wack as hell and we have to fight to right it. Lets not deceive ourself that the woman would be better off in Nigeria.
She probably went from level 3 in Nigeria to level 1 in the UK but in the UK, she now has a chance of rising in level whereas in Nigeria, she would be stuck in level 3 until God knows when.

Even with a foreign degree, there is still little or NO hope of getting a job in nigeria. A lot of people have tried. In a way, I dont blame her for still staying in London. She is way better off in London. She cant have what she is having now if she returns back to nigeria. Even in the states people refuse to go back( those on status) even if offered a free tickets. A lot of people want to go back. But then, go back to do what? Even those in Nigeria are leaving nigeria to other african countries-can you imagine that. Thank God for those who have jobs in Nigeria but what about the high percentage of people who dont? Has anyone imagined how they and their kids live? There should be a way out for her. Her hubby or rather the father of her kids should be sought. God bless the man who offered his shop as a shelter for her and her kids.

Eh ya. I feel so sorry for her. I think she is trying to stick to it since her case is still pending. What a pity. It is cos of situations like this that they advice ladies to have the nos of kids they can take care of irrespective of a man. Cos a man can walk away from the wife and kids but can a mother forget her child? hmmm!. She should be looking for the hubby and ask the govt to help her get child support from the hubby. She is so lucky to have a shop. what if she never got that help? I dont want to imagine that she would be in the streets with 4 kids. pathetic. I hope they dont deny her case. I prayerfully hope they dont.

I think the article writer is writng from one point. Yes, the North is divided but against who? The south itself is divided. We have the East, the West and the niger-delta. And all of them are not ready to work together. Who amongst these divided south is ready to join force with the middle belt? The North is not united-known fact. The south is not united either. There is no one north, no one south, no one nigeria.

@shadrach77,

The woman on your post is beautiful.

Outstrip:
She did not say they sit but they LIE on the couch. So even if they lie on both ends their bodies touch each other. It is simply inappropriate. She knows it. He knows it.

My bad! How come I read lie as sitting. And to think they face each other? oh damn! I can imagine the tots going thru the mind of the guy. Girl, you know better than that. You are a woman. Women know what they want from day 1. You know quiet well what you are doing.