₦airaland Forum

Thank you for the compliments.
However it`s not like I do not agree that parents do not have favourites but not all parents.
I always came across like my dad`s favourite but I was to realise that in my deepest moments he turned his back on me. As soon as things were better I was was back in my position. Today I am being showered with blessings but I virtually had/ have to "buy" them. I wonder if it would be the same if I had nothing to offer. This type of conditional position only causes hatred amongst siblings. You get hated for being the favourite and the others grow up not feeling special.  That is why I vowed never to rate my children according to their achievements or qualities. I want to be loved in my deepest moments in my greatest fall and so I want to offer my kids the same. The worst thing one can do as a parent is to let children grow up feeling inferior or unloved. Every child deserves to grow up believing it is something special, a gift from God, unique in it`s own way. Every child needs to be taught to reach for the skies. Sorry if this is getting a bit emotional. It`s not the perfect mother writing but the hurt child.

Maclatunji, you ask some questions that are very deep. Do all my kids love me equally? I have never considered that aspect. I guess that parents love their children unconditionally, at least that´s the way it should be. My son as a teenager used to tell me he would never visit me when he leaves because I was so strict and mean. Eventually he ended up tanking me for it and he is ever present. I guess it is even normal for kids at a stage to think they hate their parents.
I guess all my kids don`t love me equally. At least i think some people can love more than others and some people cannot express love adequately. A may love you more than B but A may love 10 people more than you while B loves you more than anyone else. This question is difficult. However I can give you one answer: It does not matter if they love me more important is that I love them.

Maclatunji, I wonder if the future will prove you right
My first child is already 28 and I do not love him more than the little baby on my arms.
I hope the future proves you wrong because i would have failed in my role as a mother. Thank God for this topic, sometimes one needs to be reminded of something so important and ever present that one might get tempted to forget.

OKAY beatings and being sent packing in September 2011 the last time.
Madam when did you meet lover boy and since when has this been going on?
Was that why your husband was beating you?
Abeg late twenties with kids that talk and earning so well, just curious how that works?

When a child is stubborn and the mother seems to close an eye or be mild with that chid it is not because the child is more loved than the others but because this child might just need more understanding and patience. When we consider that some children are hyperactive, you cannot come through with constant punishment, sometimes kind words and even ignoring help more. °Kids see such things differently. I have a son that hard serious difficulties when he started school and I had to spend so much time teaching him everything after school. When this child brought home a 3 i was elated and would hug him and dance. My other kids could not understand why I did not react the same way even when they brought home their 1. In fact  would have scolded them for a 3. They must have felt I loved him more but I was only placing his yardstick according to his capabilities. It was already so hard for him because his siblings were doing much better. My other son wanted to know why i get so mad when his room isn`t tidy and do not react that way with his older sister. It was simply because at that time it was her only weak point while the boy had a handful so I was ready to indulge her. basically parents might appear to show preferences but that is not the case. They are only using different methods to handle different situations. since human beings are all so different and special you cannot as a parent apply the same yardsticks. I read one posters opinion about loving that child more who bring better note etc. I love my kids and stand by them. That is the role of a parent, especially when children face failure and defeat that is when they need their parents the most to stand by them and give them the courage to stand up and continue.

CC is absolutely right about the needs of a woman for love and attention but then to search somewhere else while still married is the wrong approach because that way you only get taken advantage of. One needs to end one relationship and give time to heal and win back self esteem before jumping into another one. Remember too that a man that woos you in another mans house and ends up having a relationship with you will always see you as being unfaithful to him even if he ends u marrying you. How can there be any thrust. I have seen so many cases of "family friends" where there was some adultery involved and believe you me that it is a very nasty experience not just for the couples but also for the children involved. These kids became friends, the friendship last into adulthood and somewhere along the line they find out that "my daddy was bleeping your mum". It leaves a nasty taste in the mouth.

Thank God you have seen the light!!!
I wish more men are granted this privilege.

Akwasi- just posted and then read your own post- great minds think alike lol

lady Winona,  you feel this relationship is improving your marriage but have you tried asking if the mans wife feels her marriage is improved?
CERTAINLY NOT. I think her marriage would function better if her husband concentrated his feelings and "understanding" on her. When a  man wants a woman he will use the most effective method and this man is doing just that. He sees a woman that has falling into the normal trap in most marriages- neglect and being taken for granted and he has capitalised on it.
You wanted advise from married posters so let this be food for your mind-
A woman who is hurt avoids men. You are not acting out  of pain but some sort of revenge or other motive like- Other men appreciate me etc.
I do but condemn you in any way, these things come up but remember that when you play with fire you get burnt and remember that there are some things when broken that can never be fixed.

I do not have a favourite child. My kids are all different and have different needs. Some simply need more attention but that does not mean you love the child more. Sometimes one has to be careful with kids because kids can be real sensitive and feel that they are not as loved as the other child.

Quite honestly I do not see the confusion.
Your first responsibility is towards your daughter. If you are confused then you do not care enough because it is your duty to stand to your child and offer her the best.
I do not even consider it correct that you have to convince your parents. They owe you an apology when they come back to their senses.

congratulations.
Zayhal is right it does stop on it`s own, breastfeeding is effective if the milk comes out fast enough. A little crying also works.

MsDarkSkin I cry with you.

Moremi, Thanks for the hint. I think I have to teach them that too!!! I mean you never knoe who they grt married to, they might want to teach their wives.

That`s one pretty girl with her head screwed on right.
She has allot of value for our tradition and is proud of her roots.
She is right a man has to woo a woman and want her for her personality.
What she is saying is absolutely in line with African tradition. When was it ever the duty of a girlfriend to cook for a boyfriend and chase after him. Those are duties she takes up as a wife. This young lady made it clear that she was ready to cook for her husband. She also sees nothing wrong in cooking for a bf if it is your absolute wish but not as a means of getting him to marry you.
One needs to listen to her without bias. Well as a mother I would be absolutely disappointed if my daughter was going contrary to this advise. That would mean no self esteem and that I have failed her.
Incidentally my boys also love cooking. It is a big time hobby in our family. At age 10 my kids can already cook and bake easy stuff and make salad.

This topic is really sad .
When I look at my kids around that age, they age just little kids in need of parental love and affection. How can any one come on the idea to exploit such helpless children.
Please original poster you need to do some rethinking, what you are considering is child abuse no matter how you package it.
I think it is possible with one child to do the housework alone conveniently.

a healthy portion of self love goes a long way!!!!
Remain true to yourself and give your partner room to do the same. True love does not clip wings but gives them room to fly.

I used to have my hair permed for many years but for some time now it`s all natural and I feel much better with it only t is allot more work. Since I have more than enough hair I never ever had extensions. My daughters also all have their hair natural and with braids but the oldest uses attachments for her braids sometimes. It may not look as nice as when all made up for some people but for me it is natural and unique.

Yes thank God it was you and that the situation was handled, as you suggested it might have ended up differently with someone taking advantage of the situation and trying to convince themselves that the boy wanted it. We have to be very careful with kids. It is obvious that the parents have committed some sins of omission where this boy is concerned. The problem with being too hard on kids is that the tend to hide things from you. I try to give my kids the confidence to confide in me but it is hard sometimes to swallow what they say and not let the conservative part spring out like a viper and attack them.

debrief, It certainly is not okay but I was just trying to get across that most times we tend to over react about such things. The boy just followed a natural instinct that had not yet been steered by parental advice.
I guess CC was right about telling your husband since it disturbed you so much and you were unable to handle the situation in such a manner as to have set you mind at ease and also at the same time educate the boy on where he went wrong. In this case it was the best case to let others handle it. I guess I should have put into consideration that you might be embarrassed or inexperienced about such situations. Anyway I am just so glad that the message was put across to him in a humane way.

He just turned 13!! That explains it. It is perfectly normal and no need for you to mention it to your husband or his parents.
That would only cause unnecessary embarrassment. The feelings he has are normal at that age and he needs to learn how to control himself in public. All you needed to have told his was that at his age it was improper to open his trouser in public. I sometimes do not understand why people make so much fuss about kids when it comes to puberty. They need to be carefully guided with love and understanding. This attitude of condemning and castigating is the wrong approach. I have very open talks with my kids as regards sex. The level depends on their age and level of understanding. Only yesterday we were watching a movie and I saw my 11 year old with his hands in his pants, "do you mind doing that when you are alone?" That was all I had to say and I think that was sufficient. I mean my boys do ask questions like why they have a hard on and what to do and if masturbation is wrong and if it is wrong to watch blue films. I try to send the message across that sex is a wonderful experience if done at the right age and with the right partner. When the conditions are not okay it is disgusting and can leave scars. I also explain to them it is an expression of love and must be respected and naturally about the risks. I think kids deserve to know that masturbation is not evil but something that needs to be done with discretion.
So now shoot me!!!

May God have mercy on her and grant her family the strength to bear the loss.
This is so sad.

If this girl wanted to make her peace with you why tell you about the other girls? She should have restricted herself to her own confession. I too believe she is trying to spite your husband.
Since you have accepted your husband as he is plead with him to use condoms, better still make sure he has a constant supply.

The truth will set you free!!!!
You should have told her as a kid as has been pointed out already. She has a right to know.
Do you know how to trace her biological father ? Because she might want to get to know him.
It would not affect her relationship with your husband but would only make her appreciate him the more. That is if you handle it the right way.

It is good to see that the poster has removed her original post. I think she has come to realise that there were simply two wrongs not making a right. We need to respect that and simply wish them both well.
It is very easy to judge based on what one writes but sometimes one has a very one sided view, especially when one is emotionally down and hurting real bad. Foriegnwife. I wish you the best in your marriage and always remember it can sometimes be a love hate carousel. The line between love and hate can sometimes be very thin but what is important is that love prevails in the end.

Not only will I allow it but I also have in the past put up not only my friends but other women in need.
What is total no go by me is a male visitor. That is only possible if he is father or direct brother. The other option- he is there with his wife. This is because I have daughters and I shall not take chances. I can live with my husband falling on a woman under my roof but I could never forgive myself if I expose my kids to any danger.
I do trust my husband and he is a decent man. I will not however put my hands in fire to vouch for any man or woman not even myself. However the other issue is that with the set up in my home it would be very hard for my husband to come on funny ideas. 10 Kids at home match any detective. More effective than BBC and CNN put together

Marriage is always a gamble sometimes the odds the chances of success are higher. This depends largely not only on the partners involved but also a lot of external factors.
I certainly do not think that you are too young. It is a personal choice you have to make.
I think Ifyalways has hit the nail on the head. Is he going to be the next Oba. If this is the case I think you have an uphill task because your partners hands will tied by the customs and traditions and you would have to play a very active role. With your background you might not be cut out for the task. If this is not the case then you do not have so much to worry about.
Remember it is better to be unhappy with a man you love than with a man you do not love.

http://news1.ghananation.com/latest-news/236251-nigerian-women-ranked-most-unfaithful-in-the-whole-world-in-new-survey.html.

I just bumped into this and was wondering. This survey cannot be representative of Nigerian women. Are we really that unfaithful? I was actually under the impression that we would be on the other end of the ranking

I am in support and would be willing to make regular donations.
However there are some appeals I have to make-

When going into a venture you should anticipate criticism, even insults. Please do not get tempted to respond in a similar tone it is not worth it.

Whatever option you choose the most important thing is to ensure that majority of the funds go directly to the needy and not on bureaucratic issues.

God bless you all!!
Far more touching than the donations for me is the fact that there are honest people out there willing to help without any personal gain or benefit. The organisers of this project I have no words to describe you efforts and the effect it has on me seeing such devotion of time and energy to help. I must confess that I was rather skeptic at the point of donating but felt it worth a try. But your transparency, total devotion and compassion has humbled me and restored my faith in the goodness of mankind.
Respect!!! and thank you.

Please Suggerdaddy how does one get pregnant from A_N_A_L s.