₦airaland Forum

Ifyalways you are right where you are right
that is one aspect °i cannot stand in mothers either. Well I never read the posters past posts and i certainly cannot judge her on what is written here but the point you make here is absolutely authentic.
Personally I invest most of my money on my kids. I do not care how much I have to sacrifice and forfiet. I brought them into this world and it is my duty to give them the best within my means.

Boarding school is certainly beneficial when parents do not have the time or skills to raise their kids. Sometimes it may be necessary if there is no good school nearby or some other reasons in the life of the child or the parents.
I however think that there are things a child has to learn in an institution and things that are learnt in the family. It would therefore not be advisable to expect an institution to perform both roles.
I love having my kids close to me and watching them grow and develop into young adults. i would not want to exchange that for anything in the world.
Everyday my kids come back from school, I want to hear all about what happened, what the learnt and what experiences they had. I also monitor their homework and besides outside school I have them attend other activities like choir or sports. The schools do offer extra activities but certainly not on a professional level.

My sister!!!!
Work and kids has a way of robbing you of time!!!

IT is relieving to see that there are still so many reasonable and compassionate people in the world. Most people when the have their first child are not as financially stable or mature as with their other kids, so the first kid often does not get what the later ones get. The do however get loads of love and attention and that is the most important thing kids need.
It is absolutely recommendable that this lady is being reasonable about the finances in the family. This is the stage to invest and grow. Sadly people who do not know how to live within their means always end up doing desperate and immoral things to make ends meet.
We also should not judge others from our own situation.
Personally I have seen so many marriages break up because of finances. Not because the money is not enough but because one partner is not willing to be reasonable about it. The only factor determining what you give out for a baby is how much you earn and not doing it because A and B did it.
I wish more women in Nigeria get as reasonable as this lady, it will certainly do Nigeria allot of good if people learn to live aaccording to their means.
Ifyalways why get so aggressive? You must be hurting real bad somewhere inside

blank i must commend you for being very reasonable. There is no need giving out money that could be used for more important things. What the hell is wrong in asking someone to come to your assistance.
This is basically the problem in Nigeria. Many people just want to live irrationally above their means.
I wonder what is wrong with getting second hand cloths for a baby? as a matter of fact. Many women who are enlightened go out of their way to get them because they say these cloths no longer contain chemicals from the production.
Poster i never had a cot and with most of my kids i did not even have a baby bed because my babies sleep with me and I realised it was just there for nothing.

Just wanted to share this with you.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5mh_sUsWN8

It is POSSIBLE to discipline a child without flogging. I am glad the question had this word possible in it. Because it what is possible is not always functional.
A wise proverb goes this way, "It is better for the child to cry than the parents to cry." While writing this my 22 month old girl climbed on her brothers bunk bed and was jumping on it.Now that`s a new idea she got into her head and obviously a dangerous one. Well since "get down" did not send the message across she got a spank on her bum. So now she cried briefly, but better her tears than my wailing over a calamity that may affect her life for ever.
My first son sometimes said I was pretty hard , latter in life he was grateful that I had been hard.
When a child reaches the age of reason there are other methods to apply even more functional than beating. When my children do something wrong, I also see it as my own shortcoming. Not only the child has failed but I too have failed in my duties as a mother. To beat the child at this stage is only a sign that I have lost control of the situation. I remember when my teenage daughter got cheeky on me. She had some friends and had seen them talk that way to their parents. I had cautioned her reminding her that I was an african woman, and as such I would not tolerate it. First warning, second warning, third warning,  and then she tried it again. I took of my top and bra and asked her to strip. Since we were now mates we could look at each other Unclad. She got a real shock and was in  real tears. Luckily for her my husband came into the room to save the situation for her. But she learnt a lesson for life.
Raising children is not an easy task. Every child is different and one has to find out which method functions on each child and apply it. God knows that if it has to be flogging, I will apply it rather than raising a child that will grow up to be a nuisance to society. Some of my kids I have never raised a finger on while some of them you can preach sermon. Here in- there out. They needed some years to understand  the spoken word.

The woman bought a house and started building a house?
Who owned the land on which the house was built and what about the documents? For a lawyer this is not a controversial case.

Well it certainly will continue to happen and even get worse at this rate. You need to insist that she apologises. As long as she gets away with it it will only get worse. INSIST on an apology and there are many ways of doing this without getting violent. That is what any sensible partner does in a relationship. as long as you do not get this straightened out your house is on fire. You have caused your mother a great deal of pain because you have not been man enough.

There just are not enough facts to be judgemental about this. The hard reality of life for some people do not allow them the luxury of making choices. What if the family does not have enough money to send the girl or her siblings to school? What happens to most girls from such homes do they not end up selling themselves on a daily basis to different men. That is a form of slavery too. Without an insight into the true situation I cannot condemn the mother outright. A hungry man has little regard for morals because he is reduced to the level of an animal. Who knows in the long run which plight would be harder for the girl.

A child has a voice from the day it is born. A baby cries when it is hungry or uncomfortable and th parents react to this signal and do the right thing. That never changes. Children are not properties of their parents but persons. It is the duty of parents to guide them and not shut them up

The problem is the couple and not the kids or their presence. My kids come to my bed and every child knows that they have the right to come to our room at night. What difference does that make to the relationship between the woman and the man. If we need our privacy, we can leave our room and go somewhere else. Sometimes I go to the kids room and when they sleep I go back to my room. In the morning I go back to their room so they think I spend the night there. It also does not happen every day that the kids come to us.
Basically when a man and woman have the urge. They will look fort a way to satisfy it and sleeping children cannot prevent that. The woman and man could have left the kids sleeping and spent time by themselves.

There are reputable agencies and lawyers in Nigeria that handle adoptions. You need to make the contacts. One requirement however is that the couple have to spend about 2-3 months in Nigeria. The standards are the normal ones.

o guys please calm down!!!!'
This topic should not go down with insults because it could be quite helpful.- It also does not necessarily belong in the health section. If you have the problems or have a kid with this problem you will realise just what kind of impact it can have on ones life.
My son had this problem till he was about 14. It started suddenly when he was about 12 again because he was being mobbed at school. All the doctors advise and even medication could not help. When he started to feel better at school it also stopped. It was really terrible for him because the younger ones would laugh when they found out and he keep having to hide the sheets. We also never let any of his friends visit, so they do not find out. The most terrible times where when he had to travel with his school or choir. The horror of having to hide it from his friends.

I do not think he is up to anything. He could easily hide it from you if there was something to hide. His calls are actually none of your business, even a married man has a right to his privacy. I think you should have more confidence in yourself and your marriage.

Chairover, that is a nice one and I think I shall be coming back to read up this advice when next I get this feeling to twist someone's neck.

Being a full time house- wife is something every woman should do. There is nothing as fulfilling as concentrating on your family and kids especially when there is a baby in the house.
However the major issue is - for what duration?
As long as the woman can cope, then she can get back on her feet and get occupied. I personally need to have some money of my own that I do not have to account for and that I can give out without feeling bad about it. Besides job gives you sense of fulfilment and contact with the outside work.
My work colleagues always found it funny when I told them that work was for me time out from the kids and more like a break from work.

Do not circulate you life around the man. The best way to give a man space is to have a fulfilled life. When you spend the time you ought to on your career, social, spiritual and family life and naturally your hobbies the relationship works out much better. Even when in love each person needs to maintain his own identity, dream his own dreams and fulfil them. The key words are however - compromise and tolerance.

Hair style is no big problem. It can be reverted very easily. Certainly much better than a tattoo. So I do not think there is course for alarm. With time as he has to get a job or go for interviews etc. he will realise on his own that the time has come to get rid of the style. However that would depend on the line he chooses.
Most young people need to make a statement about themselves with their appearance at that age. It is a way of him expressing himself and the need not to totally conform or be stereotype. A healthy process of mental growth. You should not deny him this metamorphosis.
You should be the first to give him the answer he is searching for- A man shall not be judged by his looks, Martin Luther,

It is possible and not as complicated as one might think.
Important is where the marriage took place. If it was in Nigeria the court will simply apply Nigerian law. The Nigerian Law is similar to the Law in UK. Important is that the marriage has broken up irretrievably.
However what might take some time is the notice that has to be given to the wife. Since she is in Nigeria this will be done through the embassy and she will be served the notice.
Neither the law in Nigeria nor in the UK stipulates that the other party has to consent with the divorce. I do not even think it is wise for you to let the divorce take place in Nigeria because that would be more complicated for you.

well she is such a sweet and cute girl, As a man I would be taken in by her immediately. i have taken the time to watch some of her clips and she sounds like a young woman proud of her roots and yet with self esteem. She is absolutely right in everything she is saying. Well almost everything. In the good old days women were proud and men wooed them. Now it is not always the case. I bet she would be a great wife and mother. And she does have something about her that is very refreshing,

Good advise in this case is difficult. I can feel you pain and I reach out to you as one woman to another. Please do not despair God will take control. Sometimes we have difficult loads to bear but it will come to pass. What do you feel like doing staying or leaving the marriage. That decision is entirely yours to make. I think only then can people advise you on how to go about it.

with my big baby I felt like a tree being split in two. It was not the head that was the problem but the whole body. Normally it is head out and the rest is done but this one it was gradual push all the way and I kept on screaming "take it out ". He was so big that no one in the hospital could believe he was new born. He still is a very big size. With 11 size 42 shoes.

Is it true love by all other marriages?

My smallest was 3,4 kg. My biggerst 4,9kg

Please does anyone know what a live goat costs in the east? Thanks

Dear poster.

If you are miserable get a divorce.
You need no reason. It is clear you never wanted this marriage.

In practice:
when one partner is fasting the other shows consideration.
One can cook after breaking the fast and the other partner can warm up the food and eat discreetly.
I mean even when we are fasting the kids still get to eat their food. I make sure I just have to warm up during the day so the house does not smell of food.

My kids attend religion classes in school, sing in church choirs and sometimes go to church, yet we raise them as Moslems. The exposure to Christianity is only an advantage and also makes sure that they are raised with tolerance and knowledge of other religions.

@ poster i think it might be safer to agree in which religion the kids are raised while allowing them exposure to the other religion. They may opt for a change later but that helps them to identify themselves.

Unfortunately religion is an issue of you either belong or you do not.

@ Poster

Please can you answer just one question?

You are married 5 years. Had a kid after 2 years and your kid has a lesson teacher

You do not need the consent of parents for a registry marriage.
All you need are witnesses.
Now I believe that this marriage has no "significance" in the sense that it cannot compensate for a traditional or church marriage but it binds legally and it certainly sends a very clear signal to everyone.
You could try going with her to a registry to enquire and see how she reacts.

Now as regards your parents,

Take a few of your friends, preferably some married ones and go to meet them. Try making sure that some relations attend if possible.
Go formally and appeal to them once more.
With family and friends there, you might get a different reaction.