₦airaland Forum

that is in Lagos?
How then can I mail her the password?

Jenifa, marriage no easy OH!!!
It takes patience and maturity. any women will not admit just how hard it can get but at the end of the day you have to take the good with the bad.
Flak please stop trying to justify yourself but look rather for ways to make it wok. It is not about right or wrong but about making it work.
The strategy I use in my home is that I show my husband allot of love and really pet him. When he hurts me I withdraw into my shell and avoid him. Do not sleep in the room and do not stay in the same room with him. That gets him thinking.
But everyone is different.
Learn to let go of things, You are still bearing too many grudges.That does not help things. Stay away from wrong advice. Now that you are torn emotionally you could be led astray.
I can sit down and think about all the things my husband did and pile one on the other. I get so mad, sometimes I call him even at work and tell him I want a divorce. He is used to that now and just laughs. Other times I think about all the wonderful things about him and call him and tell him he is the best. You have to steer your emotions in the right direction. Whenever you think about something he did to hurt you also think about something good he did.
At the end love overcomes.

Blazay,
has spoken the truth.
Nothing more to be said. Yes they have a right to insist on the child being brought back.

Western Union
one needs the name, Address
Please give the complete details and how we can sent the details across.

Maybe someone here whom many of us know can help verify the story.

No wonder!!!!
My kids complain that i keep telling everyone all the bad things they did.
I just can`t help it either. Maybe I have a problem

When a woman leaves her married home in such a situation, she does not move to friends but to her parents or at the worse family.
My dear poster you did something very wrong and provocation is a terrible thing that sometimes takes the better of many a decent man.
What did you expect your husband to think? Possible too that it is a friend he does not approve of. You also played a very wrong pat here.
Now I think not only your husband let`s his imagination get the better of him. You too might have that fault. Your daughters health condition, sad as it is, is probably in no way related to the beating he gave you.
Yes your husband has a right to be mad, when you drop of someone. Married women have been known to have affairs. You would have been just as mad.
I think you need to stop involving too many people in your marriage and learn how to be a woman and treat your man like a man!!!Stop taking hi for granted and give him some more respect. I think he only wants you not working because he is afraid of loosing you.
As for the abuses, learn to deal with them maturely.
Once my husband made the bad mistake of mentioning the word ashawo to me. I was so happy because he had given me a joker to crush him. That night when he approached me in bed, i told him to pay first."Ashawo no be free." I kept using that word that he came on is knees pleading for forgiveness.
So very important get your husband to trust you and start respecting him.

welcome new citizen of the world.
May God guide you all the days of your life so that you remain always upright and fearful of the lord. May you became a light that brings warm, love and inspiration to all who ever come your way.
Congratulations parents and always remember, a child is not a possession but only giving to you as custodians by the lord, so you rise him in the lords way.

Please just let us know how we can send the money across from Europe. How about western Union or the likes. Someone can then pay it into the account there.
This woman needs help and prayers.
May God stand her by.

Legally you will have little or no chance. The property is not in your name.
I think your best bet will be to try and seek an amicable solution, That way he will hopefully help to maintain his child.
Bitterness,anger and hate will do both of you and the kid no good. Far more important than the inheritance is a child having contact to his father.
Work on maintaining a good father and child relationship and the rest will come on it`s own.
A man that loves his child wil always take care of that child with or without an order of court.
Sorry, you had to find out the hard way.

This story could be very true.
I had that problem with a lecturer once. From 100 level i pulled his course till final year. With resits I had taken that paper6 times and it was easy. When I eventually went to meet him, he told me point blank that I had wasted too much time, he had been waiting patiently for me to come and render my dues.
He was not the only lecturer.
It is hard to prove such things.
You stand there and are confronted with either doing it or bearing the consequences.
@poster you are a good father. I know you will find a way of advising your daughter. Believe you me some parents will ask the girl to do it.

jennykadry:
Lol mutter my dad is like that, does not eat soup that is 3 days old ooo. So you cook like almost every other day?


@CC
That rice no dey here oooo

@Outstrip

Does your hubby like swallow food? ( eba,fufu and co)

Yes that is the problem I have, constantly cooking.
But now my family is so large. 12 mouths when no one stops by, so cooking for more than two days is not possible. Two large a volume. These food monsters can devour 3 kg os Spaghetti in a day .Rice is just as bad.
I need to fry like 3-4 chicken at a time. It is real work.

It is very possible that his family don`t want it. Allot of bad experiences in bi national marriages are to blame.
Very often families are against the choice for one reason or the other.
If you both love each other, he can convince his family with time.
Just the same way many whites don`t want their kids bringing home a black partner.
Don`let that worry him.
If that guy really want`s to he can remain with you.
Hope he is for real?

The problem I have is that my husband does not eat food from the freezer. Once the stew or soup is more than two days it is old
I cook the Nigerian food and my kids cook the other things. I really would never on my own accord even make spaghetti.
I cook when I feel up to eat and sometimes it has to be things that go really fast. I also cook pretty fast and clean up after me.When my SIL comes to visit she spends the whole day in the kitchen cooking that really baffles me. Only time you can get me cooking so long is when I am cooking for a function.

do they go to school at age 0-4

There are some women that men get quickly attracted to. It has nothing to do with colour.
It may also not be a compliment that men make such comments. They may just see you as being cheap.
Actually you should be fine with it, that people do not compliment you so often. Are you a dress on a clothing rack for sale.
You do not know how terrible it is when men keep trying to get under your skirts. It is so frustrating and painful. Everywhere you go, school, job, etc. All these men want is to lay you. There where times when I was younger I really wished myself to be really ugly. At a very young age men were already making advances. m
I just wanted people to see me for what I am and not my body or my looks.
Be happy with what God gave you

There is true love but you still have to make your marriage work.
I cannot expect my husband to remain in the marriage because he loves me , yet I behave like an ass.

What better way to learn, than from copying
You have said it all.
A child between 0-4 learns from copying.
Besides later these children grow up.
Toddlers they remain for just a twinkle of an eye.

please do not take this out on the girl, she is a victim and not an offender.
You have a chance to bring life and hope into her life and make her have faith in life again.
Life has been hard on her.
What she went through is nothing for you to hold against her.
I see a girl hurt and in need of care and love.
She is a good girl because these experiences have been tormenting her.
Give her a chance because she may have so many other qualities that make her a real woman.
She will always appreciate and love you for it.
There are so many young girls out there that are good at heart but life has dealt them this blow of putting them on the hard recieving end.
You can change a life.
Get her medical attention and then give her love and protection that she has lacked.

Sorry siblings are involved as well.
Anyone who has more than one kid, knows that the younger ones learn so much from the older ones.
Where there are two or more kids together, they learn to share the even learn how to have disagreements and make compromises. This is something that parents cannot teach.
This has to be learnt amongst peers.
The older ones learn to take responsibility for the younger ones and the younger ones have someone to look up to who understands them sometimes better than the parents do.
Children understand certain things better than adults do.
Children also can open the parents eyes to something they overlooked in the another child.
I had a son that was being mobbed in his new school. Because he is not so outspoken, he could not express to me the gravity. Thank God I had two other kids in the school already, they were able to let me see exactly what was going on.

Jas man if the man did not plan for the pregnancy, he should have used a condom.
They both had this thing going together.
She stood up and took responsibility, the man did not.
He has abandoned two kids.
That is not a man.

okay!
You need to go test yourself and the girl and we can take it from there.
Do not cry, it is the plight of most girls. This one was being honest and she needs your help-
Have it in your heart to accomodate her. she was only an abused child

Your husband is a very young man and he goes out there in search of fun.
He loves you but he wants his fun.
All you need to do is have more fun waiting for for him at home.
You are a woman , and at you age i do not think I need to educate you on how to seduce a man and make him dangle out his tongue.
You may be pretty but frigid. maybe after years of marriage you take those things for granted and are living like an old married woman.
Drop this role of nagging wife and mother and take up another role.
Try opening the door in some sexy outfit and give him a night he can`t forget and watch him running home the next night for more.

I guess you know that one of the major problem of the youths today is that more and more homes are relying on the schools and other structures to raise their kids.
Raising a kid and teaching social skills is one of the fundamental functions of the family.

Nnekai,
I must congratulate you.
You are a very strong woman with a great sense of principle and you also are a very good woman.
You chose life instead of death and God bless you for that.
Most people may come here and condemn you. Just shrug it of. How many of them have not had abortions before.
You wrote something that really impressed me.
That you would not use one wrong to correct another and I hope many women that read this will learn from you.
Your children are a blessing from God, a gift for you.
God sometimes works in mysterious ways.
A woman that decides to give birth to a child alone, should be encourage and praised.
For anyone criticising her : you are a reason why so many unborn babies are killed.
Most women commit abortion because they cannot face such criticism.
I pray that God will dry any tears you may have cried through these children.
Today they are weak but soon the will be big and strong and comfort you.
The only shameful person in this picture is the man that abandoned his kids.
It is a mans responsibility to ensure that he has safe sex, even more than the woman I would say.
Because the man too does not have the option of abortion and also may not be able to play a role in the childs life.
I really wonder why anyone should put this responsibility on the woman alone.

How can a mother want to bear a child and then leave it with the father at such a tender age?.
This woman is not ready to be a wife and neither is she ready to be a mother.
She just got married and wants to have kids because she is on some kind of ego trip.
What a bitch!!
Sorry i hardly react this way but this is the limit.

There are advantages and disadvantages of growing up as an only child.
The advantage of being an only child, is that one can invest everything one has in one child. In this case this does not apply because there is more than one child. In fact it could even get more expensive because it`s like starting everything twice all over again.
The other advantage is that one has more time for one child. This does not apply because here there is more than one kid. Whoever thinks that children are more work, when they are younger, does not really know what comes along with children.
Small children, small problems. Big children, big problems.
I have smaller kid`s and I can tell you they do not occupy me as much as the big ones. Compare changing diapers , with problems like bad grades or kids getting into bad company.
When there is more than one child and the age gap is not so big, they keep each other company and learn from one another. Nothing like having a big brother or sister in the same school.
Apart from that, such children have better social competencies. The learn to share and relate better.
With one child it is difficult to be firm sometimes while when you have more than one you find it easier to say no and stick to it.

ZIM DRILL, what I meant is that when the gap is too big, each kid grows up like an only child.

a two to three years gap is ideal. what would you think is right. Having kids with too long a gap in between is almost like raising two single children

In this particular case, you would be wise to back off.

Get everything ready at night, at least as much as possible.
Wake up earlier.
Get your kids and husband to do more for themselves.
Not to worry, most moms feel this way

Once upon a time:
THE AFRICAN MAN was a provider and a protector.
What is the african man today?
When the position of a king becomes merely ceremonial, what do you expect?
Some citizens will not accord the king any respect, while some may do so merely to maintain tradition.
Certainly you cannot expect blind submission from all.

I understand Mama Gee.
It is tactless and arrogant.
I personally do not like to brag about my kids. This world is full of people who do not mean you well and it is better not to ring your bell too loud.
I also don`t even like to emphasise one kid because my other kids may feel bad and some kids have more talents than others or do better.
Well if something like that is happening why don`t you tell her honestly that you have had enough and that your daughter will have to move at her own tempo.
Everyone has their talents and much later those doing well, may not do so well and the dull ones will exhale.
A real friend motivates her friend with her kids and does not make her go feeling bad by comparing with hers.
I have a daughter that now wins awards for school work but initially she was just average. Somewhere at about 15 she just got this drive from nowhere.
I remember with 13 i was still having to go to her friends to see what they had written and get her to update her work because she just was not working in the class. She was very miserable because she was being mobbed and could not speak up for herself.
Meanwhile a son that was always the best in class, suddenly at about 10 got so lazy that it was a "let my people go" situation. Last year he was only promoted on trial. I think that gave him a shock because now he is climbing up. Certainly he will need much time to get to the top again.
I had a friend that was a total lazy guy and did nothing in school, today his company is doing so well. He is doing much better than his siblings that got fantastic grades.
You cannot brag about a journey till you get to the end.
Don`t let it bother you.
All you have to do is try and get out the best you can from your kids.
A son of mine is hyper and gets real bad notes. The day I picked him up and he showed me his 3 in maths. He was 9 then, I jumped and hugged him and was so excited.
One mother came to me and asked me what he got, when I told her she looked at her son and said her son wrote a 1-2. I laughed and told her, my sons note was much better because we worked so hard for it and it was his best note ever in maths.
That note made me happier than all the 1`s and 2`s my other kids ever showed me.
Another daughter that was always getting good notes, she is just averagely intelligent but very hard working, suddenly she just changed. Dancing all over the place and not in the mood for school work. That has reflected this term in her work. So now I am sitting on her and hope we can turn the table round again.
Most people think my kids are doing so well because they go to good schools and have activities they attend like choir and dancing etc, but behind that facade there is allot of trials and failures, frustration and mistakes too.
It is only fair to be open when advising a friend  and make the friend see the other side not just the glitters.