₦airaland Forum

She get time.

Dictate the notes and geddifok!

Or make photocopies and sell it to them. Be sure to call it handouts , though. These secondary school kids looove to feel mature.

It's time for GWR to ban Africans.

Telling Nigerian girls to avoid multiple sexual partners is like telling Nigerian politicians NOT to loot.

It's a waste of time.

These idiots need to shut up and read their books.

To begin with, most of the people making threats against Nwabali are jobless social media miscreants who'll NEVER meet him face to face.

Anyone of them who's lucky enough to meet him would quickly realize the virtue of "mechionu" because Nwabali is a 6'4" giant.

Do nonsense and receive premium violence.

Finally, there are probably more Nigerians with businesses in South Africa than South Africans with businesses in Nigeria.

So, NANS needs to shut up!

If my partner cheated, she's no longer my partner.

Demons at it again.

You committed a crime. Rather than pay for your crimes, you committed an even BIGGER crime.

Nigerians need a comprehensive tutorial on how to be humans.

A couple of days ago, a post made it to front-page asking what is better than sex. This post is an answer to that.

Here's a list of 10 things that can bring you more pleasure than sex:

1. FOOD

Most people in Nigeria don't know this because we ONLY eat to SURVIVE in this country but food can be extremely pleasurable.

You'll taste some foods and flavours will burst in your mouth like you're eating a rainbow. First you'll taste each flavour, then you'll taste the harmony they create.

Eating a good food is like being under the anointing, you'll not know when you'll start speaking in tongues.

Food = orgasms that leaves you feeling filled.

2. PEACE OF MIND

When you have genuine peace of mind, nothing else matters. All the troubles of life do not faze you.

Having peace of mind feels like you have a solid ball of light in your chest. A ball that is unbreakable and unshakeable.

The moment you start losing your peace of mind, you'll feel small pieces of that ball breaking off and bouncing around in your chest.

Lose your peace of mind and you'll feel that ball in millions of pieces all bouncing around frantically in your chest.

Peace of mind is a sweet feeling that sex can NEVER replicate.

3. EXTREME COMPETENCE

By extreme competence, I mean being the indisputable champion at what you do. What you do doesn't even matter, as long as you are the best at it.

When people are stunted by a problem and they can only think "if only X was around, he'd fix this problem in 5 minutes."

That feeling of being the solution man/woman and knowing it is better than having sex while on drugs.

I mean, they could wake you up at 3 AM and you'll still be able to solve the most difficult problem in your field.

Or...

You could be dropped on an Island where you don't speak the language and you'll still be able to deliver.

Extreme competence is so powerful that people who witness it partake in a communal orgasm.

Football fans can attest to this.

4. EARNING IN DOLLARS WHILE LIVING IN NIGERIA

Earning in dollars while living in Nigeria is like playing a game where you have the cheat codes.

As the exchange rate plummets, you just watch your salary or income increase. The exchange rate gets worse but your money gets better.

When people complain about the Forex crisis, you just chime in so you'll not look like an asshole.

5. CATCHING YOUR HOLY NEIGHBOUR FORNICATING

This feeling is something else.

Sex does not come close to that feeling when you catch your prayer warrior neighbour who has been disturbing you with unsolicited sermons in a brothel or just driving at an ass like he's trying to drive out demons.

You don't even need to tell him that you know. You just listen to his sermons with big smile on your face.

That feeling!


6. GETTING A SURPRISE GIFT

On birthdays, anniversaries, graduations and other celebrations; gifts are expected. It gets worse because some of the gifts may even disappoint you.

But when you get a gift out of nowhere and when you're definitely NOT expecting it, your face lights up like a christmas tree. You'll feel good about yourself.

7. LISTENING TO GREGORIAN'S VIVA LA VIDA ALONE IN A DARK ROOM WITH A GOOD SOUND SYSTEM

All I can say is don't try this at home.

The feeling is like feeling your soul lifted out of your body and dropped on another plane of existence.

Your mind will expand and you'll marvel that humans could create such a masterpiece. You'll feel the need to contribute to humanity.

Sex is nothing compared to this.

8. HAVING A GOOD CONNECTION WITH A STRANGER YOU JUST MET

When you meet a stranger and you connect so deeply with them it feels like you've known them forever.

You'll talk and talk for hours and you'll still not run out of things to say to each other.

This feeling is even more pure when you are NOT usually a talkative or social person.

And it gets even more sublime when you factor in the factor in the fact that it can be between two people of the same sex with no ulterior motives.

9. MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH

It's a powerful feeling when you make people laugh. Especially in Nigeria where everyone is angry and frustrated ALL THE TIME.

That feeling when you elicit a genuine, sudden and involuntary laughter from someone for something you did or said is something that sex does NOT come close to.

It's like you made that happen. You went to battle with Nigeria and you won.

10. FIRST LOVE

Ooh lah lah! This feeling is on another level entirely!

You come innocent and unguarded into a new love relationship. You love them "to the moon and back" and they love you so much they say you are "the pillar of their life".

This feeling has you walking on clouds all day, everyday. Your feet does not touch the ground.

Your day brightens up when you hear their voice. Everything is right in the world when you just hold their hands.

Also, they can make your week by just saying these 3 words "I love you".

This feeling is even more INTENSE because you know you do the same thing for them that they do for you.

Oh! The butterflies and electricities! That feeling!

No other feeling even comes close. Sex is NOTHING compared to it. It's no surprise that nobody forgets their first love. Ever!

This one is NOT on Super Eagles. It's on STUPIDITY.

Celebrating a win in the semi-finals is not an excuse to drive against traffic. That's illegal!

Don't pin this on SEs.

Bitch, save you breath!

Unless you want Nwabali to save it for you when he gets back.

Tinubu and Cardoso have made another HUGE mistake.

Fools are tightening the noose around banks receiving Forex inflow when there are LITERALLY tons of other ways to receive your money.

No one will use banks to receive money with their nonsense exchange rates when there are better options out there.

Cardoso is a prime example of an extremely inspired idiot.

Imagine creating more hurdles for receiving Forex when the country is already groaning about NOT receiving any Forex in the first place.

That's like pouring MORE water on a drowning man.

Tinubu has no idea what to do with Nigeria. He's too proud and too nepotistic to get people who can help him out of the mess he's created.

Importing more terrorists into your already troubled state?

Pray for Ekiti.

The IGP said in the last seven weeks since the last Conference, the Force has attained noteworthy milestones in curtailing crime rates throughout the country. This achievement is attributable to the strategic blend of proactive policing, intelligence-led operations and community engagements as advocated by the Force leadership.

This is where I stopped reading.

302 people were brutally murdered.
172 people were kidnapped.
111 ARMED robberies were committed.

All these in LESS than a month's. But somehow, the NPF counts this as evidence of "proactive policing".

302 people lost their lives to murderers since the year began and it's a WIN in the books of NPF.

That's how USELESS the Nigerian Police have become!

It gets worse when you consider the.fact that these stats are just the ones "reported" in a country that keeps lousy records.

I'm very sure NOTHING less than 1,000 people have been killed in Nigeria this year.

Very useless ENTITY!

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This is why Nigeria is DYING!

The families of these criminals will know that a member of their family is a criminal but they'll NOT care.

As long as they get to partake in the illicit gains, they'll NEVER care.

It has gotten to a point where people speak of Yahoo Boys with admiration instead of DISGUST. Some family member will see you with a laptop and ask you with hope written all over their face whether you are a Yahoo Boy.

These criminals have family who love, support and encourage their lives of crime. Best way to tackle the spread of crime in Nigeria right now is to go after the family, friends, girlfriends and sidechicks of EVERY known criminal.

Super Eagles are the new unknown gunmen.

Amotolongbo:
motigbesonal speaker, something reasonable like what?

Today, I have seen the peak of humanity!

US need to investigate what's going on with their aircrafts and pilots 'cause this is getting ridiculous.

Still the best in the world, though.

pansophist:
NGOs in Nigeria are mostly for eye service, public extortion, virtue signaling, photoshoots, being in the spotlight, and to deceive themselves that they are a positive force in society.

Just like social media have seen an upsurge of low-grade skit makers, NGOs also underwent such evolution. The media attention is more important than humanitarian work. You won't see these NGOs in cases where there is no media coverage.

Doubt me? call any of these NGOs and report that there is a brutalization of kids down your street, and see if they would come.

What this particular NGO did is disgusting and illegal. It's extortion and blackmail.

Also, the amount and manner they opted to secure the money is laughable. A Fixed deposit of #2M is going to lose half its value before the next 5 years.

Just goes to show how DUMB the people operating the NGO are. Plus, it shouldn't even be about money in the first place.

It should be about consequences and justice.

Given how battered the girl looks, future medical complications is NOT out of the question.

But I'm sure the NGO is done now that they have the pictures they need to raise more money for themselves.

A small child was viciously BRUTALIZED by an evil woman. The girl is probably not more than 9 years old yet the EVIL woman hit her on the head with so much FORCE both her eyes are swollen.

The only time you'll see eyes that swollen is after an unlucky boxer had been in the ring with Tyson Fury.

Blows to the head are very DANGEROUS. So, there's a possibility of future medical complications due to the assault on this little child.

But it gets worse.

A USELESS NGO got involved in the case. Rather than prosecute the DEMON that did this, they have chosen to extort her.

They claim to be doing it for the child (#2M in a fixed deposit account for the child). But it's still EXTORTION because they're threatening her with legal actions unless she does that.

So the consequences she'll face for BATTERING a child is a #2M non-enforceable fine and a signed statement that she'll not take in an underaged maid.

That's not justice. That's a fucking joke.

Children are harmless and defenseless. They should be PROTECTED at all costs. People who hurt kids should NEVER be allowed to roam free. They are NOT humans.

It gets even worse because the woman who did this is a NURSING mother. One would think, she should know better.

Back to NGO.

Their license needs to be revoked. Extortion is not a viable tactics. The evil woman could choose not to pay and NOTHING will happen.

The only thing the NGO achieved is a photoshoot and a comical contribution of #30k.

Returning the kid to the parents who pawned her off in the first place is also VERY bad. Only poor and useless parents who CANNOT take care of their kids give them away as maids in the first place.

The useless parents will likely pawn the kid off to another demon as soon as the dust settles on this case.

Solutions

1. Anambra State Government needs to get involved ASAP. First, to take the brutalized girl from her useless parents. Then, to jail the parents for child trafficking. Finally, to jail the woman who abused the child until she can be properly prosecuted.

2. Anambra State Government needs to jail the husband for being an accessory to the assault of a child or something like that until he too can properly be prosecuted.

3. Anambra State Government needs to adopt the abused kid and the newborn kid of the arrested abusers.

4. Anambra State Government needs to go AFTER the useless NGO for using shady tactics. Their license must be revoked and their CEO should be arrested.

Nigeria is too lenient on crimes, that's why people misbehave and commit TERRIBLE crimes like it's the most natural thing ever.

Jail a mofo for 10 years for throwing sugar wraps on the street and no mofo will EVER do that again.

The best way to get Nigeria back on track is to START punishing ALL criminals with HEFTY punishments that far outweighs their crimes.

Nigeria has been under a siege for a while now, yet these FAT FOOLS did nothing.

I like this man.

He's not mincing words. If your wife bleeps up, find a side chick to Bleep.

By the way, the explanation suggests MASTURBATION does the same thing.

So if you have no wife or side chick, XVideos can help you prevent prostate issues.

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atiku4President:
You keep carrying first class on your head till hunger will finish you. First class is like a woman's beauty that does not guarantee dream marriage.

You promote an ABOMINATION for President because of peanuts, I don't.

We are not the same.

People with no First Class Degree are very quick to shit on people with a First Class Degree.

They assume First Class graduates must know EVERYTHING under the sun. When they don't, they point and shame them.

They talk about 3rd class graduates that have achieved great success. But they never talk about the First Class graduate that have achieved even GREATER success because it's expected. They don't talk about the 3rd class graduates that have been working jobs of #10k/month for the past 5 years.

For instance, you can tell this VC is NOT a First Class graduate.

Imagine wailing about NOT being interested in First Class degrees then citing an example that points to PUNCTUALITY.

Like how the fuccck does First Class and punctuality relate to each other if not because of envy and bitterness he has against First Class graduates.

First Class graduates out there, hold your heads up even if you're still struggling to succeed after graduation. You ALREADY have something this VC doesn't.

Demons.

You don't need to cast and bind them at a vigil. They are the neighbours you see. They are your uncles, aunties, wives, siblings and friends.

What kind of a SICK FUCcCk thinks how can I punish this little, defenseless child that's completely reliant on me and then decides to insert a hot knife inside the CHILD?

Only a DEMON.

ALSO, people need to STOP having children if they'll NOT be there to raise them. Or they CANNOT afford to raise kids.

It's DEMONIC to subject kids to poverty. Use condoms instead.

Edun is a silly man.

Imagine a Minister talking all over the place without addressing the core issue - bandits tearing their way through farmlands and through farmers and their families.

You supply grains and fertilizers? To be used where? On the same farms that criminals are just waiting to slaughter farmers and rape their wives and daughters.

Edun is a VERY silly man.

It took the German Minister to point out the INSECURITY issues. Edun was just hitting USELESS talking points he thinks is needed to get Germany to sign the MoU and release the funds for him and his boss to EMBEZZLE.

Silly man.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

Nigerian hospitals are USELESS. If it's not malaria, they can't do ANYTHING for you.

You must complete the journey you've started. Honour the memory of your mother. Pursue the citizenship of the country you reside in with vigour to make sure that NIGERIA never have the opportunity to hurt you again.

Sorry about your loss.

One thing Buhari got right:

The First Lady belongs in the kitchen and the other room.

By the time I looked back, I saw my fellow obas in the pool of their blood.

The Alara of Ara-Ekiti, aka FLASH, has spoken.