₦airaland Forum

No i wont.

You obviously aren't in alot 'a pain 'cos if you was, you would really get that massage irrespective of the gender of the masseuse/masseur

[size=16pt]I know that this is the romance section BUT this made Us laugh in the office so i decided to share. . . . .[/size]




New Rules of Air travel for People of Nigerian Origin in the United States

1.       Do not go to the toilet for the whole duration of your flight.

2.       Do not carry any kind of container into the airport, or onto the plane.

3.       Do not request for a window seat. Do not ask to sit in the aisle. Any request for specific seating may be indications of a premeditated plot.

4.       If you are given food during the flight, ask the flight attendant not to give you cutlery.  A Nigerian with a sharp implements on a plane is asking to be arrested.

5.       Do keep your hands in plain sight during the flight. Do not look too happy or too sad.

6.       Do not be too polite to flight attendants.

7.       Do not be aggressive or have aggressive thoughts toward flight attendants

8.       Try not to have any form of carry-on luggage. If you do, make sure it contains nothing suspicious or dangerous like pens, pencils, paper, or a calculator, as these are common bomb making materials.

9.       Do not carry any electronic items that may be used to communicate with the Taliban ,or used for surveillance, like cell phones, iPods, walkmans, electric toothbrushes or cameras.

10.    NEVER travel with your laptop computer.

11.   Never travel if you have any kind of tribal marks. That includes the small marks you have managed to cover with facial hair.

12.   Do not travel to the U.S if you are an engineer, if you have ever lived in London, or if your father is a banker.

13.   Do not talk to other Nigerian on the same flight as you. It makes other people nervous.

14.   Do not ask to be upgraded to first class or business class. Sitting too close to the front of the plane makes the pilot nervous.

15.   Never admit to your fellow passengers that you are Nigerian. If asked, say you are from the Republic of Zamunda in East Africa.

16.   When you are getting onto the plane, do not even glance at the cockpit.

17.   Women, do not wear wigs, weaves or hair pieces. Any form of disguise is suspicious.

18.   Take a cold shower before coming to the airport. Sweating and scratching yourself is a sign of nervousness. Why are you nervous?

19.   Do not fart on the plane. Noxious smells might indicate you have bomb making chemicals hidden in your underpants.

20.  Do not go home with the free magazines in the plane. Yes, it says “free”, but that is just a test. Leave the plane with those magazines and you’ll be arrested.

21.   Wear clean underwear and be ready for a full body/cavity search.

22.    Do not carry any potentially dangerous or toxic substances onto the plane like toothpaste, cough mixture, bottled water, mouthwash, lipstick, chewing gum or baby formula.  Make sure your baby’ diapers are empty.

23.   Do not get angry with fellow passengers, for any reason, even if it’s their fault. You will still be arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay.

24.   Do not travel by air into, out of, or across the U.S if you are Muslim.

Muslim is defined as :

a.       Any person with a suspicious name like Mohammed, Fatal, Fatima, Barrack or Ibrahim, or if your last name starts with El-, Al-, or Abdul-. All Nigerian Alhajis, Alhajas, Alfas and Imams are forbidden from entering U.S airspace

a.       Anyone that has ever entered a mosque.

b.      Anyone that knows what a mosque is.

c.       Anyone that dresses in long flowing garments.

d.      Anyone that has a beard.

NOTE: If you converted from Islam to Christianity, you are still classified as Muslim.

 

25.       Always travel with some kind of proof that you are a Christian. Preferably always travel with your pastor.

26.      Do not attract attention to yourself. Do not drive to the airport in your Mercedes or Honda like a typical Nigerian. Instead, drive an American car like Pontiac or Chevy. You may be mistaken for an American. Or Haitian.

27.       Do not ask to drink soda, tea or coffee in the airport or on the plane. Always ask for alcohol to prove you are not a Muslim.

28.       Do not travel by air in the U.S if you have ever had a parking ticket, extra-marital affairs, stolen stationary from your office, or if you have ever exceeded the speed limit. This is a sign of severe subversive terrorist behavior.

27.       Do not travel on or around Christmas day or on September 11th. Avoid travelling on or around Easter, Thanks Giving , Independence day or New year’s Day. Avoid traveling on Muslim holidays. Avoid air travel in the summer or winter. (NOTE: no specific reason, its just to piss you off)

28.       YORUBA people please!!! Do not prostrate to greet your elders at the airport. People may  think you are dodging bullets or protecting yourself from a bomb blast.

29.       NEVER, EVER carry any kind of Nigerian food onto a US aircraft.

30.       Wearing agbadas, head ties, wrappers, danshikis, etc to the airport is not recommended. They make you look very un-American, and therefore potentially dangerous.

31.   Do not act like a typical Nigerian for the duration of the flight. This includes speaking any language other than “American English”.  Speaking any “funny” language is to be avoided. If you have elderly parents that do not speak  “American”, they should NOT speak for the duration of the flight. If spoken to, their response to anything should be “Yeah man”. 

32.   DO not talk to your fellow passengers. Statements like “hello” might be misconstrued to be   “Hello, you are my next victim”. Statements like “Hello, my name is Mohammed”, may be interpreted as “my name is Mohammed and I’m gonna blow up this goddam  plane”.

33. Do not wear large afros that may conceal weapons or bombs.

34.Do not carry any kind of document , newspaper or book that contains any form of Arabic inscription or writing. You will be detained until a translator can be found.

35. Do not argue when you are told your luggage is over weight. Apologise profusely and pay double what they ask you for excess luggage.

 

This guide was created by the Nigerian Counter-Terrorism Unit. Research was sponsored by The Save Your Behind (SYB) Trust Fund.

_{Ok, i will say it. . , but y'all waz thinking it}

Drinking and NLanding. . .Bad combo

WHY Naija galz life dey pain una like this ehn. . .wetin nah? ? ?

Just leave them be abeg. . .we LOVE them the way they are. . .Afterall, Naija gal don win miss world before.

Nah, Just talk with her instead. . .ask her why she wants to cheat on you. . .becos SHE WANTS TO, thats IF she hasn't done it already. . , multiple times. . , sorry. . .harsh but true

But, you've got to be ready for ANYTHING bruv, Anything. Sorry bruv, _{This Africhat thingy is like Opium, i know fellaz that are laying multiple major pipes via this chart thing}

Is he not your BOYFRIEND? ? . . .give him now . .haba, abi your own love no dey reach where money dey? ? ?

Switched off!!!!

Ah. . .chating eh. . . .no wahala

They are just engaged in some political discussions. . .thats all. . .you know we have alot of issues to deal with in Naija.
_{(runs off to chat with your GF). . .hey sexy, what do you have on right now. . .i've got a har**** the size of third mainland bridge for you. . .hope we are still tearing the clubs on Friday. . .will pick you up at 2200 hours a'ight. . .waiting}


Bros, your chic don dey take style move small small leave you

Well . . .yeah. . .yes. . some are rather materialistic

Tell him that you can not gurantee wanting for him for 3 years sha BUT. . .you really like him AND will marry him IF you are still single when he returns. ._{so he will keep sending you money!!!. . .you know you need the cash . . .don't you?}

FL Gators:
[color=teal]. . . . . Let this be a lesson to everyone. . . . Dont drink and Think!

you might end up posting retarded threads on NL[/color]

Very nice

Do we still here Skirt & pants selective galz these day? ?

Me, i no notice oh, the chic looks good, i look and smile. . . .gbam

Inshort, i prefer gals with none of the above!!!

It means. . .she DOES NOT WANT TO BE TAGGED IN THAT PICTURE WITH YOU ON YOUR PROFILE . . .are you clear now? ?

ok. . .How do innocent galz look? ? ?

Oh. . .so this is a Mirror thread. . .ok. ._{Reminds me of Avatar}

^^^haba echobee. . .nah true nah. . .didnt you read her Lamentation? ? ?. , lol. ._{Afterall, the word POLIANDRY wasnt created for Dogs or Goats nah}

@Poster

Counter question. .

Who eva declared the so called "girl" innocent? ? ?

I will go ahead and Marry my Wife to be._{and her the impostor thrown out of the ceremony}

You can DATE anybody my dear.

Love is NEVER Equal between partners. . , the prayer is just to meet some1 that would love you MORE that you love them. . .na my own be that, make una no vex

IF the love differential is not working for you. . , carry your broken heart and move on. . .Life is NEVER FAIR. ._{Sorry but the truth is bitter}

iice:
[color=#9900ff] We seem to be in sync today [/color]

. . .u know what they say. . .great minds. . , . ._{lol, make i blow the trumpet nah,}

habumaks:
Forgive me but when i saw your "very tight spot" something different came to my mind.
PS: i'm not a perve. just curious,

. , you yanked that straight from my mind. . .

Why do guyz with EYEz WIDE OPEN alwayz fall into this kind ish. . .all the time. . .WHY? ?. . .If you really must play. . .the Play like a Pro Haba. . .you are married, why put another girl in the Family way? ??. , 4 wetin nah. . .

4 crying out loud, your marriage is still young abeg, SHE WILL GET PREGNANT. . .Haba, na today them don dey do abortion.

Abeg, u just dey make me paa raa here.

Whats wrong with being bald? ? ? . . .i have friends (loads of 'em) that are bald today. . . .No biggie. . .

Just make sure you cut the rest of the hair growing area REGULARLY. . .and you are good. . ._{Ki ni big deal}

Then go right ahead. . .Marry BOTH of them. . .eat your cake AND have it.

Keep Juggling, you still have time.

Liar. . .where you 4 read am from. . .?

4 wetin nah. . .

That question on the altar always gives me the jitters, . .why ask?. . . .too risky