₦airaland Forum

Ladies want to be approached in a wide variety of ways depending on the situation, what the man wants from her, and what she wants from the man. The question is too broad to elicit serious responses.

dayokanu:
Yeah call her and tell her that You found out those things cost less

Even if she argues dont argue with her, At least she knows you found her out.

You can talk tongue in cheek

"Auntie, It seemed that prices doubled the day we went to the market" " Maybe they didnt like our face"

And if you are someone like me, Use small curse to escort am, like

" Well if those market women duped me or anyone that duped me they would use the money to pay hospital bills and tell her to say Amen"

OR a more subtle one:

Well God would make those that swindled "us" never stop cos they always be in need and need to swindle and God would always continue to bless us so that we can always have more than enough to give them. Auntie say Amen na!!!!"LOL

Whoa, this is what I would do.

Make this suggestion to him. "Maybe I should get one of those strap-ons and show you how good this feels."

If he says ANYTHING except some variation of the following: "WTF!?!", "Heck no!!!", or "You dey craze!!!," he may just be homosexual.

[quote author=~Sissy~ link=topic=650807.msg8254967#msg8254967 date=1304472502]true. however, i do think her husband will place more emphasis on hers because of the person she cheated with. i mean if she cheated with an outsider it would less 'heavy' but messing with his own brother [/quote]

chaircover:
Nekai you have spoken well but these kinds of things are out of the hands of the husband. If his mother is still alive & he has very vocal senior sisters, that woman is leaving that family.

I will never say never but I dont know of any family that will accept this and carry on like nothing happened, especially if it now turns out that the child belongs to the BIL

I honestly feel for all involved.

You are so right! I didn't think about that aspect of things. To their family the wife is the outsider and the 'bad' husband and the traitorous brother in law will not be important. They may even chase the woman away!

@tipa

@OP, great piece! It closely reflects my view as well.

That was cruel.

Suck it up and move on.

He already has.

Don't under any circumstances let him back in. He is an awful person for seeing someone else at the same time. You deserve better than this, so use this hurt and pain and turn it into determination to start the next relationship off on better footing. Please don't dwell to much on this. It isn't a reflection on you, it's a reflection on him.

drnonye:
well spoken Nekai. sound like a very smart lady. now i wish u were in Scotland , would have loved 2 take u go c a movie.

now, back 2 the topic. true, a good job, nice crip, car etc can definitely burst anyone's confidence. but the time frame to get so much attention  is 2 short.  and y is it just 9ja girls. i have female friends from other part of the world but my new status appears irrelevant 2 them . we still talk and hang out the same way .
i still believe majority of 9ja girls are so materialistic. as they say , there is nothing any1 can do about it.  we all have 2 accept it .

Scotland?   With all that bagpipe screetching going on?
Even still, I wish I was there too. I would absolutely love to see a movie with you!
By the way, have u eaten? How are your folks doing? Have you heard from your mum?  

[quote author=omo_to_dun link=topic=657963.msg8255120#msg8255120 date=1304475623]
Atutupoyoyo: Obamaniqua, girl, Werin dey happen?

Obamaniqua: Nothing jare, I just dey shine my eyes make I see if any bobo with money go come my way.

Atutupoyoyo: You and money sha. Anyway, how is your sister, Anaconda?

Obamaniqua: Anaconda is fine o. Matter of fact she just got married to Mallam 12InchBlockos.

Atutupoyoyo: Chineke, doesn't he have like 3 wives and isn't your sister just 12 years old?

Obamaniqua: Abeg, leave story. Just look at the bright side.

Atutupoyoyo: And what is that?

Obamaniqua: She gets to keep her surname![/quote]LOL!

Still don't know what the preservation of a woman's last name has to do with submitting to her husband. If the husband agrees then there is no problem. If he disagrees, one should know long before planning to get married. If this issue wasn't discussed during the courting period, what was? It's important to discuss topics that are important before the engagement.

REALITY101:
And the will repeat it again loooool.

Pweety4me:
[color=#550077]Next time [/color]

My celtics have lost again.

$%#& #&$.

He was posting his nigerian idol tryout.

Big Baby Davis! Come on Celtics!

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#993300]^^Aww 190! Nice performance babe I am so proud of you!![/color]

Aww 190 I didn't know you were an aspiring singer. Keep on keeping on! [s][size=5pt]But don't quit your day job[/size].[/s]  

REALITY101:
3 fattest lonely women

What are you talking about now? I'm trying to watch my Celtics game.

[quote author=Blood_Shed link=topic=565257.msg8254379#msg8254379 date=1304461188]Overweight can NEVER be considered healthy and whoever does consider it healthy is an . There's only so far people can go with those perceptions there. Most peopleI know who like skinny women will NOT go for a woman as thin as that picture someone (I think you) posted.

But most of those obese women, i.e. Precious (YES I'LL USE HER AS AN EXAMPLE AGAIN LOL), don't seem to be making that effort, while those fashion models who are extremely skinny overdo it, hence the results. And that's where the double standard is. Skinny women get criticised for being too skinny (and rightfully so), but all obese women get is positive reinforcement because it has become politically incorrect to give them the reality check that so many of them have been craving. And think about this, you're doing obese women a disservice by giving this false sense of pride because the less effort they make, the more it negatively effects their health.

Nobody is saying anybody should feel less of a person but if people were more honest with each other I can guarantee this wouldn't be as big an issue as it is.[/quote]Being overweight is a relative term that can mean something different to people of different cultures, races, countries, medical professionals, and even different time periods, so saying an overweight person can NEVER be healthy is just as much of a generalization as saying that a thin person is ALWAYS healthy. Also, the statement that obese women don't seem to be making an effort is nothing but a perception. When someone gives an overweight woman positive reinforcement it is not about their  weight, but about them as a person, which they need because people seem to mix the two up.

http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/news/ouch-precious-director-makes-gaffe-about-star-gabby-sidibes-weight-2010272
The actress admitted recently on The Oprah Winfrey Show that she "had to work at" accepting her body image.  "My first diet started when I was six years old," she said. "I've never been a small girl. One day I had to sit down with myself and decide that I loved myself no matter what my body looked like and what other people thought about my body."

To you, this means that she is saying that she is saying she is happy with her weight and that she is encouraging other obese people to have a false sence of pride in being unhealthy. That's not what she is saying at all! She is saying she is accepting her body image (as opposed to rejecting what she sees when she looks in a mirror), and that she is going to love herself regardless of what she looks like. Is she supposed to hate herself until she is a size 2? That will be a whole lot of self hate. No where there does she say that she isn't trying to lose weight. In fact, she has been dieting since age six! The effort she was making may not have proved effective, but I guarantee she has made efforts. Loving oneself is the best thing to do because it motivates you to treat yourself better and stop self-destructive behavior.
This 'reality check' you want to throw her way would only make her hate herself even more and hence casue her to continue on a downward spiral.  Morbid obesity and anorexia are both the result of a mental disorder that at it's root involves self-hatred.

I wasn't even aware of this before now, but it proves my point.
http://theurbandaily.com/gossip-news/shamika-sanders/gabourey-sidibe-loses-50-pounds/
[img]http://theurbandaily.com/gossip-news/shamika-sanders/gabourey-sidibe-loses-50-pounds/[/img]

[quote author=Blood_Shed link=topic=565257.msg8253933#msg8253933 date=1304454871]No, DONT TRY IT!! I find that just as revolting as someone as fat as Precious. But people criticise one extreme but praise the other, i.e. Precious. That's my issue.

My point is that, nobody criticises Precious or says anything negative about her, I haven't heard one realistic comment about her from many people. Mostly just patronising.

And yes I regularly work out at the gym because i want to stay, strong, fit and healthy. And I said that staying healthy is a must in my previous post, does that not apply to everyone? [/quote]Who is praising obesity? All of my posts have been about having self-esteem regardless of what one looks like. I'm also making the point that if someone is a larger woman, it may not be because she is just lazy. There are many causes. You regularly work out at the gym and that is wonderful. Suppose you had to deal with caring for a sick parent, as well as work full time, and to top it off someone steals your car. I doubt you would have much time to go to the gym, and if you did somehow find time, the mental stress might prevent you from finding a way to go. It may sound like an extreme situation, but many people neglect their own health because of the stress of crisis situations. It may not be the best thing to do but people cope with stress differently. If you were to get into a car accident and break both legs, your appetite would not decrease you would still eat, and more than likely the inactivity would cause you to put on some weight.

If someone is at a heavier weight, should they walk around hanging their head in shame? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some women that may be considered overweight to some, would he healthy and curvy to another.

People don't praise precious because of her size, they praise her because she did a good job in the movie. Many people were critical of her weight, but it was not made a big issue. If she was trying to be a fashion model it would have been a different story. Likewise fashion models are praised when they are very skinny. The woman who is stick skinny with bones showing everywhere, and the woman who is extremely obese, both suffer from a serious neglect of their health. They should also have high self-esteem which comes from within. They can work on that problem and also still feel good about themselves at the same time. However, the topic was not about the super obese.

The question asked by the OP was, "Why do guys take advantage of big girls even when the girl in question is very pretty?" My point was that it is because the girls let them get away with murder because of a feeling of low self-worth. In turn this causes they guys to treat them worse. I don't believe there is any  reason a pretty big girl should feel like less of a person, and some of the responses are pathetically aimed at making a woman feel bad for being even 10 pounds heavier.

Please go back to your husband. Tell him that you two are not to speak of the issue again. Don't tell anyone about this, not even your own family. The broadcasting of his sins is almost as bad as the sin. (In his eyes anyways.) Go on with life like normal. Force some responsibility on him concerning the kids. Leave them with him every chance you get. If he does a bad job as far as leaving the kids in shambles (as long as they are fed and kept from danger) say nothing and complement him for doing a good job and ignore the mess. People who resent responsibility purposely mess up so that you won't put the responsibility on them again. He has the capacity to to everything for the children that you do, and a busy man is one that has less opportunity to cheat.

Act so calm and cool that he will be confused. Kill him with kindness. Take this opportunity to invest in yourself, since it sounds like you have had very little free time. Call your family and his family in his presence and tell them how wonderful he is being.

Your husband will transform back into the man you married. Even though you are suffering more, he is suffering at the thought that his wife will never trust him again, and that you will make him miserable as long as he lives over this issue.

If you don't mention it, he will bring it up and most likely appologize. Don't go into how hurt you were and how you felt, even though I know you are bursting at the seams to tell him. Actions accomplish more than talking.

In the meanwhile, carefully plan your escape. If he transforms back into the man he was when you fell in love with him, great. If he doesn't, you will have a chance to plan a proper exit on your terms. If your family has to be broken don't let it be at the hands of some girl.

Jackieugo:
100% agree with Nekai. Whiteroses why not worry about your own life? It's people like you who judge and sneer and give these young women a complex and in severe cases, eating disorders just to fit this image society has placed on us. I say as long as you're happy with your body, your mate won't mind.

It's ok Jackieugo. I'm just trying to help her out because the same insecurity she is trying to project unto others is the same one she most likely feels about herself in some way. 

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-207385.0.html
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-207358.0.html

Different strokes for different folks.

[quote author=Blood_Shed link=topic=565257.msg8253744#msg8253744 date=1304452026]I like how you think, and what you said is ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!

There is absolutely NO REASON to not lose weight. Being fat is NOT beautiful, neither is it healthy. A grown, able-bodied woman should be putting in the effort to stay healthy. It's the right thing to do for pete's sake.
Why these women argue with that fact baffles the hell out of me.

And ain't it funny that these large and in charge women have the HIGHEST self esteem? They actually like what they see.

I saw a pic of Precious in your post. Do you see how they were parading her around, patronising her in Hollywood? Like she's the best that Black women have to offer? All you black women supporting this, understand that you're all being hoodwinked.[/quote]Precious is an extreme end of the spectrum. My point is that it doesn't make her any less of a person. Self-esteem comes from inside, even if you lose a limb or become disfigured you shouldn't walk around and hold your head in shame. Even precious has something about her that a man will be attracted to. And Blood_Shed, is it safe to say that a grown, able-bodied man should be putting in the effort to stay strong as well as healthy? In that case every man that doesn't measure up to this should have the LOWEST self esteem, and should hate what they see when they look at themselves.
https://hotchocolatefinder.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/e051708.jpg

Since we are talking about extremes, you guys must think that this is sexy.

[img]http://daysofourlife.files./2009/01/anorexic.jpg?w=450&h=336[/img]

Whatever floats your boat.

drnonye:
i got a dream job with fantastic package and suddenly, most of my 9ja female friends , even those i barely talk 2 is showing me love. asking me strange questions like, ' have you eaten', 'how are your folks doing', ' have you heard from your mum', etc.
I have honestly told very few people about the job, just 5 close friends. how they know is beyond me. so if i lose my job, i will b back 2 square 1. lol.
chics. God will help guys o .

Would you be suprised to learn that some of those girls don't even know about the job or the fantastic package?

It could be that (like most people) attaining your dream job has given you a burst of confidence that makes you hold your head higher, throw your shoulders back, face shine, and speak in a more confident tone. Confidence is sexy. Dream job or not.

You ever wonder why trouble seems to follow people wherever they go when they are in a bad mood? People pick up on the subconscious signals that are thrown off.

Wow, reading some of the things on here is funny.

[size=2pt]One complaint in particular reads less like a concerned forum member and more like a jilted lover.[/size] 

whiteroses:
u are mad if i gain ten pounds i'll loose it.

my opinion is harsh but its the truth, i dont know any successful average man that will settle with a fat girl only if he himself is lacking somewhere, i know a man that took a fat jamo girl to nigeria, his scared mother started chasing her away at the airport cos she was thinking the what house is the whale coming into? if not for people's intervention.
i think ladies should watch their weight, eat healthy and excercise. it is ok to be fat you can still be beautiful but you can help yourself to become a better person by slimming down, its good for your heart and life quality.
what would a girl be doing till she allows what she eats and laziness turn her into this? olounmaje!

What happends to your self-confidence in the time between the weight gain and weight loss? What if you can't lose the 10 pounds? What if you get scarred in an accident? Personally I think it is important to maintain my appearance but my confidence isn't based 100% on looks because they aren't everything.

And I agree with you, eating healthy and exercise is the way to go. However, A healthy diet and exercise are only two of many areas one should strive to develop in life. There are also things like excelling in education, your attitude and temperment, your spiritual life, your home life, your love life, your career, your marriage, and parenthood. In addition to these things there are also life's unexpected emergencies that call for you to drop everything, like suddenly finding yourself responsible for an ailing family member. Nobody is perfect, so some area has to be neglected, especially in times of stress.

You don't know what causes a person to gain a little weight, or even to end up on the extreme end of the spectrum of obesity. Laziness may be an incorrect assumption of one's situation.

Also, there are many successful men out there with a larger and beautiful wife by his side. Maybe she neglected to watch her eating/excersise habits, but in turn developed phemonenal skills that are important to him in another area.

You have your opinion and I have mine. I think we can agree to disagree on some points.

bacterium:
1. I am not nigerian . Even I am not black man. am eastern man.
2. I not say all black womans I say many woman I see in the TV.
3. I am not want to make insult for anyone, I have question so I ask is there problem for that
4.[b] [i][size=20pt]I am gay so what? Still I have to marry woman one day to make children. U can laugh if u want. That is not my prblem. We all different from each other[/size].[/[/i]b]

Poster, Blazay is very right. The key here is to stop beating yourself up over it and behaving like a scared puppy. Although what you did was wrong, your husband started this mess by mistreating you and chasing random strange women instead of remainig in his home where he belonged. The same time you slept with your BIL he was probably on top of someone else.

You are not a saint in this. Your biggest problem here is that you waited so long to resolve the issue. You should have had your son tested a long time ago instead of leaving your future in the hands of your BIL.

The biggest reason that your husband will be upset is because you slept beside him for so long without telling him. His trust for you may fly out the window, never to return.

Your only hope in this could be to emphasize that your BIL is blackmailing you, taunting you, making your life miserable. Emphasize that he wants the boy that calls your husband daddy. Downplay your role by quickly glossing over the fact that he caught you at a weak moment, and that it was so unforgettable that you mostly forgot about it until your BIL came around trying to lay a claim on the boy. He may just be so enraged that his own brother would have the balls to do this, he could lose focus on your role.

190:

Keep making mouth, instead of you to stand your ground and fight

You couldnt even win that weak middleton

Please, I gave him to her. [size=3pt]Besides, the Queen said she didn't want any black great grand pikin.[/size] 

190:

You were right there and did nothing to stop the wedding for me.  

Jackieugo:
Preach on Nekai

May be prince jay bee.

190:
^well spoken by prince william's ex girlfriend

I'm over him now.

andy1:
@op dont even give it a thought, if not u might jst end up getting hurt all over again, i ll say jst move on.

True.