₦airaland Forum

We are smiling now...no regrets.

We took this drastic decision because:

- We were not ready to waste money.
- We heard horror stories from friends that went all out.
- Whether you spend $1m or $100, peeps go still complain.

Ps: it wasn't too extreme though, the trad was well attended.

ogawisdom:
Extreme budget after una don go other ppl wedding enjoy finish

What you wrote is not a good combo. Y'all need to look into the future. Please don't bite more than you can chew so as not to regret it.

Please, stand your ground. Be persuasive. Because if after the ceremony and money is not coming in steadily, you will regret the money that was wasted and you might even take it out on her. She sef may start to act funny.

Waladade4luv:
Bro we share the same vision oh the only difference is that my bride to be wouldn't listen and won't agree no matter how much you try and convince her

timilehing, here's what we did:

The ceremony took place in IB. Having a small ceremony was out of the question because of the large number of families and friends. Our parents wanted 100% or nothing, but they were not ready to contribute significantly. We were also not ready to spend money to feed people that do not really care about us. So, we needed to reach a compromise.

We insisted on the parents footing the bill for the engagement/trad. Less than 300k was spent. No need for hall or decoration because the party was at our house. The guests had enough variety to eat & drink. They had fun. The trad was on a weekday. You can get a small hall though. Another headache we avoided was no aso ebi, we picked colors instead.

A week after (also on a weekday), the parents, us, and our siblings went to the pastor's office for the joining. Afterwards, we went to a fine buka for lunch. After lunch everybody went their separate ways.

Not having a wedding reception saved us a bundle. No need for wedding dress, suit, accessories, decoration, cake, dj, etc.

The above can only be possible if both parties (you and the wife) are reasonable and can stand your ground with your families.

Hubby and I were not ready to waste our 'blood, sweat, and tears' on a day's ceremony. People will complain regardless on how much was spent, so why bother.



The end.

Dude, that's the definition of arrogance

Gasout:
U think am arrogant? No! Am not. Even her hubby(my friend) cannot dare ask me to move to the back seat.

@ Cammo, here's a suggestion:

Advice her to start a small business (with high profit margin) on campus. For example: she can start selling puff puff, buns, or akara at a location with heavy foot traffic. I have observed that if you give someone money, they may or may not appreciate it or know the value. Instead if you help them in starting a business, they will be independent for life.

If she's not receptive to the above suggestion (or similar convo), be very wary as she might be open to the highest bidder.

Guys, please stop thinking that with money, you should sleep with as many random girls as possible.

Condoms do break or get sabotaged. Even if you use condom, how about the disease that can be contacted through oral. You no like una health @ all.

Having one steady girl should not be a sign of weakness.

Some girls are career groupie. They are always calculating. So even if you think you are smart, you will one day let down your guard.

You need good health and peace of mind to enjoy your wealth. Be smart.

veins2016, you did the right thing though. After two years, that was the right step to wean her off that behavior.

Now that you have a child, please ensure that your husband makes time to hang out with his daughter. Also, you too should find time to hang out with her. With a child, she may start to feel unloved and ignored because all your energies will be spent on the baby.

I truly hope more women will show some empathy. What I have read on this thread is very disappointing. What if you die tomorrow, how will you want your child(ren) to be treated by the new step-mom? Sheesh!

I remember sometimes going to my parents room even @ 15. Sometimes, they would allow me to sleep through the night and sometimes I wake up to find myself in my room. Who knows if na step-mom, she might have used cane to chase me back.

You need to start doing stand up comedy. The reply was (wait for it) legendary.

lomprico:
Wait! You tripped over, fell and landed on his lips?
I dnt get, pls explain.

Mdrr (Morte de rire)!

raumdeuter:
OP, when you go visit him, does he even entertain you with anything or he would tell you to bring along your own refreshment?

Please don't behave the same way your former employers behaved. Insisting on only born again is not the right way o. Instead, pray (and have a discerning spirit) to know the right people to hire. Even non born again can give their life to Christ through interacting with you.

Please don't be one of those hypocritical born again.

With money, anything is possible. Even in western countries, reports can be doctored with money and the right connections.

Let me play devil's advocate: who is to say that David and his family didn't feed Imade with milk/formula laced with cannabis? That report is circumstantial. They should have insisted (or used emergency court order) to test Sophia in order to cover all bases. Sophia's lawyer can argue that it wasn't even Imade's blood that was tested or that Imade got cannabis in her system when in their care. Etc.

In western countries, they might be chilling in jail for kidnapping a minor.

Yes, they did the right thing (if true), but in the wrong way. Their actions have left them vulnerable to litigation.

Chinwem:
In Nigeria anything is possible but I believe that report
MDS lancet is ISO certified and the method of taking the sample is something that they do with reproducibility . I have absolutely no concerns
The court can access the results directly from the lab themselves as they wish and they will find out the truth
This is not a HIV or hepatitis test and besides if the baby's health is affected they do not need any special consent to take it as it relates to treating the baby. I am yet to see where the mother states that the sample was taken without her consent by the way. Interested party? Medical staff who know their onions

Yes I agree father is out to discredit mother, just as mother is out to discredit father

A breastfeeding mother with THC derivatives in her blood has lost all credibility in my opinion.

If all the allegations are true, then David did the right thing the wrong way.

He (with his family) should have used the pathology report to file for full custody. If they had done that, all these ish won't have happened. Their assës would have been properly covered.

Daring someone to spill dirt on you (or your family) is a risky move. You truly don't know whether what they have is real or fabricated or just plain bluff. If fabricated, it might take a long while to be vindicated.

Please, be very mindful of the naija connection ish. You might end up with karishka, and she might end up with mike tyson...just saying.

Long distance dating is fraught with pitfalls. There is that tendency to pretend. The opportunity to know each others bad side is very rare.

Be very careful with church girls .

You can meet your spouse anywhere (don't automatically approve that church girl o...plenty stories that touch)...@ the grocery store, in college, @ the bank, @ the gym etc. Just be open minded.

It's usually best if you marry someone that is already used to the environment you'll be settling in. I no wan read your story for news o.

*In the voice of my secondary school govt teacher* Nigeria is a toothless bulldog

@ BloodyBLOGGER...in sane/western society that you are emphasizing on, the neighbors would have called the cops on you for disturbance. The cops will give you the first warning and if the neighbors report again, you will be fined. And if it still persist, the dog might be taken away from you for being a bad owner.

Also, there is no justification for hitting your wife not to talk of your PREGNANT wife.

Try that in the sane/western society (that you are claiming), you will be chilling inside jail for attempted manslaughter.

Rubbish

In this day and age of rituals and rape . Ladies if una go, and something happens, be prepared to be abused, mocked, and insulted.

In the civilized world, a first date is usually in the public. You guys sef, una no no the kin girl sef. Una no no whether na mami water she be. I piri all of una.

Simple solution: guys, stop running after broke and cheap girls that won't split the bill with you. Also, ladies, stop going after broke guys that will tell the whole world how they spent 100 naira on you.

Can wives also be séx addicts ? Now that will be interesting story/situation.

Will we clamor for the husband to forgive, forget, & take her back? Heaven will probably fall that day. Mstcheeeewwww.

Do a separation first to clear your head. Then make a decision that you can live with. Weigh the pros & cons of staying.

If you decide to leave, there are responsible men out there. Not all men are cheats. That's what cheats say to 'enslave' their women.

If you stay, be prepared to forgive & forget. Be prepared to accept all his flaws. And also be prepared for that 50/50 chance of him repeating it. Use a poster here as case study: the husband sent a text to one of his mistresses saying the wife is not going anywhere.

I can't say enough about women having their own source(s) of income. When or if situations like this arise, you are in a better frame of mind to make better decisions. You are not stuck staying if you don't want too.

I wish you good luck!

...I just read your update about the HPV. Biko, run far far far far away. If you die or become really sick, he will leave you and remarry. No man is worth your life/happiness. Adultery is grounds for divorce in the Bible. I wonder why peeps keep forgetting that when they give advice.

Thank you very much for this awesome response.

irunooboo:
Christianity in this part of the world is a fraud. Check out the world's most cheerful philanthropists who are either atheists or Buddhists and tell me which of these so called Nigerian churches can match them in charity. The fraudulent churches we have here will make billions in tithes and offerings and start donating AKUBE shoes and 4kg rice to widows on camera while their gullible followers keeps hailing them Their pastors ride porsche and jets while their follower's enjoyment is in heaven Mark zukerberg an atheist just pledge to donate 90 percent of Facebook shares valued at $45Billion to charity just to celebrate his new born daughter. I dare any of these churches to declare tuition free in any of their schools for just one session. Bunch of thieves called pastors

That is an unhealthy relationship.

I can't fathom why others didn't notice how the bf abused his girl. Ah! All that abusive words for someone you love? I wonder what he will do if you marry him.

Also, promgurlp, you fall hand seriously. You can't give (yes give) your bf 2k? That was very very bad of you.

A healthy relationship is about give and take. It also involves respect and sacrifice. It shows that you can't sacrifice and that your bf has no respect for you (if what you typed is true).

Please Lord, deliver us (both men and women) from time wasters.

So, you have been dating a woman of marriageable age (I presume) for 3 solid years , and still uncertain whether you want to marry her? Ah!

Please let her go. Break up with her, so that she'll have the opportunity to find someone that will truly love her.

Olowoba, break up with the gf, and date the one you love. Part of the adventure of dating is discovering each other. Take that risk. Say NO to double dating

Accept the job offer from the Multinational company.

You and your family should live on the salary of the govt job though. Save and invest the extra so even if you get fired, you will have a nice cushion to fall back on.

Abyam:
I'm married with 2 kids. I lost my job 3 years ago when my company was restructuring.
So I know how tough it is to be jobless especially with a family that is looking up to you for provision.

On the 15th Nov. God blessed my hustle and i got an offer from one of the high institution in my state as an assistant lecturer. I was very happy when i collected the offer, it rekindled my hope for the future because i have longed to become a lecturer since i was in school as it will give me opportunity to upgrade my certificates and to even study to Phd level with abundant of scholarships at their disposal.

But events took another turn this week when i was called by a coy i attended it's interview 2 years a go, they sent me an sms inviting me to come and meet their boss for final stage of the interview, to cut the story short....... i was offered another job with a mouth watery pay 3x the govt job, i'm to resume work on the 11th of January 2016.

My delimma now is to choose between a job with average pay(lecturing) while career growth is gradual or go for the money with opportunity to travel to other countries and a world class exposure.

Please Senior Men in the house advice me, i need the money but i'm worried because where i was working 3 yrs ago i was well paid, things were moving smoothly but when the time came to downsize, it can take anybody, matured advice gentlemen!

Guy,

Get two phones. The real one and the cheap one as decoy. Always have to real one hidden. Only check few times a day.

Put your phone in silent mode, so that way, it doesn't beep when you have messages.

Please you have to be cunning if you want to survive your father.

Therock5555:
thank you so much, I'm trying to save but it's not easy, any coded packages I try to run get stalled by him because it involves phones, I'm a techy person and I do 75% of my deals online but he keeps seizing my phone even though he last bought me a phone in Ss 1 about 8 years ago


I once had a good customer clientage on phone and browsing deals which fetched me lots of cash but because they usually came in the night due to my unavailability in the day time but I was termed a cultist and they my members so I had to let it go

We had the same childhood

Beremx:
Speedy biscuits. O boy! I chop the biscuit wella especially with milk.

And Fido Dido? OMG!!

@Therock5555

You need to do things on a coded level.

Go for any and all events. Open an account and save every penny, because you will need to move out. When he begins the negative ish, focus on the light at the end the tunnel.

If you stay in that house, it can lead to you committing suicide, having low self esteem, or turning into him.

Talking to him might not help, so just try to save as much as you can. Get paying gigs (on coded level) and save, save, save.

Moving out is the only option for your sanity.

I'm willing to commit financially to help you move out.

Parents like this pisses me off

Interesting

Your post is kinda selfish though. Who said anything about the women cheating back as revenge?

Why not put yourself in her shoes to know what it feels like to be cheated on. So are you telling me that you are free to cheat because of the little or no consequences? What happened to upholding the vows you took before God & man?

And the sad thing is after some men cheats all over the globe (probably infected with all sort of STDs), they will expect the wife to welcome them back with open arms.

My main ish is treating each other with love and respect. Treat him/her the way you want to be treated.

Toks2008:
I honestly think we are missing something here...No one is freaking stopping any lady from cheating on a cheeating hubby as a revenge..she is very free so lets stop all these refreences to a lady also cheating back..please go on and chat on that man cos he cheated on you..Its your call and just be prepared to face the consequence if caught. And do i hear a lady say wat consequence? well i really dont know unless you find out yourself.