₦airaland Forum

apocalypse: In simple English can you explain the solution you proffered in your post , while trying to be grandiloquent you got lost in verbiage.

You must forgive me sir. When i wrote that post it did not occur to me that the thing would be read by people whose cognitive abilities have not evolved beyond the comprehension of monosyllabic words.

It is hardly my fault that you have difficulty grasping simple, if slightly artistic grammar.

Nairaland has helped to hone my multitasking skill to an incredibly fine edge. Now i can read hilarious comments and chuckle to myself while i rapidly take notes on criminal law.

apocalypse: And your point is

If you ain't figured it out by now, it is unlikely that further explanation will be of any help.

I cannot answer the question of what kind of husband the guy will make, but i can suggest a scheme that will cut that puppet from his mother's strings. Her meddlesome influence appears to be the chief cause of all the worry after all.

Now, you may think of the situation in this way:

Enormously wealthy mum; lazy, spoilt only son; desperate fiancée. [Feel free to replace 'desperate' with any euphemism of your choice].

There has been no mention of a dad, and for the sake of my scheme we shall assume that he is lounging six feet beneath.

This wickedly rich woman has got a kid who is apparently old enough for marriage, yet she still retains sufficient will-power to exert a domineering demeanour on both her child AND his fiancée; two fully grown adults. It would be safe therefore to place her age above fifty but below sixty-five. For very simple reasons too.

It is uncommon for a woman below fifty to have produced progeny that is fit for matrimony, especially when that offspring is male. It is also inconceiveable that a woman over sixty-five would wield such pronounced influence in any area of her SON's life other than mentioning her preferred colour of napkins.



Now the story makes it evident that our wealthy milf dotes on her son excessively. If she cares so much for her son now that she is alive, bet on the fact that she worries convulsively about what will become of him when she is gone to provide nourishment for the maggots.

She's a woman, and they're all good at worrying about such things. Plus the fact that she is overbearing as of nature means she will be extra-meticulous with her plans.

SO our ma'am wants to ensure that her baby is tucked in all nice and comfy before she kicks the bucket, the obvious answer to that problem is in showering said lad with a generous allocation of cash and other lucrative assets...in a will.


I should mention, for clarity of intent, that a will usually doesn't come into effect until after the testator, in this case our beloveth milf, DIES.

This technicality is disturbing at first, but careful consideration would reveal how happy everyone would really be if said milf met with some fatal misfortune.

The exact nature of this misfortune being something to be determined by the imagination of the would-be couple.

I have a mind to furnish this distraught couple with further hints on how to approach the ultimate matter, but i'm wary of the line between the absurd ramblings of an idle nairalander and the cold calculations of an accessory.

@Ojeffo: Yours is without a doubt (and by a great distance too) the most hilarious post i've ever encountered on this forum. Put modestly, the thing was perfectly done.


I'd like to say a lot more in praise of your creativity and writing skill, but i find myself reluctant to waste time further with anything that would delay me from returning to read your wicked satire a few more times.

All the acclamation is delivered on the assumption that you composed it yourself, of course.

I'm a little confused here. What exactly is the difference between 'tokumbo' vehicles and 'secondhand' ones?

If you ACTUALLY enroll your child to take extra lessons, i daresay you will have blown an extremely potent disciplinary technique.

The reason is simple; there is no
wrong a child will not genuinely repent of and perpetually refrain from if he is merely THREATENED with extra lessons.

Rocktation: Hmmn...she sure does not seem like her moniker...

You got it.

Lawd knows where from, but i get the idea that, were it not already taken, Freecocoa woulda been a more fitting handle.

Well a hyphen or an underscore could fix that. Hehe

Of course not. They're merely recycled.

For reasons unrelated to the peculiar situation obtainable in jos, i rarely patronise commercial motorcyclists. However, i'm not so sure the ban's such a good thing.

For one, while taxi fares are usually less expensive, the bikes are more readily available. Most students will tell you what a hard time they have walking from Abuja hostel to Naraguta gate when taxicabs are scarce, simply because the school barred bikes from coming into hostel premises.
Commercial motorcyclists, wherever they exist, are typically ubiquitous. Not to mention their size which helps them slip through hold ups. Very handy when you ain't got energy to burn, or when time is of the essence.

Motorcyclists are also about as much of a security risk as taxi drivers. In fact,
some of my friends argue that while it would be considerably easy to reach over and snap the neck of a would-be cutthroat motorcyclist, one would be well nigh cooked if trapped in a locked taxi with a murderous driver and conspiring passengers. Hehehe

Besides, hasn't this move been made once before? Why did it end in clumsy failure then? Is there a chance that those red-eyed ogogoro-guzzling malo mercenaries will meekly haul their butts to Chad to set up subsistent livestock farms with the money they've saved riding iron horses? I think not. After all, what have they got scimitars taped to the underside of their fuel tanks for?


Like the UJ admin, the plateau state government appears to have a knack for taking ill-advised decisions that achieve little more than introducing a new misery to an already disagreeable state of affairs.

pro01: That's the whole point. People prefer giving gifts to those who really don't need them.

I sure would look good in that. And feel much the same way too.

Jalal: Using rubbish to coverup inefficiency!

Whether intended or not, the pun's just brilliant!

Sickening, rretarded, incredibly narrow-minded topic.

ronkebp: As long as you are using soap and sponge in either one.

But if you had to choose between the two?

maclatunji: ^A bath for obvious reasons.

Come on, if the reasons were so obvious i wouldn't have started the thread.

Okay, maybe you like a bath because you can just lie in it and let the water soothe your body, but some would argue that you'd then be more or less wallowing in your own filth. See?

So i'd appreciate it if you'd mention clearly the reason(s) you prefer a bath. Cheerz.

Hello folks, do tell which you prefer and why. I've read arguments for and against either of them and i still can't seem to make up my mind.

I just dey happy for the guys who supply official stationery and do other printing jobs on university property...if you know what i mean.

ayanle456: i see my inteLectual command of the english language has shamed you into telling me to go away. The somali friend of yours !!!WHOSE!!! humble isnt full somali...or maybe !!HIS!! from those small clans...i actually like this site...and as for me having low self esteem...i am offended...i thought my !!!overbearing overconfidence personality!!! was known on this forum....i guess i need to stick around so people can get to know me better...

shame your asking me to go away...i guess this is what happens when !!!your!!! superior in everyway.

You're certainly very creative when it comes to distorting grammar. Or maybe you're just sincerely dumb.
Intellectual command? Looks more like ignorant abuse to me.

Sisi_Kill: Oh gimme a freaking break!!!

Reporters and SENSATIONALISM, WORDING THE STORY LIKE IT IS BECAUSE HE BLOCKED FASHOLA'S CONVOY HE GOT ARRESTED. Dude obviously got arrested because he was BREAKING THE LAW!!!!!!

Helloooo, he was driving dangerously and recklessly. He also had no DL on him for goodness sake.

In a civilized country he would find his nasty behind in jail so fast he won't know what hit him. Unfortunately, we don't have cops to help enforce traffic laws, thank goodness he did it in the presence of someone who could do something about it.

We all complain about people not obeying laws in Naija because they know they can get away with anything. . .we finally have someone who is being made to face the consequences of his reckless action and everyone is all up in arms about it. How does that work. . .do we want law and order or do we want a free for all, anything goes society? Make up your minds people!!!!


By the way, Fashola obviously wasn't going about with the same bells and whistles and fanfare like his counterparts do or the reckless driver would have been alerted long enough to get out of the way. Nope Fashola was going about his business like an ordinary citizen, experienceing what the average Nigerian goes through every day on the road and we wanna crucify him for that??

Abegi!!

Thanks a bunch. You saved me some typing time and energy.

Liss: I quite agree with the job security being better but I don't understand how it pays more in the long run. Also, I actually believe you are a slave to the business owner in a one man business as you can get called at odd hours since the belief is that you should 'understand'. Hence, you become a 'slave'. Plus, aren't employees of one-man businesses subjected to the moods of their employers?

I believe he understood your inquiry to mean leaving a multinational as an employee to begin your own one-man show.
Not quitting a multinational to work for some Baba Sule Nig. Ltd.

So the issue of being summoned late at night more often doesn't quite come in, since it's basically about you dragging your butt off and diligently seeking a boarding pass for the gravvy train.

2buff: or a bulky chest.

Yeah, that would simply be something to laugh at.

2buff: My point is, it's for skinny/lanky guys. So I can understand why some guys don't mind it.
If you have a rather large upper-body, ties look & feel stupid.

You're right. Ties are for us with thin and trim frames. Few things look more disagreeable than a fat tie pushed forward by a bulky paunch.

Dual Core: Slim ties and body-fitted suits.
Works well for my 6'4"* frame.

Only problem is: I always have to say no to the "are you a banker" questions.

What I can't do is put on a short fat tie. . . that's so village'eous.

*could be 6'3" some times

Spot on man!! I LOVE ties. And it's strictly gotta be the slim
ones.

Once i really hated wearing them, and even now i'm surprised at how enchanting i find beautiful slim ties.

I watched something on E! once about a guy who claimed he didn't think he had worn any single tie more than once. When they opened his wardrobe, it was totally incredible! The ties there would stretch for miles if they were tied end to end.

I can't hope to match that feat just yet, but since then i've made sure i have more ties in my wardrobe than any other item of clothing at any given time.

And, funny as this sounds, one reason i love ties is it gives me the feel of a cocky CIA agent.

Uh...what sorta yatch goes for 'only' 37 million naira?

Right on that one.

Next Poster works as a counsellor for depressed and suicidal livestock.

Hello, i'm Kobe Bryant and i'd like to have a mad squeeze with you, too.

Chimezie198: Farting

Picking your nose with a set of cutlery.