₦airaland Forum

As a step-parent, you’re also a caregiver just like biological parents of a child. It is perhaps more difficult than being a biological parent of a particular child. No matter how we paint it, the relationship a child has with his/her biological parent will not be the same as that of a step-parent. It doesn’t necessarily mean his/her relationship will be a positive one with his/her parent.
I read the story of a man who raised about 3 step-children right from when they were children. When the man died, none of these children attended his burial ceremony. In Africa, especially Nigeria, you don’t miss the funeral of a family member. You don’t. Many people were angry and strongly condemned these children who have attained greater heights with this man’s resources.
Being a step-parent is like investing in a business. It may pay off and it may fail. Even biological parents fail sometimes. How best can you manage a step-child?

NEVER ASSUME THE ROLE OF A BIOLOGICAL PARENT
As a step-parent, you would certainly want to get the attention of the child and this starts with bonding. You can bond with a step-child by engaging in activities. Be careful when choosing these activities though. Find out the activities he/she did/does with his/her biological parent. Once you know these activities, create your own fun activities. NEVER do/continue with the biological parent’s activities. It may be fun at first but at a point, the child will feel you’re stealing his/her parent’s identity. A parent’s identity can never be taken from a child. This is why you’d always see a child wanting to see his/her parent no matter how poor or useless they may be. Blood they say, is thicker than water.

LET YOUR SPOUSE DO THE DISCIPLINE
Strict parents always get commendation from teachers and religious leaders. This shows that discipline is a vital part of parenting in Africa and some parts of the world. However, being a step-parent has put a hole in how you discipline. You have to discipline like a classroom teacher. No corporal punishments, no verbal abuse. Just ‘advice’. When it comes to exerting iron hand, leave your spouse who is the biological parent to do it. Being the African model disciplinarian will lead to hate. No matter how hard you try, the fact remains, you’re NOT their biological parent. If you’re dealing with a teenager, he/she might even say it to your face.

KNOW THE LIMITS
When there is need to discuss issues regarding your spouse’s ex, discuss in private. If the issue is meant to be an open one, choose your words carefully. No matter how good you are, your words will never be forgotten—good or bad. It is advisable to refrain totally from issues relating to your spouse’s ex but need be to contribute, carry out the aforementioned.
Lastly,

BUILD BRIGES
This is quite easy. Try all means safe and possible to build strong bond with the child and the estranged parent. This will command a lot of respect from the ex and his/her child. Be open enough to listen and resolve issues. Teach them to be good to people no matter the situation. In all, you’d have peace of mind too. Step-parents who have done have a strong relationship with child not theirs and if you’re not privy to any information, you may not know they’re not related by blood.


Saucepan:
http://nifemiolu..com.ng/2016/05/practical-ways-of-being-step-parent.html

I guess your own is 2017 version.

https://allbloggingtips.com/applying-for-google-adsense-program/

Real source.

I don't know why men keep complaining about this. Block those stupid channels with passwords you can't remember. That's what I did. Problem solved.

Jibola245:
Hi nairalanders I loss my weight due to my day to day activities,most especially my work to be precise(a long distance from my house)treak but often took bike sometimes. And now ppl tell me am linne and i notice it too. Please any prescribe drug to be taken, advice needed pls.......... Overlook my typo pls.

Since you didn't lose weight due to an illness, you're OK. Being fat isn't a sign of wellbeing, it's a bad sign.
But if you're just looking to add little flesh, cut your daily activities. But I'm sure you're in perfect health right now.

Well...I see your point of view but let's see it from another angle.
When was the last time you witnessed a celebrity break up soooooo messy as this? If Teebillz is ranting and seems suicidal, should Tiwa have granted an interview so early?
Celebrities get pressure. It's normal. When Tiger Woods and his wife were struggling, did his wife grant an interview? John Terry and wife? Jay Z and wife? AY and wife? Ciara and Future? Kloe and Lamar? No one grants an interview so early despite the pressure. If a party is going crazy, the other party calms down and then people would be sensitive. What they've done is mockery of themselves.

delishpot:
I do not think he was attacking you. I believe he meant your husband did not a act as expected of a man whose wife's dignity was being abused. He said he was expecting your hubby to have ranted the moment he caught the man doing it instead of handling such a sensitive issue like a gentle man.

Thank you. We need more intelligent people like you on Nairaland.
This is what happened. The agent is my neighbour so men in the compound were chilling outside when her husband called. After dropping the call, we analysed the situation and we all agreed that her husband should have, on that spot, dealt with the guy and not wait till daybreak. As a married man myself, I will never wait till daybreak. Never. I don't know the woman nor the OP nor her husband. We just gave an objective analysis and look at all the balderdash she quoted me against. Good luck to her.

subtleone:
Mr Man, I'm not sure what you are on about. Are you for evil or against it?

The man cannot help himself so does that justify his action? Do I just start opening my 32 with such an individual because he apologized? Of course I must be weary of him. I never ever ever want anything to do with such a fellow.

As for the wife, she is very very free to defend her husband. As a matter of fact, my write up shows I didn't expect her to bad mouth her husband in public but when you begin to lie, I have an issue with that.

When a woman, a mother begins to tell sordid lies while trying to insinuate my husband was hitting on her then I have a big issue with that. Defend your husband as much as you want but don't start making up stories of someone approaching you and asking for your number while you were putting on a transparent cloth!

Like who says stuff like that? My husband doesn't even have your bloody telephone number. Why make up lies so you can equally have a disgraceful story like what your pervert husband did? My husband was acting funny around you and you have been smiling with us and greeting us cheerfully? You even came to invite us to your church singing program the week before? Who does that?

That lady said heavy stuff on that day. That is a woman whose kid n I will be chatting like no tomorrow! Her kids will see me and run up to me for a hug? Her kids were the major reason my husband never took it up with her husband. This is a family we never had issues with until the peeping tom incident.

Listen, I don't know if that lady is your friend but tell her she has set her husband 100 steps back. She wiped away her husband's apology with her lies and attitude. Let her ask God for forgiveness for those things she said because I and my husband have committed all those things she said before our maker.

She cannot have peace for those things she said against my husband until she confess to God and amend her ways. I don't expect them to ever apologize but that is their cross not mine. We are very gentle people and my husband had the utmost respect for her and her home. We are a christian home but we are not fools.

While she was denying stuff and making up stories against my husband, I went on my knees before God and said certain things in prayer with a heavy heart. If I am making stories about her home, let God handle me as he wills but if its her then...

M done on this issue...

Woman, brush up your comprehension skills. "Mr man"...that says a lot about your character and so much for your Christianity.

I'm familiar with your story. You supplied so much details. This happened like 3 weeks ago, right?
When your husband called the agent to narrate the story, I was with him. The agent confronted the guy. He felt very sad and remorseful. He apologised profusely. He doesn't like what he's doing but he can't help it.
That being said, your husband seems like a cool guy. He took the incident lightly. That moment he spotted him, he should treated the case man to man. Being a gentle man, he approached the man, he got hugged by his kids, your husband felt weak as he didn't want to hurt the kids' feelings. I get it. But your husband should have attended to the case right on the spot. I mean he should have gone physical.
The woman was right to defend her husband. That's what marriage is about. You defend your partner even if they're wrong.

In the family, there are members. Each member has a defined function. The definition of function leads to a stratum. The stratum of an average family is well defined with traditional assignments and benefits accrued to each member of the stratum. On the average family scene, we have the father, mother, kid(s) and maid(s). The father, the provider/supervisor has his ego intact. The mother, the manager/cook/supervisor and sometimes the provider has the family under control. The kids, the joy of the family have attachment to anybody who is available. The maid, the support staff of the family gets paid and ‘freed’ after her contract expires. However, when these roles get swapped, benefits also get swapped—it’s logical. If a member of the chain is absent or assuming another role, there is a price. For example, if the father of the house is found wanting, the members of his family will replace him with a ‘capable’ male. In an instance of death to either the father or the mother, the children sometimes step up to fill the void. Filling a void makes it hard for a parent to let the child go, for example, a daughter who has assumed the role of a wife in her father’s house.

OUT OF SIGHT IS OUT OF MIND’
Reinforcement is a psychological concept that is applicable to any life experience. Marriage as well as its success is centred on cores of availability and compatibility. If a party is absent, it leaves a gap that needs to be filled. When this gap is filled (which doesn’t necessarily have to do with cheating as it could be an activity), the replaced individual is going out of mind. This is the reason many long distance relationships collapse. If a man is carried away from his family, someone replaces him in the mind of his wife and children (and vice-versa). We have heard stories where maids have stronger bonds with the children of their employers. I believe this is why it’s easy for maids to kidnap or abduct these type of children as with many stories that have flooded the tabloids in Nigeria. Only a handful of people have things intact in case of absence from their families.

‘SHE WHO MAKES MY FOOD WARMS MY BED’
An online community member [Nairaland] once wrote this. He said any woman cooking his food has to warm his bed. He claimed that food is a psychological and spiritual thing for him. There is absolutely nothing wrong in having maids. What is wrong is having them assuming a wife’s roles. [Wife’s roles over the world differ as it relates to the traditions of a geographical location and sometimes wife’s roles are determined by the people in a marriage.] In the long term, the wife is going to be on the losing end on both kids and husband if, after having a defined role, the maid still carries out the roles.

‘I WON'T BE BOTHERED IF HE WENT AFTER OTHER WOMEN BUT OUR MAID’
A certain woman’s opinion on social media. Well, the fact is, maintaining a maid is cheaper than a mistress. A mistress in the context of this article is a woman who is a lover of a married man, who also lives outside of the house (a matured female). Why spend money on what is readily available in the house and accessible any time with higher level of secrecy i.e hiding in plain sight…after all, she is already doing wife roles.

‘MAIDS HAVE NEEDS TOO’ AND ‘PUTTING THE CAT IN CHARGE OF A FISH’
Maids who work in people’s houses don’t aim to be there forever. They have come to make it and they won’t miss a chance at making it especially if the chance was handed cheaply to them. Being an alternative to a mistress, they’re in stronger position to take over the house. The maid has a need; the man has a need. The maid can supply all the man’s needs and because one good turn deserves another, the man reciprocates by ‘lifting’ her status. This is the reason many high class women in Nigeria opt for females between 7-12 as maids but it is unlawful.
One might ask, ‘why then do men who have their wives at home all day go after maids?’. Naturally, women have a strong bond with their children and one thing I have noticed in recent times, especially newlyweds who just had a baby, is that the woman shifts all her love and attention to the kid(s). You can do a quack, unscientific survey, check Facebook and BBM then look out for newlyweds with kids and how they profess their undying love to their kids and then check the last time they did the same for their husbands. I believe this is why many people struggle after the 2nd through to 3rd year of their marriage. Most men who are starved of attention compared to what they had previously before the birth of a kid will find another female. In the society, men are supposed to have iron heart but in reality men are very emotional and this is what any individual could do regardless of gender. Let me include here that there are men who are loose, lack discipline and respect and will lay with any female. If you’re in a relationship with one, well…every married man in need is a potential cheat and the “all men are the same” sentence wouldn’t go away.
In short, many people stop loving and cherishing each other after the birth of a child. Come to think of it, your kids hardly spend 15 years with you in your houses these days, would you want to throw away a life time of bliss for a decade of attention for a child that would walk out of the door into the world as soon as he/she is 17? Balance and equity people…balance and equity.
A quick and related data from a marriage counsellor, M. Gary Neuman who surveyed 200 cheating and non-cheating men found out that 48% rated emotional dissatisfaction as the reason for their cheating. This supports my observation of newly-weds on social media. Neuman also said men need a pat on the back but it appears ridiculous for them to ask. He also found out that only 12% rated their mistresses as more attractive than their wives. A man who is going to cheat with a maid or any woman doesn’t need her to be as attractive as his wife. It is not about a hot body. Lastly, a massive 73% knew the mistress about one month before cheating. This suggests that if a man is going to cheat, it takes a long time.
In life, one size doesn’t fit all. If anything makes you happy, go for it but you need to assess how people close to you will be affected. Maybe a careful assessment of potential gains and losses would guide your decision making. Would you want to lose a loving woman and children to a maid? Would you want to lose your husband to a maid out a controllable situation? Even if you’re getting alimony, are you prepared for the emotional turmoil except you’re a con artist? Is it really worth it? For those who are capable of loving and raising a family, there is so much at stake if there is room for errors.

Source:

http://nifemiolu..com.ng/2016/04/why-and-how-men-justify-sleeping-with.html

Op: Gunmen shoot motorists
Moderator: Gunmen shoots motorists.

English is hard o.

Well, I have tagged them on Twitter. I just decided to bring my view here too for the good people of Nairaland.


I came across a disturbing rather than informing tweet about a certain self-acclaimed first woman in Nigeria to be a mechanic. If Sandra Aguebor is the first Nigerian woman mechanic, it doesn’t put food on my table. If she’s not, it doesn’t either. However, it’s a welcoming news that women are looking into territories carved for men.

That being said, the title of the post goes thus: Nigeria’s first female mechanic provides a way out of prostitution for Nigerian women. Many people who reacted with disgust didn’t open the link to read the context in which the post was written. The self-acclaimed first female mechanic has been training women who were former sex workers and victims of sex/child trafficking in Benin. That is the context.

Firstly, as quoted by Aljazeera, Sandra said, “…My Nigeria is the first to produce first woman mechanics in Africa…” Sandra mentioned ‘Africa’. Did Aljazeera know of any other women/woman mechanic in any other place in Africa that made them to limit what she said to ‘Nigeria’ in their tweet? If Aljazeera English knows of any other woman mechanic in Africa, how can they be sure she’s the first in Nigeria? Well, that is not an issue. I can also claim I’m the first man to design a detachable roof but my designs and ideas were stolen by a rich mogul. Nobody is going to verify.

Secondly, Sandra works with former sex workers and turns to them to great women. It is really commendable, however, if the reporter of her news is naïve, should the editor too be? I am sure the editor knows the power of semantics and pragmatics. If not, I am recommending a semantics and pragmatics lesson for the editor. There are ways you construct some words to mean a thing but in the process those words may mean a thousand things to listeners and readers. It is the job of the writer to fine tune his/her words to mean what he/she actually means. From my perspective, the editor is an appalling, awful, dreadful, rotten, abysmal, horrendous and calculative, mischievous individual who knows the controversy the title would generate yet went ahead to approve it for posting. This is the same way Reuters said Ebola was ravaging West Africa in 2014. I had to demand Reuters to reconstruct the tweet to state the exact places Ebola was ravaging. I’m appalled by the way foreign media puts news forward about Africa. It is a calculated effort to dent the image of Africa. I have a clip titled ‘Children of Africa’ on my laptop. These kids are kids from extremely impoverished parts of Kenya, wearing tattered clothes and malnourished; attending bamboo schools. You can imagine this imagery and utterly false image of African children.

Dear, Aljazeera, Nigerian women are successful women through decent means of livelihoods. We have teachers, nurses, engineers (which makes me question Aljazeera and their kangaroo statement about a recent individual claiming to be first), bloggers, lawyers, lecturers, administrators and many more. The direct interpretation of the tweet is that ALL NIGERIAN WOMEN ARE PROSTITUTES. If Aljazeera with its standard can put forward such tweet, it’s a disgrace to their identity and a sign of decline in quality. Now that Aljazeera English has our attention, it will be of a professional etiquette to delete, reconstruct the tweet and using Twitter’s 140 characters to apologise for this disgusting rather than informing tweet.

Many are mad but few are roaming.

This one is mad and roaming.

.

A mix of pure, standard English and grammatically faulty sentences...come on. Really? A girl who could observe rules as to proper nouns all of a sudden won't be able to spell feelings and yellow? Come on. Pure fabrication.



Dear, Inusa how are you? I hope you are fine and all is well with you?
“Please don’t be annoyed by these words but I think it is best for the both of us. Please please please don’t be annoyed I beg of you Inusa, maybe everyone just have to say the truth.
I want to start by saying thank you for everything if accepted, thank you yanzu, I would say I now know what is going on which you never wanted to tell me but I will say that is not fair.”



Ese, in the letter professed love to Yunusa, disclosing she had refused friendship requests from four other Hausa boys.

Furthermore, the letter reads:




“When I started selling here, I met [b]Abubakar who once told me that he had fellings for me but I can never send because I did not have fellings for him, so I turned him down.[/b]
“Then again I met Genedu and I also turned him down.
“Now, it is Dantata which everybody knows that he loves me dearly but I find a lot of faults in him and don’t love him back. He has done his best to stay down and beg about one year now, if I am right, I will never lie to you Inusa.
“Dantata has been begging me to love him back but as soon as I wanted to fall for him you came back into my life. I still know that Dantata is still waiting for me only if I will accept him.
“Inusa I now know that you also love me and I have decided to love you back. I love you Inusa but sometimes I do think Dantata is still seeking.


“My name as known by myself is RITA and my main problem is that if I love you (Inusa) and you also love me what will become of us.
“You once told me you like me more than anyone else, but now I have seen how far you have gone in this case because it is very serious to me.
ou asked me to help you in just three ways in which you said:
“Follow me to my village – Kano State
“Leave your religion for mine – Christian & Muslim
“It is only you I love and no other person.
“I have already accepted the first quest then while decide to tell me that you cannot take me along with you the same day it is very unfair. Inusa why, just tell me why you decide to be unfair.




“Well Inusa there were many other Hausa boys who asked for friendship but did not get it. I had so many people who I have lived with do you know what it means to live the people you had lived with for 13 good years of life.
“Think on me Inusa please
“I beg of you Inusa please
“Think of me
“My heart beats immediately or anytime I see you if you know how much I love you you will not think about hurting my feelings.
“I still stand by you Inusa, yeallo yellow my best colour but one question who made you think.
“I write this because I am sick and tired of this baldadash I hear everyday.
“You should know this Genedu, Abubakar, Saidu are humans for crying out loud. Inusa to conclude this, taught you can solve this problem by just one thing.



“Your address and your phone number, maybe if we have to go one by one we shall do just that.
“No matter what happens I still love you Inusa
“No matter what the case may be I still love you Inusa
“From yours dearly Rita a.k.a Ese.”

ArchEnemy:
She has probably done that but Bae won't listen or quarrel

I don't know how people manage to stay friends with an ex to the extent of chatting on social media. He's still into the babe, it's obvious but it's disrespectful to the wife. From my own perspective, he's an immature guy. Even if he has feelings for his ex, he should work on getting over it.
Dear wife, you have married an immature guy. You know what works on him. Don't hesitate to use it.

mineANDurs:
If that is a problem, then it's left for women to solve. U guys shuld leave woman matter, focus ur attention on finding a solution to d ever increasing erectile dysfunction cos It is becoming a topic at most female gathering these days.

Advice those in the gatherings to tell their husbands to quit drinking and smoking.

Express how you feel by talking.
Talk to someone he can't refuse their words. Almost everyone has such a person in their lives. Ire o.

Comic

Rukkydelta:
Like the woman na dope.....the so called husband for no dey yarn all this rubbish..............One reason why a woman should be independent, I'll never depend on a man for means of livelihood

Very funny. So if any man terminates his marriage with a woman, it has to be he's feeding the woman. Very funny indeed.
If you're Alakija or Winfrey and I'm a primary school teacher, if I'm not comfortable with your decisions, you're leaving. Simple. Family first...other things follow.
This has nothing to do with financial independence.

I guess you married the first or last born of the house.

Saraki has gone on Twitter and said he paid for the stuff; not a gift.
So much for Nairaland and source. Nonsense.
Some of us compose our own topics but for it to enter FP, it must be sourced.
Cc Seun

beautycrush24:
For once, i agree with dis freeze guy. I've always wondered why TB Joshua is not in jail. The problem with Nigeria is Nigerians. Just imagine what some people are saying. And u want nigeria to grow. Smh

You're agreeing wrongly.
The owner of a business is not always liable to court. Let me give you an example. If you eat any Dangote product and fell sick and you decided to sue, do you feel you'd be taking Alhaji Aliko Dangote to court himself? No. It's the MD of that particular plant that produced the product you ate.
If you know Lekki gardens very well, Akpabio is the owner. Why is he not in jail or arrested now? It's the managers who are meant to be arrested. For TB, the MD or contractor who handled the building would be the one(s) to be arrested not TB.

Freeze is a fool.
Is TB Joshua a contractor?
The owner of Lekki gardens is Godswill Akpabio. He's walking free too. Contractors get arrested not owners.

The man is aware she's financially ok. Yet he doesn't care. It's not about oppressing her, the dude is bored and finding solace in his ex but his wife can't see.
She should walk away, it makes no difference to the guy.

If he can't ask the man, he's probably not matured enough to get married.
My friend asked his father-in-law then. He said women in their family find it hard giving birth after marriage.
Your friend needs to ask him.

Go to Ajah roundabout and Obalende, see those market girls. Come back to Nairaland and redefine 'massive'

Hysmady:
So true...My stepmom is a victim right now...She needs serious psychology test

Quite sorry to hear that. She could start by talking to a Psychologist before talking about testing.

Yea

Miracles convey the idea of God and they are to increase the faith and trust of God’s elect people. But it should be known that as present-day Christians, it has become a really dangerous thing if the only way we see God is via miracles.

Firstly, we need to understand that the Devil can perform miracles (Deuteronomy 13:2-13, Mathew 7:22 & Rev. 13:13-end) in an attempt to deceive believers. The reason why the bible warned Christians to test all spirits is not far-fetched (1 Th 5:21; 1 Jn 4:1). Many centres of worship which are filled to capacity are places where the lame walk, the blind see etc on a daily basis. In an attempt of finding God, many people have been led into the den of the devil—no wonder you see headlines like Pastor rapes teenager at the altar, pastor makes church members eat grass, pastor pulls woman’s breasts for miracle. So sad. Due to the fact that people can see substance, they automatically believe such men are of God. The phrase “miracle centre” is synonymous to when you work answers out by any means ‘magical’. A friend of mine approached a man for ‘solution’ on a tussle over a land issue. This pastor told him they would do some things on a bible and BURY THE BIBLE on the land. My friend fled. As a Christian, if you’re filled with the spirit of God, the moment you step into a church, your spirit won’t be right with the aura of the church if it’s of the devil but sadly we Christians of today are Christians just by our names.

Secondly, miracles can be staged. I was told the story of a guy who posed lame for a mighty ‘man of God’ sometimes ago in Lagos. After the wonderful performance on stage that drew thousands to the church, the man was paid off and now sells cars in Lagos. The poverty and sickness that have taken over Africa have led people into believing everything they see. There are copious examples all over. The guy who observed and concluded that religion is the opium of the masses is not far from the truth. Mind you, masses here means poor people.

Thirdly, humans can create some of these miracles. This is the leading factor of the diminishing church population in advanced countries. Technology has brought man closer to God. Today, scientists can create perfect children right from the foetus stage, people can change sex, face change, breasts can be enlarged and reduced, lame can walk thanks to stem cell technology, liver and kidney can be printed just like JAMB slip, surgeries can be done with 99% success rate. Who needs God?! I always wonder, if God decides to answer all prayers in Nigeria today, how many of us will be in church in two weeks’ time? This is to say that many of us are in church because of one battle or the other—lack of husband, sickness, poverty, ancestral curses, fashion parade, clueless attendance etc. May be people don’t really care about God, they just want to be ok. May be that is why the prayer with loudest amen in churches is “this week, you shall break through” or “your benefactor shall locate you”. Just may be.
In order to stay focused/test the spirit, we need to believe the bible rather than miracles of these days. We need to study the bible rather than ‘my pastor says’. Always check the background of the teaching of your pastor from the bible. If your pastor is performing a miracle, ask yourself would Jesus have done it like this? Would Jesus pull a woman by her breast? Would Jesus have fired airtime to people’s phones? Would Jesus sell handkerchief, would Jesus have asked to bathe to full grown woman in a river? Would Jesus have preached naked? Would Jesus have asked people to carry him so that his feet won’t touch the ground? If your answer is no, you’re attending the den of the devil. If Jesus Christ was all those, he would have changed stone to bread [hungry pastors], he would have taken the world’s riches all to himself [pastorpreneurs/guy men], he would have jumped from the mountain because the Angels would have saved him [opportunists who take advantage of their congregation’s obedience, vulnerability and ignorance]


My article is not directed towards any organization or persons. Please note. This is a street observation. Thanks for your time.

http://nifemiolu..com.ng