₦airaland Forum

Vure's man is the abused one in this case.

ileobatojo: God bless you!! It's really quite scary.

Why didn't she quit when she was still in the Uni? She waited till he saw her through sch and even got her a job to accuse the man of having tendencies of an abuser! Abeg abeg abeg

theLORDreigns: An abusive person never wants their partner to progress. Someone had earlier posted how her abusive husband didn't allow her defend her project talk-less of getting a job.
From experience, I can tell you that when I left my abusive partner, I was in my university final year at the time. My ex called my level coordinator & tried to bribe him into changing my results & giving me multiple spill-overs. His exact words to the man were "I never want her to graduate" It took d intervention of GOD for me to be where I am today. No abusive person wants their victim to succeed.

God bless you

[quote author=Omo_Alata]After the last few posts, I can see why some women in Vure position maybe too scare to talk, cos of fear of being judged and dissected.[/quote]So, it is right for her and her likes to abuse, use and dump innoncent guys?

ileobatojo: So if you commit yourself to a relationship you can never leave? What about broken engagements? The bride that canceled her wedding and invited the homeless nko? Was she not committed? People that marry and divorce? Did they not commit themselves? There are no guarantees in matters of the heart except you are saying people can no longer express their free will in relationships.

So, she should hang the dog by giving it a bad name! What goes around surely comes around.

ileobatojo: Buka, don't guilt or scare this woman into marrying this guy. No curse can stick if she makes good faith effort to do things right. About the unquantified things you mentioned, that is true for any relationship, doesn't mean one can't end it whenever you want.

You don't commit yourself into a relationship you knew wasn't going to work. I remember in my second year in the Uni, a friend in Europe sent me some Euros. My mum got to know of it, she wasn't pleased at all. She made sure every cent was returned. She said when you collect such gifts from a man, it means you have consented.

bukatyne: If she does any how and the guy curses her, it will stick.

That's why some people have undefined problems in future

Walahi! The curse will catch you o! I think he's a good guy. For the mere fact, he didn't tke advantage of you all these years is a plus. Think about it.

bukatyne: Vure,

I am assuming that you knew he wanted to marry you that's why he trained you in the first place.

Remember that anyone who breaks an agreement will suffer it in the end.

You might want to pay the man back his 'money' but know that some things cannot be quantified. You can't measure his care, his sweat, his time etc.

Sit down and really view everything over and over again to see what you have issues with apart from the following:

Your age;
the age difference;
your exposure/his lack of;
his education etc.

While I will never support abuse of any form, some little flaws like the above listed can be worked on. If it's your age, it could be a plus for you. However, if he is abusive, then take a walk.

It is only an irresponsible mother/parent who would let another person esp. male who is undefined train her child esp. female

The man himself get im own for body... 27 to about 16?

And he didn't take advantage of you during the 5 years. Hmmmmmmm! This case is delicate o. I would like you to be very careful here. He practically trained you in school and in return, he wants to marry you. If he's not abusive, you may have to reconsider your stand. You should not have allowed him spend his money on you all these years.

Vure: Thanks alot ma'am.
He doesn't stop me from seeing friends directly but from his reactions whenever I go out he really hates me being with them..
At times he just suddenly comes up with this great urgency to hang out and thats especially when Im 'sposed to be with my friends.

My dear, runnnnn for your dear life! Possessiveness? That's how it starts. Tear race o.

Vure: Im scared.
Im in a relationship with a man 11 years older than I am. He proposed to me just last week and it may lead to marriage.
He's a total sweetheart, loves me and I think adores me.

Everyone in my family in fond of him.
He's sooo (too) interested in my past. Who Ive been with, all my friends he wants to meet.
He's extremely kind and caring but Im scared of him. When I think of him, I get chills.
I dunno why I feel like this.

I've gone through this thread and the qualities of an Abuser before marriage are all there but then again maybe im just making it seem that way?

He hasn't given me reason to think he's an abuser tho but..... *sighs*
Well im a young girl (21) and my mouth runs alot, extremely stuborn and not a pushover at all, Im quite popular(thats what broke my last relationship) but he seems facinated by my character.
One time he said I'll have to stop speaking to most of my friends. Is it normal?

Lol... I dunno if Im wasting my time looking for things that aren't there.. Just need to talk to someone about this relationship. Its scary.

Does he stop you from seeing your friends? He may not be an abuser. My hubby is more than ten years older than me and I have never been abused one day. In fact, he made sure I went back to the university for my masters and currently going for my phd. He gave me so much independence knowing fully well I won't abuse it. He treats me like a queen, honestly. He is amazing. My family loves him so much. As far as he is concerned, my parents are his parents. He gave me a voice to speak against any injustice anyone may want to dish my way. He taught me how to speakmy mind without being insulting. I stood up to his older and younger one when they planned to abuse me because am not from their tribe. He encouraged me to speak up and today, they dare not plan or say evils against me. I think you should watch him closely, pray and then make up your mind.

@Babayosisi, I can't stop laughing here! Your friend is a very smart woman! Hahahahaha! No be only ugba and okporoko! Isi ewu nko?

LesbianBoy: This kaffy loves sex ahn ahn.......so she is pregnant again? What a CHEAP girl she is!

Na wao! Kaffy is MARRIED AND THEREFORE ENTITILED TO FUCKERY. SHE'S NO CHEAP ABEG! Kaffy is simply amazing. Well done girl.

sexymoma: i know it only DANO that can do such bonanza
Peak-milk can never do such not even cowbell.....

Hahahahahahajahahahahahahahahahahaha! DANO Ko, COWBELL ni.

Am so excited for Kenyantta. Glad you are almost out of that pycho's grips. Help is already on your way dearie. #dancing and singing unto the Lord#

Na waooo! Insecurities and cowardice! I have an aunt the brother inlaw used to beat up because her husband is late. She hid it for a long time from my her brothers because the man was of financial help to her. The day my dad and her brothers heard, chei!, it was like a third world war. They marched into the man's compound, dragged him out and gave him a very stern and serious warning. You can imagine having three huge tall men walk into your house very early in the morning with actions. That was the last time he laid his filthy hands on my aunt.
I live my dad's family cos they believe in action.
They ensured their sister was financially set up, thus, she became independent and free from the wolf of a brother in law.

@ Babyosisi, I agree with you 101%. An insecure man will do anything to weaken his wife financially, physically, spiritually and otherwise! They are just cowards! Keep your family closer to you, he won't try any rubbish! Why must a woman be a housewife in the first place? My best friend was a housewife for a long time! If the husband didn't bring money, they wouldn't eat! A graduate ! The man has 2 cars, he would cruise them while my friend (pregnant then) would take a bike with her little baby then! My husband was very angry at the man! He said this is just pure wickedness! One day, they came visiting, we seized the opportunity to ask the man to allow the wife learn and use one of the cars! My hubby told him "It is an eye-sore when I see you in an Ac car while behind you coming are your wife and baby on a bike". Thank God, the man listened! She learnt and today drives.
I asked her to go get a job and quit staying at home! She fought with the man before she got that job! I advised her to go back to sch for a master's degree. She did! She started standing up for herself! The husband told her I was a bad influence, that she should stop visiting me! My friend told her, that would be the last thing she would do! Am her only family here! Which is true! She threathned to go back to the North with her children and end the marriage. The man had to allow her! Today, she's financially independent! In fact, she's the one taking care of the home now because the hubby is under some financial stress now!

swag queen: You know i was beginning to be convinced that age has something to do with abusive men especially!

I don't think so. Have a family friend whose ex-hubby was beating blueblack. He is just a few yrs older than her. She left the marriage sharp sharp! Today, she's remarried to an older man and blessed with a baby. The new hubby worships her in fact!

Chei! Some men and women sef! My dear, don't leave your children! Take everyone of them along! Man beat or maltreat me? Not on his life! Anyway, am married to someone more than 10yrs older but he adores me!

tontolo: @ venuss, you cant imagine the kind of nightwears have invested in, am not fat and neither am i flat, i look 10 or more years younger than my age, i change my wardrobe frequently, i have come to realise that am not the problem. On two different occasions when he broke down with emotion, he told me it was masturbation addiction and that he needs me, Right now am just hanging onto God cos everyone advice is that i should leave him, even my family. (confidked in my dad thinking he can talk to him since his is late). But i think its more spiritual as he seem to refuse any sort of help or talk about it but i believe at the end of the tunnel is my light, shinning so brightly.
To everyone contributing to this thread, thanks cos you have helped lot of women know, they are not alone in their struggles .

Am sorry to say this but I have a feeling your hubby is gay. I might be wrong and I don't intend to hurt your feelings. Which hubby goes for months without touching the wife, even on a honeymoon?

@ Venuss, the Good God will surprise you soonest. Hang in there.
@ Mychildren, I thank God for you o. You see why we advised for second and third opinions. He has just started with you.

babyosisi: This is one of the finest things I have read on nairaland in a long time.
I wish every woman could read this story and the way it is unfolding
You will be fine
My sister was pregnant and crying On my shoulders after escaping her abusive husband
I didn't cry with her
I had to be the anchor to say look sis,wipe your tears,you will be fine,I and our siblings and parents will support you emotionally and financially till you can stand on your feet and today she is doing just wonderful ,in her own apartment with her own car and taking care of herself.
So I say that to you too
You will be alright
There will be moments you will be down and mourn the loss of your marriage but look on the good side

No more beatings
No more cursing at you
No more running around on you with random women
No negativities
Your self esteem will be built back to what it should be
You will be the strong woman that God made you to be
An excellent mother with happy children
A wage earner
To crown it all your mother and family are solidly behind you and
God is on your side
What else could you ask for?

This is the dawn of a new day
Surround yourself with good positive and supportive people
Hold your head up high and move forward
God bless

Kudos to these ideas of yours. Now, you are talking. Pls more of this from you. Encourage them and not the other way round. God bless you too.

hensben: I've noticed that guys/men should love their wife/girlfriend rather than respect them because if u do(respecting them) and they notice, automatically you become a coward to them. Even the bible clearly stated this that men should love their wife while women respect your husband. I'm not saying you should treat your partner like rag but reserve your respect for her rather than showing it. Guys what do you think? Women are made to respect we men. Always remember this verse in the bible so you will not turn the tail instead of the head of a home or in a relationship.

You are just à pyscho

Am so so speechless. God will continue to save us from these gullible and wicked doctors.

@ Mychildren, so sorry for what you are passing through. But, I will suggest you seek a second opinion from another hospital. Sometimes, some diagnosis are just wrong and the people concerned just suffer for nothing. Seek second and third opinions, then take it from there.The Good Lord will do it for you

kenyattamoore: To those who trying to help with their advices and some info of people to contact here ,I say thankyou very much,may God reward you as he knows how.
@babyos i I pray that your daughters or relatives never go through what I am going right now ,it might seem a movie to you but wait till it happens to somebody close to you then you will know that these people exist

Please don't mind that self acclaimed holy angel called babyosisi. You don't owe her further explanations, she will NEVER AND CAN NEVER OFFER YOU ANY VALUABLE HELP! Concentrate on the genuine help from Nairalanders here and liberate yourself fom that psycho before he kills you. You are in my prayers.

babyosisi: You must be enjoying it then
You neither live with or are married to him and yet you let him have this much control over you to the extent of confessing death unto your life.
I hope you leave a letter from the grave that will make NL Frontpage when you finally end up RIP
Honestly I feel like slapping some commonsense into you right now
Are you crazy?

You again? Quit this your holier than thou attitude you portray on every forum you follow! Jeez, it is so awful!

Thank you Blendy, Oga Inwangobio,Venuss, Amaturahman and others.
Hmmm! I applied just a little faith and it worked. It happened naturally when I was least expecting it, when I have lost hope of starting the third ivf journey in August, just when I forgot about it. I remembered telling Uncle Inwangobio that I will come for the children's dedication in Abuja heavily pregnant. When I had to cancel the procedure in August cos we were not ready, I was worried that I wouldn't make it as planned. I didn't know that the Lord had a shocker for me. With the type of medical report hubby has, before men, it would be impossible but with God, He made everything possible at his right time. JUST BELIEVE AND APPLY THAT LITTLE FAITH. HE WILL DO IT FOR EVERYONE OF US ON THIS FORUM

He was the breadwinner of his family. The inlaws rather benefitted from him. I never believed in the efficacy of fetish things, until that woman came into my mum's family.

Chillisauce: What he gaining from the marriage? What stopped him from walking away and never look back? at least he would be alive now.

My dear, It was deeper than we thought. He left once and was advised by his family not to eat in his in-laws's when he visited them. He was heavily manipulated and the mother-in-law is too fetish. He later informed my mum few days before he was killed, how he was taken to one herbalist by the mother in law because my mum saw the marks on his body while she was cleaning his body in the hospital. And that was it! He turned against everyone of his family members. The wife transferred all his money to her acct, moved his two cars to her mother's, every valuable thing, he had was moved. It was strangers who located our house to inform us because by then, he was already too sick. My parents had to pick him up at his home, and got him to the hospital. The wife left him a big jar of ice cream to eat all day and went for her business. His feet were so swollen. He was a pathetic and horrible sight.
She visited him in the hospital and finished up what she started. The very day he died, she dressed up in her jeans and sleeveless top and went for her business as if it was a chicken that died.
We never suspected any foul play until 2 months after his death, the nurses who were on night duty narrated all that transpired in the hospital that night. Of course, they were sacked and that was the last time we visited the hospital. It is a very sad and long story.
People should be very careful who they get married to. All that glitters in never gold. If you are in an abusive relationship, LEAVE!

coogar: the most painful thing here is men cannot even say these things in public. how many men can go to a police station & say they have been abused by their wives. in the UK, the man would most likely be arrested on the spot.

It wasn't because he was a weakling but because he didn't want to be seen as a wife beater. He tolerated all her thrash. I have seen her chased my uncle with a pestle in their home in Ghana. The poor man ran into the guest toilet for hours. I was there pleading she dropped the pestle and settle amicably with the husband. It was hell watching them every now and then fight. My 3 months visit was horrible. I vowed never to get married if that was what marriage was all about. However, I remembered my parents and the peace they have in their marriage, I realised my unle and the wife were never meant to be together as husband and wife. He had made the worst mistake of his life.

Men also get physically and emotionally abused. That's how one wicked woman from the pit of hell my uncle married abused him till he died. Yes, she strangled him in his hospital bed. Did I forget to tell you my uncle was her 2nd husband who died in her hands. Everyday, I curse her and I will never ever allow any woman abuse my brothers. I worship and honour my husband and in return, I get a queenly treatment that I deserve. My mum and her family watched until they lost their son and brother in the name of IT WILL BE FINE IN THE END! Was it fine eventually? HELL NO! I repeat, NO WOMAN WILL MALTREAT MY BROTHERS AND NO MAN WILL MALTREAT MY SISTERS. Once bitten, twice shy. Never again!

Well, where do I start from? I have been holding onto this o but it is time I come clean before someone exposes me here. Well, join me to praise the King of kings who made me pregnant in August after two failed IVFs. I will come back for a complete testimony. He surprised me, am still in a state of shock. He is an AWESOME GOD.