I do sympathise with you, OP.
However, your narrative was scanty.
Because you did not provide enough info, that is why many questions are being asked you by readers.

Let me say outright that your husband was hasty and impatient.
Usually couples should not start getting anxious until after 2-3 years of regular sleeping together at least 3 times a week.
I know many couples that waited 5-8 years.

That you feel devastated implies that you are most likely not to be the cause.
What is your menstrual cycle like? Is it regular?
Do you or did you have a health issue that may be related to the delay in getting pregnant?

Do you have suspicions about the ability of your husband to make a woman pregnant.
What was it like before two of you got married? Did anything change?
Is there another woman somewhere?

When you broke up, was it just a statement made out of frustration or has he taken steps to really end the marriage?
As long as he has not done so, he is still married to you.

My advice is to adopt a wait-and-see attitude.
Go about your normal duties but gently talk to him that it might be too early to get worried about you getting pregnant.
Only tell his parents and/or your people if he gets physical or no longer performs his duties.
Some people start with their pastor or God-parents, or the man's best and influential friend.
Then you may have to take a break from the house.

My opinion anyway. It may not be the best.

EagleNest:


It's not the rarest. In fact it's common. Its how most African families are built like a step ladder in terms of responsibilities. It's not about roles we play while growing up - but the shift of burden of parenting to the first child immediately he/she starts earning money.

And woe betide you if you have many siblings, you end up growing white hair in ur early youth. To make matter worst your siblings sees it as a right and have such great expectations that you are "supposed" to be successful so that you take care of them.

I have seen a lot and I have experienced it myself but I was wise to set my goals early in life and insisted to follow that set goals to the latter... but that did not absolve me from taking some of those parental duties like paying school fees and university accommodations for my siblings even while barely new to a job of which salary can barely take care of me.

The OP made so much sense because many a times the first child suffer in silence trying to balance things. In fact they sacrifice their joy and future to put bring other up. And if it happens that your dad is the irresponsible one or seriously handicapped financially, then you might opt to stop school to lessen their burden and contribute to the Commonwealth of the family at the expense of yourself. There are so many versions of this problem and I think it's high time this is brought to the fore so that parents should plan for their family and not transfer responsibility so early in the life of their first child thereby distorting things. I don dey vex now...

Do not lose track of the original OP's drift;
That it is common practice for parents to forcefully unload the duties they owe their children on the eldest child.

We seem to make it look like these parents develop broken hands and legs and do nothing to assist.
It doesn't really have to be the eldest child per say that takes up the responsibilities in question.
The one following him/her can equally assist where possible, but because of the traditional position of the eldest, he/she has the first charge.

In most societies that have traditions, roles trickle downwards.
The eldest cannot see the younger one with a runny nose and not wipe him/her.

Fourwinds:
I have observed a lot of responds from contributors aleady and it speaks about a typical Nigerian home setting(average and poor)....now what do u mean by prostitution in my write up.? I'm telling u when it becomes a burden to some parents they discretely usher their girls into marriage and u call dat one prostitution.? I believe u are learned....so read well...secondly I don't know y u are try to make it personal.....one I'm not d eldest in my family ok....again I walked myself up d ladder ok...my elder ones are there and I don't trouble them but don't think it is same with other families

I did not misrepresent you, please.
Below is from your previous response:

..."have u not heard of some parent tactically pushing their daughters to men to source for money.? and in d course of "waka waka" some evenetually get married through pregnancy in order to ease their burden.?"

I need to be educated on how this refers to parents giving their daughters out in marriage.

Osahon7:
IF I BECOME A NIGERIAN SENATOR, AM GONNA TO MOVE A MOTION THAT WILL CONSTITUTIONAL EMPOWER THE FED GOVT AND STATE GOVT TO CONTROL THE NUMBER OF KIDS EVERY FAMILY SHOULD HAVE.

THIS PRACTICE IS COMMON AMONGST ALL THESE POOR PEOPLE.THEY KEEP GIVING BIRTH LIKE DOGS AND THIER CHILDREN KIDS CONSTITUTING NUISANCE TO THE SOCIETY.
WHY GIVE BIRTH TO 10 CHILDREN WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR SOURCE OF INCOME IS VIA TAXI DRIVING OR BUS DRIVING?
GOVT SHOULD INTERVENE PLEASE!
KIDNAPPING,ARMED ROBBERY AND SOCIAL VICES STARTS WHEN THE FAMILY UNIT HAS FAILED.

Bros, the number of children has nothing to do with it.
Before the 4th or 5th child is born, the parents normally would have started the first born in school, handiwork,etc.
So normally he/she would come of age and start making money before the others.
In that case, should he/she turn his/her back on the problems of the family?

ivolt:
@ sexybbstar you are only scratching the surface, Nigerian parents invest heavily both
materially and emotionally on their first borns, so expecting him/her to take care
of some responsibility is justified.

I have seen families where wealthy uncles even contribute to their nephews
empowerment. It is the Nigerian family code that is at work.

Take the US for example, some parents usually leave their kids to fend
for themselves after high school and many are even asked to move
out of the parents house, left with little choice, may kids have to take
up debt to finance their own education. This hardly happens in the Nigerian setting
where parents feel responsible for the child until he/she is successful except
the parent are indigent.
No wonder many american adults put their parents in senior homes
and only visit them during christmas.

I see your post as encouraging selfishness and attempting to destroy the ladder one
used in climbing up after benefiting from the same system.

When children are tired of the current system, parents will also stop
investing in post-high school life of their children, so they can focus
on the younger siblings.

In cases where parents contribute nothing to the child's success
or the eldest child is not financially buoyant, then he/she can
boycott any responsibility placed on him.

God bless you.
You hit the nail right on the head!
Some respondents here are making the issue look like it is about parents having too many children, which it is not.
Whether the children are 2 or 3 in number, the issue is what is the role of the eldest child towards his/her other 1 or 2 siblings?

Do parents force responsibilities on their kids that they cannot handle? I doubt it.

BroZuma:


My guy this your sharp mouth nah because you dey recieving end...

Huhmnnn?
BroZuma, I no dey receive at all.
In fact, I have been giving and happily too.

A few years ago, I saw the need to put a cousin, just a cousin, in a better secondary school with boarding facility.
I just came back from Youth Service.

On December 24 of that year, I took him to a big market and bought every item that was in the new school's prospectus.
That trip left a huge hole in my pocket.
I saw him through school. He is now a mechanical engineer.

See, this thing is like a cycle:at some point, somebody looked out for you, so why won't you do so for someone else?
We are Africans, not Europeans.

Fourwinds:
u are here saying all these nonsense...it is like u never meet some parents....even at age 50 they will deliberately leave d children to fend for themselves...have u not heard of some parent tactically pushing their daughters to men to source for money.? and in d course of "waka waka" some evenetually get married through pregnancy in order to ease their burden.? see u need move around and know d average Nigeria home dat leave below two dollars a day

No need going back and forth on this matter.
But you are deviating from the point.
Parents sending their female children into prostitution is different from the issue here, which is the role of the eldest child in the family.
Please tell me, if you are the eldest in your family, what would be your role towards your siblings?

ImaIma1:


This actually happens. It is very rampant. The 1st child is saddled with that responsibility of educating/setting up the younger ones. Off course there are things that the older ones should do lovingly for the younger ones but it has been abused and turned to a duty.

I had both rural and urban upbringing.
What I have seen happen is that in situations where both parents are no longer financially OK due to old age or ill-health, the eldest takes more responsibilities.

In fact this role is a common theme in majority of Nollywood movies. The eldest not only takes care of the younger ones, they also take care of the parents.

Of course it is sheer wickedness for reasonably well-to-do parents to transfer the duties they owe their young ones to their eldest children by force.

Khonifer:


No. The story isn't peculiar to the op. You are probably from a good family that's why you're saying this. I also have a similar story. A 32 year old cousin, engaged for the past four years because his parents flat out told him he can't get married until his 5 younger ones are through with school. Yes. University and everything.

The funniest thing is the youngest is just in SS2

A lot of parents turn the 1st child into a parent. The same reason my 20 year old coursemate is soon getting married to a rich man she has no iota of feelings for. How else would her younger ones feed and get an education?

Your cousin's case is a rare one.
I have been around a bit and I am yet to see or hear a case where a parent gave such an ultimatum to their child.
Parents may hint that as the oldest, you have to also help look after your younger ones. Original OP was making a sweeping generalisation.

A customary marriage is a bona fide marriage, with or without the bits you mentioned.
So the lifespan of your marriage starts on January 10th. That is your anniversary.

Happy married life.

** Please do not mind some of the vulgar responses.
There are many juveniles who come here thinking it is a playground.

I don't know how the OP arrived at her conclusions but I beg to disagree.
In every family, there is hierarchy and each level, from the oldest to the youngest child, has its expected roles and responsibilities.

I do not agree that a parent would, without some form of empowerment in the form of education or vocational training, totally transfer the burden of catering to the younger ones to the eldest. You would be talking of a family where the man is a loafer, a drunkard.
Or a case where both parents are debilitated and can no longer earn a living.

The case the OP quoted must be a very peculiar one.

The first child is a mini parent. He/she guides and looks after the younger ones, including buying them items.
These are roles they happily assume, even without being asked to do so.

But that does not mean the parents have taken their hands off their statutory responsibilities.
Or what would they be doing with their money if they have it?

GoodMuyis:
Which Kind Low Quality Questions be this

Don't mind them.
Next time, somebody will ask if it is a sin for a man to make his wife pregnant on Weekends.
Too many dummies on NL!

In those days when TVs were box-like, there used to be room dividers with space to hold the TV.
Nowadays, TVs have gone flat and mounting them on the wall has become fashionable. But how and where we mount them is often a matter of estimation.” No,” it’s too high.” “Move down a little,” bla, bla …

The main consideration in wall-mounted TVs is viewing comfort.
Due to constraints of space, most people mount their TVs where they find space. I have been to homes and offices, where the TVs are so high on the wall that I developed headache and eye strain few minutes into watching their TVs. Restaurants are guilty of this practice.

The eye muscles should not overwork themselves keeping your eyes open while watching your TV. According to experts, the things to guide you in choosing the correct height from the floor to mount your TV are:

(1) The Viewing Distance (VD) – This is the distance from where you are sitting to the wall where you intend to mount your TV.

(2) Your Eye Level Height (ELH) – When you sit on a couch and look level in front at your wall without looking up or down, the distance from the floor to the spot on the wall you are looking at is your ELH. Your eyes should be relaxed at this height.

(3) The TV size (TVS) – This could be 40, 50, 60 inches as the case may be.

Viewing Distance (VD): If you do not know the distance from the position of your chair to your wall, you can find the VD if you know the size of your TV by using the formula VD =TVS/0.55.
So if your TV is a 60-inch set, your VD will be 60 divided by 0.55 or 109 inches. This is roughly 9 feet.

The TV Mounting Height (TVMH):

Now that you know the distance between you and the TV, how high should it be on the wall so that watching your TV won’t be a curse?

The purpose of this thread is to bring attention to the need to place our TVs on the wall for optimum viewing comfort. And to do that, we have to know how far we are from the TV (VD) and how high above the floor our eyes rise on the horizontal level (ELH) when we sit to watch TV.

The TV Mounting Height can be calculated from the formula TVMH = ELH + (VD x 0.22).
That is, multiply your viewing distance by 0.22 and add the result to your eye level height.
Example: say your ELH is 40 inches and your viewing distance is 100 inches, then the TVMH will be 40 + (100 x 0.22) or 62 inches.

Note that if you take measurement in inches, every other parameter should be in inches. Same if you want to measure in feet. Best to use inches since TV size is measured in inches.


Also note that the ELH is measured from the floor to the center of the TV screen, not from floor to bottom of TV. So if your TV measures 60 by 30 inches, The ELH would be from the floor to 15 inches above the bottom of the TV.

If you watch your TV mostly reclining such as in the bedroom, your eye level will be higher in which case TV is mounted higher up the wall.

Ever observed that in the cinema, the most comfortable place to sit is in the middle of the room because this is where the center of the screen is level with your eyes. Those sitting right in front will have to bend their neck backward to look up to the screen. It can be very uncomfortable.

So when next you visit your friend, ask him or her how they arrived at their mount height; whether it was a matter of taste in design or functionality.

In addition to some coins, lipsticks and female plastic hair brush, I found a bra way inside under the driver's seat. It must have forgotten.

hayjayman:
Guy carry your automobile go give correct auto mechanic and stop all this English language lectures....it's a minor problem...abi you wan make I tell you to service the gear again ?!!

I am not the one that created this section and I am not the only one that has posted his/her car problems here.

If you have a car of your own and been to an auto shop, you will understand the importance of narrowing down your diagnoses before going in for repairs, especially when different shops make different diagnosis.

And if you find my use of English to be above your station, sorry there is nothing I can do about it.

mayor2013:


Complete wheel hub or just the bearing? If bearing what method was used to install the bearing

It was a complete wheel hub assembly.

mayor2013:
You would not get that kind of sound from differential area. Have you thoroughly inspected your suspension parts. Best bet have the front tyres suspended. Engage transmission and listen carefully. Any vibration when driving? If am to take a guess check your wheel hubs

Incidentally all the suspension parts were installed few months ago: shocks, suspension links, bars & bushings.

New tyre rods, ball joints, lower control arms, even a rear trailing arm. I do get what feels like occasional bounce in the front end. Tyres still have good threads.

Driver side wheel hub was changed few months ago.

Is it not more decent and more mature to make the proposal in the quietness of a room or some such setting? Why the drama?

It appears these guys first of all hire a camera man to capture what should otherwise take everybody by surprise. I tire sef.

hayjayman:
Drive shift suspected!!!

What baffles me is that the noise is different from the typical bad drive shaft noise. But the fact that it is louder on turning to the right makes that a possibility.

I tend to think of issues in the inner CVS joint.

mayor2013:
Where is the differential on a Camry 1996?

The differential is right inside the gear box as a separate unit. The oil refill hole is on the inderside of the gear box.
You need to jack car up and use a pump or syringe to pump in the oil.
Apart from checking the gear box oil, that one, too, needs to be checked from time to time.

mayor2013:


Bring it to to the workshop for a free inspection. Address on my signature

Thanks for the offer, but the vehicle location is far from you. Any idea what might be the problem?

Do I take it that there are no more auto experts in the house. Or is this one a tough nut to crack?
Please do not disappoint me.

You did not mention the age of your boy.
However, I think you should find out who is the man.

Use every trick available.
Someone mentioned giving him a treat or stuff like that to gradually weaken his defences.

If I were you, I would tell him stories that boys lose their genitals when strangers play with their "thing."
That kidnappers do that to boys they plan to kidnap. Surely he wouldn't want that to happen to him.

Beats me though why he wouldn't tell you who.

Please help.
Car is 1996 Camry 2.2l automatic making a clicking sound while driving.

The sound is like that of a new bicycle wheel turning - kick, kick, kick.

It occurs driving straight but gets louder if the wheel is turned slightly to the right. Clicks get slower or faster according to the car speed.

It is not the typical crack crack sound of a bad CV joint thst occurs mostly only while turning. shift fine and movement is good.

When the driver side wheel is jacked up in the neutral gear position and the wheel turned, the click click sound is heard in the region of the inner CV joint area.

Mechanic thought it was from the differential area because it was almost completely empty. Transmission fluid was put in but the sound is still there.

Please I need experts in the house to help figure out this problem for me.
Many thanks.

To keep us and themselves busy, they always think up something to say.

Adult literacy education existed in the past in local government areas. As usual, it was abandoned after a while. Now this.

Married women don't need the establishment of a school to learn how to make Zobo drink, soap, or hair. Places exist in Churches and social groups to learn those. Our money should notbe wwasted!

emperordelis:
So many people will come out here to judge you for what you've done.even though there are certain questions you are yet to answer.my candid advice to you,is for you to keep it as your secret.some things are better left unsaid and some sins are meant to remain in the dark...if you are truely sorry and willing to never go back to it again then i will forgive you if i was God.shit happens and we derail every now and then,what matters most is our sincerity in realizing what we've done and being sorry for them.finally,"na only thief wey dem catch be thief"

There are very few mature responses to this matter and yours is one of them.
It is very easy to say " tell him" without weighing the repercussions of doing so.

Keneking:
But where is lalasticlala sef

Could you please stop, I mean really stop, this kind of response that has become your signature.
Is this the much you can offer?

Few days ago, I stumbled on similar response by you and when I checked you out, you responded to virtually every thread in same manner. You have never really given a response that can be considered as reasoned.

Readers will bear me witness that I am not making up this story.

Ishilove:
[b][/b]
You answered the first two, and avoided the last question.

That's you knowing what you should do but battling with your conscience.

Who can condemn who God has forgiven? While you flogging yourself, God is saying 'I love you and I will not remember your past iniquities'.

You realised your wrong, asked God for forgiveness and repented. Now you have to forgive yourself and let go. God has not condemned you so free yourself from the cage you have put yourself.

If you say you want to confess then also prepare yourself for the storm that will follow.

As for your husband, what's up with all these mental fuckery? Are you acting in any way that's making him suspect you?

I share your view.
All the responses to the lady's concern fall into either the rational or spiritual.

Deed has been done and she has shown remorse.
Many women keep marital secrets that will wreck their marriages if they confess them.

If confessing will definitely cause more problems, why is she considering it. Better let the sleeping dog alone.

The man is the head of the family.
However, most men take it to mean they have the final say in what happens in the house.

There are times when major decisions need to be taken and the input of the wife becomes necessary...
Men tend to act spontaneously but women tend to look at the finer details before making up their minds.
In some cases, the man rejects the opinion of his wife to his own detriment.

A lady friend once complained that she had stopped worrying about what her husband decided to do in the house.
This is because her husband never took her advice for anything; that she did not know anything.

My opinion and practice has been to consult each other so that both will share the profit or loss therein.
Common situations when the couple should agree with each other include the following:

1. Education: Public vs Private school for the children. what is the superior argument for/against each?

2. Transportation: What make and size of car to buy. Do you need a car at the moment given other responsibilities?
The lady I talked about advised against a particularly expensive car. Husband went ahead to buy.
Not long after, car was sold because maintenance was drilling holes in the family pocket.

3. Housing: Should you erect a bungalow as family house over 6 months period or make it a storey house over 2 years?

4. Business: Should you go into that business or does she object to your partnership with X?
A lady advised against her husband starting a consultancy business because she didn't think it would be lucrative.
In one year, only very few people came in for mere enquiries. It folded and all those office furnishings now occupy space at home.

5. Help: extended family members and in-laws will definitely need help, mostly financial.
Who should be helped and to what extent is usually a burning issue. Wife is most likely to cry of marginalisation of her people.

Now my personal dilemma.

Our family building has reached the stage for the roof fascia and the tall concrete columns of the front porch.
Wife prefers the pillars square instead of circular because they say it is the vogue now and you can install marbles on the walls.
I prefer the circular columns because of its Gothic appearance. Besides, it does not go out of fashion.

We are agreed on not using in-situ concrete parapet because of weight, cost and other considerations.
The new thing now, they say, is Polystyrene parapet. Alternative is aluminum. These are expensive plus will need regular maintenance.

I do not want to spend money on mere external beautification that does not add function to the house.
Severally, we have brainstormed on what is the essence of a parapet/fascia. Do we need to divert so much money to it.

Going by the size of our building (sitting room, kitchen and 5 rooms on the ground floor), we will need arm and leg for those fancy fascia.
My argument is to use the good old thick long span aluminum for the fascia and soffit so we can do other things with the money saved.
My fear generally is that soon, faults will be found in these new things and other new materials will replace them.

We have not concluded. I am still researching on these options.

I have narrated this story to emphasise the need to consult our spouses before we make major decisions in the family.
The man may not know it all. The woman, too, may not be as knowledgeable as her husband in that particular matter.

My opinion anyway.

emeijeh:
Must he smile every second?


How is this news for Christ's sake ?!
Nairaland Koboland has really lost it

Somebody commented sometime ago that the types of threads/captions he saw on NL front page caused him mental deterioration.
I must confess that I, too, experience the same thing.
Over 95% of the threads/captions are ludicrous, uninspiring and weakens the mental functioning.
People just overload the cyberspace with trash.

The North has good roads that are friendly to the low ground clearance of Honda cars.

One of the factors a typical Southerner/Easterner considers before buying a car is the ground clearance.
Given the awful condition of the roads, cars that lie too close to the ground are a no-no.

A friend once had a Honda Prelude and each time went out, we had to get out so he could cross a small elevation.
Otherwise, the car got suspended on its belly.

Just another of those meaningless, purposeless cut-and-paste posts I talk about in NL.

What really is the object of this thread if the OP did not tell readers what the woman did to lose such huge weight in one year?

I am certain that most people know where to get photos of women claiming to have undergone tremendous weight loss online, but they don't put them up here if the info is not complete.

Please can we just be original in our posts?
The way this forum is going, soon it will be reduced to a useless picture album of no particular interest.