₦airaland Forum

yattybanana:
@leaving a mark , give an instance bro

I was referring to the beverages and bread, as an
example.

When you leave, the family is going to use them for some days. Each time they use it, they will recall who gave it to them. They will see you as thoughtful.

Or you can ask your lady what her dad or mom likes.
My father in-law likes Quaker Oats a lot. In fact, the best gift you can get him is Quaker Oats.

Please do not buy shirts and perfumes, etc.
It has not gotten to that stage for more permanent gifts.
What you need is something that lasts just few days and it's gone.

If you are in doubt what to get, buy beverages, good quality bread, custard, some bananas and groundnuts.
Some supermarkets good quality, well-packaged varities.

Please let us know how it went.
I will be interested to know what questions they asked you.

More luck.

Do not overdress to over impress..
I think dressing in suit is an overkill.

Put on neat regular shirt and trousers, or some simple but well sewn native wear.
One area of importance is your interaction - in the living room or at the dinning table.

Since the girl has said "Yes," chances are her parents won't say "No," so that should give you some measure of confidence.
Expected questions will be:
Where do you come from?
How about your parents?
School......?
Work.......?
Siblings....?

Otherwise, follow up as the mom, dad, or siblings raise the topics.
You may "lead" the dad to talk more on his growing up and business; this will fill the time and take the pressure off your neck.

As for gifts, don't forget a bottle of good wine and/or brandy - whichever her parents consume.
Also something the family consumes on regular basis - eg., beverages and bread - can be added.
You need to leave a mark when you are gone, so something the parents will stumble on around the house that reminds them of you will be fine.

This will be my classic approach if I were you.

SIRTee15:
it's called beach volleyball.......
a game played on the beach....
and how do women dress on beaches......
bikini of course......
look here,
Our conservative n religious mindset may not allow us to be easily predisposed to such attire.....
but u know what......
let's encourage our girls to do other sports that do not leave too much to bare and forget about beach volleyball and its likes......
it's not a must to participate......
but coming here to criticize the mode of dressing reeks of nothing but ignorance n hypocrisy.

I have seen beach wears and I have seen many that are more decent...
What we are talking about here is a sport televised to the whole World, not a localized game of few friends on the beach.
However, you have dodged the question in p/gragh 2.

I wonder which nations or group of individuals sat together and foisted this mode of dressing on the rest of us.
Sure there are better and more decent sports wear than the female volleyball players displayed here.

Can we allow our young boys and girls at home to watch this show because it is Sports;
Or should we deny them because of decency issues?

Maybe the little and occasional "expositions" are added value to the audience.
After all, sex sells; it features in virtually everything we do: Advertising, Modeling, Secretarial jobs, Social media, etc.

I would like to know what readers think about the question in 2nd paragraph, please.

urbanmsg:
He is in South Africa

Oh!, there...
SA has been a difficult zone for Nigerians.
Jobs are not easy to get and I hear, and have seen on TV, that some Nigerians there are butchers. Nothing to frown on as long as it brings the elusive hard currency.

A cousin and a brother of a friend have been there for years with nothing to show for it.Just problem after problem.

All I can say is wait for your husband to come back. You are lucky he has the will to come back because most of them get stuck in the hopeless hope that things will get better the next day.

You did not mention where your husband travelled to.
But if it was to one of those countries with strict immigration/work policy, life could be really hard.

Overseas, some new male and female immigrants without the necessary papers find life difficult.
As a result, they are forced to "attach" themselves to a more comfortable acquaintance, often the opposite sex, to ease settling down.
Things result from such relationships.

I strongly suspect that this is why happened to your husband. Not that he doesn't love you anymore; he was simply frustrated.

As others here have said, wait for your husband to return and then listen to his explanations before you make a decision.
And you need not worry about the other woman because your husband is not under any compulsion to marry her. He already has a wife: you.

I must commend your perseverance and steadfastness. It is not easy at all.
In fact, I have known women who passed through similar experience.
One lady waited for 7 years, only that no other woman was involved.

Naturalized:
Story of my life, I live in North America and while there are lots of Nigerian Ladies around with reputable families here and back home, some of us are (were always) attracted to ladies we've known from back home before we left, and see no reason not to go back for those ladies provided things work out. I have lots of good looking Nigerian females here but for some reason, If I had to make a choice between my female acquaintance in Nigeria and the ones here, I will pick the one back home over them, no so much for the location, but because of what I see and what I want.

I would do the same, too.

Uniqueness01:
They don't get married to Nigerians abroad because they have GF or Fiancee in Nigeria hence they always come back to Nigeria to marry...

Hope I am correct

Well said, sis..
I was looking for who will mention this most important reason..

Most Nigerian men overseas already have high school or university sweethearts or very close female acquaintances they admire.
They all keep in touch one way or another so it is easy for the men to "fall back" on them when the time comes to marry.

Besides, our culture and tradition is very rich and lovely and most of these men grew up in them before travelling abroad.
So they prefer those ladies who have not lost those cultural and traditional values through over-Westernisation.

However, Nigerian men who were born and grew up abroad do marry girls who share similar birth place and upbringing.
They think alike and have little knowledge of how we dey do things for Naija.

cozy7:
Just admiring your grammatical composition. U speak really well. I luv that.

Lol..
Thank you very much. I find your commendation very encouraging.
I try to take time to articulate my responses so as to get across easily to readers.

udumosam23:
i ship with myus, and at myus they do package consolidations. the problem is not with ebay but myus.

I see...
But there must be some form of insurance or compensation for your kind of mishap.

If you have photo evidence, you may have to lodge a formal complaint.

But more importantly, do not do anything rash that will make your kids to suffer unnecessarily.

As I said, you need not be ashamed things didn't work out for now; tell whoever needs to know the problems you have.

An African proverb says that "he who hides his sickness from his healer does not want to get well."
Good luck.

Much as I sympathise with you over your condition, the story of the laptops getting crushed by the rotor sounds a bit unbelievable.
In fact, eBay sellers do not joke with packaging; even a bottle of perfume gets layers of packaging much more laptops and rotor.
Besides, I am yet to see any eBay seller that combines laptop (Computers) and rotor (Auto Parts) in one shop/warehouse.
It's awkward.

Did you have to close your mini-import business before you can serve God?
Most pastors I know work - as civil servants or self-employed.

Problems have a way of burning themselves out.
So, please, whatever happens, never even think of "ending it."
Don't be like the proverbial man, who took his life because of his ailment only for a cure to be found the next day.

No need to pretend all is well; open up to the people around you. You never know where help/better ideas will come from.

A lady once confided in me with sadness that she did not "enjoy" her girlie girlie years because her husband married her right after primary school.
So when she moved to the city, she polished up, made "big" friends and tried to "catch up" with lost fun.

This is what's happening to OP's wife.
She is like " Wow!, is this what I have been missing."
She is punishing her husband for such a massive denial, only she is overdoing it.

But seriously, how come he has no control over his wife's salary?
It appears he did not lay the household income management foundation in the beginning.
As the man pays the school fees so he decides where the kids go to school.

The man should report the matter to his wife's family to see if they will be able to talk sense into her.
If that fails, there is what Lawyers call "separation." The wife should go back to her people for some time to evaluate her marriage.
Unless he is willing to live with her attitudes forever, the climax is divorce.

Abeg, do the topics include the following examples:

"Lady XYZ stuns in Cute Ensemble."
"See What Actress ABC Wore to Church Today."
"Yobo Pounds Yam for his Mom."
"Caption this Picture of [name] Breathing Air."
"Between Como and Kadash, Who Wore it Better?"

I am sure if the topics are sieved very well, there will be more chaff than wheat.

If her doctor did not find anything medically wrong with her, she will be fine with time..

BUT...get ready to go looking for Suya or some rare delicacies late in the night...

Lol...

Paragraphs would have helped to prevent the strain of reading your story.

This isn't a case for the elders as suggested here.
All you need do is tell your elder sister and your mom your fears and suspicions and then rest your case.

For a man that shamelessly depends so much on his wife, he must be dubious. And it appears your sister is immature or under some spell.

Like others said, 5 million+ is plenty of money gone just like that.
Since the deed has been done, let's focus on your choice of vocation.

Frankly, best thing would have been to further your education but it looks like that road no dey too open now.

I wonder why you have your mind on Volcanising...
How much are you gonna make from it daily?

Could you, please try something like Welding or Auto Mechanic?
These are what I consider real handiwork.
They sell more than Volcanising and gives you more money.

And as for how to set up when you finish your training, you can work in another person's shop and save for your equipment/tools.
But if you must choose between the 3 you listed, I prefer Electronics repair. It has wider scope than the rest.
Choose wisely.

Driving a car on campus in Nigeria is always seen as a sign of affluence and it has a way of attracting undue attention to the point of distraction.
It appears your sister's boyfriend is on the reckless side because when you drive someone else's car as a student, you exercise great care.

"Spending recklessly" is a subjective opinion. It needs to be quantified.
Does she buy her boyfriend items beyond the reach of the average student's purse?

Talk to her about the company she keeps, male or female.
You may repair her car on a proviso of your choosing - mostly to be of good behavior, etc.

Alternatively, why doesn't she live in the campus with other students?
That way, she will be able to focus more on her studies.

My opinion sha.

El-Rufai revoked plots of land allocated to individuals in the area councils, e.g. Bwari Area Council.
Promise was made to re-allocate those plots...
Does anybody have any info or advice on this?

I still question the model image mentality of skinny is better.
Oluchi could have looked much better if she added some flesh all over.
Those tiny shoulders and hands with the bones sticking out aren't appealing.
My own concept of a model is different.

OP definitely posted pics of sections of the uni that appealed to him.
Even in those he posted, there are evidence of dust, unkept lawns with dry grass, and cracked floors.
The buildings lack sparkle. Most private unis have better appeal.

OP definitely posted pics of sections of the uni that appealed to him.
Even in those he posted, there are evidence of dust, unkept lawns, and cracked floors.
The buildings lack sparkle. Most private unis have better appeal.

Something didn't add up though...
It took 3 airplanes to carry the money but only one bullion van brought it in.
Huhmnnn, that must be a Hercules of a bullion van.

ikiller:
onye nkwuyeli ozo

Sorry, but I don't understand...

The basic elements of the pride price paying ceremony are food and drinks, items( in the list)to be provided, and the pride price money.
Few people are required: maybe at least 5 from your husband's side.

Unless you want to make multiple trips with your husband, you can obtain the list ahead of time and take the items with you.
What most people do is convert all the items to cash. It is more convenient.

You and your husband may provide money for the entertainment to augment what your people have.

Any elder in your family should be able to give you more details, but it won't be far from what I have said.

It is obvious that the dividing line between clothed and nude is fast becoming narrow or fading away.
The basic tenet of dressing up has been to cover those areas of the body regarded as private or that may assault the sensibilities of others.

These days, some women dress up in ways and manner that leave nothing to the imagination.
Is it the massive cleavage or the all see-through that I will talk about..
What of the tights they wear in public that seem to suffocate their well-defined "triangular zone" in front?

Look at the photos of celebrities at major events, it is like there is a competition who would reveal the most.

When they take selfies or pose for the camera, they so emphasise and so heap up their butts you would think they take them to the bank.

My question is: what goes on in the mind of a typical female when she knowingly flaunts those provocative body parts?
Is she sending a message - what message?- to her fellow females?
Or is she saying to the male onlooker" I know what you are thinking, come and get me if you can?"

If you ask me, I really don't know. Maybe you do.

I think six weeks after delivery is too soon.
Most women are still sore and tender and heavy with breast milk to bother about sex at six weeks.

For all practical purposes, three months sounds reasonable.
This is the time most women tend to tune in to their husbands' advances.

However, it is known that some who find it difficult to wait that long start earlier.

The classic definition of a virgin is one who has not had sexual intercourse for the first time.
The mechanical act of penetration through the vaginal opening must have taken place for one to lose his or her virginity.

Kissing, caressing, Mouth Action, and anal whatever do not count as conditions for loss of virginity.

Even if a woman is raped as her first experience, she automatically has ceased to be a virgin.
That brings up the question: if a lady is raped, against her will, can she still consider herself a virgin?
Answer is NO. She may be a virgin in the mind, but not going by the definition

Hiroto:
Got bullied by a group of girls nd boys in my younger days since then i disliked most people i see

Oh, I see..
Vitally everyone has had one bully experience or the other. It happened to me in earlier school days.

The mindset is to not allow it to affect you negatively.
I am sure that if you see any of those bullies now you guys will laugh over it.

[quote author=Hiroto post=47906971]women?? I'm not married but i hav gfs to talk to[/quote
Lol...That's O.K. Choose the sensible ones and talk to them.
By the way, was there a significant event in the recent or remote past that you think could have contributed to the way you feel?

Hiroto:
sometimes when i try do sometin d right way...i end up destroyin more things

Give more thoughts to your options before you finally decide. If you can, seek the opinions of people you trust.
If you are married, it might wise to ask your wife for her views in your major decisions. Women sometimes are more analytical than men.

Please tell me, if the landlord sees this mess, will he give you guys one month rent free?
Of course he will be livid with anger.

Anybody who behaves as you described is not worth living with.
What exactly is his problem; does he not have hands or just plain lousy?

The only thing you need to do is report to relevant relatives and if he does not change the next day, kick him out!!!!!!
And never feel bad about it. You did not ask much from him; just to keep the house clean!

Feelings of disinterest in virtually everything occurs normally once in a while.
This happens mostly when one is under pressure of work or feels he has not achieved much.
Boredom can also manifest the way you feel.

You have to realise that everything will not work out as you want them.
Ever heard of the saying "Every disappointment is a blessing?"
I think it means there is a better plan or strategy than we had, which will soon work in our favour.

You may have to take time off work or away from your environment.
Visit some close friends and hang out with them.