₦airaland Forum

Queentee214:
Hi everyone,
Am really confused on what to do right now and I need advice.

I and my ex broke up six months ago...I broke up with him cuz we are always having misunderstandings...not just that..he can't control himself when angry , he always end up insulting me and calling me names but apologize when he is calm.

The last one that led to our break up was when we went to his friend's birthday party..on getting there,,i met an old time friend(a guy) and we talked for few mins .i went back inside where the party was holding and I met my bf angry already,,we end up quarreling there and he called me a prostitute in front of everyone(that wasn't the first time he would embarrass me in public)...

I was hurt and left there...i started ignoring him and the relationship wasn't going well anymore...i broke up with him afterwards ..i love him but I can't accept his flaws ..we tried to get back together but end up blaming each other for everything.

Six months later, I'm in a relationship with another guy..he has his flaws too but not bad...
Now the problem is I still love my ex and we still talk and chat almost everyday...

He is the first person I call when I need advice and vice versa..my ex family thinks we are still together and always call to check up on me....this is causing problems in my new relationship....

I decided to cut contact with my ex but he is isn't ready to let me go and neither am i..

Just last week my bf broke up with me and told me to call him when am ready to cut off contact with my ex...

Am really confused and I don't know how to do what he asked me...pls anyone with advice on how to forget someone should help me

I need to forget and move on from my ex
....pls advice... Thanks

Pls no one should come here and start telling me I met a good guy and toying with his feelings..

My ex is also a good guy, he just has his flaws...I just need advice...

Thanks

u dont need advice, u just don't know what u are doing or probably u r looking for someone to validate ur intention.

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

I understand the feeling of him not wanting to do house chores because it will make him feel less of himself but this issue of him insisting you must do it despite knowing the stress u pass through is what I don't understand.
there is be a reason for him insisting, he is not saying something
Or probably maybe he is just trying to prove his authority over u, he wants to be sure if he is still the man(a sign of insecurity) even if u get a maid I would suggest u still do the chores once in a while to satisfy his ego

Pettyprincess:
Wow!!! Are you sure this guy really loves you?
Because i believe communication should be mutual like you call me i call you,it should not be one sided!!! Nd how many months or years have you been together that he has started asking you for intimate pic? Just chat him up nd ask him where the relationship is really heading to!! you should give other guys opportunities also!! Dnt put your egg in one basket!! They way you describing that guy it seems he's a time waster!!!

you don't need to tell her, experience will do

Pearchi:
So I am dating this guy,is long distance. He was the one that asked me out o,along the line I started loving him more than.

I really love him but he would not call/chat unless I do always saying business stress, I see him online,I just ignore. He tells me he still loves and even coming to visit this Christmas but communication is a big issue, he wasn't like that before,he is always asking me to send sexy pictures which I can't do because I don't take such pictures, I am not really a picture person. This guy is every thing I prayed in a man,I don't know if his behavior is because he knows I love him or he is not just into me

Meanwhile I have 2 other serious guys asking me out yet I have feeling/love for any of them.

1) he is always tell u to send sexy pictures without caring how ur day was or how u are doing.
2) He doesn't call but claims he is serious, how can a guy love a woman and not give her attention to prove it? I don't understand
3) U are into him maybe that is why he is behaving like that. ummmmmm I laugh.
4) you have two other serious guys disturbing u but it is this one u like.

I just hope you don't enter one chance, the guy has giving u red signs but u don't want to believe, don't let me jump to conclusion but this guy is showing signs of unseriousness but probably he will still change is covering ur mind, people say experience is the best teacher I pray you don't learn the hard way.
LOVE IS NOT JUST ABOUT I HAVE FEELING FOR HIM, IT IS A TWO WAY THING IF PARTNER A IS INVESTING MORE THAN PARTNER B DONT YOU THINK A SHOULD BACK OFF A BIT.
I know u are running emotions, it is when he sleeps with you well and start forming more busy than now u will understand what I mean.

Bluebarbie10:
Hello nairalanders pls I need ur opinion on this. I started dating this guy I met last 2months. He is really charming, tall, dark and average looking. I wasn't attracted to him at first but when we got familiar with each other, my attraction for him started to grow.

I realized I fell hard for this guy because when he relocated because of his job, I missed him so much and couldn't do a day without thinking of him. We always talked on phone but before he left, he did sth. While we where walking to my place one night, he started initiating the touching tingy. What I felt was so undescribable. He rubbed my upper arm to my wrist and pressed my middle palm and since then I started liking him more.

My point simply is not knowing whether I am being charmed.

We met last month and i was so excited to see him in town so he took me out on a date.

In our discussion I was talking about my annoying boss at work. I don't know if he got pissed because he just got up and left. He stopped picking my calls or answering my messages.

Please I don't know what to do because I've not been myself.

I just hope u don't jonz, just be careful if the guy knows u like him so much he could take advantage of that.

Sunisonflex39:
I met this girl two years ago, to cut long story short, she told me that she is in a relationship. I respected the fact that she has a guy and I stopped making advance as a gentleman. But I call as much as possible just to check on her.

Then one night, her boyfriend chatted me up on Whatsapp and as gentlemen, we talked about it like matured people and I told him I am not gonna stick around that he should talk to his girlfriend.

I asked how he got my number, he said he secretly took it from her phone because of the many calls and most times I call, both of them are together.

I asked him what has the girl been telling him about me, he told me she is saying we are just friends and nothing much.

II apologized to him and said I will watch my limits that he should talk to the girl himself about it.

Two days passed, I have stopped calling the girl like I used to, then on the third day she called and asked me why did I change all of a sudden that I no longer chat her up or call like I used to, she was being emotional, and as a good friend, I love her and wouldn't want to see her sad.

I opened up to her about what transpired between me and her guy and I begged her not to confront him. She was so mad at the guy for chatting me up after she has told him many times that I am "just a friend".

I told the girl that for the sake of her relationship, I don't want to stick around and I don't want to be the guy that breaks people's relationships.

The girl started crying and said I should not leave her, that I should at least be her best friend that she can't loss me..

I agreed to be the bestfriend so as to make her feel happy..

Fast forward to this week, the girl said she loves me so much and didn't know how to tell me before and she is kind of confused to chose between her guy and me. I told her that I love her too but she should not leave anybody for me that we should just continue being friends and see what the future holds because no one knows tomorrow.

Few days ago, the girl said she wants to have sex with me.. and even going as far as telling me the style she wants..

I respect the fact that she is in a relationship and I even told her about it, but she was having non of it.

Please nairalanders, what should I do.

I don't know the adjectives to use on u.
1) How can u be childish to the extent of telling a girl that her boyfriend confronted u?
2) Right from the time you know this girl is in a relationship why are you still giving her attention since u don't have the intention of snatching her? I guess u have ur own agenda
3) Believe me even if u sleep with this girl, it is still a loose end, the girl is an Oliver twist
4) You don't need advice, you just don't know what you are doing.

mrcrabs:
Bro your point made sence but I will have to disagree with the last line. Do girls still comeback after breakup? Because I feel they have too much option on ground while dating that is why they misbehave a lot... So if a guys thinks a girl will come back after break up that is a 30/70 percent chance it ain't happening.
My two cents. Bless

actually to some extent I agree with u. majorly, it depends on the kind of relationship, if she left you for a guy just because of the guy is creating a fantasy in her head sooner or later she will realize the vacuum u fill in her life, then when she will come back and start giving you Jesus is Lord story, I have experienced this before.

Windflower:
This is the mistake most guys make. Have you bothered to ask him how the communication aspect of their relationship looks like before this guy came around? It is this kind of mentality that drives many women to the hands of sweet tongued men. Relationship isn't just about been sexually intimate or just calling to ask how was your day and have you eaten. It spans above this.

There is this part of a woman that seeks to connect to the person she is in a relationship with. I don't know how to explain more than this but do you know in all their 3yrs of been together and going through thick and hell together like he said. They might not have this bond and connection and maybe someone else is giving it to her and you blame her? This is psychology please. Having a good communication doesn't even have to do with giving her frequent attention. It is about spending each moment you have together in the most judicious way.

My gut tells me this guy is obviously a player and a sweet talker. My final message to the op, if you know you truly love her, kindly disregard all the negative comment and save her from making a big mistake. She is only carried away.

thank God u are smart, u know she is making a mistake. I agree with you on your communication opinion probably they are not connected emotionally and she saw a guy who she thinks can feel the gap like u said but when this guy now finishes his game and she comes back what should holaxi do? or are u saying he should call her telling her she is about to take a step she will regret. yoruba will say Aja to ba fe sonu, koni gbo fere olode meaning a dog that want to get lost will never hear the whistle of the hunter.
I would never advice a fellow man like me to lick the ass of a woman all in the name of I want to save her from danger or love, let her learn she will come back, such has happened to me before so I know there type well.
holaxi, u are not a kid, the decision is yours to make, u can stand guard then after 2/3 years when they guy has finished with her then she comes back and start tell u how sorry she is or be a man and move on.
I HAVE NOTICED THAT MOST TIME YOU WOMEN ALWAYS THINK WITH EMOTIONS THAT IS WHY IT IS EASY FOR MOST OF YOU TO FALL FOR PLAYBOY, YOU DONT SEE THINGS THE WAY THEY ARE... I KNOW SOMETHING FOR SURE, THAT GIRL GO STILL COME BACK, CONFIRM NI.
we don cross this bridge before, like the lady that quoted me said, hang around and be giving her advice while another guy is fvcking her or take my advice and man up. las las u go dey alright later you will even be laughing at yourself for the things u did for love. sometimes i travel from Lagos to North just to see her to show u how much I loved her then.

Windflower:
I think I can relate with the situation. Most probably, she just loves the attention the guy gives her. You know when a guy is first wooing a lady, he makes her feel so special especially if he is a funny kinda guy. I was once carried away with chatting with a guy and there was absolutely nothing between us. He was just a friend and knew i was in a relationship. He just brought newness and I just liked it.

I don't think you should take any rash decisions tho, 3years is not a joke. The likeness she has for the guy will soon wear off, just play along but don't keep your distant and don't be so conscious of the other guy because if you do, you would be giving her the opportunity to move farther away from you. That would be playing right into the guys hand.

so u expect @holaxi to stand guard waiting for a unserious girlfriend to return to him while she is giving the attention he deserves to another man because I don't understand.
maybe you will probably do or u are doing the same, she didn't consider the consequences while trying to push her relationship to the edge.

wiseone28:
It is like all female brain wired the same..

Exactly what my girl did last four months ago..

I quit the relationship and i have peace of mind make i no come get HBP..

Now we are ordinary friends

You can never stop her because her mind is made of..
Till when the new guy disappoint her that is when she will want to come back to you

I hope holaxi saw this.

holaxi:
My girlfriend and I have being together for almost three years now. We've had all the moments the good ,the bad and the ugly.

But recently she met a guy who asked her out, she refused his advances but the guy and her spend so much time on calls and chatting which I don't really like.

I've talked to her so many times about it but if she listens for a week the next week they are back in business.

Last week we were chatting and she just went offline I tried calling her to know what's up only for her number to be busy for like 20 mins. When she came back online and I told her she said she wasn't on call with anyone.

When I probed her further she said she wanted a two weeks break that I complain too much and I don't trust her.

I apologized to her so peace could reign but since then I've started losing interest in her.

she is not worth it believe me the only hard part is you trying to move on, surely u will miss her but if u can be strong, you will get a better person then she will come back and be giving u shit story of how u don't love her enough bla bla bla.
I am talking from experience mine was a distance relationship but i know something was fishy and she didn't prove me wrong.
Naso all of them dey do they prefer learning from experience and come back start forming emotional only few are smart very few.

superior1:
They closed the border and gave exclusive right to import rice, salt etc to their cronies

Who are they deceiving?

who are those they gave the right to, don't say what you don't have the fact, it will make u look stupid.

landnewf:
in

sometimes when I read stories like this, I just feel like not show pity or care to women in this situation because I know one way or another u would have encounter a guy who truly loves u, but instead u were blinded by fake love.

Annie001:
She is married and you think she still regrets it
If you guys are still together would you have married her by now.
She is married that justifies her happiness
Nice write up though

sometimes women don't marry for love, I know of some women who didn't marry the guy they truly love they just settle with someone available.

boiz2men:
Side note..

You look like a yahoo girl oo

Did you cheat or lied about something in those 5 years?

Chances are he has been resentful towards you if you did.

another good point, there is something lolao probably did, a guy don't just change like that.

Mcslize:
It's your fault. Most of you ladies like forming champion even when you love a guy, always waiting for the guy to be the one to reach out to you. Common checking on a guy you're in a relationship with, you girls can't reach out to the person you claimed you love. How many times do you reach out to him? How many times do you check on him if he is still alive? Do you know what he has been passing through? Are you aware of his worries? Do you call him to find out how life is treating him?

Relationship is two ways directions. It is reciprocal. Don't always sit on the fence waiting for your man to reach out to you before you reach out to him. Don't always wait for your man to reach out to you before finding out how life is treating him. Majority of you girls don't know how to care for a man. We men want to be shown love too.

The only thing that will make a man to stop talking to you is if you are just there contributing nothing to his life. But you want him to keep chasing you, professing unrealistic love to you while sitting right there folding your hands. No text, no call and you expect the man to waste his time with you. No way.

The only thing that will make someone you've spent 5 years with to stop talking to you is because you as a lady is not playing your role. You are not reaching out to him to check on him as often as you should for someone who truly wants to build a future with a man. He sees that you are just there always wanting him to be the one to do all the communications and building of the relationship. Don't blame the gentle man.

He must have found someone else who is doing all that you are not doing for him. What does it take to communicate with your man and always get involved in his life? It takes nothing - absolutely nothing. But you girls will be feeling like Queens of the coast putting all the work of maintaining a relationship on a man without doing nothing.

Do you truly expect such a man to choose you as a partner? What makes men choose women for wives is how supportive they are to men. Men choose women for life partner based on how supportive they can be to them.

In those days we see supportive fiancées and that makes men take such ladies for wives cuz they are supportive and not parasitics. They give good advice to their men and encourage them to attain higher feats in life. If a man do not see you as the supportive type, he will surely not take you seriously.

Brace yourself up and move on my sister. When you see the next man, learn how to fully get involved in his life. It will make make a man see you as the serious type.

well articulated. you said it all @lolao . this my guy has said enough. this is exactly what is happening to my long distance relationship.

LolaO:
My relationship of 5 years ended in the most heartbreaking way.

He got transferred to Asaba from Lagos and months later just stopped talking to me, no communication, no closure, nothing, just like that.
It’s been 5 months now.

This is someone I had planned my whole life around.

Distance does not make the heart go fonder.

I am so hurt, it hurts.

I guess maybe he doesn't love you enough, if truly he does, distance won't mean a thing. I am in a long distance relationship although things are not going well in mine also but believe me if he guy loves u he will always show it.
Actually my girl treat me like I am forcing myself on her that why I decided to distance myself, probably she has a lot of toasters. distance can be a issue at times but u will know the guy is serious if he is.

ZombieTERROR:
It's now about not staying in the country... Really? ... Please let us know the commission projects under Buhari..

so u set high standard for buhari after 16 years of massive looting, shame on you.
it is one of them that is one front page now on naira land, deizani $40million jewelry if we use that to build road during Jonathan period will we still be complaining of bad roads.
well I am not surprised, it is people like you that glorify Yahoo Yahoo.

ZombieTERROR:
It's now about not staying in the country... Really? ... Please let us know the commission projects under Buhari..

u have a browsing phone

ZombieTERROR:
Who destroyed Nigeria more than Buhari

A man who borrowed money in four years more than all his precedessors combined since 99..

A man who holds the record as the only sitting president on earth who has spent more time away from his country while in office

Who will support Buhari aside a mad fellow

it is about delivery, not just sitting in the country. I am sure if APC finish this their 8 years tenure, PDP would be ashamed of themselves.
the only PDP president I respect is yar'Adua other like Obasanjo and Jonathan with is wife has been patriotic enough please.

Carmit:
You call PDP the only true national party in Nigeria. Those people are very wicked souls. You are funny oo guy.

don't mind him, he doesnt have sense

IamAtikulate:
Yoruba Moslem argue with Mohammed. I don't have your time

lowlife, don't drink sniper why don't you hang yourself.

IamAtikulate:
One is a terrorist and the other a thief. No room for them

how can you label someone a terrorist just because of your personal opinion.

leofab:
chased him to sucide ?

read urself don't ask me

leofab:
From sucide to dog killing him... International politics

it was boldly stated that the dog chased him, how come u cant read to understand?

sassysure:
This got to be a joke
(Saw it on Sahara reporters too)
Na so naija go take die?

If chevron is leaving, one of the major oil companies in Nigeria, pls tell me, who again will remain?
Shell?

It is finished.
See what bad govt has caused one of the best countries in the world?

All u ethnic and religious zealots, hope u are happy now?

u are a disgrace to humanity, inferiority complex will not kill u. all this I wanna do and be like white.

djdutch:
Front page Lalastiscala. Nigeria has descended to a full fledged zoo.

this one doesn't have sense, I am sure if u read the above u wont type nonsense. HOW OLD ARE YOU?

Horlami4u:
Local..when we no even trust ourselves. Takes of trusting what is been made in our country... you are on your own if you trust local product

what u typed just show u have low self esteem not just low, very low self esteem.

ubcandid:
Check his stats for his clubs in Europe.

he has had enough time to prove himself for the eagles forget his clubs stat let him prove himself for super eagles if indeed he is a good striker.

fergie001:
I don't like his tactics and substitutions.

Tactics and Substitutions at that level is what differentiate these managers.
His own upsets me.

Tactically, I don't see his difference from the past. The only difference is we defend deeper and give too much of respect to teams.

Whenever I see Onuachu, I just give up.

onuachu shouldn't be playing ball at all

ogbuefi677:
ignored

Exactly, you can also see what u typed above is senseless abi.

ogbuefi677:
I wanted to say d sunni wahabi zoo army should concentrate on boko haram,Fulani herdsmen and bandits and leave internal security for police and civil defense but I remember we're in a military regime.

what concern Sunni wahabi with what this one is saying?
is it that you don't have sense or u don't want to use ur sense, which is it?