₦airaland Forum

maclatunji: Jokes apart, brothers on this thread are not helping matters. Let us imagine that some of the vocal young women have a right to think the things they do. Is it not the duty of men to say: "the way you think of us is not exactly the way we are o"? Do this, that and those, then hopefully we will both be fine as men and women but all these: "keep dancing we are behind you posts are not helpful".

This thread would be a waste if someone entered it with a certain set of preconceived notions and after 200 pages is still thinking the same way.

May Allah guide us to success (Ameen).

Bro no one is encouraging fairy tales or unrealistic dreams. Should we be suppressing ladies who want good marriages and a partner who truly understands them and is ready to make things work ? I believe the sisters on this thread are knowledgeable enough and know where to draw the line. We don't need to think for them.

It is even the male folks we should be concentrating our energies on. We should be propping them up to be better humans and treat their partners with respect(apart from nagging and someother "little" wahalas from the females, the biggest problems in a marriage tend to stem from the guys part). He is the captain of the ship and should learn to work and maneuvre it to the path he wants not waiting or depending on the direction of the wind or his co pilot(s) decide for him.


I am (most of us) not trying to curry any favour from any angle on this thread and THank God i "have" the "best" of what i want and desire and don't need to "look" further or sweet talk anyone here.

maclatunji: I fear ladies may brag their way into trouble. How many young single ladies boasted that their marriage would be perfect, only for them to find the opposite after tying the knot?
No be we men? Promise heaven and earth before marriage and then transform after the wedding.
By the way, this is a forum not a personal blog? If you don't want your ideas contested and/or challenged, please don't post and be a reader.

i guess those who did brag and have the opposite would learn to live with their decision. Pitiable but thats just reality.

However, that doesnt stop us from dreaming , their propositions and ideas are still very real and valid. If they could be the best of themselves and shine their eyes well to see beyond the pretense of SOME men and ready to work for what they want, i see no stopping them. Bottomline is let your dream be within the armbits of reality.

Sissie: I do agree some women tend to take advantage of such men, men do too.
It depends on the type of person you meet, if you want someone who appreciates openness, their are people who do. You just need to find one.
.

That is another perspective. Carrying my night watch glasses now around.

deols: I don't know of MOST ladies. But I do know that one thing That I appreciate in a partner is openness.

I know a very good person whose decline to be 'vulnerable' is the problem.

I can't live with someone who would not share everything with me.

You might just be surprised that MAny women appreciate that trait.

True.....


There are still many out there but they are in the minority.


but wait he has everything but just that? Maybe he just wanted to appear tough .

busar: His right over her ain't unlimited before. But I think he still have the same rights he had before.
But if the lady is tired of the marriage,she can simply tell him to release(divorce) her .

Wht about if she doesnt want to seek divorce?

What of she wants a change in him?


Is it not someone who comes out unscathed that would seek divorce?

Might not be physical ill treatment it might be emotional abuse or lack of care?

Be realistic, Which man would accent to his wife returning to her parents because of maltreatment?

If she asks and he declines her request but the ill treatment continues. What happens?

double post

tbaba1234: I think the most important elements of a successful marriage are as follows:


Iii. Openness: This is harder for men because women are naturally more open plus a man feels vulnerable if he is too open. It is ok to be vulnerable if you marry a good woman.

That third part is wht am scared of mostly. I am ready to be as open and friendly as possibe. I want to be vulnerable, to be able to say sorry and accept that i make mistakes but MOST adies have that warped mindset of taking advantage of such a person. They have been built up to see the man as someone who's "strong", domineering, makes no mistakes and even if he does its her fault and they tend to take men who do otherwise as less of a man turning such "rare and scarce" men into the ferocious type who barks orders from the top of the house.

tbaba1234: This is a fiqh issue and beyond our scope.

Ordinarily, she needs to seek permission but this is a special scenario of abuse.

I thought as much. Because the husband at that point has lost the position of head of the house and protector of his family.

His rights over her is limited and i don't think the normal routine CAN be applicable here.

Dondave11: Thanks Sir, for the timely response.
Nop, Am using an external battery.

Screen not coming on, led light not blinking.


No Sir.
No any activity, Yes my charger is working perfectly. Nothing is coming up.

How are you sure the adapter is orking?

busar: Can a married women leave her husband's to her her parent's house due to I'll treatment from the husband without his permission?
Note:let give responce without sentiment please.

Would you ask for permission to go free or escape from someone who's inflicting pains on you ?

Sorry am using naija method of answering questions.

maclatunji: This got me laughing. Do not mind me but some of the sentiments that prevail here when there is "peace and harmony" are #Naive #Impractical #Unreliable #Dangerous... I am sure you get the picture.

Every action film needs a bad guy. Apparently, I am the one in this film. #Hehehe

Okay i get it. But the bad guy does not really fit you.

Getting you too much frenemies and also its like you are over acting it.

You dont wanna see a mob of ladies carrying stick and chasing you for "advocating" they get beaten for locking their husbands in.

deols: Weddings are something else these days. They are like carnivals. Very interesting to attend. I make sure I attend everyone I am invited to when available.


Being the bride is something else

Good.........I hope you recipocate the gesture and invite us.

I am itching to meet that tall, dark lucky guy . May God make it a reality soon.

Sissie: Not manly at all.

Not ladylike also to lock him in.

Ladies are known to be meek and gentle.


Am not excusing physical abuse from any party but "locking him in" is also an abuse.

We can all just yap and talk. Seriously, it is not easy keeping calm and stuff. But never hit your spouse and the ladies should also never lock him in . There are better ways of managing your differences.

deols: Don't worry shidren. I will come and tell you how sweet!!! marriage is

No worries. A always a firm believer of it being sweet and enjoyable.

But dont go locking "him" indoors

deols: Can we have something else to talk about please?

Maybe someone should give us a Nasheed or something else. We need it in here. Just kidding.


Am sick of all these theories . Y' all should get married and give us the "kids" some feedback on how to handle things. We do need it.

Dondave11: Please, i need ur help. My sony bio Laptop no longer power on.

What could be the problem? And how much will it cost me to fix it?

Thanks.

Is the battery good?

What kind of power on problems? Led light blinking, screen not coming on?

System fan working? Any activity?. Is your charger working? Is it coming up?

Festinl: gvys,pls..i installed a windows8 skin pack on my laptop,afta instalatn,it tod me to restart,i restartd and afta displayin d hp invent,it wrote BOOTMGR is corupt,ryrtem canot boot....i tried diagnosis,didnt wok,i keep presin f8,didnt show anytin,wot shud i do again,am usin win7ultimate

I dont know why you guys trouble yourself with all this skins and wallpapers that contain viruses and stuff. Why harm your system and slow down your system?


The boot manager is corrupt and you need to repair it. Since pressing f8 didnt work i guess you might need to a system recovery or repair.

Dyt: Hehehhe
Wetin u wan read
We all know love is a beautiful thing
*choi, see me smiling already*

I want to know your personal experience under that abegi anu you and him were always found.

Dyt: Glad u back
I like to hear/read stories like this
Reminds me when I was in love
Hehehhehhe

Tell us. We want to hear it.

Grab some brush and join them.

Lol.........this kids are hilarious and funny

But i doubt thats paint. More like powder.

I hope am not late.

Signing in.

Its her life and i wish her well just like My Oga Bellong has said. lol.

Cossmass best wishes.

Enough said already.

[quote author=Efemena_xy]Really?

What makes her relationship worth fighting for? Okay, let's put the shoe on the other foot, then you tell me (honestly) what your stance will be:

~ You go shopping with your girl. Rather than take you home as agreed, she goes home, leaves you waiting in the car for 1 hour without so much an explanation (total lack of respect)

~ Eventually you go up to meet her, only to find she's 'working' on her laptop. You try to get her attention and it degenerates into a struggle. Rather than sort it out between yourselves, she calls her father on the phone. He comes over and chastises you. You're forced to apologise to her father. (unable to handle conflict amicably without involving 3rd parties)

~ Her family postpone and eventually cancel the wedding without so much an explanation to you or your family. (undermining your role as a man)

~ She dumps you via text message (total disregard for you. Very insulting I daresay)

~ She hooks up with someone else and is leaves you hanging. (blatant cheating on you).

~ After months, her friend tortures you with tales of how the other man in her life hooked her with 'Jazz' she hasn't been herself. Her friend 'offers' to bring you back together (mocking your predicament)

~ Your now ex sends you texts telling you to 'move on'.

So, tell me, will you accept this in the name of 'love'?[/quote]The way the fight was handled shows there was more than meets the eye.

Its simple, they had be shopping for a replacement for her and were only looking for an avenue to push the blame on her as the cause of the discontinued marriage plans and here she is not using her senses and blaming herself for a situation she never caused. If that fight didn't come up at that time they would have looked for another thing to rope him in.

I just can't see how the girl is so blind to all these. A man who is heart broken about losing a girl he respects and wished to marry would definitely not jump and conclude to marry another few weeks after the heartbreak. Its not rocket science, its simple human nature. He is human and have emotions.

dact4u: But how I can I recover my files?

That is for an engineer to decide.

If it is not a physical damage. I can still get you the files back. Send a pm if you are in lag.

dinachi: The lady said the whole problem started from an argument... she didn't explain details...please read between the lines....you don't expect her to expose everything here.

She knows that she caused the problem and wants to make amends ...that makes sense to me.

Yes she caused the problem but what happened after is the main issue.

Why can't he forgive his potential spouse ?

Is this their first time of having disagreements?

Put yourself in the guys hoes, Your bride to be offended you, you reacted and she comes to her senses and asked for forgiveness. If you truly "wanted" her what would you have done?

If he can't forgive her, she should be the one running away from him because she would offend him 1000 times when they get married. Question is; Is she willing to be married to someone who won't forgive her misdeamenours?

Dinachi, open your eyes and reason with your brains please. I Would love you disappoint me about the preconcieved notion i have about you.

Look at the bigger picture and advise her accordingly. I

dinachi: She is desperate to answer Mrs ...and you are are desperate for what? Leave her alone! Allow her to rediscover her love. You don't plan love it happens. Every love story is not the same. Every relationship has a history. let her be! All these Nairaland feminists and their advice sef. My dear they maybe jealous of you! Follow your heart. After discouraging you here, they cannot help you.

Seriously, I had to laugh.

It is no secret that like 80 per cent of ladies here who have advised cosmass are married and doing well with their families. So i don"t see where your jealousy idea is coming from. No one disagrees marriage is an easy thing but why would you fight for a lost cause?
Why would you fight for someone who has clearly told you, you dont figure in his plans?


Cossmass is even making excuses for his outrightly rude behaviour. If you are looking for a reason he spoilt you bad during your dating then you need not go far. He sees nothing important in you and feels you are after his money and not worth being his wife. Most Nigerian guys are like that, they spend money on you, use you while having a spare gal somewhere they are grooming to marry. Its that simple. You have been used and need to move on. He intiating marriage proposals was a mistake and "the powers that be" who control him from behind the scenes hve told him you are not worth it and just useless and quite bad for you he AGREES with them.

Her!!!

Met some wonderful people on here also.

Felt better and more fulfilled because I did try to help people a lot more.

All in all.........Glory be to the Almighty in spite of the ups and downs of downs of life. One is still alive.

sapiosexual: [b] People mistake silk to be weak but a silk handkerchief can protect the wearer from a gunshot. [\b].

How is this true?

There are more subtler comparison.

What ever happened to a frank talk?


The world is easier now....You have phone and chatting applications you dont have to physically meet to have a date.

But wait how did he do the chasing since he is always not available?

bellong: Adding weight is the easiest thing to do. Start eating junks, you will thank me later.....

I have tried but not working. Lol

I guess i should start taking nkwobi, asun and anything available.


Just kidding though. Good thread.

Although most weight reduction regimen always need perseverance and patience a character most over weight people lack.

Good regimen.......


But what about we that want to add weight?

Any regimen?

bellong: Love sometimes involves letting go.... When it is a matter of marriage, you will only set yourself up for future pains and regrets if you beg a man to marry you. Once a man says no, please move on with your life, another will come. Nobody's destiny is attached permanently to a person for marriage.


You were advised thoroughly in those two threads, yet you are still here lamenting over spilled milk. Why are you bent on dying there? Is there something with the guy you think you can't live without? Sincerely, If I were your dad, my blessings will not be on this union even if the guy changes his mind due to your relentless begging. I wouldn't allow my daughter turn herself to a cheap commodity to any man who wouldn't value her...

Abeg don't sell yourself cheap. However, you can keep begging if you think you are hopeless and he is the only hope left for you.

I wish you well.............

They always like to set themselves up with pain and agony. I dont just know why some ladies like behaving like people without self esteem and worth.

Am sorry, a guy you keep begging would hardly respect you if eventually he marries you.

We can only wish her well just like you said.

dact4u: Is showin HD test failed

You need a new hard disk.