₦airaland Forum

Your life is already complicated as it is now. Marrying another wife will make it even more complicated. And at the end of the day, you will suffer for all the wahala you brought on yourself. You will never have peace in your home.

Second marriages come with a lot of baggage and you need to be able to accept them from day one. Demanding your wife to go through another pregnancy and delivery after 4 c-sections is totally unfair. It simply shows you do not love her. Please do not put her through this. She is totally wrong by not informing you about this at the begining, but that is it, a baggage.

The both of your entered this union with your own different selfish intentions. She is obviously more experienced and is securing her children very well for tomorrow. Which shows that for some reason she does not trust you. Aside from the infidelity, is there some other way you have wronged this woman?

No marriage is perfect. No human being can give you all the love and comfort you need in this life. Only God can do that. You may have made some wrong decisions or choices in your life but throwing them away and going for ready made ones will not end your mistakes. You have to learn from them (while dealing with them), turn around and amend your ways.

Since you are hurting so much, why not go to God with this. Pick up your Bible (i.e. if you are a Christian). Let your past mistakes not discourage you. God really accepts us with our baggage and all. Get your wife involved as well, you should both take your baggages to God. He alone can give you true peace!

I pray the woman and her unborn child survives this ordeal.

Depending on the situation you find yourself in, you always have to adjust. These kids can be put into cheaper schools (or if the situation is very bad a public school which is free in Lagos) while mother and father continues to find ways to earn something instead of staying at home. Apart from the school fees, I am sure they will have to cater for their other needs: rent, feeding etc. In a nutshell, you need to ensure the money is used well.

Whether you decide to give the money to him or to the church as tithe, you need to talk to your God about it. Since He alone can judge you, you must communicate to him.

No, you should not be naked in front of both children. Children have good memories and would always remember what they saw. So, I would advise that you and your wife (if she does too) should stop.

@OP

I understand your plight. You are trying to keep your family together by having a boy. But you should first hand this situation to God(are you a Christian?), because you do not know what plans He has for you and your family.

You mentioned that it may be possible for you to have a 4th c-section. I would advise that you research properly and weigh the risks involved and whether you are putting your life in grave danger.

If you have indeed made up your mind to go ahead, then you have to get it right. Go for in vitro fertilization, with it you are 100% sure that the foetus is a boy. Save up for the procedure and also give yourself time (2-4 yrs) to heal before going for the procedure.

Best of luck!

I still do not understand why women/ladies should dress provocatively in the work environment. IMO any woman that dressed this way knows what she is doing and is doing so to get attention.

One can dress smartly and professionally and still be appealing. Showcasing or bearing your body parts and wearing tight clothing that defines every part of your body is not appropriate in the work place. What then do you wear in the evenings for outing or to parties and clubs

I am sure this lady knows the effect she has on you. She is already sending you a message, the question is what will your response to this be? If she is not competent then do something about it. Unless you want to drag yourself down with her.

I know you can make a dog more aggressive by

-feeding it once a day (dont know if this works with alsatians)
-keeping them away and isolated during the day, let them loose at night (I mean isolation, no human traffic near their cage)

If do not want the dog to be aggressive towards anybody in your household, have your household feed the dogs. They should also play with the dogs, pet and discipline them.

Yeah right!

I am only sorry for the REAL mothers of the children.

@OP aren't you lucky? Nice to hear that some marriage out there is working. It is good that you at least recognise that your wife is good. Do continue to appreciate her. And may God continue to solidify your union.

It think ladies should learn from this.

^^ I commend you for your relentlessness on this thread. I am totally ignoring your statement above.

We are just too prodigal in this country.

Tell me what is wrong with Nigeria What is so fantastic about abroad Do you know that you have to as well suffer over there? You are a second citizen over there and dogs are treated better than you.

LET US STOP DECEIVING OURSELVES. We should come together and make Nigeria work for us. Running away will not solve your problems.

We are just too prodigal in this country.

Tell me what is wrong with Nigeria What is so fantastic about abroad Do you know that you have to as well suffer over there? You are a second citizen over there and dogs are treated better than you.

LET US STOP DECEIVING OURSELVES. We should come together and make Nigeria work for us. Running away will not solve your problems,

I am glad to read your last response. Happy things are working out well for you.

I don't know about killing but I know that our God is not sleeping.

Right, I am sure she is reading this and loving the attention.

Nice one!

Relationships are HARDWORK!

@alj_harem

You have struck a cord. How selfish and s.t.u.p.i.d can you be in your statement:

good work but I think it is not the priority right now

the Niger bridge is getting weaker by the day and so is the thrid mainland bridge because of lack of maintance

also a very important rroad that has killed thousands is the benin-ore road

this are the more pressing issue rather than onitsha-enugu road

Who told you that the road in question is not priority just because you have not lost someone you know on that road??
Let me tell you, I lost my Uncle on that road (a bus full of passengers returning from a burial ceremony, all died except the driver). So don't even start and please keep your selfish and s.t.u.p.i.d comments to yourself.

Instead of one to be happy that at least some progress is occurring somewhere in the country you have to come here and say it is not priority, ok, go and tell FG to stop the work.

Anyway, thank God and I am happy that they are planning to work on the road, more lives can be saved thus.

I think the definition of unhappiness should be clearly defined. What makes one person happy may make the other unhappy. Or sometimes what you classify as unhappiness may in the real sense not be a big issue.
I think it is important in a relationship to dwell on the positives and not the negatives else you will drive yourself insane.
We are all different, different values, different opinions, different temperaments. . . thus we react to situations in differently which may not be the way the other person would. Being more understanding and less critical of our partners go a long way in making the relationship more tolerable. As for hope, you have to continue hoping! (Hope in God is the best though).

Let's be real, no human being on earth can give you all the happiness you need.

It is certainly not true! Or should I say not real.

May his soul rest in peace!

The truth is that this is very rampant but women will not come out to say it. I commend the courageous women that came forward to share their stories. CC great job bring this up.

The truth is also that it does not only affect the woman going through the abuse but also the children. Children that grow up in a violent atmosphere or home tend to pick up those traits subconsiously.

Violence is never a good thing, it simply makes eveyone around you a victim. Violence is never the answer or solution!!!

HISchild:
A husband, and his wife, are to love each other unconditionally, by the grace of The Lord GOD. There is to be no divorce for any reason. Some of what the holy word of GOD says -  "The LORD reigns"!!!
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Proverbs 18:22
"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD."

Ephesians 5:21-30
"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word," That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones." (the church in view here, is GOD's eternal church of all who are truly saved / redeemed by The Lord JESUS CHRIST, not the congregations that we see, that now because of their apostasy and according to the true word of GOD, are under GOD's judgment, as is the rest of this world - "For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God?" -1 Peter 4:17

Colossians 3:18-20
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.  Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. "

1 Peter 3:1-4
"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."

Matthew 19:6
"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. "

Malachi 2:16
"For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. " [putting away is divorce, The LORD hates it]

"Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." - Hebrews 13:4

"But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away." - Proverbs 6: 32-33

"Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body." - 1 Corinthians 6:18

1 Corinthians 7
"[b]Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.  Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.  The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.  Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.  For I would that all men were even as I myself.  But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.  I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.  But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.  And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.  And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.  But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart.  A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.  For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?[/b]"
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Proverbs 5:17-19
"Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her bosoms satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."

My guy, can you be more constructive with your posts!
Msscheew!!

Nice one indeed!!!

Can't take anymore of this, off to bed.

Last chance for Djoko to be at the top!!!! Go Djokovic!!!

I'm supporting Djokovic, but he seems to be under a lot of pressure.

Djokovic just lost his service, now 2-2.

yeye4live:
poster take her to view a canal,d site s romantic

LMAO!!!

@lovedgal.

Wow, talk about criticisms from the posters.   I could not continue reading because the hating was just too much.
Life is a struggle and would continue to be. IMO, a stingy person today will remain stingy tomorrow. You mentioned this was a serious relationship. If you think you can deal with this for the rest of your life with this guy then, go ahead. I suggest you talk to him about it first before making any decisions. He maybe testing you or he is just being himself. I will also suggest that you commit the relationship into God's hands if you really care about him. Good luck!

I think people have their different ideas of what marriage is all about. Some are right and some are wrong. This misconception has made Oyibo people take marriage as a fairy tale. If it is not all fussy and sweet like we see in the movies then it is not right. We Nija, like we commonly do, have adopted this mentality.
I believe that people are not well informed about marriage and it's expectations, that is why it is even more challenging than it is supposed to be.

@OP

I totally agree with the 2 previous posts.

You need to go closer to God. The Bible is a complete book believe it or not. You will find the solution to every problem in life in the Bible. God is there for you all the time. He just needs you to come to Him and lay your problems at His feet. That is why He sent His son Jesus to bear our burdens. For starters try to love and to forgive, it will help you up. Pray also for God's love and forgiveness.

I also agree with the exercise bit, it works, making you feel good about yourself. But like someone said, it does not last.

Hei, God is good, prittigrr is back!

Serubawon, hang in there ok, God is your best partner right now. And He never fails! I can testify to that. You just have to put all your trust the good and the bad in Him.