₦airaland Forum

Nice house but wow!! Rent is truly DEAD money. I had mortgaged a 4 bed detached house in Essex and was exactly the same 1300/pcm.

fman:
That was where I stopped reading.

PMSL

Culture/society expectation after marriage. I am grateful for my kids but in my next life, I'd probably adopt instead, I think

Absolutely, if this is very important to her. If she does not love him then she can stay (for kids or financial gain), not have any relations with him and cheat back to her life's content but who that life epp, when it's not by force The best thing is to just leave, simples.

Always Night pads and Tampax tampons are my faves. I occasionally use Bodyform when on a budget but always go back to always/tampax.

As he is a serial cheat, be very weary of STIs please.

It is only you that knows your situation and where it hurts. We all have different tolerance levels when it comes to cheating, for some it is a deal breaker no matter what and for others, especially ones that married their hubby or remain with them for specific reasons other than love, they don't care, as long as that reason for staying is forthcoming so decide on what is important to you and the reason why you're staying and focus on this reason only.

Each time you feel hurt or sad, just keep focus and over time, you will naturally not care about his sexcapades anymore but please protect yourself very well from infections. Your hubby clearly does not have any discipline or self-control so unless by some divine intervention, don't even bother fighting this and expecting him to change. You should decide on why you're staying and make this your focus please, it really helps.

Sending you hugs xx

You act uninterested, and you expect him to be interested? Please give what you want to receive. If you're giving and not receiving then you can cut it off but don't expect to receive when you have not given anything.
Relationships need full time efforts from both parties to succeed, not just when it is convenient.

You still dey ask ...hmnn
If she can cheat on you, it's either, she's just a wh0re/insatiable, RUN, or there's something that you're lacking that she's having to get somewhere else, RUN, or she's using you for a specific need, still RUN. The long and short answer is RUN, JUMP, FLY.

Everything in moderation. Size matter, but love matters most, it is what makes it delicious no matter what.

Just as all men have different sizes, all women have different shapes that will fit a particular dick like a glove. I did not know this until I found my perfect fit, lol, but seriously, all in all, na skills you suppose get because satisfying a woman no be by dick size.

wisemum:
I see so many insults. But how have you been dating someone for 2 years who stays in the US? Are you sure you have a relationship at all? When the relationship was 3 months, you didn't know him well enough. How did you now know him well enough without him staying in the country? You've been dating yourself. The guy has nothing serious for you. You really come across as someone who just wants to use "marriage" to travel. Sorry.

wisemum, Please collect cold malt and suya, on me!!

OP, please know that this is the 'default' position of many peeps in diaspora. I would suggest that you don't take it personally, if you truly love him, he would know/feel this. If you feel that breaking up will make him realise how much you mean to him, do this, however, you should know that it does not work for everyone and if he does not love you, he would move on very quickly.

Have you both been seeing each other, i.e. does he visit you often?

oluwatosin070:
October 15, 2022

Aww my birthday!! I should come and eat rice

PMSL

UyaiIncomparabl:
In my few years of being in the dating pool, I have realised that SIMPS are the best species of men to date and as well, get married to.

If a man desires peace and wants the full loyalty a woman gives, he should be a SIMP. No, simping doesn't mean you are foolish or have lost your manly honour, it simply means you love women, care for women and can decide to be the bigger person in relationships regardless of her shortcomings. A man who worships and adores a woman. A simp is a man who doesn't think women are less humans, who respects women, who does not feel the need for a woman to reduce herself for a man nor feel threatened by a woman's success, and who treats his wife, sisters and daughters properly.

Simps are the type of men women should aspire to be with. Simps are the real husband materials. Simps are the real companions and friends. Simps have working brains and sound emotional intelligence.

Dear ladies, in your own best interest, AVOID Alpha males and bitter Redpillers. Avoid them like a plague and get yourself a simp today.

For this man, I will give ALL my heart, soul and existence to!!! especially if he is good looking, clean and smells nice
Absolutely spot on. Ironically, they will get all the respect and love with ease that the so called 'alpha males' will forever strive to get and never genuinely achieve. The alphas' will only get a pretender who will cheat on them to fulfil the affection they're lacking.

Wifeneeded:
I hope to follow up this thread with pictures of engagement and wedding one day. At my age I deserve to make someone out there happy and myself happy as well

AMEN. I will keep my fingers crossed for you, by God's grace, you will get your wish if you truly desire it.

Evolutionlove:
[b]A financially Independent lady/women would hardly want to ever get married or settle down with a man. This Is very prevalent and obvious In a 3rd world nation like Nigeria. Most ladies who anticipate marriage are mostly the Broke/Average ones. Most of them can not love you genuinely, they are only In for what they can gain and some will dumb you as soon as they complete their mission like your ex-wife did. I'm certain you don't look so good physically plus Old age has caught up with you but you might have the money and materials things. I'm In my 30's, I look so good and a Spec for most Ladies/Women. I am enjoying my life and I don't want to settle down as well because I know the game very well. Trust me 90% of any ladies be It Young or evening newspaper who will show Interest In you are solely In for the goodie bags. They give no real fvcks about you. Have an open mind and don't deceive yourself. Be steadfast and get prepared for eventualities and unforseen circumstances. All the best..[/b]

OMG...the height of stereotyping!!
I am financially independent and I found love and wanted to settle down with a man, until he felt we were incompatible, which he does after any misunderstanding, where admittedly I did too much and whilst I did not give up, he gave up. It is a 2 way street and I was going to fight for us because I don't ever give up but I am the only one fighting so I know now that it is the end. Your narrative therefore lacks foresight and applies only to a handful rather than most as you generalise. Men too are the architect of their own palava, for the most part.

MadarasBlade:
How do you know that the op lives a sad and lonely life? Nawa for you.

Sad and lonely world to the people around him, not him, because to him, that's his best life.

Benee1000:
Lol... Oya share your experience

You were correct up to this point - The next to do is Improve yourself, especially physically and socially.

Hit the gym, lose that added weight you gained during the marriage, start looking fit, dressing sharp, smelling nice.

From that point, and as you know, if there was no attraction, everything else will just be temporary! if the main issues are not addressed, they will revert back to square one in no time.

For me, attraction plays a great role and when my man is good looking, always looks and smells nice, he will forever be my mumu button. There will never be any sex issues so long as he does his part to be on point, always.

The moment he starts to flirt with other women, I will give up, this is where I draw the line. I don't want that headache and you can never win. I have 3 men in my family so I know well enough that when other ladies are involved, that's my LAST bus stop, and I am off for good.

Therefore your entire process does not work for ANY lady, not for me definitely.

100% AGREE with you OP. As they say, there's a thin line between love and hate.

And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going, Jennifer Hudson

Hold You Down, Bez Idakula

Reminds me of the happiest moments in my life.

Benee1000:
Applying this same process on any lady can yield mind blowing control over her.
I'm speaking from experience.

Lol....this is NOT entirely true. I'm speaking from experience.

She is a sweetheart, God bless her. In the face of adversity, please don't forget her good side and let this help you to forgive her quickly so you can both be happy. She will continue to do more knowing that her good deeds go a long way and never forgotten, there's nothing worse than an ungrateful, entitled man. God bless your home.

Whatever good we do in life, we should do it for goodness sake and expect our reward from our maker, not because of a person because it can cause you to regret. That's my principle, so it does not make me cautious or stop me from doing good.

Lol.. sorry, she should not have cursed but it is painful. I am only just getting over being ghosted myself, though mine was because he said 10 and I said 20 not my proudest moment but I was being taken for granted one too many times. She sef should have reached out too, it is not a one sided journey. Anyway, It is unfair that you led her to believe you loved her. She should just leave you for God and focus on moving on with her life.

Acidosis:
Thought provoking.

Any idea why it never worked out despite his confession and determination to do things differently? It seems it is harder to learn from people's experiences.

You are very correct in saying this, although knowing of others' experiences forces you to reconcile when you experience it yourself. Experience always and forever remains the best teacher. At the time when he decided to leave the marriage, I pleaded with him and reminded him of his initial commitment to his children but whatever the driving force behind him wanting to leave at the time was so strong that he refused to listen to any voice of reason, or give it any thought. Although, 6 months after the break up, he came back, wanting us to reconcile, still does but I can't ever go back when I have closed a chapter. He is now overcompensating his regrets with spoiling the kids rotten, that he lets them get away with anything, wanting to have such a close relationship he does not have with his own father. He is lucky that I am his children's mother because I am never, and vehemently against women keeping children away from their fathers so he has free and all access to them.

Whilst it is true that men are the biggest hypocrites of all time, that lady doing that is disgusting! Even if I was in a complete stranger's house and an older, even sister/brother, not to speak of mother, was sweeping, I would most definitely take over!! Common, this is basic home training!

We should not lose ourselves because other people are not acting right. Two wrongs don't ever make a right. Don't let anybody turn you into who you're not, it is not worth it. Always stay true to yourself and be on your best behaviour by doing what you know is sensible and the right thing to do.

OP, the fact that you refer to her as JOBLESS insinuates to me that you may be mean to her with your words. I don't like men that describe their partners negatively because your reaction to her will also reek of negativity. Also, aren't you being a hypocrite? You have come to a forum of strangers to express yourself but you don't want your wife to do the same with her trusted people? SMH...

You should speak to her to let her know that you don't like this however you cannot take away her source of vent outlet. we all need to vent, therefore you should be prepared to suggest an alternative and this can either be you - you must be open and ready to listen to her without judgement, you'd have your own time too where you can vent to her or have a good and respected counsellor.

Remember that both of you are on a learning journey, you should patiently teach her your ways and be tolerant with her and you will get to mould her to your perfection, eventually. It takes time and patience and you will get your happiness. Nothing good comes easy!

It's ok baby, I am on my way to pick you up, or join you sweetheart

OPweysabi:
*I did not tell anybody at all. Not a single family member or friend of mine knows about it because I don't want to be discouraged or lose focus, then nobody can tell me how to create my own happiness.

You have already answered your own question with this however, please know that you can never hide the truth forever and the consequences will be far worse WHEN your wife finds out eventually. Your best bet is to tell her, just stay far away from home for a few weeks after
Seriously though, she will be very hurt and disappointed but you can't change what has already happened and of course you may lose her so you should have thought about this before, if she was that important to you. You may however not lose her too and there's a belief that she may bear her own child now that you have impregnated someone else. I know this is a coincidence but it happens too many times and it might just be true, she may therefore hold on to this also and forgive you, especially when she bears her own child as a result of this. My mum had me after many many years of marriage, after my dad impregnated someone else and she never left my dad because she also fell pregnant!! I hope this gives you some hope. Goodluck!

What a mean and hateful world we live in, with some of these comments.

OP, please be grateful and focus on what you have instead of what you don't have. Some people in your shoes don't even have a roof over their heads and worse, the child is no more, so please let gratitude override any negative emotions you're feeling.

Try to get busy and hustle to take your mind off. Don't sit and wait for the right opportunity, utilise any and all opportunities you have now until another one comes along.

It is well with you.

Correct. Although I don't have a close relationship with my dad as I do with my mum, I love and respect him especially now that I too have had relationship experiences with men and I know that a marriage is hard work so this makes me understand him more and the resentment I had towards my dad growing up is no longer there but we never had that close bond.

I just hope that men learn from their parents' relationships and do better. I actually married my children's dad knowing that his parents were separated and because of how he said he would never want his children to experience what he did so was hooked by this. Although it never worked out and we're now divorced but he has such an admirable relationship with our children. Just yesterday, my son called him and said he was calling to check on him, I was surprised but I was grateful because I know of men who don't even see their kids, so I am thankful that my children have both of us.

JBriel:
It's your personality no doubt. But thinking patterns, behavioral patterns are parts and parcels of our " individuality " we must all drop en-route marriage

The institution of marriage solicits giving up physical identity for couple identity. So, you're denying your wife what is rightfully hers by every right. Your company, your presence, your attention, your time.

Trust me I've seen many of how our intrinsic thinking patterns defrauds us to assume we can't do better, change, improve, do things differently but the truth is behaviors can be learnt. We can adjust and evolve.

You diagnosed the problems you have even in your words. " You just like to be alone " It is what forms after you've created a character around flawed ideologies and beliefs.

You need therapy before you even connect with her. The ideas that forms this behavior must first be entangled so it stops isolating you and you learn new habits that shows you how to live, yes, how to truly live. How to be vulnerable, how to be open. How to love. How to feel again. How to feel worthy

If your feelings of unworthiness isn't resolved, even friendships would remain moribound and those thoughts have made you built a castle to imprison you in your thoughts, habits, behavioral patterns assuming the world is all evil that you need to shiled yourself from the world. Your thought patterns has imprisoned you

You need to be whole to love. You need to be whole to live. I recommend you find a long term behavioral coach to speak with. To take you by the hand and walk you into new pathways you can explore in life

Back to the issue of marriage. Marriage isn't just sexing. Marriage is " conjoining ". A man would cleave to his wife... Without cleaving, you're violating the marital institution my dear

Let go off whatever pains, heart breaks, dissapoinments that triggered the fear and behaviors that wants you imprisoned and start a new walk into a new path in life my dear.

Life is life. Life isn't all evil. Life can be what you create it to be for you

Everyone has limits, before you turn that woman into what you would regret, please find yourself and put yourself together

JBriel, God bless you, keep you and multiply your wisdom 1billion folds!!! You'll not know sorrow and everything good will come your way! Lol. You literally spoke my mind, word for word. I too, unfortunately, have first hand experience with a loner.

OP, you should have sought a loner like yourself to marry, because you knew what you were like before letting that poor, innocent woman into your sad and lonely world. Not everyone is like you and can understand your position, it is un-natural but there are sadists just like you out there with hearts of stone that you require. Surely you cannot desire love that you're incapable of giving. However now that you have deceived this woman into marriage with you, please make amends as JBriel has suggested.

ogk8082:
House can I ask a question?
Good afternoon…
I was born in UK , but now in Nigeria ?
I have my certificate and all, how do I apply to get my British Passport?


Thank you

There are a million and one criteria to qualify, depending on your circumstances. It is therefore not a generic or straighforward answer. Your year of brith and if your parents were legal residents, and/or married at the time of your birth are all part of things to consider to determine how you would qualify. How long you also lived in the UK as a child etc.. a UK brith certificate, unlike the USA, unfortunately is not an auto ticket to citizenship.

If you cannot describe your exact circumstances for privacy reasons, you're better off doing the research yourself, especially on the UK gov website where you will find the correct and up to date information. If your circumstances are complex, it may be beneficial for you to contact an immigration solicitor in the UK, many will offer an initial 30 minutes free advise.

I hope this helps. Goodluck.