₦airaland Forum

itstpia1:
twerking during sex wont break the penis?

Twerking should be regarded as an accurate simulation of the baby-making process, which demonstrates the woman's proper form and style before the act even commences, and for those observers who are not qualified to partake of any nookie, twerking serves to show them the privileges they can't have, and will NEVER have, even if they resort to begging for a taste like rain-soaked dogs.

Ilovenigeria:
I have been in traffic now for over 4 hours.its not even moving at all. I heard the road was blocked because of Asaba election. The bridge is shaking and it seems it's going to rain. I am scared ooo.

Where is our second Niger bridge?

I realize that this is probably not the best time to ask this, but do you know how to swim in a strong current ?

The partial listing of political catch-phrases shown below are used freely by all Nigerian politicians, so it would be problematic for any one of them to try and secure copyright privileges over any of these selected "public-domain" phrases, without inviting legal challenges.

"Disgruntled Elements"

"Enemies of Progress"

"Stake Holders"

"Visionary Leader"

"Political Cleavages"

"Misappropriation"

"Grass Roots"

"Move Forward"

"Panel of Inquiry"

"White Paper"

"Immediate and Remote Causes"

"Modalities"

fr3do:
So Nigerian females that lay motionless and inactive during sex can actually have ôrgasms?!

Are you claiming that NO Nigerian women know how to twerk ?

Gentlemen, kindly refrain from tangential digressions from the topic of this thread, which is all about Musiwa, and the power struggles he faces daily.

This topic is very relevant to Nigerian politics. Thank you for your learned contribution. We eagerly await more nuggets of wisdom from you.

redsun:
Most Nigerian women don't feel it because of mutilation, coupled with the fact that men are less concerned about the woman's feeling as soon as they discharge.

Typically, women are just logs in bed in Nigeria,primarily to make babies and let the guys discharge as quickly as possible.

So, in summary, Redsun, can we presume that you are an unrepentant board-certified muff diver who refuses to disengage until your woman has achieved Nirvana multiple times ?

You naughty, naughty boy, you, for FAILING to adopt the Nigerian bedroom modality of wham-bam-thank-you-m'am, in which the very concept of pleasure for the female participant is an alien one.

Musiwa get to the point. What is on the agenda today ?

Are you going to allow rebels to take part of Western Nigeria, and move the capital from Akure to another place without your permission ?

What is the status of your palace in Canada ?

Are you taking extra security measures to protect your cabinet members over there, as well as in Akure ?

Please keep us abreast of developments in ALL corners of your empire, and feel free to post maps as needed to illustrate important concepts.

chidistone:
All we keep hearing is Nigeria Sai Buhari, mai gaskiya da gaskiya and a disciplinarian.

[size=14pt]General Buhari has not told us what he will do for us when he gets there.[/size]


We have tested and trusted young Nigerians that can govern this nation successfully. This recycling process must top. We are tired, we need viable and concrete plans.

When he becomes the Grand Calipha of The Nigerian Emirate, Buhari will start by drafting soldiers to the streets of all cities, for the specific purpose of humiliating all men found wearing business suits. They will be rounded up on sight, and asked to frog jump in the sun while shouting "Sai Buhari !" till they lose their voices.

When they have worked up a good sweat, they men in suits will be instructed at gun-point to clean out flotsam from open sewage gutters with their bare hands, while shouting " I need displeeen, sir ! " over and over again, so as to earn fewer kicks in the process.

Tempting though it may be to elaborate further on life in the new Caliphate of Nigerianistan, it is only fair that some surprises be kept for later.

The weeping general is well known for polluting the air and the airwaves with extremist propaganda and threats to attack the state in the wake of his periodic election defeats, so it is at least a nice change to see the serial loser now ready to "clear the air" with respect to his attempted "transfer" of hard currency in 53 suitcases, to the UK, for ahem, safe-keeping in the weeping general's offshore account, back in the 1980s when he was a coup-plotting "reformist".

By purportedly "borrowing" money to launch the latest of his futile presidential election bids, Mr. Buhari contributes to the Nigerian economy in making that hefty registration fee payment. This injection of capital must not be discounted, especially in these lean economic times worldwide.

Rather than discourage the weeping general and serial election loser from taking yet another roll of the dice, he should be encouraged to run for president in ALL future Nigerian elections, so that his registration fees can be accepted with appreciation by the federal treasury, and then put into good use, such as covering the cost of resurfacing a few miles of federal highway, and renaming that stretch of new road in honor of not just Buhari, but ALL other defeated presidential aspirants that grace the 2015 national polls, no matter how obscure and insignificant they may ultimately turn out to be in the grand scheme of things.

LFJ:
If Buhari is a sponsor of terrorist may God bless you and increase your wisdom for exposing this fact. But if he is not a terrorist, and you don't have any evidence to link him with terrorist your attempt is just to destroy his reputation. The day you work hard to build your own reputation may God gives your enemies the power to lie against you to destroy the reputation you work hard to build.

I will say a big AMEN to you regardless of whether you are praying for me or cursing me, since both alternatives are of minimal significance.

Ok we don read am but you never tell use the ting when you dey put inside am to vaporize.

A terrorist sponsor like Buhari will continue to launch one failed presidential bid after another, until he dies trying but failing, to the amusement of onlookers.

That assured failure in all endeavors is but one of the curses invoked against the Boko Haram terror gang leader Buhari, by the blood of all his innocent victims shed along his path of wanton destruction that stretches back for decades, and continues unabated to this very day.

Like Governor Fashola of Lagos State Nigeria, U.S. President Obama will come to be regarded as one of the greatest and most compassionate leaders of the current generation.

This plant is only known to me by its Yoruba name, which is ASUWON-OYINBO, and by its name in the Efik language of Nigeria's Cross River State, where it is known as ARUWANA-SI. I would be grateful if anyone who is familiar with its botanical name could be so kind as to mention it here.

This plant's leaves have very strong anti-bacterial and anti-fungal properties, such that skin afflictions like ringworm and various rashes can be cured quickly by obtaining the juice of the ground-up and crushed fresh leaves, and applying it directly to the skin for a truly fast-acting remedy.

Equally significant is the fact that the leaves of this plant, when boiled in water to make a tea, are highly effective as a mild laxative which carries none of the unpleasant side-effects of pharmaceutical laxatives. For the elderly who may suffer from slow digestion leading to constipation, drinking a tea made with just 2 leaves from this unique plant will, in the space of about 3 hours, enable the patient to void their bowels and thereby see all associated discomfort vanish. It is recommended that this tea be used NO MORE THAN once every 3 months, so as to preserve the microbial balance in the intestine.

This plant can be found in forests and also along the edge of swamps and rivers in much of West Africa. It is not cultivated on a commercial scale, to the best of my knowledge, but, it holds ENORMOUS potential as an ingredient for improved pharmaceutical remedies.

Moringa leaves rank among the most nutritionally rich plant material in living existence on the planet. This unique powerhouse of nature is only now gaining popularity throughout Nigeria, but has been planted and eaten in the north of Nigeria for generations, where the Moringa plant is known as ZOGALA. After harvest and washing, moringa leaves are dried thoroughly, in preparation for grinding and filtration into a fine green powder that stores for up to 6 months without refrigeration.

NUTRITIONAL BENEFITS: By weight, Moringa Powder contains more Vitamin A than carrots, more Calcium than milk, more Iron than spinach, more Vitamin C than oranges, more Potassium than bananas, and comparable Protein to milk and eggs. Moringa powder stores at room temperature, without a need for refrigeration, for up to 6 moths with no reduction in efficacy.

HEALTH BOOSTING EFFECTS: Stronger Bones for old and young. Lactation Enhancer, for nursing mothers. Greater Energy and Endurance, Improved Memory, Revitalized Libido, More Restful Sleep, Improved Vision, Enhanced Thought Clarity, Sense of Smell, Digestion and Resistance to Infection.

MEDICAL BENEFITS: Moringa Powder improves the health of patients suffering from Hypertension, Fever, Prostate Enlargement, Diabetes, Headache, Rheumatism, Back Pain, Ulcers, External Sores, Bacterial Infections, Urinary Tract Infection, Dysentery, Bronchitis, Colitis, Gastritis, Catarrh, Malnourishment, Lethargy, Tumors and Vitamin Deficiency. For thousands of years, Moringa has cured and nourished generations of humankind throughout tropical Asia, Africa, and South America.

World-Wide , Moringa is known as the “MIRACLE TREE”, for its Healing and Nutritional Properties

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moringa_oleifera

http://moringablog./

http://www.moringatreeoflife.com/

http://www.treesforlife.org/our-work/our-initiatives/moringa

Miracle Fruit or Miracle Berry, is know in Yoruba as "Agbayun-kun". It is native to west Africa but is exploited commercially mostly in The Americas and the Far East, with seed stock or cuttings obtained originally from Africa, then selectively bred over decades for desirable traits.

The "miracle" of this fruit is that it contains unique compounds that "deceive" our taste buds to perceive virtually ALL foods as tasting VERY sweet, for up to 30 minutes after a Miracle Fruit has been eaten. These fruits have enormous potential for use by people who are under medical advice to reduce or remove sugar from their diets. Simply eating a miracle fruit just before a meal imparts the illusion of sweet taste to our taste buds, even when NO sugar is added to breakfast cereals, beverages, and indeed any dish or drink to which sugar is generally added for taste.

http://miraclefruitfarm.com/

http://www.miraclefruit.ca/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synsepalum_dulcificum


Note that this picture is magnified. The true size of the miracle fruit is about the size of your smallest finger-tip. This tree is virtually IMPOSSIBLE to germinate and grow from seed, and only slightly less challenging to propagate with cuttings. Who ever in Nigeria first unlocks the key to mass planting miracle fruit shrubs for the export market will without question retire rich at a young age.

To Nigerians living in the West, and who are weary of responding to "innocent" questions inquiring whether Africans still reside in tree-tops, the preceding photographs of actual buildings in Africa will serve as very effective educational tools.

This was not a kidnapping in the traditional sense, but a simple asset re-allocation exercise, whereby one of Nigeria's most prolific embezzlers will be encouraged to part with a few million in order to secure the release of her sister. Obviously if there is bad blood between the two sisters, then the kidnapped one will most likely be left to her fate by her kleptomaniac sibling, such that the kidnappers will be left with no alternative but to activate Plan B, which will entail the surgical dismemberment their captive, for sale to the fetish industry as recycled human spare parts.

I must say that the fence-hopping gentleman gave fairly good account of himself against the attacking dogs, all things considered. He at least managed to connect with that first crescent kick, without getting cut by any dog teeth impacting his foot, but then his fighting form began to unravel when the second dog grabbed him by the forearm.

I expected him to close in with the attacking hound so as to degrade its fighting ability using fast combinations of Chinese Win-Chun in-fighting techniques at the very least, but he relied instead on conventional Greco-Roman wrestling moves against his furry opponent, thus giving the beast the upper hand.

Then of course came that absolutely ICONIC moment, when the man was grappling in mortal duel against that second attack-dog that stood as tall has he did on its hind legs, with both determined combatants flailing at each other in stark profile, back-lit with a hellish red glow from the flashing lights of converging police cars. No movie maker could have captured such a riveting image of primal combat between man and snarling monster, right there on the front lawn of the place America's president calls home. Were it possible to buy up all publication rights to that unforgettable image, I would do so in a heartbeat.

Hadeyeancah:
6 Types of People You Meet in Nigerian Banks


1. The Pen Borrowers: They never have a pen. These people are quick to say, "Please, borrow me your Biro" and once you give them your pen, just forget about it because that's the last of them you'll see, except if you're extremely lucky.

2. The "I dey ur Back" Team: Immediately they enter the bank, even before picking a slip (withdrawal or deposit), they are already asking who the last person on queue is. And before you answer, they'll say "I'm at your back." In most cases, 9 people will tell you, "Bros, I dey ur back." At the end of the day, you end up settling dispute between the person wey dey d back of person wey dey ur back.

3. The No protocol team: This kind of people don't even care who the last person on queue is. "First come first served" don't make any meaning to them. Immediately they come in, they just walk up to the manager, who offers them a seat, and within 5 mins they've completed there transactions while u go still dey dere dey grow grey hair for queue. (Dearis God oooo!)

4. The Bank Door rejectees: These category will always have problem with the bank door. You'll see them removing their belts, car keys, mobile phones etc and yet the machine keeps shouting "Bro, pls go back". Oga, next time come into bank naked! Biko, he go allow u in... LOL!

5. The slip wasters: These kind of people can waste slip 4Nigeria! To fill the withdrawal slip or deposit slip na JAMB questions? You'll see them cancelling, tearing, squeezing & taking another one. To write common 3,780 Naira in words na gobe. The so called "undergraduates " are the leader of this group. Na wa o.

6. The Voice of the People: These are the rebel leaders of the banking hall. "The queue is not moving na". "Yes, It's true. These people are just lazy". "I mean, this is arrant nonsense! I've been here for 59 min! This bank is a crap. I will close down my account and find a better bank" Come tomorrow, you go see am again for queue wit big goggle... speaking grammar. Bros, na only you waka come?

Okay, which group do you belong to in these 6? No lie o.
Remember, dearis God o!
Oya add urs......

The most important group of bank visitors have been omitted in your well written summary Hadey, and they are of course the EXECUTIVE bank robbers.

They show up dressed to the nines and dapper in beautifully tailored 3-piece business suits, to casually mingle and chat with customers and staff, right up till the moment when, at a pre-arranged signal, they whip out serious firepower, and deliver in very loud voices the traditional call to prayer : " Everybody lie down ! NOW !"

fr3do:
Does the white house have a clone?

There is another White House in Akure town, the capital of Western Nigeria Republic.

The Aare Onakakanfo lives there with his 20 wives and 55 childrens. Only money people can enter there.

EMANY01:
Compiling satellite photo analysis of what happened and links to a potential threat of the same happening here in western Nigeria.

The Aare Onakakanfo is very busy today. Please don't disturb him. Western Nigeria is in danger also.

Please Mr. Man tell your dog to leave me and stop biting me. I am special VIP guest for your Oga, Obama. He is expecting me today.

Do you know who I am ? I am Double-Chief, Professor Alhaji Barrister Architect Chairman Evangelist Gynecologist Adesanya PSS FSS Mini.

Tell them to stop biting me now ! Is this how they are embarrassing a whole Chief in your home town ? Answer me. Is that right ?


Look, Obama know quite alright, that I am coming to see him today. He is from Africa, and me too, so I am not need any permit or appointment. You hear me ? Obama hear my language, and me too I hear Obama language. Second wife of my junior brother wife uncle also attend church with cousin to one man who know somebody who work very close to Obama staff in White House, so, I have CONNECTION here.

My father have big banana farm in Ondo State, and many new car, and many wife, more than your father, so please show me respect. Do you know who I am ?


Yeh yeh yeh yeh yeeeeeehhh ! Tell this your dog to stop biting me now. Is it because I have climb White House fence that you are doing me like this ? In my village we eat dog every day. We call it lokili. It is very sweet with pepper soup. If you try it you will know that only man must bite dog meat, and not dog must bite man meat.

Tell all this your mad dog to stop this nonsense, otherwise AAAAAAAAgh yeh paripa !

Ogami, The dog have hold my blokos. You no see wettin you don cause now ?

Ok, PLEASE stop tell am to stop. Tell am to stop. I have born only three sidren in this life, and your dog is trying to chop my blokos. Do you know who I am ?


You are spray me with pepper spray, but you have forget that in my home town we eat plenty pepper soup every day. Stop this dogs NOW.

Ok, I am not playing again now. Just take me to Obama. I will tell him to sack all of you today-today, if you don't stop this dog and what they are doing for me like ordinary thief. Do you know me ? They will commot your uniform today, and you are laughing.

MusaIbrahim1:
Please this is not a thread to mock my religion

Apologies sir. I mistook your post for a complaint against the practice of avoiding handshakes with women, so I contributed my thoughts, but will now desist from doing so, per your request.

No cause for alarm. The Aare Onakakanfo of Canada is at the front, personally directing the counter-attack to repel the invaders. Stay tuned.

Na Johathan go win this vote o.


If dem start for dey halla, dey cry, say baboon go wake up begin dey fight dog again because dem Boko-Oga no win by force and wuru-wuru, na dem sabi, because Nigeria people nogo miss road. Dem go vote for progress, vote for advancement, vote for more light, vote for better road, vote for PEACE, vote for JONATHAN, no shaking.

If baboon and dog begin dey fight again for dem homeland, na dem sabi, we nogo put hand for FAILURE and DEFEAT. We nogo vote for Seriki, because na PRESIDENT Nigeria need from coming 2015, sotay year 2019 , no shaking, no braking. Na only overtaking Jonathan dey do now. Go write am down.

Johathan na you we need for presido, whether you like am or not. We go PUSH you enter Aso Rock, and we nogo gree make you commot again until that second term of ya presido don complete by 2019.

Oya, push am ! When I shout say "EeeeeeShhobey" !, make unu answer say " Hey ! ", and den come join hand begin dey push Jonathan enter second term office.


When I shout say "Eeeeeyshobey-Sangaruwaaa ! " Just answer say "Heyaaaa !" , and continue dey push Johathan enter that office until 2019.


As for that 2015, na Jonathan get am o, lie no good. And na so the ting go be. I am telling you like this. Any another folly-tician when mistake show face for that coming election, na cane we go take drive am go after dem don defeat am finish.

It would not be a surprise if he is granted very early parole and set free on "compassionate" grounds, in as little as one year or less.