₦airaland Forum

What is the Weeping General sobbing over this time ?

Can't he at least wait until he suffers another comprehensive election defeat before embarking on yet more wailing and gnashing of teeth command performances ?

This piteous gentleman seems to spend more and more time these days sobbing hysterically, so it really is becoming difficult to determine WHY so many tears are being shed, even though the spectacle of a grown man weeping is inherently entertaining for sure.

xcapizt:
ooo Papi wooo! I just threw a rock in the marketplace, I can see that you apparently got hit by it. Hehe. Anyways, sha, you've undoubtedly displayed great ingenuity in making a John Lennon parody that rhymes with the original. Clap for yourself!! But feel free to use your creative genius for a more compassionate and gracious course next time. Have a great day ahead man!

Oh well, I will have to settle for half a compliment, which I suppose is better than none.

One day, in the fullness of time, I will find fleeting fame and lasting fortune.

xcapizt:
So I've followed this thread all along though not uttering a word, and I have to say that I find some posts both amusing and at the same time mildly irritating. You admit that you don't know much about the Ymodulus guy, both online and offline but still go right on to give your self indulgent analysis of the situation with such certainty about how this is one huge stunt to call attention and pique people's sympathy so it can be translated to it's monetary equivalent. Pardon me for being so naive and gullible to fall for Ym's stories but if you don't know the dude and don't have anything constructive to say, then shut the fvck up!! This thread has over stayed it's welcome sef Mmmtcheeewww...

You still haven't commented about my song-writing skills.

I went to a lot of effort to compose that song, AND make it rhyme with the original, only to be IGNORED by you.

Please address this breach of protocol, and at least sing the song to yourself at home, to better appreciate just how much thought and creativity was expended there.

Prophet of Doom Pastor Jaguda MUST face justice for breaking the law in erecting that slum structure, but he must also face HUGE monetary penalties that can be levied in CIVIL court actions initiated both by Lagos State, and on behalf of all groups and individuals bereaved by this tragedy. The families of those killed in the collapse of Pastor Jaguda's slum building must engage HERDS of lawyers, who will file class-action lawsuits aimed at redistributing most, if not ALL, of the money taken over the years through mass deceit by this disaster-loving pastor who clearly does not regard the collapse of his illegally built slum building a disaster, but rather as evidence of UFO attacks on planet Earth.

Pastor Jaguda erected a rickety six-floor slum dormitory atop a foundation designed and approved to bear the weight of just TWO floors, in a brazen and callous act of utter contempt and disregard for all relevant city building codes and LAWS. When that death-trap collapsed under its own weight and crushed to death over 120 human beings, Pastor Jaguda detailed armed thugs at the rubble-strewn scene of the collapse, so as to DENY ENTRY to responding Lagos State ambulance and rescue crews for an entire day, thus foreclosing all chances of saving MOST of those trapped victims, many of who ultimately died agonizing and AVOIDABLE deaths due to DELIBERATE blockage of emergency services on the direct orders of the demonic Pastor Jaguda. That deliberate criminal act of facilitated mass-murder perpetrated by Pastor Jaguda must NOT go unpunished.

The sacking of Lagos State building inspection officials who took bribes from Prophet of Doom Pastor Jaguda, should mark only the START of the legal and civil retribution that must be brought to bear on the PRIMARY guilty party, who has thus far offered NO more substantive statement than to continue insulting intelligence by insisting that his slum building was downed by passing UFO squadrons.

chericute:
Truth be told,nomatter what anybody tells you,,you must first believe that you are born beautiful,,,too much money could lead you to destruction,,Be wise and be contended

As you write this one finish, na so I rush go luck ya profile photo, but I come see say you no 'gree post any photo at all.

How we go take no say you fine, true-true ?

duni04:
People take nairaland way too serious. Why not just come here and read what you want to read, comment if you want, and go. The Op has built a fake and imaginary nairaland ecosystem around himself, such that he has to come here for support in crisis. Nobody to help him out in real life. Just pathetic.

Chai ! " A fake and imaginary eco-system, in the VIRTUAL world." Chai !

In other words, to paraphrase John Lennon's classic ballad entitled "Let it be."

When I find myself in times of trouble
I log on to Nairaland
Seeking cash donations, let it be

If I had a dollar, for all the online "friends" who pledged cash to me
Then I would be so wealthyyyy, let it be

But all they do is promise, and offer worthless prayers and advice to me
But I don't see no moneyyyy, let it be

And in my hour of darkness, I can't log on with no 'lectricity.
My phone's all out of credit, let it be

Let it be ( 4 times ), there will be an answer, let it be.

Avoiding short cuts using dangerous chemicals, and remembering not to work the same muscle group on consecutive days, but to alternate your bench press for upper body one one day, followed by squats for your legs the next day, you will make gains that will be noticed by all who knew how you looked in the past.


All the best, as you discover a lifetime passion that will keep you looking fit well into your middle age, even as all your friends start to get out of shape and show their age. There is NO exercise under the sun that produces the sort of striking VISIBLE results that you get from a regime of weight lifting.

Sleekshady:
RIP Dear you were such a beauty! Guys start encouraging girls with flat ass instead of dissing them and making them less wanted, low self esteem KILLS!! #TeamFlatNyansh

When you refer to flat-assed girls as "them", are you hoping to convey the impression that you do NOT fall into that category you have created here to define other women ?

Given that you are so hurriedly distancing yourself from membership in the League of Flat-Assed Women, an investigation may now have to be conducted, to identify the REAL reasons for your issuing these stout denials so quickly, and without being asked first.

DidierKing:
The Lagos State Commissioner for Physical Planning and Urban Development, Olutoyin Ayinde, disclosed that the collapsed had no building permit while testifying at the ongoing Coroner's inquest into the incident.

Ayinde said investigations carried out by the ministry showed that the building had no approval. He also expressed safety concerns over the additional floors being constructed at the church auditorium.

http://www.tribune.com.ng/news/news-headlines/item/20186-collapsed-synagogue-building-did-not-have-approval-commissioner

This announcement clarifies the fact that Pastor Jaguda is a confirmed criminal, for having the audacity to erect a SIX floor building without any building permit.

Now that this basic act of criminality has been exposed, it is time for the BIG HAMMER to be applied to this snake-oil salesman, in the form of a major lawsuit filed by Lagos State for the illegal construction, AND a second MASSIVE class-action lawsuit filed by the families of the victims, aimed at slamming from Pastor Jaguda with a settlement bill in the tens of millions of US dollars, with the ultimate intent of putting that evil man out of business, so that he can NEVER trick anyone out of their money again, for the rest of his wasted life.

Bushidos there is a lot of truth to your observation that of all the countries snapping up cheap land in Africa for permanent offshore ownership in most cases, the Chinese are the nationals whose intentions should be feared the most. As you mentioned China is THE world record breaker for "legal" executions which number in the hundreds, if not thousands yearly, and China's penchant for systematically "harvesting" bodily organs from freshly killed prisoners, for "recycling" into the medical transplant industry, comes right out of the pages of a Gothic horror novel.

Any nation which treats its own citizens with the brutal repressive authoritarianism seen in "modern day" China, simply cannot, by definition, offer anything of lasting good to the citizens of distant lands that fall under the sphere of Chinese influence.

Much to the contrary, the relentless acquisition of African real estate by the Chinese, if not countered by UNIFIED, multinational legislative actions designed to halt the red tide throughout the continent, could, in the space of a decade or less, place a significant percentage of Africa's strategic mineral and agricultural resources DIRECTLY in the hands of singularly unscrupulous foreigners evidently working towards nothing short of world economic domination, sustained, if need be, by direct military intervention on African soil, later on over the coming years.

UniqueGem:
Sir please stop wasting your saliva, she's not married yet.

Don't worry. Your wife will never read my words here in Jesus name, so your consultations with that young woman may continue as usual.

PRISTINEMUSCLES:
Papiwater i know you must have sucked the hell out of mammywater's breasst.

I nogo confirm, but I nogo deny ha ha ha.

That young woman's eyes are just so hauntingly beautiful. I keep going back to that picture. It just boggles the mind to imagine that someone blessed with such striking natural beauty, could be so insecure as to think that disfiguring her buttocks with the insertion of plastic bags full of silicone gel would be an improvement over her natural endowments. Exercise was all she needed if a more rounded derrier was what she desired. Just simple exercise, and a cheap gym membership in the UK where she lived.

I just cannot get over how hypnotically alluring her eyes are in that photograph. There must have been someone from the Orient in her family tree. What an exotic, absolutely gorgeous woman.

gloryaaa:
I just had 2 check b4 i give out my limited pity

Chai ! " Limited Pity ". Na him be say you no dey show pity anyhow, unless you don sure say the 'tory no get K-leg or comma.

PRISTINEMUSCLES:
Well i do not take the powedered milk or the condensed milk, actually i take breasst milk and from my research breasst milk is a indeed a good life booster

Ha ha ha ha ha no chit. Well, I can't comment on breasst milk, since I'll probably never try that, but I can tell you first hand that eating fresh beaver regularly has improved and enhanced my general health beyond my wildest expectations.

gloryaaa:
Romance / Re: Miss NAIRALAND December 2014 Contest (nomination & Verification) by Ymodulus(m): 4:11pm On Oct 28
Do anyone need a campaign Manager?
(Quote) (Report) (Like) (Share)
Health / Re: My Last Days. Death, Funeral, Pains, Xraying the Life Of A Ymodulus, A Psycho by Ymodulus(m): 3:56pm On Oct 28
Count Down begins. The number of days I know not....at 3:56pm he wants 2 die at 4:11pm same day he is interested in being a campaign manager for a programme holding December

Detective Columbo would be proud of your deductive reasoning, GloryA. This entire story is a SCAM to trick folks out of money, I tell ya.

Since I don't expect to encounter 72 willing virgins when I eventually kick the bucket, I would NOT be interested in judging a beauty contest either before or after departing from the mortal plane, so I do share your puzzlement over the woman-watching antics of our man Ymodulus. At a time when he should be soberly contemplating the meaning of life while signing all his bank accounts and property deeds over to me, Ymodulus is salivating at the thought of judging a beauty contest, and maybe even scoring some poon-tang in the process.

Something doesn't add up, as they say ha ha.

There is a hard fact that I must relate to you, Ms. Pretty. The most likely times when a husband will cheat on his wife are during pregnancy and literally any time thereafter. All men are genetically hard-wired to seek out single women who clearly have NEVER been pregnant, and who are in the full bloom of youth, and, the instant their own wives no longer fit that desirable category, husbands will look for new flesh outside of the matrimonial home. This instinctual lust and pleasure-seeking behavior can NEVER be stopped, so the best you can hope for would be bogus PROMISES from your husband that he will remain true to his marriage vows.

No matter how solemn the pledge of love and fidelity offered on your wedding day, BIOLOGY will take over the instant your middle swells with a pregnancy, for that is the point in time when your man will begin to expend enormous mental energy thinking up ways to score with young single women at every possible opportunity that presents itself.

Rather than try and change the fundamental character of a man by expecting him to be faithful to you as you age, accept that your husband WILL play the field, and limit yourself to requesting that he use a condom to ensure no diseases are brought home from those extra-marital adventures.

To address the issue of not getting enough nookie with your man, I urge you NOT to go out and cheat as well, but rather to purchase for yourself a battery-operated vvibrator that will get your rocks off in multiple fashion, whenever the mood takes you. When you have used such a device for a while, you will discover that with you controlling its operation to your exact specifications, you will derive more pleasure and satisfaction than ANY man could EVER give you, no matter how young or well endowed he may be. Matter of fact, after a few weeks of using that little helper, you will wonder to yourself how on earth you managed to get by without one for so long.

In conclusion, your peace of mind will come from (1) Recognizing and accepting with no grudge that ALL men are essentially horn-dogs, and that ALL married men WILL get some innocent nookie on the side, and (2) Taking your own pleasure into your own hands, so to speak, by obtaining a vvibrator to take you above and beyond any intensity of pleasure and satisfaction that you have EVER experienced in your past both as a single girl and now as a married woman.

egopersonified:
See dragging of property on top suicide matter, make una fear God.

Diariz God, but na God say make I struggle like mad dog to collect my own royalties after we Oga don die finish.

myads890:
Great idea. Let ymodulus send the laptop to my address and his balance into my account and then we'll both meet at the venue of our duel(ill bring the laptop and the cash along). Whoever wins the duel walks away with the prize and gets to lead a farewell song in honour of our dearly beloved ymodulus.

See you at the venue!! Hopefully not sha

I no gree at all for this plan o. Na for my hand we go keep that laptop, together with all the money for safe keeping and safe spending. During all that time my lawyer go carry the matter go begin dey drag for court with ya own lawyer dem, to make sure say the ting nogo get solution until year 2020, or when fowl show him teeth make we see am.

I nogo wait make OP die first, before I go begin dey fight for my right, and block all awoof people when no be family like me, but still miss road come dey follow me struggle for betta ting.

myads890:
@ymodulus, its actually surprising that someone as talented as you wants to end his life. I've learnt so much from you and you have literally helped take my life from where it used to be.

However, if you REALLY want to kill yourself, send me an email @ soh.8686@yahoo.com so that I can give you my address where you can send me your laptop, I really need one as in ASAP. Also, ill send you my account details so you can send me the rest of the money in your account. [size=14pt]Ill use these things to remember you, while I entertain your former girlfriend in bed.[/size]

RIP in advance

Chai. Diariz God. All this OP property you are sharing in Lagos, and the owner never even wakka go yet.

I can see you got your eagle eye on that laptop. Well, let me tell you, the ownership of that laptop is in dispute now, because as the ONLY writer who managed to make the OP laugh and forget his troubles thus far, I am ENTITLED to that laptop, in the event that our after-life voyager still decides to defy all appeals and opt to die rather than live.

Better still, we can have a whiskey-drinking contest to determine who is more equal than the other between you and I, which in turn will indicate who is more eligible to claim the laptop. We will meet at the nearest beer bar of our mutual convenience, and embark on a drinking spree, supervised by impartial umpires, who will duly allocate that laptop computer and bank account contents of the late OP, to the last man standing.

This is a clear-cut case of self-defense. The girl was kidnapped by a man claiming to be armed, and then she fought back, since she could not be sure if the attacker would stop the progression of crime after rraping her, or choose to MURDER her to keep her from making a police report.

A competent lawyer should be able to get the brave girl out of custody on bail right away, and then later get her acquitted on all charges relating to her fight to survive an abduction and attempted assault by a violent attacker.

darnley16:
Shoot him in the fuckin head quick

He was reportedly cured of Ebola prior to his arrival in Nigeria. Do you still insist on having that death penalty imposed on him ?

That kid can yet be saved, but reports that he smells of decay means he may have bed sores, due to not being moved frequently enough on his bed by nurses, or that his initial wounds are not healing properly. He will not last much longer IF he is not REMOVED from where he is, and taken to a COMPETENT hospital inside or outside of Nigeria.

If this child's condition cannot be addressed by any hospital in Lagos State, then I hereby appeal to the people's governor of Lagos State, Raji Fashola SAN, to have the dog attack child victim airlifted to the UK or Germany for the specialized treatment that is so urgently needed NOW to save his young life. THE GOOD publicity that will accrue from such an act of humane benevolence will FAR outweigh the monetary cost of that emergency evacuation and overseas treatment, even when viewed from through the lens of cold political expedience.

Your Excellency Governor Fashola please step in and act in your capacity to do so in a manner that will turn the tide and save the kid.

mamziii:
rili? Babes like seriously?

Please change your profile picture, Mamzii. I have a fetish for women's feet, and those neat rows of shoes are causing me great stress.

mcfarlin:
Noo the op sef get sense pass that guy wey dem call idu1.

Ok understood. Next time I go wear my glasses before I begin dey type.

mcfarlin:
With your replies its purely evident that u'll have to get better to be considered insane cause right now you are worse than insane.

[size=14pt]U wrote a useless epistle and put a meaningless postscript of u having a PHD from havard..and u don't want me to conclude that u are empty headed?[/size].

Wait wait I need to get these facts straight. Are you seriously telling me that the person who has declared his intention to explore the concept of life after death is ALSO claiming to hold a PHD from Harvard, or all places.

Say it ain't so, McFarlin. I COMMAND you to reassure me that the OP did NOT claim to hold a Harvard PHD, because if you cannot do this simple justice to my request, then it will be self-evident that this entire "suicide" tale has been a sophisticated yet cruel SCAM all along, in which SYMPATHY is sought from strangers on an internet forum, in the hopes that such sympathy and empathy can be parlayed down the road into a harvest of MONEY, donated graciously with the best of intentions, and taken ungratefully, with the absolute worst of intentions.

Chai ! Diaris God O ! Anyway, we still dey await to hear more about that Harvard PHD when dey write English like ordinary level WAEC alumnus, before we go fit know who all wakka come for this matter.

Nmeri17:


**MODIFIED**
I almost forgot to tell you whether you're a atheist or whatever, na u sabi o. when you WILLINGLY MURDER YOURSELF, chances are [size=14pt]there's a hot portion of hell fire waiting for you.[/size] You know the way an inherited property becomes yours forever?? this particular plot of fire will be your solitary confinement for billions of years and you will EVOLVE from stage to stage till you get small sense [size=14pt]your plot shall be fenced with PAIN and yo mansion will be built with gnashing of teeth as well.[/size] You shall not be lacking in neighbors at all. trust me. So please, with such assurances of an affluent afterlife, won't it be wise to speedily head hell-ward??

Damn you sure are in a rage today. The OP is down for the count, but rather than try to make him see a lighter side to life, gentleman Nmeri17 calmly laces up his Doc Marten steel-toed chit-kicking boots, and proceeds to just wail the tar out of the victim. You is MEAN as a junk-yard dog, Nmeri17, and that ain't no lie. I'd hate to see you get REAL mad, because if I did, I wouldn't pause mid-sprint to look back even once.

By the way, your descriptions of hell's labor camps are quite evocative. You ought to consider exploring your potential as a writer. If I didn't know any better, I would have assumed from your vivid descriptions of the fire pits that you must have worked as a prison guard there in the past.

Alima2:
meaning?

Meaning I haven't the foggiest idea what "chick weed" is, if such a thing indeed exists, and that I find it odd to see such an obscure plant with zero nutritional or medicinal value meriting interest in the first place.

cryptography:
We will all die someday, so why commit sucide. If you die today

water will still be H2O
Bill gates will still be rich
Seun will still be seun
aliexpress won't close down
kilimanjaro wont fall
The map of USA won't change.

I've seen the other side of life so don't lecture me about hard choices.

And worst of all, Musiwa will still launch daily map attacks on this website, despite being banned hundreds of times in reward for his efforts.

OP if you reach heaven and confess to the mai-guard that you did not solve the Musiwa Problem before casting off the mortal coil, you may find yourself in the "Awaiting Trial" paddock.

Think well o. Don't miss-step and regret a decision to sell your guard dog, in order to purchase a guard baboon. All who did so rued the day.


Anyway, to close that gaping loophole, I will now embark on a hunger strike until such time as the Nairaland politics forum is SEEN TO BE adequately fortified from ALL future Musiwa map and photo-bomb attacks, whether launched in the electronic, spiritual or even TRADITIONAL realm.

So as to close on a positive note, please read and memorize as though your very life depends on it, the following one-liners from late comic Rodney Dangerfield.

"It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book."

"I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nnude, I didn't see the mouse trap."

"My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I told him I want a second opinion. He said okay you're ugly too."

"My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat. "

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers. "

"One time I went into a hotel, I asked the bellhop to handle my bag - he felt up my wife. "

More memorable quotes will be published here, but ONLY on request by the OP. In God we trust. All others pay CASH.