₦airaland Forum

OP

Am surprised youve sunk this low in your responses...

It seems there is more to this thread that meets the eyes

nice retort CC,

But you have blamed everyone else but the abused


The abused typically have esteem issues granted but is it right for them to see nothing more of themselve than another human's plaything

Is it right that they sit down n stew in their own misery when they can take action

The debater rightly lays most of the blame on the abuser but says we should not absolve the abused who may act as an enabler

chaircover: I disagree Biola. Not worth exploring at all

I would have loved to sit with contestant number 10 in a room and discuss in detail and have our own debate about this.

We are the ones who enable the abuse . . .ME and YOU ie the society as a whole and not the abusee

Many of the abusees dont know any better. They were brought up in faulty environments and you cannot give what you dont have.

Accepring to be treated badly by anyone all stems from low self esteem. You cant buy self esteem from the market; you get it from your formative years and as a woman you mostly get it from your own father.

The problem is How many of these fathers are available in the real sense of it? They are mostly on facebook and BBM chatting with other women, they are at beer parlors drinking with their friends and blaming traffic and saying that they are waiting for the traffic to die down before they head home. Some think that their presense is not needed so long as he puts food money and school fees down.

Many of them dont see their own kids during the week and instead of spending quality time at the weekends with their sons teaching them how to be men and their daughters encouraging them to be the best, they are at owambe parties in Ijebu and Benin. Sunday they go to church and their kins-mens meetings and then before you know it, its Monday and the cycle continues.

Apart from Eatries, how many family friendly places are available in Nigeria. I know because we struggle to find somewhere to take the kids to when we travel to Nigeria.

How many men take their daughters for walks & outings? How many fathers realy get to bond with their daughters? Meanwhile Building of self esteem starts from when you are a baby. How many even know what their daughters are doing or interested in their daughters lives? So long as they pay school fees and buy books, they think that that is all they need to do as a father.

How many fathers are even good examples themselves so the daughters know what to look out for when they want to choose their own partner. If daddy always comes back at midnight reeking of alcohol, wont the girl think its normal for her own husband to do so? If her own mother was beaten by her father, wont she think its normal?

It only when we start to behave well as parents,will be produce well behaved and well adjusted children. That is the honest truth

So we can sit here all day and say silly things such as "men are wired to by polygamous" forgetting that when we point one finger, 4 point back at us. Men are wired to be polygamous abi? I hope any man that says that will be happy if his own daughter is cheated on by her own husband or his daughters husband gets his secretary pregnant.

Im not debating o! just airing thoughts

Tgirl/ RR and to everyone who is participating. Well done

it depends on who wants it more

i think the ukrainians are desperate

barca had Messi...

CFCfan: True. You can win all the time, but France could still do a 'Barcelona'. Remember that Barca were in the same situation in last season's UCL knockout tie against Milan; and ended up knocking out the Italians.

oh Lawdy lord..


You have 3 choices

- have the baby n rear it
- Abort the baby
- have the baby and give it up

either way, your life is not the same

CFCfan: They can do the needful as far as Stella Oduah is not involved.
If they line up in a 4-2-3-1 or 4-5-1 formation, and cut off the passing lanes to Ribery and Giroud.

hahhahaha....


sad to see france out but thats life

last poster raises a new dimension to the abuse phenomenon... the abused as an enabler... unpopular but worth exploring

Abuse is wrong
Stop the cycle

ronnie draws first blood


Ukraine on a long thing.. will they do the needful

Greece 3 - 1

hmmm

The hot NOCs are not disappointing

2132 full

Next up 3142, 2131


in the wings

2263 and 3211

0211 Engineering managers 300 (Cap reached) Footnote 2
1112 Financial and investment analysts 300 (Cap reached) Footnote 2
2113 Geoscientists and oceanographers 32
2131 Civil engineers 244
2132 Mechanical engineers 300 (Cap reached) Footnote 2
2134 Chemical engineers 115
2143 Mining engineers 5
2145 Petroleum engineers 4
2144 Geological engineers 59
2146 Aerospace engineers 14
2147 Computer engineers (except software engineers/designers) 300 (Cap reached) Footnote 2
2154 Land surveyors 9
2174 Computer programmers and interactive media developers 300 (Cap reached) Footnote 2
2243 Industrial instrument technicians and mechanics 57
2263 Inspectors in public and environmental health and occupational health and safety 145
3141 Audiologists and speech-language pathologists 9
3142 Physiotherapists 247
3143 Occupational Therapists 30
3211 Medical laboratory technologists 164
3212 Medical laboratory technicians and pathologists' assistants 61
3214 Respiratory therapists, clinical perfusionists and cardiopulmonary technologists 17
3215 Medical Radiation Technologists 35
3216 Medical Sonographers 27
3217 Cardiology technologists and electrophysiological diagnostic technologists 20

Game onnnnnn

[quote author=kay-one]big thanks to bebe2, greatgod, auschris, jmoore, baby123, Gboliwe, and thorpido, for ya politeness and for being mature enough to understand my standpoint. your contributions were quite meaningful and well received. thanks alot. . .


for the rest who think i who think i give the least care bout what trash they spew, listen: i came here for clarification and i've gotten it. shikena!!!

i know i didnt make an assertion; i only asked a question.[/quote]Bros you still fit dey misyarn like this..

Basic science

De Beauvoir: Thanks for understanding, this little post really lifted my spirit.

And thanks for showing support to women's empowerment and upliftment.
Feminism loves and appreciates compassionate men like you

Thanks but just to say I believe in social justice n equity but dont agree eith all aspects of feminism....
Thanks too for listenjng through other's view points

De Beauvoir: How will you think it's feasible when it is a practice that favours you as a male?

Anyway it has to change. It is doing a lot of damage to the female folk, It leads to sexist attitudes in people, it leads to issues of gender discrimination against women, it makes men see women as inferior/lesser humans AND TREAT THEM AS SUCH, it retards the progress of women because they are programmed to think that their identities don't matter, that they are second class citizens that must always come after men.

I don't even know why I bother. You will most likely fail to fully understand how oppressive the practice is since it places you at the position of advantage and since you have nothing to lose from it.

Hmmm....I guess u have a point.
Say I will not change my name to keep my root n the women will not

A pseudo name may work...mr n mrs ananse comprising george anan and georgina sewa

Coined name - ananse

Thanks for your info...

ok..

frankieO: Hey house, I sent my application and it got to nova scotia thru d receipt sent to me on the 15th of july, I have not received any PER or any correspondence from CIC and am beginning to wonder if others are going thru this or if am the only one, my application was for the financial and investment analyst category, I aslo sent a mail to them till today nothing has been heard.

NOC 1112 was filled up with applications received up to 29th May
They are sending applications back
Sorry

Nice points...


Violence has no gender

lorretta u: Ok anyway, I get where they might be coming from. As most women aren't as strong as men,one might consider that getting slapped by a woman wouldn't be a very painful experience.hence may not count as abuse

But personally, I can't slap a fellwo woman, how can I try it with a man?
How much more my husband. I'm trying to paint a picture of what that scene could look like,and I can't imagine it. Makes me think that any lady who can without fear of repercussion slap her husband, had The home going waitiing for her
Someone might say "what if he cheats on you?"
Well I know a slap won't help issues at that moment and the lady might just be giving him excuses to beat her up.

If he does something you can bear as a lady, something you can't live happily with, you know what to do
Refer to topic!

You wasted your mb.. walahi

DK has killed it

Gboliwe: What a question!

Who determines the sex of a baby, man or wife? Your type in the olden days will keep acquiring wives upon wives to get a son thinking its a woman's fault

An aunty of mine had 6 children, all females. 2 are married now. One already has 3 children (2 boys, 1 girl) the other has one now and its a boy.

How do you folks come up with such stupid ideas and questions? I mean, doesnt it sound stupid to your senses just thinking of it?

dude phillips.. u are some dude mehn,,,

i just read what you wrote properly..

And the lesson "No one has a monopoly of violence"

lorretta u: I know you want me to say that I'll give him a second chance.

I do endorse the second chance theory when a person errs. But for situations like abuse violence and infidelty tend to get worse as one gives more chances.
A second chance I can give hoping that it won't be the last chance at happiness that I'm giving up
But after that second chance,I won't give anymore chances

Now why would i wanna go and do that

Its your call, your life too

I just wanted to point out some inherent contradiction in some of the female poster's POVs which advocated loving in the case when the woman slapped the man once an dievorce when the man slapped the woman

#Just sayin'

kendraloops: Tnx a lot.

The divorce thingy is jst too rampant here. I saw u arguing with its 'chairman' on another thread. They don't know some people are actually in marriage to make it work.

It is well.......

May God help us all...

lorretta u: If my brothers wife slaps him,
Haha. Anyway I'm not the husband,but she has to go home (my opinion) of course I won't force him to send her home
But today it could be a hot slap and tomorrow she could empty a pot of hot water on him in anger.
Say no to violence!.

Violence has no gender,,, I like the fact you accept that women can alsobe violent... a lot of females here dont seem to want to admit that

lorretta u: Oh and me?
Hard as it may sound, if it has gotten to receiving hot slaps from my husband, it's the way out I'll be looking for.
I won't wait until he's beating me blue and balck before I go.
I'll try my best of course never to do what warrants that.
So when it comes(if it comes) it will mean one thing
No more love
What will I be doing in a loveless marriage?

Ok... I do not condone spousal abuse especially of the physical variety
This I endorse

Wat if it was just ONE SLAP...n u know he is not the violent type

Many married years to u jaawe


I gbadun your humour jooor..

u no know say everything for hia na dievorce?

hahahah

kendraloops: To all those that offered matured advice (you know urselves), God bless u n keep all that you hold dear.

To all those advocating divorce, una try well well. U get broda wey I go marry? Abeg oo, na my Esan man house I go old till my b.reasts dey sweep floor.

To all those that insulted hubby n I, I must tell you we had a good laugh reading some comments here. You guys even helped bring us closer.

Much love guys. *takes a bow*

males and females are equal but different;

I dont totally subscribe to the doctrine of equality as espoused by some parties but i believe we should all rise to our potential -

im saying using the name of the male is not the cause of the syndrome you point out but rather a consequence of a male dominated society
ok.. we are agreed on that

But i do not think your solution of discarding names in favour of a new name is a feasible one

De Beauvoir: What?
I don't understand.....I said making it compulsory for women to bear their husbands' names after marriage leads to issues of gender discrimination. I didn't say it was solely responsible for patriarchal traditions.


It's because men are seen as superior to women and as a result, they are expected to lead their wives and children instead of women. It is because men are taken to be the head of the families that is why the tradition of women the man's name being taken the name of his family came about.
In India, in the past, women used to propose marriage to men and even pay their groom price and still go ahead to bear their husbands names, although that practise is now dying away and is no longer common.

What i am saying is, both the husband and wife should adopt one name which they will both bear and which the children will also bear. If the children are made to bear only their fathers' names, the belief that the mother is less important will carry on and this in turn will fuel discriminatory attitudes towards women because their kids cannot bear their names and carry on the family name, so female children will be seen as inferior/less important etc.

I am repeating myself now.

nice insight tpia..

I dont think name changes are responsible for females not being the cause of patriarchal traditions but rather are an expression of it

This is because men are seen as initiators of families and thus women and kids are identified by the fathers name


Say.. John the son of Smith, Sandra the wife of Simith ergo John Smith or Sandra Smith respectively

I believe the underlying attitudes can be solved and moreover women are free to keep their maiden names

A close friend of mine did not change her name for 3 years after marriage and the hubby was ok

That is being accepted nowadays ..

De Beauvoir: But traditions change.....The only constant thing in life is change and change also affects traditions.

The tradition of making women bear their husbands' names leads women and men to see their identities as unimportant, something that must be discarded in favour of the husband's. It brings about inferiority complex in females who see themselves as less than men as a result and they think and act according to how they see themselves.
The tradition of making women bear their husbands' names is also the reason why people (mostly Africans) see female children as less important than male children, because females cannot carry on the family name.
It is also a very big contributory factor in many sexist attitudes we see today, due to the less importance placed on female children, people also place less importance on the female specie
It was also the reason why there was mass infanticide of female children in China after their government introduced the one child policy. Chinese parents started killing their female children or abandoning them to die because they felt that female kids have less importance than males.

thanks modified accordingly...

you can also modify yours...


interesting that based on one post, you had me tagged..

what did you think of the other parts of the post

De Beauvoir: Ok that's good to know. Next time just say they are the female species, the word 'sub' denotes something below par, something subsidiary, inferior.

Chillisauce: Because i didnt publish my basis in wiki?
This is chillis stat. Take it or throw in bin.

hmm... dodgy stats...

90% of female nigerians in diaspora are promiscous and chase their husbands out - pickabeau's stats

See?

the name montbatten acts as a common identifier tieing all lines of the family together

say you were de beauvoir, that name ties all related to you

tradition defines humanity

it only becomes stifling when it tries to block progress

where is the progress being blocked here

yellowpawpaw: Come o, where did u get all these kpomo and fish u r adding to d main dish from?
Chai! U guys can twist story very well o!
I don tire to d argue with u.
I give up.

pomo and fish... yumm

Sorry I meant part of the species

there are two subs in homo sapiens.. male and female

I did not mean it in a sexist connotation... apologies

I came forth from a woman.. i will never refer to them as sub human

De Beauvoir: In this thread, you said women are a sub specie;

Here is the quote:



The human specie is Homo Sapien. When you say women are sub specie, you are saying they are sub humans.

De Beauvoir: @bold, because I came across a thread where you referred to women as subhuman......

How can,,, that is so not me... i love women,,..

pls can you post the link, let me check it

Please im dead serious...