₦airaland Forum

Its tough... changing names tends to be irrevocable//
[quote author=tpia@]Changing their name doesnt necessarily mean they'll lose their identity.

They will lose part of their identity, yes, but sometimes you have to weigh the pros and cons of a situation.[/quote]

why will they be fighting for property when they have been thrown away already

yellowpawpaw: Changing their names means losing their identity completely. What stake do they hv in their late father's name again if the only binding thing is forcefully removed?

And tomorow God forbid something bad happens and they fall out of lv with the step siblings, how will they feel when they r reminded that they r not part of them?
Hv u guys tot about the emotional trauma?
If their dad was one time big boy with many ppty attached to his name and he willed them to his kids? Pls tell me how they can legally get those things if their surnames hv been changed.

I'm interested in this cos this is the first time I'm hearing this.

Even the oyibos we copy knows better.

Frankly she needs to get them involved as marrying afresh will lead to alienation of the kids from their paternal family
If they are a family she does not want to associate with or they washed their hands off her, by all means move on

If they watn to be involved and have been involved... its more tricky

The mum looks manipulative... arrangee

kambili999: she doesnt seem to flow with them properly from d little apuroko i did. D late man was very wealthy n his mum wanted her to marry one of her late hubby's younger bro, prolly to circulate d wealth coz she and the kids were willed a large portion of it

whats the basis for your stats

Chillisauce: Me I didn't cheat o..
So don't generalize...
You can say 99.9%.

At least some ppl will fall into the 0.1%

#OneAt aTime

Sissie: I have introduced myself already, page 6.

my bad

[quote author=tpia@]I dont think a woman keeps her late husband's name when she remarries?

Generally speaking.[/quote]The issue here is actually about the kids not the woman

Nice debate ....

Chillisauce: This is someone you were married to.not a single parent Ish.
I don't care of in laws, I care of doing the right thing.
That's just my opinion. The right thing is they belong somewhere.

The only exception here is maybe for immigration purposes, I will just know how to hyphen their fathers name with my new husband name or mine.
Their faters name is going no where.
Even if the name long wella, I just reduce it.

almaliki: hey fellas, thot i should holla on u guys, pls for Gods sake pls edit ur profile online....as in facebook,linkedin,twitter or any social media or job_search websites ur involved with.......just got a mail from my case officer.......d mo'fo been searching on my profile online and doing some aproko job on my online lifestyle............will keep ya posted.

interesting....

here we go again ...


naija male bashing


is arnold schwarzenegger naija too
is weiner naija too
is eli spitzer naija too

is charles satchi naija


abegiiii make una chill with this naija bashing

kambili999: sir, the lady in question is my cousin's close friend. Not me.

No problem what is the relationship with the man's family...

Chillisauce: It doesn't matter, I will toil for those children day and night to protect their identity with or without my in laws help.
Even if I didn't love their father, I see no reason why I won't do it for the children I love.

that is your ball...

if i were female, why i will keep a name of a family that neglected me with my child or keep a name of a man that abandoned me with my kids...

Still sentiment

Inlaws will now come and reap where they did not sow
Thats why some stewpid fadas will deliberately leave kids up and down saying he will look for me when he is old

I am not excusing using a child gainst the fada (or family) where the man or his family wants to be a part of the child's life

icebeatz: But pple post their road trips anf you dont complain!!
Pple have posted pix of their trips to ghana and all that... whats ur own....??

I am posting only things I came across during d flight...

Only a poorly educated person will see thos as showing off.
Smh

sorry not sure its the same thing... this is not as interesting,,, just clouds
The highlight was the plane below you

Chillisauce: For me, I wouldn't change the name of my kids to any new husband.
They have an identity. They have relations, cousins, uncles etc.

You are not a widow and may have a superb hubby family...

Some are not so lucky

De Beauvoir: In a situation like this, a new name ought to be formed in order to be fair/just to all parties involved.



Who and who agreed that the wife's name should be dropped? When did they come to that agreement?
Leadership of women by men was imposed on women under the aegis of religion, it wasn't something women or even men for that matter, had much of a say in.

My belief is that for things like this, new last names should be formed for new families while the father and mother get to keep their own first names.

All well in a world where connection to prior names was not important

Names are an identifier and form a place holder

Example... Montbatten is the surname of William... Charles etc

Kate is now Montbatten

If he gets a new name upon marriage, say Windsor


There will be no way to connect Windsor to Montbatten...

Traditionally the man;s name has always been used as the woman was identified by her man

Dont forget in Japan, you take your wife's family name... so its not all bad

kambili999: iv never married sir or madam

I dont get you ma... you have kids for a man but were not able to complete the marriage trites.. is that correct

In that case, what is the relationship of your late fiance's family to you at the present time

Sissie: The pages of this thread increase so fast it's hard keeping up with you guys.

Hello people.

Hello

first of all.. introduction

debeauvoir.. haahaha.. im not a sexist... dunno why you thought that

I believe in people being free to pursue their destinies but not the way you and some other posters push it across

I believe in human rights and solving problems from the root cause

You guys talk of equality without considering context

I dont hate women,,, i love them..

De Beauvoir:

Are my eyes deceiving me?!!!

Are you actually making arguments in favour of equal gender intelligence?

My goodness, this is very shocking, I must confess. What happened to the real pickabeau? Did somebody hack your account?

Anyway if this is the real pickabeau and not another person using his name then many thanks for sticking up for women.

I hereby apologize for every mean and offensive comment I have ever made to you on Nairaland

Na wa o. Maybe I will go and buy coke to drink and celebrate, somebody's views towards women is actually improving.

he has to try

He deserves a shot at happiness and companionship and children too

well done Gurus

seems this room is descending to gomorrhah... pls we need IZAL

BTW..did mai pride introduce herself or just crash in sef

Booty butt chic: naaaa am not wor OmalichA One

you sef put ur pic naaaaaaaa

dead days.. just on a siddon look mode

Dude,,,, you are actuallyu serious and have started believing your own crap

Your posts

That Men have higher IQ's than women has been known for a very long time. What is in dispute is what the IQ tests are measuring in general. In general differences are around 0.2-0.5 standard deviations in favor of Men. Also very large differences are found in favor of Men on tests that guage mathematical and abstract reasoning abilities.

So mathemathical and abstract reasoning is the be all and end all of intelligence.. at best say Men have a better aptitude in analytical fields than women not a catch all like intelligence .. not very intelligent

Bros i no get this kain time... beleieve your crap and enjoy it
Same thing that was said by the whites to justify their subjugation of blacks
If you find a woman who can live with your sexist ahze, good luck to her.. (you prolly will.. )


[quote author=nna_bu_ike]I feel as if it may be impossible to stop this run-around that seems to be forming here. Out of curiosity, what do you understand by "scientific" and more specifically, what do you mean by "unscientific".

The quotes that I made were not from wishful thinking on my part but from documented research. For example, it is not unscientific to say that Men are more capable than women in Mathematical and abstract reasoning. It is not unscientific because this **fact** has been known for a very long time. In fact, differences in this particular mental ability are typically as large as 1 standard deviation.

There are many other examples of such phenomenon, and here I don't see the point in arguing further with you if you are not even aware of any of the studies, or possibly even that such studies exist.

At least do some research on the topic if you are interested enough in the subject, then arguing further about this would then be of value.[/quote]

Thanks

Two more question, what if you were married, what will be your reaction

What will you advise your brother if his wife slapped him

Thanks once again

lorretta u: I bRoke up with my ex for that reason
Does it answer your question?

It starts with a slap.
Never more than a slap.

Then it progresses.

I don't even advise men to put up with violent women(who have considerable lesser strength) how much more a woman putting up with a violent man. Who can snuff out her life in a fit of rage.

Say no to violence!

al jarreau - Use Me

Tgirl4real: Those 2 were hilarious. I love the old school feel it had.

Yep u right!. and dey get bad mouth sef

I tire ooo.. u never hear of oyinbo wey resume work after wedding

Some naija people do..

actually im interested in this debate

Say your intended who you know is a gentle guy etc bla bla bla slaps you once , what will you do

lorretta u: Mujah1deen
I'm done with you
Thanks

^^^not bad.. Roy

will be looking out for you in the bank in case get stranded

@OP can you tell us a bit about your late husband's family
Have you engaged them in respect of your coming marriage
What are their views especially as relating to the kids

i dey hold my side..

bellong: Thanks bro... How are you doing?

Thanks YPP for your time explaining the cultural practice.
Now lets look at it

THis is the reason why widows are typically doomed to a life of singlehood since it is expected for a man to be the guardian even of the other man;s kids.

So whats the motive of the man to take the new responsibility as he will have his own kids too later

Some relatives are good granted but lets not assume this is the norm

Back to topic...This man wants to marry his woman and be responsible to the kids of his own accord. Whats the matter of a name

If the hubby's family are so caring, why are they not in the picture of the kids...

Nice debate though ...

yellowpawpaw: Mr BB, my hand dey pain me o but I will tell u how its done in my place.

When a young widow with kids remarry in my place, Its expected she carry the kids along with her. Infact its one of the pre requisites. The new husband automatically becomes a guardian and new daddy to those kids. At times when they r too young to know what happened, they will grow up calling and assuming d new dad is their biological dad. Eventually they will know one way or d other.
Now, some grow up and marry from d new daddy's home. For the gals, during marriage,she will marry at d biological daddy's home. For the guys, once they hv matured, they will love to start identifying with their father's pple.

This in no way stops or hinders their r/ship with the new daddy or step bros and sis. They r still like family and will continue to be so but they hv to represent where they came from.
If tomoro, they become independent and whatever, everything they will do for their biological father is still what they will do for this new dad. And their other half is integral part of them too.

They don't ever change name. Its never done. Meanwhile contrary to some beliefs, some relatives r very good to these children and their mum and r always on d look out for them. At times d lady don't remarry and the late husbandis pple supports her and her kids.
*sighs*
Not all relatives r wicked.