₦airaland Forum

kuteNUEL:
It was Jes a joke. c'mon most comedians do it... why taking it to another phase.

Would u laff if u are on d receiving end?

Japhet04:
she is condemning a child that God gave her

she is condemning her own blood

it disheartens me to see or hear of this kind of act done by a mother

who knows this might just be a test from God

the child might be the one to wipe her tears away and reinforce all her days of labour

as a mother I thought she would understand

#Pathetic

She, she, she, mother... What hav u got 2say about d fleeing father? Hisssssss

normaljenny: My brother, I have seen lots of advices here some are good and some are not good. Kneeling down and begging for forgiveness is no big deal. I can do it too with like 20 mins crying added to it. My candid advice is:

1. Don't hate her and don't send her away.

2. Request for the documents as it should be in your possession.

3. If she refuses to give u the documents.

4. Stop sleeping in same room with her.

5. Change your phone number and keep her off ur contacts whatever. Facebook, twitter. Etc

6. Don't you ever, ever eat her food. because if she finds out through the advise of her friends,mother, or pastor that you are becoming a pain in the ass, then she can be compelled to act rashly and if u should die, she would get another hubby in a year, and as she is getting so ambitious now, she has the automatic ownership to all your stuffs.

7. Threat her like a stranger in the house.

8. Don't ever have family discussions with her.

9. Behave as if your life depends on it.

10. Let it stretch for like two to three months.

11. When she comes for begging,don't give in immediately.

12. There shall not be a third party in the reconciliation scene. It should just you and her.

13. Trying to knw if the pastor is screwing her is a past thing. Just keep the past off from it.

14. But meet the foolish pastor and tell him bluntly that if you ever see him 250 meters close to any member of your household, that you will "kill" him.

15. Get a court injuction on him calling your wife or getting close to your family.

16. Withdraw the matter from your family and her family meddling in to solve. Keep them out of it. And your friends too. Only you and your wife can save your marriage.

17. Tell her you want a divorce and see how she would react to it. If she is shocked at and scared at it, then know she wants her marriage to stay, but if she is not, then know that can be the last option (deutoronomy. 24:1-4).

18. As you start it, dedicate a week fasting & prayer to God, for the purpose of keeping the family imtact and ask God to reveal hidden things to you, as I to know if the pastor has voodoo on her, because I don't trust most of all these pastors with their wack powers.

19. Lastly, don't joke with your life. E no get duplicate.

Such a sissy

2ndChance: I have confronted her already and she went down on her kneels begging for forgiveness immediately. But then, trust once lost is difficult to gain back in a relationship. So even though I have forgiven her, I really don't trust her any longer because I now have this strong feeling that she has some unterior motives. I have also confronted the Priest too and he was speechless and in shock as to how I manage to find out.
As for the paternity issue, I have no doubt the children are mine as they are my carbon copies both the male and female ones. Besides, where I hail from, I would have been a dead man by now if I wasn't the biological father of my children. So, that's sorted.

Just move on brother, she has begged and asked for forgiveness. Dont listen to people who are not married here or those ASUU has frustrated that have no idea about a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship talk less of marriage. i will probably do the same thing you wife has done for one reason alone. That may explain why she did what she did. You have perhaps hurt her before (think very well long and hard. Have you cheated on her in the past or played hanky panky and you think she has forgotten), your family maybe unfriendly or she may simply be insecure. That is why she is making plans for her future in case things go crazy and maybe family are trying to stress her. So she knows she got something somewhere no one can ever ever take away. Some women think like this but are too scared or perhaps have no money to go ahead with projects on their own.

andromida: This has actually happened between i and one of my elder sisters. I was in a tight spot and i just dialed her husby and asked for money and he said no problem he will send it ASAP 5 mins later my sis is on the phone and she says " i didn't know you needed money so bad, anyway my husby said you need NXX urgently he will send it later, i'll prefer you ask me next time and not make me look like the bad sister." End of talk it never happened again. It may be innocent but her sis does not like it.

Well spoken

yellowpawpaw: Poster u have d right to be bothered.
Tell ur sis to ZIP UP her mouth.
Since she feels she can't talk to u or other siblings about some secret matters but ur hubby, she should look for another mentor and not ur husband.
She objects, tell her until she is married, she will understand.
And she better grow up too.She should learn how to close mouth b4 it will land her into trouble.must u tell ur mentor some stuff?
That ur hubby is also infested with leaking mouth too. I would have expected him to jejely extract or un tangle himself teetee. Is ur sis aware he tells u those stuffs? Is he not letting her down? How can he be telling u stuffs like that? Somebody's secret?
He no try at all.
The aim hv been defeated the day he told u the first secret so let everything kukuma end.
I don talk my own o.

God bless you jare. Chair cover i thank you for your input too. She has no idea he tells me anything thats why i find it strange. Of course he will tell me because i am his wife and she is my sister at the end of the day.He still ends up telling me some little things she is going through out of concern for her well being. I know some of THESE THINGS naturally but i also know perhaps there are some deeper things he does not share.

I am watching the situation very closely. I want to have a heart to heart talk with her but i want to ensure it does not totally destroy the relationship between husband and my sister. You dont want to know you mentor gives information to you sister. You would never trust such a mentor again so i know i have to proceed with caution without giving her the idea i know anything she tells him.
thanking everyone for chipping in.I was not so paranoid after all.

chaircover: op I dont quite see what the problem is. Your husband is doing what you should be doing as a big sis. She should be able to confide in you with her issues and feel safe in doing so free from judgment and raised eyebrows. She sounds like she needs guidance not condemnation.

From your post, I didnt quite understand what exactly is your fear. Are you fearful that hubby and sister may get too close and have an affair or are you worried that your husband may become disgusted at your sisters antics although I dont see anything wrong in what she is doing/done from what you have described.

Its sad that you feel this way towards your sisters relationship issues/life and it will be nice if you can actually reach out to her and be there for her as a big sis. She needs guidance. She needs a mentor and that mentor can/should be you. Give her a good foundation and you wont hear sob stories when she is married . . . .Also stop looking at her as your husbands friend but as a sister to your husband.

My problem is that i dont think an inlaw should be the one hearing all this sort of things. I may be wrong but i feel i could not tell personal relationship things to an inlaw. However when one looks at it, since they have always had this good relationship from time then you can excuse the fact she comes to him with tales. I personally am of a stronger temperament and have had issues but you can bet you wont hear them from inlaws even if i am close to them.
i am also worried that this attitude may continue even when she is married. The talk and complaining about what is going on in her home and telling inlaw will not end. I think at some point a woman has to learn to manage her issues and be mindful of who she talks to.
It seems people think i dont want to talk to her. I do talk with her and i am not judgmental at all. However if i am open enough and someone chooses not to talk with me perhaps because i dont have the spiritual muscle she seeks. What can i do about it Its not just me, she does not confide THAT DEEPLY with the other siblings.

n.b
I'm surprised at all the castigation. you people should walk in my shoe to know How it pinches.

You are not the one wearing the shoes, you are not the one dating the security man. How is the shoe pinching you Mind your business brother. A hardworking honest man is better than a thief. A hardworking honest man with prospect for the future is farrrrrrrrrrrrrr better than get rich quick brother or yahoo yahoo boys.
Pray for them, wish them well, if its God's will that he is the one for her, so shall it be. Even 100 of you will not stop it.

??

I think this is a very very interesting thread.
First i am a christian and i am not gay (and that covers the normal definition as well as posters)
i really doubt if as a christian (reading the same bible we all read) there is any hope for the gay person out there
you can twist the scriptures as much as you wish to but its there in black and white
God frowns at it
i do feel sorry for people like the poster though or indeed any christian who struggles with thoughts and feelings like that
its even worse living in this part of the world (if you are)
I hope you find perfect peace in all you do

poster i read your thread from 0 to page 10
congrats on your proposal and the rest
if i were in your fiance's shoes, i'd sincerely like to know about this other part of you
i'd be heart broken if i learnt of it in the future, and you never gave me a chance as single young lady (while i still had the opportunity)
to DECIDE if that was the sort of challenge i would want my husband to be saddled with
ALL THE BEST SIR

automaticcars: The girl na Ibo girl married to a Yoruba man. Ibo girls like Yoruba thing no be small o!

that is not the issue here. there are more important issues like bribery

Now my business has started doing well, he returned the car back to me. He still sleeps around, but i am praying and i try to look away. It now surprise him that i have ignore him. One day i heard him praying , God help me to change, dont give up on me, dont let my time of grace expire.

My husband is still very far from what a good man should be, I knew i cannot make him to change, but I have the power to change.

He pays the children schools fees now,no more abuse. He tries to use verbal abuse, but i warned him i will give him some response that will make him to cry. Since he cannot beat me for the fear of the human right group and my family, he has stopped.

We leave like two strangers in the house now, only talk when it is important but it sure better than the abuse.

We are now learning how to relate without trying to dominate.

thank God things are gradually changing in your marriage however when i see things like this i get scared. my only fear is sexual infection. its hard enough knowing some men go out there to try it out. but knowing what a man does and still having little or no choice and sticking around is also daunting. what if one gets an infection, what if its something that it beyond one and cant be cured. THAT WILL NEVER BE YOUR PORTION IJN.
however for women like this that choose to stay how do you stay sane?

eyah too bad
dont blame yourself too much
i can never ever be in your shoes IJN but if that were the case, i would pick my child's word against my husband for a serious allegation of this sort
just try to make right the wrong that has been done for now and move on
only God can judge...

Zik4zik: Swag queen and the rest of you that has been abused in you relationship I am really sorry about your situation. These are my advice and you must take it seriously no matter how difficult it seemed. For those of you that are still dating please end the relationship immediately. But for Swag queen and the others here who are married please NEVER EVER leave your home no matter what. You swore for better for worse... DON'T EVER LEAVE YOUR MARITAL HOME FOR ANY REASON. The mind of an abusive married man works like a clock, it eventually gets back to its right senses but if you had already left the house by then lots of irreparable damages might have been done such as him already impregnating someone else or having a kid. I am not saying you should let him beat you to death. No... That's not my intention. The truth is that a man in such situation is actually suffering, he needs help, he knows what he is doing is wrong but he can't help himself, he wants to stop but he can't. Haven't you ever wondered why he beats you with so much hate and rage yet he feels extremely insecure and monitors your every move. He feels insecure because deep inside him you remain his source of strength, he knows he is lost without you. As a wife in such situation, you need to put him in prayers, when you pray, cry in your prayers and let him hear you pray and cry but try not to be too loud. Let him hear you pray for his protection and success, do this every night(2am) for seven days. [b]And for God sake you already knows he beats you when you talk back at him so PLEASE PLEASE and PLEASE from today let him have his way, don't talk back at him, when you find out that he has slept with other ladies keep it to yourself and talk to your God about it. [/b]Once you learn to control your tongue, you have taken away his strength over you because there is nothing for him to hold as a reason for beating you. These are simple logic that works and if you can continue like this for 3weeks or more he will gradually revert to his old loving self. But when you confront him or talk back at him, the devil seizes an opportunity to take over his rage and he gets uncontrollably angry towards you and the beating starts again. Please read this post over and over until you master all that I have written in it. Remember, before he married you there were over a million women on earth but he chose you because you meant every thing to him but now he has a cloud over his eyes and you must help him get past his weaknesses by praying for him and keeping your tongue in check... DON'T TALK BACK

you have loads of contradictory statements here. Can i ask if anyone you know has tried this and it worked for them?
we are all entitled to our opinion but i feel this is a sad sad way to look at the issue of abuse
many women who have chosen this stay with him at all cost path have lost their lives in the process
at the end of the day we are in Nigeria and agreed its worse for the average Nigerian woman to leave her home especially when she has no job
the stigma and all
but its equally wrong to use this blanket approach and tell every wife who suffers from abuse to remain
each case differs and some who keep shut and allow a man run around and all will still be beaten

x

i hear say this book na twentyfive k. lol lol lol

me_for_you: 100,000 bail is too lenient. if it were in china, they would have sentenced the nigerians to death by hanging there and then. why dont we reciprocate such gestures?

very true.one of the fastest way of burying yourself in china as a Nigerian is to break the law.
https://www.nairaland.com/1408364/nigerian-british-grandmother-jailed-china-over
remember that story, that one na only small misunderstanding for shop o. how much more rape or murder

Rooneyboy: Happy for u two, but y didn't ur boo laugh all through the photo session

Appears the wedding ceremonies really ate deep into his pocket .

#poor him.

NAWA lol but come to think of it, i hear say them dey scrape man head for Rivers State oh. lol
Happy married life @ poster

I know they are big men committing crimes with shirt and tie, go and film them too. film that lecturer who is disturbing you to sleep with him, film the corrupt government official asking for bribe before he gives that contract, and while you are at that, i am still waiting for farouk lawan to be arrested and prosecuted but i dont pity this woman. we got to start from somewhere people. if her job meant alot to her she would not be collecting money from the road, she ought to have known better.

By the way as you film be very discreet and careful, my friend was beaten mercilessly the other day by common local government environmental enforcers or so.

Double194: She JƱڪτ̲̅ be like pesin wey betta HIV dey worry

wow see your mouth just like that?

As a child we used to say otutu calabar. error

wake up veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy early let him drop you at the creche before heading for work. Make sure you wake up early and not be the one to delay him o. You got to agree on a compromise, he wont let you drive him to work surely he can drop you off first before heading to work. and dont you dare complain about having to leave too early because something has GOT TO GIVE.

If he stil refuses well kpele o that mean say na 1988 marriage levels you enter o. You go manage am like that nah

Very very few Nigerian girls especially those at the university will not date and ask for money so your gf is not doing anything new.

''dear i need to fix my hair''
''i'd like to do my nails''
''my phone is not working''
''i cant because i don't have credit or i need money for my bb subscription this month''

The funny thing is the person they are asking money from is usually on the same level with them ''i.e those dating university boys''. their parents give them money like you. they are not different but somehow you want money from their small pocket money''. Thats why most of these relationships dont last because when these university girls are done with school and their needs increase ten times, these boys are doing NYSC or still finding work and cant provide nada yet.

That said, the fact she asked in the manner that she did does not make her a bad girl. she is only doing what others do and think of it, who else would she turn to save her parents and a boyfriend
If you dont have calmly explain that fact to her and provide for her when you can. If she kicks up a stink or begins to pout or generally is acting up after you explain then know you are in for a long ride. On your own dont be stingy, when you have the money give her a treat, do the little you can, but dont make someone push you to debt. If she is a good lady, she will understand the constraints and not put too much pressure on you hopefully until she gets a job herself.

NB/ Can i say your reply to her was veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ungentlemanly. If i asked my boyfriend for mere 8000 and he talks about 5 suits and a new phone he just got and the fact he has 30k i will probably go wow. i think that was insensitive, you can refuse a request calmly not rub if off like that. I may be wrong but i felt that reply was just too dull. maybe you should watch how you talk too

?

Another one ehn by the way has the bini lawyer been found now?

For Texas when Naija full remain who tie this kain bad gele for this girl nah?
ok happy married life doll...