₦airaland Forum

spiralwedge:
When you mentioned "laying claim of", I was already put off.
That's a Nigerian mentality we need to unlearn.

This issue isn't about claim, and adoption is not about claim. Science has so much developed that we are still talking about "claim" in 2020, really?. Nobody can drag the "claim" with a biological parent. Raising other people's children or adopting an orphan or unwanted child is not about claim, but rather a good cause. it's about giving opportunities to the less priviledge to thrive and become somebody in life. Adoption is about parenting, it is not about claim. I'm having to deal with a lot of twists on this issue as if it is a novel or a superstory novella. What legal implications are you talking about on a homeless single teen who can't even take care of herself?

Y'all should relax. There's no better alternative in her present predicament than to give the kid on adoption. Not only that, she has the opportunity to better herself. The other options I see is hawking pure water or prostitution. Which other options do you see?

But with the mentality of "claim", what for?

To collect bride price? To bank on the kids when you are pensioner? That's primitive thinking. If we take good opportunities life has to offer, we will thrive and end well and will not need to be parasitic on our children at old age. But we like to allow Africa Magic to becloud our thinking.

Adopting shouldn’t be about cutting the child off from the biological parents but that depends on the family who adopted the child. Which was why I asked about how well she knows the family.

And no where did I mention for her to keep the child due to future gains/ fruits of her labour because like I said earlier, nobody knows tomorrow. What if she didn’t even live to reap that fruit? It is about how if and when she gives up her child for adoption, it will be to which kind of family? About how well she knows the family that will be adopting her child.

Like I said and still saying, the human mind is filled with wickedness, adopting the child doesn’t mean they would treat the child right.

My concern isn’t about giving the child up for adoption but about how well she knows the family that would adopt the child and if she can cope with what comes out of giving her child up for adoption.

And the claim I was talking about has nothing to do about bride price or taking care of her when she becomes a pensioner because right now, I’m thinking of a little child and not an adult who’s old enough to get married or have a job. The claim extends to many other areas that has nothing to do with marriage or work.

“ Adoption is the process through which a person — the adoptive parent — assumes permanent legal responsibility for a child. Adoption requires the biological parents (the ones responsible for the birth of the child) to give up their legal right to custody of their child. Once an adoption is finalized, the adoptive parent is the legal parent of the child. There's no legal difference between an adopted child and one who is born into a biological family.” this is what I’m talking about right here. Except you are lucky in the family who adopted your child, through adoption you have given your legal right to custody of your child and if the adopted parent says “No,” it is “No” legally. This is the claim I’m talking about.

“ Adoption is a process whereby a person assumes the parenting of another, usually a child, from that person's biological or legal parent or parents. Legal adoptions permanently transfer all rights and responsibilities, along with filiation, from the biological parent or parents.” I think you are the one who needs to read up on adoption and get what I’m saying, and then understand it has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with being a Nigerian mentality.

So is she ready to accept that the adopted family might refuse her somethings and legally, there’s nothing she can do because they are the legal parents? So my claim has nothing to do with the benefits she might get from the child later in future because right now, I’m thinking of the child as just a child and not an adult, I’m actually more concerned about her and how she’s ready to cope after the adoption.

And like I said, everyone isn’t your parents, so we can’t say everyone would be good to kids that are not theirs. The reality of life is everyone has the tendency to be wicked and not everyone would keep this tendency in check. So the question is still, “how well does she know the adoptive parents?” It’s a different issue if it’s that they would help her raise the child without adopting her, at least then she still has the legal right to her child and can take her at anytime she so pleases.

So I know what I’m talking about and no, it’s not African Magic that beclouded my thinking

Adoption is a good cause but only when you are adopted by the right people.

spiralwedge:
Mizflo, ignore this. It is written with sentiments and obviously from someone who hasnrt known life yet. How will you show love to a 5 year old child when you dont have the means to? You don't even have a place to stay? If you struggle and hawk, where will the child be? At mercy of someone who will abuse her?

Dont bank on reaping anything on any child, that's not the goal of parenting. It is a Nigerian mentality that misguides. i dont see you giving any good parenting now anyway. Your goal as a parent is to give your child the best opportunity/foundation to thrive in life.
So the best is for you to take this option of giving her the best, which you can always explain to her later.
You also have the chance to bounce back, and make something meaningful out of your life.

If you typed the OP then you are educated enough to negotiate the content of what you are signing for. Let it include occasional visits, but not too occasional.
What you need is a safe hand/home for the girl to grow up to 18.
She's 5 now.... So 13 years more. By then, you will be 34, probably married with more kids. But before that time, you need to heal and achieve things for yourself.

My parents had several people brought up in our homes while growing up, including 7 of us. They lived with us until they are old enough either to return to their parents, marry, or be on their own. They were equally treated with us and i still find it hard to believe that they are not my biological siblings. Their cases are similar to your daughter, and our parents gave them a platform to identify with while growing up to be whoever they want to be. Interesting thing is that apart from my siblings, they themselves are doing the same to other people's children. It is our heritage and i'm forever grateful to my parents for that.

Please ignore these Africa Magic people sitting in the comfort of their homes typing with a myopic mindset. This is your best chance, dont miss it.

Not everyone is your parent, your parents didn’t adopt them, so they don’t have any claim on them legally. My parents have people who grew up with us too, even before any of us were born. There were even two that it took years before I knew they were not my siblings, but my parents didn’t adopt them and so they have no legal
claim on them.

Adoption isn’t just a trivial issue. After adoption, they have full claim on the child. The child can’t decide to just leave one day(if they treat her wrong) because according to the law, they are the parents, there’s nothing anybody can do. If to say they are not adopting her, it’s a different issue because the child can leave at anytime if she feels maltreated or something, but once she’s adopted, she lose that right(except her adopted parents are good people who still let her have access to her biological mother.) That’s the issue. Not everyone is my parents or your parents, not everyone would do right by her. How would we be sure the adopted mother would do right by her?

So it’s not that we don’t want her being adopted, but how can we be so sure after adoption, the adopted parents won’t cut her off from her child’s life because believe me, they can and there’s nothing anyone can do legally because they are her parents.

If to say they would be like yours and my parents and just accept her into their house and take care of her without laying any claim on her, that would have been different.

You are the one who need think this through. Can the mother live with the fact that except the adopted parents says “Yes,” she can not say/do on her child?

It’s because we don’t know who are the really good people. Why don’t they just help her? It wasn’t like she wanted to give her up for adoption. Why don’t they just help her without adopting the child?

It’s not at all about reaping the fruit of her labour, we all don’t know tomorrow. Plus the child is one of the things that keeps her going. What if she gives her up and they deny her access to the child? What will happen to her? Do you know it can affect her mental health? How well does she knows the family that wants to adopt her child? Because they give her money sometimes or but her stuff doesn’t mean they would be the best after adoption.

Good morning

Mizflo:
Thanks everyone for your advice and words of encouragement I live in asaba I love my daughter so much more than anything in this world but I think she deserve better than me the reason I want to give her up for adoption is because she will be better off without me over there she will have both parents that will train and guide her to the right path something I never had the change to have so I want her to be greater than me because I don’t have anything good to offer her , I trust this aunty that will adopt her because she has helped me a lot in the past I know my daughter will be in a good place but I just don’t understand why am I having sleepless nights about giving her away I guess is normal for any mother that love her daughter to feel the same way I am feeling because it’s not easy for me to give her away but she had to go because I want her to be happy and I hope one day she will thanked me for making the right decisions for her. Thanks

No don’t, don’t give your child up for adoption.
Because she’s good to you doesn’t mean she would be good to your child or she would keep up being good to your child and yourself after the adoption. I know it’s only a probability, but the human mind is filled with wickedness.

Does she have a child? What if after she gave birth to her own child, she stopped being good to you and your child? What if she’s being good to you just because she wants your child? What if she has other plans for your child and she’s using adoption to cover it up? Remember adoption makes her your child‘s mother and your child gets to beat her name. She has all say on your child as your child as already become hers.

Can you live with not having a claim/say on your child again for life? Can you live with your child not wanting to see or talk or know you for life? Because trust me, your child would prefer to live through hell with you than you giving her up for adoption.

Think not only of yourself but of your child. What if your child grew up with the notion that you don’t want her and abandoned her and they allowed her to hold on to that misconception? Can you live with your daughter cursing and hating her birth mother everyday of life for a misconception that wasn’t addressed.

Can you live knowing you have a child someone but you don’t have a claim on her anymore because you gave her up? Think not only of now but also of the future. I know it’s hard but you will overcome.

Ask your madam to let you learn a skill and with that you can start something.

And to those saying you had consensual sex with your baby daddy, they need to read up on what rape is and the types of rape there is. Your baby daddy raped you. A minor’s consent means nothing, absolutely nothing.

And the mumu that was asking if you thought about Jesus before spreading your leg, I just didn’t want to quote him with how annoyed I was reading his post. You were young, vulnerable and needed some love which he gave to you, it’s so easy for you to see him as the best thing ever, as heaven sent. It is normal, we are humans, we want to be loved and feel loved, you have no fault.

I will advise you to follow what some people said up there about involving the police with your baby daddy, but do not give your child up for adoption. Being with you is worth more than anything.

And please, Jesus lovers you and it wasn’t him who put you through it all, it’s human and their wickedness and it’s not Jesus fault. He already gave us the ability to identify and decide one what’s good or bad and what will do with it is exactly our decision and our consequences to bear. Don’t blame it on Jesus, if you want to blame it on anyone, blame it on those who put you through it all. But I’ll advise you not to blame it on anyone, but rather to accept it and move on with your life.

I wish to send you an email.

And if you’ve thought about everything above and felt you can live with them all after giving up your daughter, then it’s fine. You can give up your daughter for adoption. I pray God will see you through.

Onyi22:
U and your opinion are Mad

100%

gensteejay:
All right.

Thank you

gensteejay:
Do you have soft copies of some of his books?

Can you please share if you come across any?
Good morning

luminouz:
Lmaoo...you for real?

That's where I am o...


Nice to meet one of the IB Nlanders.


Have a good one sis

Yes, I am.

Nice to meet you also.

You too.

luminouz:
Lol...where you based?

Ibadan

luminouz:
Lol,you too wan see fine boy....


Dreamyeyes....why did you even have to post anything? You bashed another guy but now wants the adoration of NL gehs or what? Lol, fine boys boku for here oooh, we don't even need to make any noise hommie.

I was mentioned, what can I do?

I guess you are, judging from the earliest comments You took the picture down already

Dicktion:
Limme alone. Y'all tryna lambast me here but your co-bashers be sending pms ever since this thread went up. Hypocritical souls

Okay, stay safe, be fine.

Dicktion:
Well thousands of souls checked my profile to sight the narcissist. But I got nothing to prove to no one. And Don't Coman and sound like you didn't check out the profile

Why? It's like you exalt your beauty more than you do YOU

More like ladies run from your narcissism and arrogance bro, no offence.
Happy sexiness

Stillthebest:
And you don't need juju because you haven't even see your sister in 6 years and perhaps don't even know your uncle.

Your mother may have even remarried and likely doesnt talk to you because u didnt like her husband.

If this isn't true. *Sighs*
No family drama, nothing. No sense of entitlement. No girlfriend/wife dumping her family problem on you, no husband expecting you to be a full housewife. No one is forcing anything on you.

1Sharon:
Ok ok I see what you're all saying on this thread.
I see the logic.
Cultural differences I guess

Cos the question "when last did you have sex"? Is very intimate and borderline offensive.

Never had such a question and honestly I'd answer it with another question.

You're saying the patient will actually open up?
I thought they'd shy away.

"Could you be pregnant"? And "are you sexually active" sound less intrusive for a nigerian

I'm telling you they would open up, because they feel when last did you have sex means you have accepted they have been having sec and so won't judge them, but asking are you sexually active means you don't know or you are not sure and it's embarrassing for them to actually come out(especially if the doctor is very much older.)

You are one of the few who thinks "are you sexually active?" sounds less intrusive, many don't. Maybe because the culture/society had made sex sound like something that must not be mentioned.(Notice how most parents would shy away from discussing sex with their kids and even if they would, they'd look away from their kids or use other words for it? Most often than not, kids first learn about sex outside their homes.)

But like you said, cultural difference. I've only worked in Yoruba lands and it is what works here, it might be a different thing entirely in other tribes. But the thing for a medical practitioner is when you get to somewhere, you observe and watch the way they do things there, you don't just start working on your own with the methods/ways you brought from another place.

1Sharon:
Cos you were doing Shakara and delayed answering kingazubike and jeering.

I do understand that's its if the drugs are compatable with pregnancy

But I still believe the appropriate question instead should be "could you be pregnant"?

I've been following your discussions since and I really do not want to intervene because I really can't stand replying like they have gave. But I'd like to make a comment on this.
Asking " could you be pregnant or are you sexually active" like you said, is good. But I have a lot of reason why a doctor would not ask you that but would prefer to go into details, but I wouldn't even tell you those ones because they are medical reasons and you might think so what? But to make this easier, I would go with a reason you mentioned in one of your earlier post. You said "maybe because this is Nigeria where everyone is pretentious" And I would want to talk about that reason alone. Because people are pretentious in Nigeria or they think some thing shouldn't be or shouldn't happen to them, they would outrightly deny it and you a doctor who wants the best for your patient needs to find a way to get the information from them to be able to get the proper diagnosis.
It is why a doctor or nurse would start with "have you been feeling excessively thirsty these days or have you been urinating frequently at night?" If would surprise you the patient would deny it. Go like this. "Madam, I just want to know many times do you urinate at night and how many times do you use to before?" The patient might still not answer, but go this way. "Madam, sickness isn't your portion o, I'm just asking. Do you drink like 10, 15 or more times a day and do you urinate like 5 or more times during midnight before day break?" and watch them start talking. Do you now see one of the reasons why doctor ask?
It's because when a doctor/nurse ask the question directly, many would deny, but when they start gradually, it's like they are already warming you up and along the way self, you would have dropped hints.
A doctor/nurse would ask "are you pregnant" and then patient would go "no o, never." But ask "when was the last time you had sex and have you seen your period since then?" and the patient would go "that was January and it's true o, in fact, I noticed I haven't seen my period since January and I'm even feeling one kind self. But it doesn't seem like pregnancy, because the only thing is that I haven't seen my period, but I mean is just second week of march and you would agree with me not having period for a month doesn't necessarily mean you are pregnant. I mean, I haven't been vomiting, although I don't feel like eating some food anymore because they make me feel funny." Notice they are still denying being pregnant but they have dropped hints along the way.

You might say not everyone would be pretentious and you would be right, but a doctor has a lot of patient to attend to. And because you won't know who will be pretentious or not and there's no time for trial and error because there are a lot of
people to attend to, they chose to go with what gets everyone talking generally.

And the fact that some people are married? If would shock you to know some married people are embarrass to talk about sex and some dread getting pregnant, they don't want it for one reason or the other. And if you ask some people are you pregnant? Because they are scared of saying yes and discovering they are not, they tend to say "no."
I would cite an example(I was there). "A staff(my senior colleague) went to the staff clinic to complain she was vomiting, weak, tired and having loss of appetite. The doctor only asked few questions such as " is your period due? The lady said no and that it can't be pregnancy and the doctor too her for her words and they promptly treated something else before discovering the lady was pregnant. Now, imagine a medical practitioner who knew all the symptoms of pregnancy treated something else and it was no one fault because the lady said it can't be pregnancy and the doctor considering the fact that the lady herself is a medical practitioner who worked in the same hospital took her words for what she said, because why would a medical practitioner deny/lie? But you know if the doctor had gone into details, they would have arrived at the correct diagnoses. If a medical practitioner who really know about this can pretend/deny, who can't?

Another one, because you present with a symptom common to a disease doesn't mean you have the disease. Many diseases have the same signs and symptoms with only slight differences and without asking these questions, one would never know. It is also to prevent diagnosing and treating the wrong disease.
You would agree with me Nausea and vomiting doesn't necessarily mean pregnancy, it's associated with a lot of other diseases.

So this is why. However, I know sensitive those questions can be, but it's really medical practitioners doing there job and except for perverts, they've already forgotten asking those questions when the patient leaves.



PS: I'm a nurse, not a doctor.

grammarnazi2:
...comments...

...knew it, Mrs.
...seemed like a...

...motoscrotosis, I...
...for...
In fact...
...right was...

A...asked...

Beautiful, it's nice of you to do this.

Psady:
yes they can, if there's a complain pertaining the transaction from any of the party be it the sender or the receiver they decide without you knowing ,sending the money back to the original sender.though mine happened with a telecom provider,so I think banks do with same logic from what the op stated in his write up.

Oh, okay. Thank you. I asked someone who works in a bank, he said it's possible but only within 48 hours and anything after isn't possible.

OgogoroFreak:
The OP post has nothing to do with "women" but you found a way to drag that into the picture.

Because the lady is male? And besides, if I dragged "women" into the picture. It was never to bash women(I'm one). It was simply to say women can be right too. 'Cause when you commented, you made it seem like the lady went to request for a reversal after the op sent her the bank statement. And I'm simply saying it isn't the case and doesn't have to be the case because it is very possible the lady truly didn't receive the money.
But no, you are trying to prove a point I didn't make that "women are evil," I never said that.

I truly hope we end this now. As long as we both believe not all women have bad attitude and women can be right also, there's no need dragging this.

stormborn28:
i actually finished reading the whole thread. I also read there too. From my statement, you will discover I blamed both OP and the lady.. Let me you you the analysis why I did that..

If bank statement shows that money has been sent to a receiver, then the deal is sealed.... Reason why I blamed the lady for denying

OP is a pvssy dude 1. He said statement shows she received the money and towards the tail end of his statement that the money was reversed
2. With the buhaha on ground, OP is still try to still force a relation

Oh okay, I get you now.
But most times, if you don't get to the bank, you wouldn't know. My brother has sent money sometimes ago and despite checking my account balance through mobile, the money wasn't there and he had already received a debit alert. It took days for the money to reflect in my account. Now, imagine if he wasn't my brother.

Banks in Naija are just something else entirely, they would disappoint you.

OgogoroFreak:
You are talking in the rubbish.

Only you came up with the idea of generalizing and only you is fighting against the idea of generalizing.

No, you actually lack comprehension. I'm not generalizing and I never said all women have bad attitude and I never said the lady in the op's write up was wrong.
But then, I'm tired of you and your myopic understanding. So, enjoy the rest of your day.

stormborn28:
but he confirmed that she received the money by the bank statement..





Throughout that day she claimed not to have gotten the money. Then throughout the next day same story so the third day I went to the bank to receive the statement of account. lo and behold her name was boldly written and the bank people told me she has gotten it. I got very angry and sent it to her but I didn't tell her anything I just ignored her call.

Now go back and read where he said the bank made a reversal. You obviously didn't finish the write up.

"A policeman asked for her number at the bank that he will question her. throughout these period I ignored her and I was just imagining how a beautiful light skin tender looking babe will behave like this. Then lo and behold today the bank reversed the money. I can't explain the feeling of disappointment."

I very much hope you read the above and understood.

Psady:
l had a similar experience with a network provider,they can reverse the money back to the original source without your concept

I'm not talking about when the other party hasn't received money, but when the other party has. You mean they can still reverse it then?

stormborn28:
you are small boy. Things like this get me angry. First of all bank didn't ruined your relationship rather it is the lady Jezebel that wants to play a fast one on you. After all, bank statement proved it. See if you be my brother na slap you go just dey collect for seven days... That lady studied you like the way a program computer will analyze individuals entry a company. And she dealt with you

But you conveniently jumped the part where the bank reversed the money?

OgogoroFreak:
Even if the lady is at fault here, does that prove women are evil?

Do you think through your anus?

You lack comprehension, it's clear you do. So let me simplify what I typed for your sake.

What I typed is that some people really only want to see the bad in women that they refused to see the good in them, appreciate them for their good deeds, commend their good act and see their kindness for what it truly is. Which is exactly what you are saying that not all women are evil and that women have good attitudes also.

But I shouldn't be surprised you don't get, because if you think it's possible for a bank to make a reversal of an already successful transaction, it's safe to say you really won't understand what I wrote earlier.

So no, you, not me is the one thinking with your anus.

payperpost:
it wasn't a bad idea to verify to know the truth

No, it wasn't.

OgogoroFreak:
Don't you have sense?

We are talking about a perticular person and just because the person happens to be a lady, you now generalize talking about women. Does one lady attitude means all women attitude?

You are the person who doesn't have sense here or you really can't comprehend. Cos that's Exactly what I mean. That do you so much want to prove women are evil that you fail to see the lady has no fault here or fail to see when women actually has no fault or do not mess up? But why am I arguing with you if clearly with seeing (f) up there, you still think I'm a guy. Plus, it's one thing to read, it's another thing to comprehend. Enjoy the rest of your day.

payperpost:
don't mind them, I once sent MTN 1,500 to my girl friend in the university days while she was at home because she travelled to her village , and then she insisted I sent her a used card, the normal me would just send her another card , but because I was hoping to know what really went wrong as it was during those days when 1500 card are usually well sealed , so I called MTN and I was told the number that loaded the card, I called another agent again and it was same response, then I told her MTN told me she loaded the card, BOoM!!! she flared up.

accused me of calling MTN because of calling card , I no send oo, she was a lair, this is about honestly and trust.
after then, I first load the card then transfer to her.
I later dumped the useless girl for a bigger offense.

It doesn't add up. He got a reversal, which means the lady really did not receive the money as claimed, but you found out she loaded the card. No, your story isn't the same.

OgogoroFreak:
She should have showed you her own statement. Might be the bank revert the payment from her account cos she claimed she didn't received it. Do banks even have the power to do that?

How would a bank revert the money cause she claimed she didn't see it? Once money enter your account, it is your money. Bank has no power to make any transaction on the money without your approval/decision. And if she returned the money it won't be as a reversal but as a normal credit alert.
Ah ah, do you people want to see women as being evil so much that you start commenting illogically?

mondayaudu:
Let me advise you Bros I know you won’t take it. That girl has a serious relationship. It has nothing to do with the bank stuff. If she doesn’t have then she is very daft and you have to flee from her because even older women in the village understand that bank due malfunction.

But the guy didn't understand that bank do malfunction when he didn't give her the benefit of doubt and involved the police?

LINTUNE:
u are right, the guy really messed up, i believe no one will blame the female folks in this thread..lol

It would surprise you to know that people are. I mean because the lady was grateful for the money, she was supposed to lie she has gotten the money when she hasn't?
We all know how banks work. I mean we humans most time just complicate things. When the lady said she didn't receive the money and you got the statement that said she has, you could have just gone to the bank or her own bank together, at least then if she had been lying, you would know because she wouldn't be able to keep up.

I can't believe some people are cheering him on. Yes it's money, but it's not about the money. It's about the fact that the lady feel he doesn't trust her and what's a relationship without trust? But no, because all women are gold diggers, broke and good for nothing, they must find a way to make the lady the guilty one here. And it's funny he sees sense in their advice.

Good morning.
It's good that you are speaking up, but this isn't the best platform to do so.
Yes, being bipolar is a mental issue, but it can be managed. What you need now is a psychiatrist. You can live a normal life, date, get married, give birth and live long.
You don't have to end up on instablog for the wrong reason or go to jail.

You deserve and you have every chance of living a normal and fulfilled life if you will give yourself a chance. You are shutting yourself off the chance of being happy because you think you can't with your illness.
All you need is a therapist and supportive people around you. Good morning once again.