It is simple because nigerians dont read the bible but the pastors. The bible say watch and pray math 26:41 i.e action, shine your eyes and then pray, deal with the physical then ask God spiritual assistants.

I envy your son oh. At 24 parents are still taking care of him and some people even suggested monitoring him in school, physically checking to see whether he attends school or not. He is really a blessed boy. I will just make a general comment and not advise because I dont have a 24 year old son yet. I dont think monitoring him around will do any good or sending him oversea or any other fantastic places will do him any my good. People change because they want to change not because you shower them more love or money but they see the reasons for change. This reason can occur in many forms maybe councelling, motivation, hardship or even rejection etc but you know your son best so you will know what will work. He need to decide for himself what he really want, good if he wants to go to open university but this is only a part time so he should be able to do some work to cater for himself in a way no matter how little this income his. Wealth kids need to be thought the immortance of working for money and should not just see money as an errand tool. I doubt if he will change for good if you pump more money into his life. If you have to send him abroad UK, Cyprus or whatever do not have all his expensed covered by you let him be responsible for a simple parts.

Does he want to get into the academic part or you just want the prestige like most nigerian parent. Having a university degree is great but is not the end of the world. It is interesting I am making up some of his character because you did not share much apart from he lied.

Another aspect you might need to look at is maybe your son is just lazy and he is only fooling himself by lying.

I envy your son oh because I know that he has a good inheritance so life will always be good to him even after ,

Yes I have left a paid employment to start one and it was quite interesting and challenging and I have learnt a lot. I am going back to full paid employment on soon for couple of months while I keep my business to come back to it later

It could be quite challenges and you must have strategy for how to manage failures, obstacles and high motivation when all these challenges set it. I am not sure what kind of business you want to start but all business have similar things in common which is customers- how you will find them, keep them and make them believe in your product so will need to learn how to tell a good story. Please bear in mind that these customers interest changes and you must constantly satisfy thier appetite to be in business. Be courteous and do not be weary of the are giant companies their ready to swallow the little ones. They are there no matter which buz you start.

Financially you might need to do a lot of downsizing and a lot of disciple around finance. At first you will spend a lot on advertising and later on things will ease.

Best of luck

hummm, God has spoken, wonders shall never end in this nairaland. Who knows who spoke to the lady to abadon her home.
Well done Pastor.

I do not believe the issue is in the guy being a drop out but the fact that he lied and personally I detest a pathologic liar. I suggest the woman finds help fast as get someone to speak to this man because he is now turning into a lazy man and because he lied on simple things I am not sure whether is a demotivated or just plain lazyness which will is not healthy for the relationship. For a young man to sit down all day and watch telly is very irritating. I pity your friend oh and she should stop blaming herself because men lie for so many reasons even their names if you are not careful.

God does not want tithe either in money or in goods. Tithe is made for man, it is teaching the principle of live, give it shall be given on to you, water and you shall be watered, renewable energy, or like the ocean which recives and send it out on a constant basis not like dead sea which gives and never receives. Pastors preach tithe these days mainly for thier selfish interest but tithe is good for man as a whole but remember God does not need money or goods he makes everything on earth even the man and the wisdom to make wealth. My advise for you is to trust and obey. The church use tithe money for general maintainance and money for levites which are the pastors in these days. At least they are toiling day and night and they deserve an earning you can bring it in form of goods, cars, houses, money it does not matter but the instruction is tithe is needed mainly for food to be in the house of God.

Beer is better than woman so don't quit because of woman.

Quit because of yourself. You might think you need prayer but I dont think so. All you need is yourself, think about how you formed the habit-- habit kicks off from what you think you might gain from it. To stop the habit think of what you have lost using the habit and what you will gain if you stop the habit---in your case drinking. If this does not work take yourself to a remote location with no money and no alchohol except water and food. Plan to  spend between 4 to 6 hrs in this place. If you are alive by the end of this test then you can quit if not rest in peace.

Wetin you want self . I am sure one of the mistake of the first girl is that she refused to spend and make herself too artificial for the society to behold and she got her punishment. Now that you have a girl that befits the society you are complaining she is buying whatsnot. I beg let her be and work smarter to reduce your all these concerns because she has not started spending, remember that if she ask her dad for dough after marriage then that is another issue. All you can do is to hope she does not retain pregnancy fat and then opt for the likes of tommy tucks etc.

First make me the next of kin, at least I can get some package from your work place.
Second hang yourself

Nothing is too late, majority of people will switch career at least 3 times. It is only toooo late if you know tommorow and you are sure of when you will die. If not then go for what you want and shame all consequeces. There might be difficulty finding employment after the switch but situation might arise that you background in law will add benefit to the new one. Sorry I assume your current career is related to law. If not you might decide to be an enterprenuer once you finish or whatever. Remember is too short so change what you can change and live the rest to God

As for raising kids- Try the biblical saying of "Train up a child in the way it should go and when he is old he wont depart from it" or the book of Yoruba that says "you kill the root of iroko (a type of tree dont know th english word) from the very young stage because by the time they are fully developed you will not be able to control it. You need to properly and continuously train the kids and they will be fine in almost evironment. Dont forget the world is not flat and global and a kid might be in the village but alive to the activities.

On the marriage, i suggest you stay together and develop the relationship better. A weekend visit might turn into months etc if not managed properly.

normally if you change ur name then change ur signature especially if you travel a lot ( to the western countries I mean). There are some financial papers that require details of what you sign verbally not the details of how you join/squeeze etc them together. It might look like a lot of hazzle but not just do it for ur everyday activities old doc can remain the same and you become a new creature once you marry. For banks and regular activities you can visit them with your certificate and your new signature with some additional proof and it is done straight away. Or simply do change of name declaration due to marriage to covers every legal doc

Am not sure what you meant by mid-life crises though but I think you are thinking for your wife instead of her asking for the root cause of her behavior. Every man believes he understand woman and some have suggested she is taking you for granted and you are thinking of infidelity and much more. Rememer at this particular age, what she wants might not be just love as you have defined, she might be worried about life as a whole while you are thinking about love and sex etc. I know people believe that is what marriage is for but I believe is more than that sex is part of it. You need to find out what is happening and keep your mind clear for a while expecially of people's opinion. A good clue for you might be to review the type of home video she is watching, you might sit with her and watch as well. That can start a good conversation if you manage it well. Remember the wife of Benny Hinn , he was throwing money and gift at her but she wanted a stay at home husband. Everyone could have asked what else does she want, a godly man etc but she particular wanted someone that stay at home more which probably might be a later life desire. My advice is to try and discover what you wife want now and not what she use to like. The funniest bit is that may you are the one that have changed in your desire and she is wondering why the sudden interest in her.  Who knows maybe you run up the bank account with other women and know you want to be stay at home man. There are one million things that could cause this behavior but am very sure you know best.

If I were in shoes I would not go to his house in the morning or even confirm what my instinct is telling me, I will just believe my instinct and say it our at the appropriate time. What I might do instead is to watch the kind of attitudes he develops while he is dating another woman at least you her lucky he no date another man. If I can cope with this then my next action plan is to ensure he is sensible enough not to be infected if those two are soughted then life is back to normal.
If you want to be honest with yourself, an average man with blood and water in his vein will cheat and to be honest he is entiltle to go for what he wants. Cheating does not mean he does not like/love or adore you, a man cheat for so many reasons which at times is unexplainable or you might not be able to reason even if he explains. My advice to you is get an explanation from him and based on that decide whether you want to leave or not.  For you to get a man or woman that does not cheat these days is like asking for a needle to pass through camel's eyes.

It is your life you know what you can cope with but dont expect anyone not to cheat remember promises and later changes his mind or fail. Na only God never fails. If you want to enjoy any relationship especially marriage you got to learn to forgive and , not sure what to include as am tempted to write ignore but you don't want to ignore relationship that might lead to ailment later on. So I will leave you to fill the gap.
I wish you all the best and wisdom to make your decision.

In order to go digital or use your method of voting there are some basic things that need to be soughted out to minimise illegal or bogus vote. There need to be a proper accountability of every nigerian before digital can be managed with a bit of fareness. We nigerians can have sim card like underware. We can buy as many as we like with no ownership details. Digital voting means anyone can vote as many times as they so wish.
Your solution is quite good interms of comfort to people but we are a bit far in terms of technology to use it. Lagos as a state is getting close if they go by tax payers number combined with a mobile number for individual identifaction of voters but that will leave the rest of the people who dont pay tax out and they need to be accounted for to ensure fair votes.

Extract from Nigeria anthem pre 1978
Nigeria we hail thee,
Our own dear native land,
Though tribes and tongues may differ

and one of the poster says she speaks Igbo and Ijaw very well!!! which to me is great. if you have any problem with her english grammatical error then you might need to inform her and propably advise her to use intepreter as some foreign leaders do. English is not a nigeria language but colonised one.

thanks

What will you do at 30? Na wa oh, wories never solve anything. Live for moment. Not eveything is under the control of humans plus you are too young to be worried about this. If you appear too despirate you will fall into diverse troubles.

This is like a movie but if this is true you will need to ask yourself some honest questions.

You are in love with you immediate sister husband, can he leave your sister for you. If yes you are on the right side keep on doing it more grease to your elbow. All you need to do is declare and go marry him because you are trending on the way that will make both your sisters leave their materimonial homes and they each husband may think that is how the other two sisters do and vice versa.

Do you purpose wait at home to cook for this your lover brother-inlaw? Don't you have any lectures in the morning? I know your brother-inlaw might think your sister goes to work early blabla and she should have stayed in the house to take care of the husband more but only God knows what can satisfy these men especially with women like you who are willing and ready for fun whenever.

Are you ready to have kids for these your lover brother in-law since your sister is not ready or your brother in-law is not looking at your sister due to the fun he is having from you.

Can you show this man around as your new partner, husband, whatsoever to friends, familes etc and can he do the same? All these and more questions are the things you need to ask yourself and honestly provide an answer to. If not you are wasting your time, emotions etc with a man you cannot possible have. Get out of it thought think about where you leave occupy yourself.  Avoid being with the man there are ways you can do it but act and do not think anything is secret. I am sure your sister instinct is telling her something but in her head she is saying not possible, may be my sister friend but not my sister sleeping with him.

I will not judge whether what you are doing is right or not but it is not socially acceptable to sleep with in-laws not that it does not happen it does but i am just worried about your sisters how they will feel once they found out. I know they will nothing is hidden it life.

I pray your sisters will have the heart to leave and cope with you and their husbands once this evil is out of the bag.

He does have many but as a great and selfless man. He has thought them how to fish and am very sure they are much more comfortable with or without his will. They were made when he was alive and the only way Gani himself can live long is to immortalise himself in the lives of people especially the legal beings he will be helping with his books placed in library. I hope selfish nigerians will not go and steal or rip off pages sha.
Adie GANI

I feel sorry for you oh, you are feeding a man and that man happens to be a nigerian. Huumm best of luck is all I can say but make sure you are giving because you are a giver not because you expect marriage or love or whatever you call it. Giving your hard earned cash out of love for anyone (man or woman) may come back and hurt you but give you extras because you are you and let no able man be a liability. Jobs are scarce but available if he is ready to get his hands really dirty as earlier posts have said.

Now that you have turn yourself into a special or love bank that lend money and much more without receiving any back I think you should forward me your details as i need to lend money myself. I promise i wont take your food or extras but lots of money i wont have to pay back.

humm looks like you have already advice yourself. By the way have you asked her for her real age this time. You know people have all kinds of age, official or employment, immigration, medical, real age etc. So she could be right
depending what state of mind she is at the times you asked. People decrease up to fifteen years from the normal or real age to get around immigration or schloorship rules. You know the type of lie termed white lie.So have a laugh nothing is new in this world. Na you wear your shoe so u know where it pain

we are humans whatever we do has to be in details and need a big broadcast just like the media. A witch confessed of killking a child, she must also be responsible for a child who dies from neglet or accident or sickle condition etc.

I beg two words be too small but i no talk much sha

Great sense of humour and hates any for of cheating

does he think death identify position, power or it can be bribed. The day Mr death ready he go come, ojukwu wish no matter here this is not biafra or politics na death.

and do you date your secatary.
some said send her packing, what if is the other way round, men will not be preganant but real grown up children. Whatever you life will not come to an end you dont need help but ,

whatever you think, just think the opposite . Always remember no one can forget the past but you can look to a better future. Have fun, life is to be enjoyed, by the time you have more fun and grow older his memories will become faint but to be honest it wont happen overnight. Fun that is life is all about

humm, a bit complicated as this is two stories in one your and mil in the house and your wife cheating. I will express my opinion based on the one side story listed you can search yourself and apply your wife's and the real story as it unfold.

I think we should start from why did your mil become an occupant in your house. Is this due to child bearing, economy, illness etc. Check the reason and if it is what can be resolved then go for it, let money solve this issue. E.g it will be unfair to send her packing if she does not have anywhere to go and you can't provide this accomation.
This has to be done ammicable, in life people are very important.

You need to have a rapport with ur wife, most marriages fail because participant hide and listen to poisonous advice from outsiders. You need to explain to your wife how you feel and the presence of your mother in law in the house. Remember life is very funny u can chase her out today but 2mr might be your family's turn that migh need the accomodation. I have a gut feeling what is happening is lack of clear communication.

As per your wife's affair i cannot realy say, she might have just found a phone companion.

You are sleeping in the office!!! sounds interesting, may be you have some disappearing act and your wife can't just be bordered ahd she is thinking oh he's gone again. I will you to judge yourself on this.

Marriage is very interesting and lovely if we learn to trust and honestly express our opinion. If you are truely sleeping in the office then maybe you need to work on your self and learn how to accomodate people more. I am really struggling to believe that a man, sleeps in the office!!!.

What ever happens, dont abandon your home, go face the challenges facing you. All the best and merry Xmas

Fellow Nairalanders, could you please take me through the best decision making process. The one that will work irrespective of the actions and situation at hand i.e covers every aspect of life such as investment, career, schools etc.

I have being battling with this for a while and I constantly discover that decisions are affected by the time factor.  Usually I follow my gut feelings after considering all information available but I found out that this does not work especially in this global crunchy (credit crunch).
Recently I have being considering using the idea from the book I read last year which simple says as the title goes “Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite by Paul Arden” but I’m just too worried about this concept.

All ideas on decision making is welcome but am particularly interested in the decision around the business world,

Thanks

In real world it is work  first as the family will not know him when he does not have money. He just have to come to the reality of balance as is your family that will stay with you and see the importance in relationship. I will also say before you start to take this as an issue i will suggest you flash back and look at how he does before the marriage and how you responded to it. I know most ladies compare and contrast and then judgement starts. If he has changed from whom you know then need for worry if not is all about making ends meet. You will need to locate a suitable time you can discuss your concerns. He might me working in an organisation where those who work at fixed hours are frowned at and you have to work till late to justify you hardworking. You dont know but you need to find out before you start working things out in your end.

I am sure he does not work 24/7 365 even computers dont so there will be times when he put his family first. It could be on sundays so enjoy that time instead of woring about his working pattern. If he does not have anytime at all then there is something wrong somewhere and that something could be with him, you etc

have they got any crowd or what was he looking at in all these years when members have been wearing outrageous clothes to church. One praise worship leader even braided his hair in cowries praising the Lord. Best of luck to the workers and those who can abide are free to begin another church or join one of the existing ones

go on Pastor then we will have more pot bellied Nigerias spending more public fund

what sort of independent are you talking about? If it is the one am thinking of overall independent is as soon as possible between 8yrs and 11 yrs old to be ideal this will build up on how he will be shaped in life either financially, emotionally, academically etc.