Nice2023:
I don't think some men here would take this,there is a growing trend among Nigerian men of today.

And that trend is lazying around,leaving all serious domestic responsibilities for women to carry. Go to every streets in Nigeria now,u will see men,I mean married men doing virtually nothing and feeling good about their new found life,that is,not working and not earning any form of income and wouldn't like to learn any form of trade.

The agonising part is that,they now rely on what the woman or their wives rake in just to survive. Many women especially the married ones are now competing with young girls in having boyfriends all around just for the money to take care of one lazy bunch at home.

Men,rise up to the occasion and stop killing your wives with over work and help them to grow and make them better wives devoid of infidelity. It is ur actions that is pushing ur wives outside.

Stop wasting the little u have on betnaija shops and expect nothing back because u are simply wasting away.

Some of u here may not find this one easy but that is the truth.

Sincerely speaking.May God bless and prosper men who provide for their homes no matter how small.

Lanre1st:
This is a serious issues threatening many families.

Have you ever study, ask or observe the reason for him refusing to work. At least you must have his attitude to work before and after marriage. You need to discuss it even if it needs a counsellor to intervain.

Also, thinking of seeing another man who can support is not an option it will only complicate the issue. Instead, start seeing yourself as a man who has responsibilities to do and family to support.

Lastly, don't quickly take divorce as option, the responsibility doesn't disappear with divorce, it only increases it, atleast your children can stay with their dady while you go about with you business. Staying alone brings loneliness and depression

What does staying with the husband that refused to get a job brings?

Joy and happiness I guess

kokomilala:
@realtalk19, I don't know what you mean by I sound damaged. People just bang on words irresponsibly. Did u mean that I'm damaged spiritually, soul-wise, physically or emotionally? Well, I don't fall into any of these. And, I can't be bracketed into any either.

I deliberately didn't mention the op's husband, because it's a sacred union, and offering advice on a whim could worsen the situation. So, for me, it calls for patience and deep reflection from the woman, the man and the relatives in resolving the issue.

My response- which still stands- is that of spouses who are not married. Again, I posit that it's a cultural malaise and cancer that has eaten deep into the souls of our society. Its carcinogens can be seen in society today, where even teenage girls- who have unwittingly traded their destinies for 'a pot of porridge'- go about, as if entitled, making impossible demands of their so called boyfriends and assistant boyfriends etc, etc; a girlfriend from a wretched family makes demands she can't make of her father. She expects the bf to be both father and lover at the same time.

I've not seen anywhere in the world or in any culture where women pin all their trans generational burdens on men. They make relationships look like business proposals; they make relationships that should be enjoyed become bothersome, cumbersome, with every other somes in between.

Talking about husbands and wives, it's the man's responsibility to provide for the family financially and otherwise. However, God has not asked women to be useless or lazy or be overly dependent. Kudos to those women out there working their socks off for their families to eat. My heart goes out to those women under the bridge at Idumota, Orile, Boundary, Ojuelegba, etc, selling wosi- wosi, hustling from sun up to sun down. It is these women that I like to help. It's these women I can recommend for help or reward, not those irresponsible, high- maintenance, entitled liabilities, called women.

Proverbs 31 talks about the virtuous woman. But many women fail to read from 11 to 27.

Mshewww

Kobojunkie:
While I understand where you are coming from, I think your view is heavy influenced by cultural beliefs and not much else..

Imagine for instance marriage a business , a company you started with your husband and at the time you both decided that all business documents and even property properties would bear his name. However, as time went on, you realized that your husband was not as invested in the success of the marriage as well as all that burdens/responsibilities you had both accumulated as partners during the course of said marriage. After many years of carrying the business alone on your head, you decided it was best to run it as the one man show it had been from almost its beginnings and you let your business partner know of it. He does not hesitate to abandon you with all the loans and burdens/responsibilities you had both accrued during the course of the partnership in order that he could maybe move on to find himself another victim to play who would suck up the smoke that is he. Finally realizing you had always been saddled with all the responsibilities, would you think it makes sense to continue to sign all the business related documents and activities in the name of your ex business partner? Do you think that honor should be given this ex who was never invested in the business to begin with by continuing to sign all documents and purchase all properties related to the business in his name?

I can understand how you easily write off a mother deciding her children, whom she fends 100% for and caters to all by herself, should no longer bear the name of their deadbeat dad as an embittered soul, as I know well this is how society has programmed many to think. But if you could just step out from behind that black veil, you would instead see that her decision is instead of commonsense and not bitterness.

The business illustration is not same as having children involved. My opinion is not inpired by our culture.i can as well change my children's name to whatever I want and nothing will happen because I fend for Dem till date.

I had same experience and my mum changed my name because she and her family singlehandedly raised me and till date my dads family alienated me despite going to them( I only recognize my mum and my step dad as my parents).

i am not continuing that trend which is why I pointed out in my response that I am raising them to be responsible and to learn from my mistakes so they can become better individuals and make a positive difference.they are obvious of the fact that their dad isn't doing anything for them.its not in my place to manipulate them into hating him(I don't even talk about him). When they grow up ,they can make their decision.

Either you change their father's name or not ,what will be will be.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

It's painful especially bearing burden for two people singlehandedly without anything from the father of the kids.

For me I had that thought severally, even after series of informing their dad to take responsibility for their welfare.i even sent account number of the school so it doesn't look like I want to extort him or spend the money ,yet nothing and I have been soley responsible for my children's welfare till date to tell you he never wanted to be responsible .I had already prepared a change of name letter which I later discarded after having a deep thought.

The kids will grow up to make their decision.i wouldn't want to manipulate them into hating their dad despite all he did. ( I always tell them for the fact that I am the one taking responsibility of their welfare doesn't make it right,the father and mother have their individual roles to play,so mu kids dont grow up with that mindset,they need to be responsible and learn from my mistakes)

My opinion is your mum should continue to take care of you kids and make sure you keep receipts and evidences for future references.

Your mum needs to have a forgiving mind (doesn't mean you reconcile with him)so she wunt feel angry or bitter towards you children. She will certainly reap the fruits of her efforts.


Try to talk to your mum and assure her that you will be there for her always no matter what.( OP Pls try to work hard no condition is permanent.) God will make favourable ways for you to excel in life and make your mother proud.

Good luck!

Mimicle101:


Oky. I will wait till I hear the man side of the story.

But untill then.

If you never experienced these type of crisis. I don't expect you to understand

Good night.

I guess you didn't read my initial response on the thread before replying. I have been through it that's why I am able to relate.

Continue waiting for the man's response. sweet dreams.

Mimicle101:


As though finding a job is as easy as you have just typed.

He had a job..... "lost it" I guess that's why he suddenly becomes a lazy man.

Am just laughing.

By the way. Are you married?

See how you are looking for excuses.so because he lost his job ,the best act is to not look for another job and just stay idle without making effort?

Am seriously laughing?

Btw are you married? If you are married, will you be comfortable with your wife taking up your responsibilities while you stay idle and not make effort?

Even the bible says a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an Infidel.
To be the man of the home, a husband and a father is not an easy task.

Don't judge people till you walk on their shoes.

Life happens.

Caaz:
You brought the words outta my mind
It's ahnie,anti spambot cuff my acct.

Hi sweet sis, how's family?

Seriously i know how it feels because I have been there.

manigold:



Less take a few steps back and be respectful of the subject in question here. I'm confident that this story is either sentimental or incomplete. Let's just presume she's factual and that means she's made the 'mistake'. Cos I'd like to ask if she didn't even notice this after her first kid enough to avoid a second. It would seem to me she picked the guy and probably pressured him for marriage; as it seems, she too has nothing reality for a job to sustain the home.
So 'mistakes' made, here's the way forward.
Stick to the home and persist in it as long as it's safe(devoid of battery/abuse). This isn't the time to separate from him because what u may have to bear may not be pleasant. Think about it: how long will u stay with your parents, if u eventually move out won't u be paying the rent. Plus u just freed him up from his responsibility at all; he will more easily pick up a new girl and abandon u with the lots. Should life smile at him, you have already given him excuses not to care by quitting on him while he's in his lowest moments.
IF U HAVE THOUGHT CAREFULLY ABOUT IT AND STILL WISH TO QUIT, THEN DO IMMEDIATELY AND FACE YOUR NEW REALITY.
But I tell u, it will only make u another bitter single mum.

So the op should continue to bear the burden of responsibility because of what the society will tag ' the single mother'.

WIthout irresponsible men (asides natural death of spouse) there wunt be single mothers.

A man who makes effort is different from a man who just sleeps and wakes up everyday without making any effort.whicb means he is already comfortable with the wife taking responsibility knowing fully well she wunt be able to look on while everyone starves.

Mimicle101:


You may think so.

But let me tell you. The poster story is not %100.

I wish we can hear from the husband side.

I guarantee you these.

The poster is super hurt! She feels used. She see zero value, and have zero respect to the man.

She does not have any love for him any more. Infact. She feels nothing but hatreds for him. All is because of what she has went through. Which I perfectly understand.


Not in a bad way. But I wish OP can confirm these things I have said.

So what she needs now is to start forgiving her husband. Starting all over again. And hopefully the husband can get a job and start doing better. It's ganna be real tough but she just have to try. Otherwise these marriage is as good as ended as mine did.

What has forgiveness got to do with a lazy man who doesn't want to find a job.

You will not understand till you wear the shoe.

kokomilala:
@fyzaila, your assertion is fundamentally flawed. It's a cultural malaise. Our culture has been so warped that women are coerced into pinning all their expenditure as well as burdens on men. It's not a universal thing. It's only localized here because women have been culturally wired to be dependent on men. Perhaps, it's one reason they've become too mentally lazy and socially near- useless these days.

Giving is a choice. Men can give, not forced into giving against their volition. In return, they don't get anything from these entitled liabilities...

You sound damaged.

For your info women are becoming bread winners and legit hustlers these days not like before.

A husband is the man of the home and has a responsibility of providing for the family,the woman is the support and motivator.she keeps the home and takes care of the family.

No matter the amount a woman earns, for me hubby's money is sweeter and more dignifying.

Klass99:


You are so badass.....I like👍. The part where he went to lie to the landlady that you will pay the rent just off me completely 🤣.

@ Cococandy, yes o the bot has banned me four days in a roll in that section. I can't comment on our thread without chopping ban and I have an interesting story to share in line with recent discussions. The incident happened in the US sef but I love how the lady handled the situation.

Thanks.lol. na condition make me get liver .I was already depressed and frustrated.

Klass99:


Lol 🤣. And the thing dey pain them ehn, when a woman walks away first and walks away for good. They want to be the ones calling the shots and walking away.

Did family (yours and his) still try to persuade or pressure to return or remain in the marriage the second time?

After he misbehaved the second time, ( the rent expired and as usual was expecting me to pay ,he changed the locks after I travelled with the kids and left us outside for hours when we came back) I went to the landlady and told her to issue us quit notice so everyone will find their way ( he had also gone to lie that I will pay). He left the house and didn't come back till the landlady called that we should come and pack our things. That was when my family got a rented apartment for me and my kids and paid for it.enough is enough.

Klass99:


Female intuition is a powerful gift and asset God has given us. Every time I ignore mine I suffer. I grasp wisdom from other people's experiences to protect myself so thanks for sharing this and for the reminder to not ignore my instincts.

I think a lot of men believe they can tie us down with pregnancies and children. As in, they feel once they've married you, you have dropped 2 or more kids and advanced in age, you are not going anywhere come rain or sunshine. I suspect your ex had that mentality too, when he kept pushing for a second child.

You are exactly on point but what he didn't know was that I was prepared the second time which he didn't see coming.

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

I was exactly in your shoes 11 years ago.mine even has beating on top.i took courage and left back to my parents to start up my life again with my child.

After 3years he came back to meet my parents pleading that he is a changed person and had realized his mistakes. My instincts told me he had interior motives but out of counselling and pleading from family telling me to consider my child ,I agreed but this time I was alert. After much involvement of wanting to have another child cos I was reluctant to get pregnant deliberately, I took in again. Not long he resumed his irresponsible behaviors again and this time after I had my second child with God's help,I had to quit finally.

I have survived since then with my two kids and I am better and have my peace of mind.

You can separate for now and still give the children access to their dad( he can visit to see them) while you recover.it should give him a sense of responsibility seeing that the comfort is no longer there ,he has no choice than to hustle while you work on yourself and kids.

If he has the fear of God ,he might realise his mistakes and work towards having his family back together but if he is like my ex ,hmm my dear you are on your own.

For your sanity take care of yourself and your children. separating from him doesn't make you a bad person.

Good luck

55truth:
Let's discuss as a family, those mistakes you made which you later regret and you wouldn't want your children to make.

Mine was going to the university without learning a skill and solely hoping to land a good paying job with the certificate after school. When "Nigeria" dawned on me, I realized I made a mistake by not fortifying myself with skills while going to school.

My children will not make such a mistake. If God approves, they will go into sports and entertainment from tender age.

Let's learn from each other.

I had low self esteem which really affected me a lot . I will want my kids to be confident and determined.

I wasn't allowed to take the course of my choice instead it had to be either doctor or,lawyer which I had no interest in. My kids will go for what they have passion for ,I will only guide and pray for them.

I ended up with a very wrong partner because the home wasn't peaceful for me. My kids will be given a consistent reminder of my mistakes and the consequences as they mature so that they can learn and also be more careful when making lifelong decisions.


I want my kids to learn to be hardworking and independent.


I was never a maths person but I am encouraging my kids to love maths because it is very important.


I got critisized a lot and was never encouraged by my mum. I am giving my kids all the confidence and cheering they need no matter what.


My mum brought me up with so much hate and aggression cos of my dad since they seprated early in marriage and she ended up catering for me alone. I being a single mum will raise my kids to be responsible and let each know their roles.even being their sole provider for over 10years without their dads involvement I still tell them that for the fact am
Providing doesn't make it right and I do not talk or speak about their dad with them despite not providing. They will grow up and make their decisions using my experiences to be better and more responsible kids.

ahnie:
As the topic implies,as an adult when was the last time you took goldenmorn and how did you enjoyed it,did you munch on it like that,or you accompanied it with milk.

Cc:
Nlfpmod
Rocktation.
Lalasticlala

I have it with my kids for Breakfast. I add milk to it with lukewarm water.so yummy.

If am hungry and food is not ready,I take it to hold body .

Truthsoldier:
This award I think should go any of these five below,but just make your pick
here are their names;
1.VeryWickedMan
2.Siofra
3.IyaebeTheGreat
4.Alexreports
5.

Who do you vote for,
if any of your candidate is not here,mention them

#WeekendVibes

Iyaebe TheGreat

Axis313:
Good morning peeps.
Every adults has that childish behavior they always exhibit as a grown up,especially when you are unconsciously doing it,what is that childish behavior you indulge in as a child that you still find it difficult to break away from as an adult,and it has almost become an addiction.
Me for instance,I love sucking sweets up till now,I also like to lick powdered milk and chocolates like Milo or Bournvita ,I can't leave those ones behind in my childhood.
I also like to fly kite,as an adult,even though it is reducing now,as people are looking at me in one funny way,a grown up,a father for that matter flying kite ,

I also can't do away with using earpiece to listen to radio,some people don abuse me tire on that.

Some are addicted to finger sucking from childhood,even as adults,some can't stop stealing meat from inside pot,some will unconsciously scratch or massage their own two balls and banana in public without knowing it.

So don't be shy,let us know your own.

Please front page o.

I have been dipping my bread into tea till date.

[

beekind:
I am a 38 year old Nigerian American citizen dating a 26 year old Nigeria girl.
I grew up in Nigeria but travelled out to the USA when I was 25 years old, I am a citizen now and doing really well for myself.
I met a beautiful and godly Nigerian girl on facebook and we have been dating for some months now we are now thinking of marriage, she is in Nigeria while I am in the USA.

Some weeks ago my dad asked me to do some tests and send to him, (He is a medical doctor), I did them, turns out to be fertility tests and all was perfect.
I just told him about my fiance and my plans to get married in some months time and he said she has to do fertility test before he can agree to the marriage.

This was very shocking for me as he insisted that it is his position, I haven't told my fiance cos I dont know how to and my fiance is scheduled to pay my parents a visit for the first time in Port Harcourt in 2 weeks time.
My fiance is from Delta but lives in Portharcout as my parents while we are from Port harcourt.

My dad has said if I cannot tell her that he will, what do you guys think ?

Honest advise please and admin kindly push to front page for wider advise.

Thanks.

You can tag it a general medical check up for both of you.it shouldnt be an issue though for intending couple.

My issue is your dad imposing it on you rather than trying to make you see reasons and allow you decide.


I believe he means well

A birthday gift .it's my birth month

[quote author=Pojomojo post=122710231][/quote]

I use to love my job so passionately but not anymore due to:

Underpaid

Time exhaustion( no break,leave or holidays) except December

Doing too many duties and get drained trying to meet up and my boss has refused to employ the necessary person for their duties

Sentiments and favoritism

Can't have another source of income because the job itself occupies your day back to back

No motivation

No compensation

Nwadu:
I moved into this compound about a year ago now.
Landlord told me that in no time we would all have our individual electricity meters.

This is a year + now and we still share the meter together ( we all use one single meter)

Now the problem is we have decided to pay #2500 each every month since we are 4 occupants of the house.

The agreement allows for one person to buy #2500 worth of electric units which carries us for one week, so that the next week another person buys, until we all have bought. Making a total of #10000 per month

I have been the one complying to this agreement as the other three persons will always come with excuses as for why they cant buy units at their own turn.

Pls what are the best ways to sort This kind of issues as I have called for meetings twice and alerted the landlord too to no avail.

Just close eye buy generator or install solar till they are ready to cooperate.

lavylilly:
is Agric close to ibeshe?

Not really close

mediclife1987:


I wake up 4:30am at Sango and still get to Yaba by 7:55am, so what's the essence of wasting my money and staying in Ikorodu, just because I also want to claim I'm staying in Lagos?

I understand your plight. I think you should maintain where you are for now. Lagos is naturally stressful.

mediclife1987:


It's better I remain at Sango Ota then. Why would I rent house and still be waking up as early as 4-5am to get to work early?

That's Psychotic...

Lol.

mediclife1987:


How far, don't know if you're still on here.
What's the best place to live in Ikorodu, for someone working in Yaba, cos I honestly can't afford all the crazy dustbin they call accommodation in that Yaba meen.

Ebutte environs, or Lagos Road environs for easy access to BRT or vehicles at Ikorodu garage as early as 4am/5am going to Yaba direct.

graphicdesigns:

Message me on WhatsApp

Okay thanks

Ponmo-chic

Nokia E- series

missimelda01:
You might just get it, who knows

Me: I would like a getaway, my eyes don see shege this period

Foodstuffs