₦airaland Forum

pocohantas:
This is not about gragra, this is Nigeria.The system here is different and people should know! I have seen enough people that are oblivious of these things that I even created a thread about it in the past. A lot of them come with “I was his/her NOK”, who cares? You should read and learn or allow them do so, not disturb us with your international tales.

So, where did you stay to do the international project finance? You still dey find babes to blackmail with their CVs? Werey dey disguise.

LOL. I know that you're still in love with me. Stop hurting yourself, little girl, and stop twisting facts to suit your self-absorbing desire. Ihe iji abụrụ dike dị ka m ebu-ka ibu.

pocohantas:
If you like, be talking of American and European banks like you have an International Passport. This is Nigeria, write whatever you want in your banking details- the minute you drop dead without a will, your family would bring everything required of them.

Calm down and learn, everything no be gragra.

All of you know nothing about NOK and the main reason why both wives and husbands usually don't use each other as one. A NOK is strictly a person's living closest blood relative - offspring, parents, siblings, and other blood relations. A spouse doesn't fall into this category. Most banks in North America and Europe still adhere to this rule to date.

@Pocohantas, NOK is a "special thing," especially for an unmarried person - it only becomes a less important thing for a married person who died intestate because the legal surviving sane spouse automatically becomes the beneficiary of their estate, regardless of who is the NOK. For an unmarried person who died interstate, the NOK always has it easy to formalize claim of the deceased estate - I know that rules are hardly followed in the country in most things, so that's understandable when it doesn't work swiftly like in other climes.

Anyone who's been involved in project finance, loan, or facilitation with international banks, North American and European banks especially, will understand that truly NOK is a special thing.

She's a woman under financial lack with conventional prohibition - her unresourcefulness/past failure in business notwithstanding. If she still has in possession the core quality - be it an abstract or concrete quality - that made your brother to marry her, he should extend altruistic actions towards her, his financial limitations notwithstanding. Magically, he'll see her mellow, adjust to the reality in place and submit to his desires. No woman is unmalleable, forget their gragra. LOL.

He has to accept the bitter truth that altruism isn't a woman's forte. Therefore, he has to stand in position of a vetter and water her conviction, provided that she has one and lives it in word and deed - this applies if he married her based on her abstract quality.

She's a woman under financial lack with conventional prohibition - her unresourcefulness/past failure in business notwithstanding. If she still has in possession the core quality - be it an abstract or concrete quality - that made your brother to marry her, he should extend altruistic actions towards her, his financial limitations notwithstanding. Magically, he'll see her mellow, adjust to the reality in place and submit to his desires. No woman is unmalleable, forget their gragra. LOL.

He has to accept the bitter truth that altruism isn't a woman's forte. Therefore, he has to stand in position of a vetter and water her conviction, provided that she has one and lives it in word and deed - this applies if he married her based on her abstract quality.

He's right to an extent, citing the ambiguity of the political lexicality of restructuring. People, especially Southerners, should start clamoring for confederation because that's the most concise and best form of restructuring the country needs at this juncture.

Yes, there's something like being "too nice." Literally, anyone who uses servility to sustain a relationship is "too nice." Unfortunately, behind any servile person is a disingenuous person - disingenuous people and pernicious acts are inseparable. Truth, however, is that conceited - haughty or crass - people ignorantly like them servile/naive and economically buoyant in most cases dually because of their penchant for subjugation and insatiableness. Disingenuousness is the recipe for wreaking conceited people.

Love is the greatest refreshment in life.

More blessings to them.

Opportunists and victim mentality/persecutory delusions are inseparable, and everyone else except them and their ilk is always the problem. Always have a wish to eat their cake and have it.

Conceit and sententiousness are boldly written all over you; unfortunately, you've failed to eschew them as you strive to make a change. Conceit in particular is the biggest problem all poor people have - it remains god's gift to small-minded people.

I wish you've what it takes to overcome them . . . let me wait and see.

A womanly woman who's proved her conscientious disposition and altruistic interest on her man deserves a sacrifice like this and more from him.

The country has lost one among the few proponents and practitioners of politics of principle and conviction.

RIP Balarabe Musa.

Only a mentally parochial element won't appreciate the role of a dutiful housewife. A dutiful housewife isn't the same as a lazy housewife/an unproductive wife.

Power is taken, not given. No one or thing stops our women from reaching the same height.

RenCap analysts are just being disingenuous as always. With the whack FDI policies in place in Nigeria and most others, only opportunistic portfolio investors will come and do the needful as always. We must put sound FDI policies in place before something serious will happen.

nahzyla:
Ujujoan2, stop replying these people that are suffering body pain because your husband treats you well.

Just ignore them, the truth is that Nigerians have normalized dehumanization of women that when a woman says her husband is kind to her and loves her, people find it hard to believe.

Women are typically supposed to be work horses that hustle outside the home and then carries housework on her head while being submissive to husband and super mom to kids. If the husband does not provide, she should double her hustle and support him until he decides to work, if he cheats she should lose weight and pray for him, if he does not assist at home it's clearly because she offended him or because she is not obedient enough so she has to increase her humility and please her husband so that he will treat her well.

That is how the average Nigerian man
expects married women to behave.

The funny thing is that they will NEVER ever take half the rubbish they expect women to swallow.

Stop projecting your small-minded husband and other men around you on other men here or elsewhere. Anyway, I already know that people with persecutory delusions aren't to be taken seriously. Most of us only associate with women of timber and caliber, not self-absorbing, crass, opportunistic, and delusional ones like you and your ilk.

Now face front and focus on small-minded people like you.

I doff my hat to conscientious women and men.

UjuJoan2:
I know I'm making a lot of people uneasy by implying that my life is perfect . . . .I'm sorry, I can't help it!!

If you are humble enough and ask me how I got here I will be happy to share . . .

Only those who can't see beyond words and buy into your initial fables, which you've tried to mend in some of your subsequent posts, will feel uneasy - I'm sorry for the married women who do. However, don't allow any minnow deceive you here, disagreeing with you or any other person on an issue like this doesn't mean that one wishes you bad or hates you. If there's one thing I wish freely to everyone, it's a healthy marriage/relationship because I know the unquantifiable happiness one gives.

The unfortunate and unresourceful don't find it easy anywhere in the world, but it's generally worse for the ones who dwell in third world economies. So, you don't hold brief for the fortunate high-net-worth-individuals and gold-collar professionals in any of the sectors of the U.S. economy. The key is to strive to be/remain resourceful and fortunate.

One of my close associates, a bubbling American industrialist with vast firsthand experience about Nigeria and Africa in general, once told me while we were having a meeting that he was a personal assistant to Chief Antonio Fernandez and a former manager of his automobile outfit in Paris, France in the 80s. Luckily, but unfortunately for him, hours later, Chief Fernandez walked in where we sat, but it happened that both of them did not know each other prior to that moment. This happened a few months before Chief Fernandez died.

UjuJoan2:
So do you think you know me well enough to categorically say that I am NOT conscientious, thereby undeserving of my husband's unreserved love and respect

How do you know he is not just reciprocating my own unconditional love? I mean for all you know, my husband's attitude could be as a result my own behaviour and attitude towards him.

Also, let's assume I don't have high ethical and moral standards, isn't love supposed to be unconditional?

You want a relationship where you can only love someone who you think deserves your love, but do you think you yourself really deserve to be loved? I know you think you are altruistic, conscientious and bla bla bla, but then you are still human nonetheless.

Except you want to tell me you are PERFECT!!! Trust me, you are already coming off as self righteous and conceited as it is.

LOL. Ujujoan, you've mistaken descriptive assertions for normative ones; refer to your two posts I made mention of in my foremost reply to you. About your last paragraph here, believe you me, you're better than me.

Stay safe.

UjuJoan2:
Oh, I get it . .. you want an independent woman who is "humble" enough to follow follow you. Of course she can't be too "follow follow" cos we don't want to irritate you.

Doesn't that make you a bit manipulative too?

Neither a conscientious woman (person) nor a maverick one who has an altruistic interest in me (or you) does "follow follow." Both always do what they know is right but for different reasons. The former does what's right because she's fundamentally or inherently from strong ethical leanings, while the latter does so because, despite being self-absorbing, has a special interest in me that isn't primarily centered on material things. In a nutshell, neither of them will mete out a pernicious act against me, provided that I stay conscientious.

The only person that needs to be conditioned is a manipulator (the opportunist), and when one does that, he/she can be said to be diplomatically offensive than manipulative.

UjuJoan2:
Okay, let's say for arguments sake that I was subservient . . Do you think marrying one will make you do 1, 2 and 4?

No. Truth is that I consider subservient (servile) people as draining as crass people - both personify opportunism, with the difference being that while the latter is haughty, the former is self-effacing. In the absence of a conscientious woman, a maverick one that has an altruistic interest in me has always been my best bet.

UjuJoan2:
Lol . . . Okay!

But just so you know, if I were your wife you'll be the exact same way.

There are people you come across and you just want to protect them . . It's like a gift you know . . . . people say it's in my eyes

I mean, I'm kind of fabulous like that!

Okay, now I'm just teasing you.

I just couldn't resist, your post is hilarious!!!

If I were the husband of a maverick Ujujoan, the only thing I'll not deny her from the listed items is item 3: "3. He supports me . . . Whatever I need to get to that next level, he provides. He doesn't get threatened, instead he pushes me to reach for the top. He thinks I'm the best, most intelligent and most gifted person on earth. I wish I could see myself through his eyes."

UjuJoan2:
So what are the things he does . . .

1. He gives me ANYTHING I ask. I know you'll think this is impossible, but my husband is the type of person that will use his last card to buy me an iPhone, just because I asked. He can never say no to me, he just can't. No matter how unreasonable the request, he just won't be able to say no. Even when we are quarelling and not talking, I would send him a message on WhatApp just to avoid talking to him . . . "I need to go to the salon, come and drop me off", he would still do it. I can't tell you the kind of confidence that gives me.

2. I am always right . . . Even when I'm wrong he still supports me. Whenever I complain about anyone to him, he automatically hates the person. It doesn't matter what happened, if you make me unhappy you become his enemy.

3. He supports me . . . Whatever I need to get to that next level, he provides. He doesn't get threatened, instead he pushes me to reach for the top. He thinks I'm the best, most intelligent and most gifted person on earth. I wish I could see myself through his eyes.

4. He lets me get away with almost anything. I can do almost anything and get away with it. To him I can do no wrong.

Let me stop here sha. . . .

The two posts you made above have proven right my belief that people who have persecutory delusions aren't against injustice/oppression because they hate it; rather, they only hate it when they aren't the ones oppressing others. Talk about sententiousness, conceit/egoism, and hypocrisy.

Your husband uses servility wittingly or unwittingly to sustain his relationship with you in the marriage, as you presented in this second post. So, you may be happy in the marriage, but it's obviously far from being a healthy marriage, and the only way your husband would claim to be happy in it is if he's inherently servile or held by Stockholm syndrome.

The wish of every crass and or opportunistic man and woman is to always have an inherently servile person as a spouse, and the more economic buoyant the servile spouse is the better. Ironically, I haven't known you as a crass and opportunistic woman rather as a maverick one, your obvious self-absorption notwithstanding, and maverick people don't derive pleasure from oppressing others. So, it's obvious that you didn't give a correct account of your relationship with your husband and marriage. Try harder.

I'll always stand for one who'll lead better without any attached sentiment over a sentimental wish like this that wish for a particular generation/age group, tribe, or gender to lead. The country's leadership biggest problem is a fundamental problem, not a generational problem.

Crass and or opportunistic women, and men, aren't meant for a keep or something serious like a healthy marriage. Any sane person should know this already. So, if I were the OP, instead of taking to pretense as she did, I would structure the message as follows: crass and or opportunistic women ought not to expect sane men to marry them whether or not they have money, or they shouldn't expect sane men to agree to marry them if they happen to have money more than them.

Meanwhile, conscientious women, and men, know that who has more money between a husband and wife does not and should not matter in a marriage. More so, they know that money is like a swivel chair that can easily rotate while one sits on it.

A conscientious husband, if you need to have money more than your wife before earning her submission, sorry you've got a frenemy as a wife, and a conscientious wife, if you need to earn money before you can earn your husband's love, sorry you've got a frenemy as a husband.

The fact that she puts up a lame challenge that "anyone who has some proof that I've collected money from the government should come out and say so" doesn't automatically mean that she might not have collected or that someone might not be having such evidence. There's always some reason why most times, people do ignore such lame challenges. Of course, she might not have collected directly or indirectly too.

Anyone who has been within the corridors of power in the country and knows how funds for sundry expenses are disbursed will understand why a lame challenge from someone like this doesn't worth giving some attention.

bukatyne:
Afi wannabe strong men

True.

LOL. The slur "simp" might soon be the order of the day in the thread.

There's no point disputing the fact that many a time; once a sane man meets that one woman who meets his one point core longing in a woman, he can do almost anything possible even at the periphery of conventionalism, but still within the limits of decorum, to show his love to her and willingness to have her for a keep.

Wannabe strong men, love has never been a sign of weakness.

Jagaban as a word (formed from the Borgu word/phrase and title Ja a gabar) is a chieftaincy title equivalent in meaning and rank to the Yoruba word and title Asiwaju. Their meaning in English is leader of warriors/leaders.

He, his wife, and anyone else around him can be responsible for his failure. Apart from himself, his wife or team is the next biggest thing that will either make or mar him directly or indirectly at any given time; so, he must choose his wife/team wisely to minimize the chances of failure to the barest minimum. One of the most practicable ways to try avoid such failure, and by extension assuming full responsibility of it peradventure it happens, is by not giving away his liberty to anyone or sharing it with the wrong person(s).

One's priciest assets should always be their liberty, and allowing only the worthwhile person(s) to share it with them - because no man is an island; whoever you share closeness with will always have an impact on you - will always be the best decision they will make. Enemy within, the opportunistic and or conceited/sententious person(s) around one, remains their deadliest enemy - the frenemy. Gaslighting, goading, guilt-tripping, extortion, and emotional blackmailing from the frenemy are more harmful than the evil plans and actions of the real enemy who's always not

Character is encompassing, and bad is different from weakness, just as good is different from strongness. The ability of a maiden to consciously stay a virgin is one of the numerous signs that show that she has a strong character, while the ones who consciously lost theirs show that they have a weakness. But the fact that they have a weakness does not automatically mean that they have a bad character. Perfection is still only of the sole creator of the world.

So, the fact that one makes some excuse for maidens who have lost their virginity doesn't automatically and necessarily mean that he/she supports unethical norms in the society.