₦airaland Forum

lastpage: Contd.
Right now, one side of him is sad and guilty(for what he has done) while the other half is happy and elated (he is expecting his own child, bad as tat may come across but it is true!). I think he will be willing to offer you concessions at this moment, if he truly still love you. Ask him if he wants you to leave and go away (Just ask him for asking sake), l bet he would beg you not to leave him and that is when you should ask him to tell you how he thinks: you can overcome the hurt?, overcome the shame?, overcome the embarrassment from your sales girl?, get pregnant and have your own child?

Let him be the one proffering the solutions. JUST ASK AND LISTEN!
The 'idea' is that he will first be the one to pass judgement on himself. Secondly, he will be th eone o pass punishment on himself!! Thirdly, he will be the one to "set the bar" for himself in terms of what needs to be done, to remedy the situation.
As a man, l know men find it easier and are more determined to "conquer challenges" they set for themselves than one set for them in anger, or by a second party

Ask him if he would commit all his promises (and they would be many!) at this moment, to paper? Persuade him to do so. That would be the manual for your marriage, for the next few years.
Once you can find this "peace" between you and him, the other woman is a small problem. Eventually, he would realize that all he wanted from her was just "intimacy" which unfortunately dovetailed into a pregnancy,something he also wanted!
The "peace" above will also set the stage for your own pregnancy, within a short time (and with prayer and faith in God + Medical Examinations; read one Thread about "Looking for a Child", here on NL).

Dont nag him at all, infact be nicer to him than before, spend more time with him like you just discovered him (it can be very unnerving if we get opposite of what we expect from someone, in this kind of situation). We want him to spend most of his free time with you at home, instead of with the other woman,less they begin to bond strongly, at your expense!

All the above can only work if your "objective" is to stay with your husband, in the house that belongs to him first and you second, as his wife and have his children. (Dont fall for all those "abroad folks" that wants a confrontation about property, with your husband, it could get very nasty and wont suit your purpose, at least for now)

If those objectives are correct as l stated them, then only calmness of spirit and very big maturity of the mind will help you (e no go easy o, but the end would justify the effort).
When it is "relatively peaceful" between you and your husband, he can bring the woman in if he still wants to.

You own pregnancy will change the "game" dramatically.
While l do not wish evil for the other woman and the innocent child she carries, l feel "she is a guest" and just maybe, the relationship between you and your husband afterwards, may convince her that she is just the mother of his child and NOT HIS WIFE!

She may get the message and opt out, get "settled financially" while your husband holds "full responsibility" for the child involved.

The Bottom line, unfortunately, is how your husband feels towards you afterwards, and towards the pregnant sales girl (now Madam! ) afterwards. Its the game-changer!

Dont become a church-hermit or do things that would further alienate you from your husband, at this stage. Be lively, be bubbly, dress cute, be attractive, put worries behind you, forgive, eschew bitterness, laugh a lot, dont nag, dont look sour-faced: all these feelings have a way of complementing the feelings your husband has for you and vice-versa!
He should not be allowed to develop "love' for the other woman, not by use of force but by superior attitude and intelligence, on your part.

May God give your strength and wisdom.

Lastpage!

BTW: This message is for Carsa, not peeps with short attention span who will start crying "epistle" or its too long! Move over if its too long for you, please.

Eeeyahhh!!!!

Cassa my dear......
1. i really, really feel for you.....the deed has been done there is nothing anyone can do about it, except God.

2. I know you love your hubby and would want to make it work, irrespective of what has happened, he listened to his family and that has affected his decisions.

3. I would have preferred you talk to your hubby to get another house for her, but this is not going to be the case as, his family members want the other lady to be in his house, and that is a disguise to push you to the wall so that you can live the marraige.

4. My dear be ready for greater battles ahead....because you have not seen anything yet, this is not to scare you at all, but to make you strong, if you sleep all through the night before, this is the time for you to wake up and call on God, He is the only one that knows how to fight our battles, you have so many prayer points....like nothing should happen to that baby and the lady (or else they would say you were the cause), nothing must happen to your husband( or else they would say, you hurt him out of jealousy and hatred), pray for peace in your marraige and your relationship with your hubby, pray for yourself, that God should answer your prayers.

5. Forgive them, and let God do the rest, we all have learnt lessons from your story, and that is " never trust anyone" the Bible says,"woe unto the person that puts his or her trust in man"....

6. Try all your best to live at peace with this woman.....but be wise, " be gentle as a dove and wise as a serpent" do not trust anyone.....not even your hubby, trust God....you are the only one fighting this battle....this is your cross and God will help you carry it.....See it as an affliction, and God in his infinite Mercies will save you from all. The Lord is your strength. " it shall be well"".

now this advice is from the good and godly side of Ronkenu!!!!

@ Poster, are your parents living with their own parents (whether educated or not)? If, No!!! then that is your answer.

lastpage: By now you should have known that we belong to different levels when it comes to writing skills, even for pedantic purposes like having fun on NL.

Move-over if you dont have the intellectual capacity nor the attention span to read more than "ten lines" of text!
Na by force to read my postings?

No wonder a lot of peeps fail "English Comprehension" at WAEC level!

Lastpage!

BTW: I will suggest you pick up that Oxford English Textbook, "Alli and the Angel", for starters!
it will help you a lot!

eeeyah...all these lines for my 1 line.....oga juu.... . norin do you, since you don't have anybody to share your intellect with outside, no sweat, we will read it like that!!! abi, wetin we go do now!!!

lastpage: You dont need to start a war or a movement to point this out, even the uneducated men of the 19th century are ware of these things!
It is when you turn it to a gender-war that you loose focus!
Dont fight for what you already have, it is called foolishness!




Now, l am very happy for you on one thing, you agreed that "God is fair, righteous and good"!

That being the case, could you ask yourself: Why did God PUT A CONDITION TO THIS INHERITANCE? If he did not put a condition to the inheritance of the families with male children, why this one?
Did l hear you say God is no longer fair, just and righteous?

Truth is that "that is how it is and that is how God intends it to be: The Husband is the HEAD/LEADER of his family, and that includes his wife!
If God, in his "fairness, justness and righteousness", did not treat them as equal but rather put "a condition" to their supposed equality, how come you feminist think you are wiser, more righteous or fairer than God?
Why did the Bible even refer to women as "weaker vessels", to be treated with "gloves"? Does that not indicate that though not equal, women are "unique and special"?

As about respecting the rights of women to work or earn income? That is a forgone conclusion, l bet even you work for a living?

Accepting and respecting the "contributions of women to society"? Contributions of men or women to society is there for all to see and whether others respect it or appreciate it is a function of how relevant and effective such contributions are! NO NEED TO FORCE IT!

A lot of women are inventors, pioneers and pace-setters in many fields (Pick up any historical book on invention and you will see their names alongside the Albert Einsteins of this world) so what else does "feminism" hope to achieve if not chaos and family breakdown due to its confrontational attitude?

I still repeat, you dont need to fight for what is inherently yours except you have an inferiority complex!
Women who have achieved a lot or anything meaningful in this world "dont fight" for recognition, it goes along with it.

Take Oprah Winfrey for example, does she have any reason to fight for equality with any man?
She is already accomplished and well respected for her achievements, it is the empty barrel women that scream and fight for recognition because they have nothing to show for it, except ofcourse, their lousy mouth and aggressive attitude!

And that wont take them anywhere except misery-land!

Lastpage!

BTW: I think you love attention but your post still makes sense and would get you the required attention, without those "screaming and indecent font-size" or is it just in your nature to scream?

This is too much!!! something is wrong somewhere!!! Last page!!!! you too talk!!! .

lastpage: So this is how to "sit and discuss" with your husband? If you tell a friend the above, he/she would probably tell you to get the effing feck-up, not to mention your own husband! More Power to you!


How come your own "solution to mending a marriage going through stormy weather" IS ALL ABOUT MONEY?! You seem to think its all about "getting more money out of the situation", is all that is required!
Just like children, so marriage how now turn to ATM-money vomiting machine! This is shameful
Would the woman be expected to "shell-out" to improve the husbands looks or to upgrade his education, as well? Naah, Dont think so!

"Greed" in some Nigerian women, is what ruins their life; from the choice of a Boy-friend, to the choice of a husband, its all about money, money, money!
Later they will come here to complain that the marriage lacks "love" when love was not their ultimate goal, in choosing the man or going into marriage with him.

Thank God the O.P is not one of those fat- ar.se women who sit on their bum all day, waiting for Mr. husband to "come home and shell-out"!
It is very disgraceful if all a woman (a wife) thinks about is how to "spirit-away" house-keeping allowance, like a Squirrel, waiting for the day of separation, instead of focusing on how to help the marriage revive its old flame!

And l dont think most men are that stewpid anyway, once he suspects you are 'acting funny' with "house-keeping money" (as you would always complain its not enough and he will observe that you are not spending everything he 'shells out' on certain needs, he might just refuse to give you CASH [/b]anymore and opt to pay for things directly, using his Credit Card!
Only that you will have to "bring a list of things required" and he would verify them "delivered and in-use" within the house, from time to time!
Like they say, [b]"cunny-man die, cunny-man bury am"!

A wife cannot be this "adversarial" in a marriage and expect anything else than "collapse of the marriage", to follow.

Jokes apart, such behavior is just a 'death sentence' for any marriage, at any point in the life of the marriage.
Some very few "wise women" actually support their husbands by "making-up for any shortfall" in house-keeping money, with their own money.

Lastpage!

Is there no way you can reduce all these, to 5 lines or 10 at most?.....

Hi guys, how have you all been? It has been a crazy, busy weekend for me.....

@ Echala...i ffel the same way, i loose inches instead of pounds now, though i lost 2 ponds opver the weekend, but that was after a longwhile (3 weeks no change) Anyways...am not really complaining as long as as am not gaining weight , i will change things around, it looks as if my body is used to the normal routine i do everyday....

@ Buchika....welcome aboard...

No exercise for me friday and saturday...was too busy to incorporate any exercise into my time.

Logs for yesterday...30 minutes total body workout and 30 minutes pilates....used the pilates as a cool-down...very nice, my stomach is getting flatter by the day...Pilates does a good job.

Wearing of a ring or not should be a mutual agreement between the couple. If A does not feel comfortable wearing it, then B should be aware of it, not that B will find out later on that her hubby is not wearing his ring, then wahala will begin.

It took me awhile to get used to waering my ring, i only wear it now when am going out of the house and remove it when am inside, my hubby is the same way, he wears it on his way-out and removes it as he is opening the door!!!!

And you are asking on NL for a 'good man''?? ok!!! seek well and ye shall find

odeexpress: What I know is what I have written. I know they may be some other reasons, but what I wonder about is why she kept quiet and accepted to marry him anyway. Even his family wants him to back out because everything was ok until she said she was no longer interested. I have not heard from the lady and she has traveled back to her place of primary assignment because she is a serving youth corp member.

There is more to her wanting to leave the relationship especially after the traditional and the court has been done, there is so much more than what the guy has told you.

Infact, this what was i was still talking about in one of the other threads, before someone there blindly jumped on my post.

Before marraige, i used to be a neat-freak, i would wake-up in the morning clean my house, dust, mop, infact it was a daily routine, and i enjoyed doing it, even if i was tired to the point of dropping....

then i got married, omo, (come see quarrel), my hubby is a proper scatter- scatter, i could not keep up, i would complain and complain, it got to the point i just decided to take it slow, like really let so many things go, i would sit down for a whole day without cleaning (at first, it was a torture) but subsequently began to get used to it, my hubby can cook anything, but cannot clean anything , me ( i can cook and clean, but preferred to clean first then cook), that one was another yahwah!!! Anyways, i was able to bend a little.

Through out the 9 months i was pregnant, i was not working....was home, so doing the chores was easy,after i had him, i got a job 4 months after,( had to get a babysitter that would come home during the hours i was away), but all this while, i had started my MBA, i really did not know how i survived taking care of the home, my son, my hubby, my school, my work?.....But for the past 3 months now, it had just been difficult, my son is a replica of his dad, scatter-scatter (raise to the power of 2) he is just 20 months, so you can tell the type of energy he is carrying around the house ( i would be bending and picking) My hubby has learnt some house chores and he is helping out, but cooking is his thing, so he helps out wella with that.

On Easter day, for some reasons, i was so frustrated, i had two projects that i had to submit this week, ( about 15 pages each), i had not even started one, my boss at work is having her hips replaced this month, making me the next-in-line to oversee every.....my son loves to cuddle, my hubby nko?? i was going crazy, i had to go to church too, everything was just competing for my time.....i was moody all day, that day, could not even tell my hubby what i was going through....i just wanted to run away from the whole ....stuff.... it was as if i just could not keep-up. I made Easter food, after church, then went to take a nap (as i am typing, my son is holding on to my neck and kissing me....he just loves attention ) Anyways, by the time i woke-up, i had a clearer head, spent time with hubby, took care of my son, my whole house (with hubby helping to vaccum) then sat on my computer and started typing, submitted both project yesterday.

what suffers most, is ME, only because i would always put away the me time, to shove everyother thing in, My birthday is coming soon, and i am so having that Me-time, would be going to the spa to relax, i need a thorough massage..... that is just my own life for now.....

Freshera...thank you...All your post is EOD (END OF DISCUSSION). God bless you.

Outstrip: If she was really cheating on him then she would not have done the traditional wedding. I wonder what the flimsy excuses are? I would like to know. If my sister told me that the man she was marrying tells her that if she commits adultery then something bad would happen then I would tell her to reconsider. Not because of the adultery but because someone who hangs a threat over your head like that even though it has not basis is not marrying you based on trust. If the way you plan to keep your spouse faithful is hoping on some thing to keep her to you in fear then you will make her life hell with your insecurity. The part about her hugging her ex shows that this man probably had driven her away with his insecurity. Someone who suspects someone of actually cheating would say things like I saw this on her phone or she is secretive etc. All this one says is about hugging her ex. I don't get it. It just sounds like such a one sided story. It takes a lot for a woman to walk away after her traditional and court wedding. Your friend is not saying everything.

My thoughts exactly

taryour: madam ronke. Every child birth is d same but male n female come with diffrent body parts which makes us unequal. Still women are called mothers of all nation and dat dosnt make us equal to men.

I get where you are coming from, but trust me, to bring up a daughter to feel she is inferior to her brothers and men in general, any mother who does that in this life, would cry about it, later on in the same life.

Women are not equal to men in the terms of what GOD has said, and that is for the believing christians, muslims and that is the LAW!!!

taryour: pls dont get me wrong madam,am refering to women who believe they are equal to men,if they intend raising their female children as equal to thier brothers.

I just want to know if the labour pain for the male children is different from the female, if the 9 months pregnancy normal months is different for both sexes If the female children came out through the armpits, and the male kids through the normal process?? And am asking only beacuse you said, your female kids are not equal to your male kids!!!

Gaggi: I flattered u by saying u have a hubby. U are a low life, haggard, semi illiterate hooker. If u had a hubby (not a toy boy, a real man)u wldn't be here. U are not even a woman, u are a she-male.
Sometimes, we advice women to just flush it out. It saves the society a lot of stress. Imagine the whole of NL being saddled with a skunk like u. All this trouble could have been solved some 45 yrs ago.

Keep quiet Gaggi...old man!!! and go and eat your iya Basira food.....My peeps have hollered at me and i won';t rub their nose in the dust. Go and sleep or better still...use this insults and page to ''jerk-off''.(since it is obviOusly turning you on, you can't help but want to have me keep going back and forth in order to satisfy your perversion, well i have given you enough to last for a decade. END OF DISCUSSION!!!!

neyostica: bros, biko, e don do, am sure she has learnt her lesson

which lesson..? E no go better for 'lesson'....

Gaggi: Riding a client and typing abi? Some serious work, some serious multi tasking. Ride on jare, ashawo dey rewarding my dear. Give me dat ur husbands line let me call him, it will be a shame for dem to be bashing my wife silly online.
RONKEBP = Disgrace to womanhood. EOD. Enjoy d ride.

You know, my hubby is not a low-life idiots like you that will sit on NL forum attending to other people's marraiges, your work no plenty enough!!! your are supposed to be the bread-winner, and real bread-winners have other things to do than sit and be exchanging words with a woman... E dey pain you say i dey ride....will ride till i drop....Anuofia!!! tufiakwa gi!!!! oyin -beribe!!!

freecocoa: ,Na so e serious reach?hope say egg dey the stew sha?e go make sense be that o. Bone talk jare,leave them for jesus.

My dear....hmmmmm!!!!! make i just leave talk beebee!!!! this kine thing no dey tire me, i can go on and on for days raving and ranting....Make everyone hold in corner tight, and the loose dogs chained, if them carry their chihuahua self come meet me, i will release pitbulls on them....

neyostica: SMDH

back to the sender.....

Gaggi: U dnt have a husband or what? Even if u dnt, go and wash dishes or bathe ur child if u have any. U are too idle for a lady.

Just so you know, i am at work....i have access to internet in my office, so i am multi-tasking, doing my job and taking care of your arses....And when am home, am home.

kola oloye: By the power vested in me as an ordained high priest> I hereby release piss peace upon this thread.

@Ronky
Your attention is needed in the palace.The prince has been looking for you.

Mr..Kola....leave me oooo

freecocoa: Sis leave them,you and i know how these people of NL can be, just let it go and remember say no matter how hot your temper is right now e no fit boil yam so chill abeg.

Yam wey don don since!!!! they never hala!!! infact i don fry stew ontop that yam gansef.

neyostica: dont you have home training look at the way you are sounding like all dis ashewo for allen, can we have decorum pls jeezzzzzzz

No i don't, since your family refuse to train me well!!! Idiot, now you want decorum...oti ri anything...aguntan!!!!

freecocoa: Hmm no be small thing o.

Ronke cool down please.

No naa Freecocoa...na me no let wives to sit with their husbands, no Ronke dey preach divorce, na me be those people major problems in their marraiges, and they will see it in full!!!!

Gaggi: Put ur tongue at ease. I don't hate u neither do all those picking on u. All we are saying is give decent advice or remain shut. We are tired of reading the garbage u and a lot of women write here.

Go and sit down!!!!!!

Gaggi: This section is for mature adults. We wil stop abusing those frustrated wives the day they stop wishing that other women break their homes. We are not savages, we are jst concerned gentlemen and ladies who will not accept gutter talk as advice. We seek for unity in peoples homes. No problem cannot be solved with communication.

You are frustrated, Agabaya oshi....if you were not frustrated, you will not be here exchanging words with 'the-so-called frustrated"", adulterated slowpoke.....Be a man and keep your homes, so that your wives will not be running loose on NL forum reporting your arses. Okponu ayerada okunrin!!!!