₦airaland Forum

Liliantalks:
i have always been an introvert but quite accommodating and free with people , never shy, but this changed when people I help betray or take my quite and nice character for granted, my biggest fear is not public speaking I just don’t like doing it often , my biggest fear is being betrayed again, I have serious trust issues and this has contributed to me being more to myself and my overthinking, I don’t want to be used by anyone. I want friends and don’t want friends also, yeah and I’m tougher now.

You have already conquered your fears & I don't see any challenges here. Some persons are fortunate to naturally fight these fears early enough due to their environment, upbringing or type of family & u seem to fall within that class. We all have trust issues due to past experience, so that is a general human issue. Though introverts tend to go the extra mile when it comes to making sacrifice for friends, this always leave us in a bad state, because humans are naturally wicked & will take advantage of anything good. i have made sacrifices for friends till date, but they are things i can still overlook should the relationship go bad. There is no harm in making friends, but let every sacrifice be mutual, don't go the extra mile, so when u get betrayed, u can easily overlook, feel unhurt & move onto the next one.

superlicious:
I don't mind relocating for a job even if it is not law. I never knew I will be in a state like this. I saw myself and still see myself with potentials. I don't have any connections or know anybody that can help me.
Please nairalanders help me, anyone please....

U want to leave your husband & kids??

Jobia:
I quite agree with you, especially with the bolded. I've been mustering courage to face some of my social fears recently and it's not been easy because the irrational fears gets crippling at times. But I can promise it gets rewarding over time. I'm becoming comfortable feeling uncomfortable, or shy, or with "messing up".

Highlight for me so far is dancing in public, something I wouldn't dare do before

Beautiful!
You are already breaking out. The bold is huge progress! Look within yourself and u will see u find life more meaningful & worthy now than your former self. You will feel more fulfilled knowing u can do these things. It gives u a sense of confidence & belonging. There is huge difference between being able to do something, but u don't just feel like & wanting to do something, but u can't because of fear. Be the introvert that can, but wish not to, but not because of fear.

Most introverts don't just want to dare their fears, they prefer to stay online encouraging themselves that they are perfect, but when they go out in the real world, just to address small crowd of less than 5 persons they start feeling uneasy & u will see fear all over them, finding a way to creep back into their shell. U can never be a good driver if u don't drive car, same apply to introversion. Don't ever think u can overcome your public & social fears by reading theories online. U must mix with people, it is something u must force yourself to do, it may be difficult starting it, but u will be the final beneficiary in the long run.

Ex0rcist:
sorry its coming late (exams). Mostly due to body shaming and friends taking advantage of my gentleness to exploit and use me. And almost every close person, from friends to relatives, even mum labelling me a fool. And I always try to prove them wrong, it got to a point I stopped trying and decided its better to shut my mouth rather than being called a fool. I also stopped having close pals, I stopped talking to old ones so I don't get to display or show the foolish part of me to them as we get closer. It was really hard for me, I suffered this emotional abuse for almost 7 years before I left for higher institution. I barely go home, it was during lock down that I got the chance to bind with my mom very well after I told her I don't want any of her abusive language as I'm no more a teen.

Introverts tend to read meanings to everything & they always take every irrelevant things to heart. I bet u still refresh on what your friends do tell u, but believe me to them it could just be mere raillery, but u will keep killing yourself over it because of your inherent quest for perfection. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert, but only if there is a balance! If there is no balance, being an introvert is bad! For a lady it is manageable, but for a man, it is bad! Because by nature being a man u are already a leader, people will expect u to lead your family, so if u can't speak for yourself, how do u lead your family? The greatest undoing of an introvert is fear of mistake & the quest for perfection!!!! This is what differentiate an introvert from extrovert. A mistake an extrovert will make & laugh over it, but once an introvert make that same mistake, he is going to wet his pillow all through the night. The introvert tend to think too much! How do u create that balance as an introvert? Do what u fear most, make the mistake & learn from it! Don't ever think u can create a balance by reading theories online, u must practice it in the real world. So It is advisable for all introverts to join a group at some point in their life mostly before they reach the age of 25, this is a must! It is the most effective panacea to cure your public fear! It can be a group in your church
or whatever, don't just join the group, be active, be among the executive, that will compel u to interact with people on daily basis, when that public fear leaves u as an introvert, u will feel it. U may think u are living the best of life until that public fear leaves u & u will regret how u have been living as human! U will know when to interact with people & there is nobody u can't approach on earth, so long that person is human. Why I am stating all these is because as an introvert, if u don't create that balance, u are going to live a very unfulfilling life, a life where those that are not even up to your status will be living more happier than u, depression will be one of your closest pal & fear will always be around u. u will always be fearful of people, creating non existing problems with your thoughts & imaginations & this will seriously affect the way u view life. But when the balance is there, u will always remain an introvert because it is your nature & part of u, but u will be a fulfilled & confident one. People will respect u more than an extrovert, because they know u are quiet, but firm!

VTJN:
we aren't talking about the stone ages or past bro

We are talking about our generation

Especially down Nigeria

The female folks are way ahead of their male counterparts

Go to different higher institutions to see for yourself

My department is a mixed one, the whole ladies graduated successfully without having extra year nor sleeping with any lecturers

While we have more than 12 guys with sumptuous numbers of outstanding results

My friend project was on performance of students across agos state tertiary institutions

The female folks are doing pretty well than the male

U can't use your department to draw such a ridiculous & baseless conclusion!
I quoted u because of the word "INTELLECT"? Do u even know the meaning of intellectual?? When u say a white man is intelligently ahead of a black man, it is very understandable because it is evident in the things they have invented, which we humans are all using today, from health, automobiles, technology etc. But when u say the girl child is intelligently ahead of a boy child?? How does that even sound? How many girl child do u find in architecture, engineering etc? Top ten inventors of all time are men, even in our institutions majority of the top students are male citing my faculty as an example from my B.sc to M.sc. So what did u now use to draw your conclusion that one particular gender is ahead of the other intellectually? Your textbooks, from faradey, franklin, pascal theorems, Newton's law of motion & the likes are all men, how many formulas & theorems u used in your text were discovered by females?
How many space shuttle have u seen launched by women?? You must be very daft & I hope u don't have a male child, because u will so frustrate that child. If a man has hurt u, better take it out on him & don't come online to make mockery of yourself!

VTJN:
spot on

You are absolutely right

Naturally a girl child is intellectually ahead of a male child

Yet everything u are using today from technology to health to engineering, every sphere of life, were invented & discovered by men??
Are u sure u know the meaning of intellect??

Golden147:
I'm afraid too another guy may come into picture nd I will cry a regret... We have been together for Time nd I know what I want in a lady..she has all....I love her nd afraid another guy may see the qualities nd you know Ladies.... though not all shaaaa...but I'm afraid.

This is why some persons are saying u are not ripe enough for marriage! For a man, marriage is leadership! U are about to lead a family!!! As a man, when u set your mind to do certain things, u do it & damn the consequences. Why are u going about trying so hard to convince everyone? Are they the ones that will sponsor your wedding? If u want to lead a family, u should be able to make certain decisions & stand by it! The way u are wavering on this tells a lot about your level of maturity!

sinkhole:
Just as some thinking people have been saying, no amount is actually enough, but I earned 200k a month, I am married and my wife is not working.
I recently saved up and bought a car of around 2.3m naira, I have a plot of land with moderate building on it. I think I am not doing bad at all

You achieved all these with d 200k monthly?
Do u have kids?

CharisEleos:
After graduation from the University.

Phones are a big distraction for today's youth. They no longer concentrate in their studies. All they want do is press phone. Little wonder there was mass failure in this year's jamb exams.

Until they are done with their Uni education, no smart phone in my house. If they need to do any research, let them visit the cyber cafe in school and at home, I'll allow them use my or their fathers lappy with heavy timing.

Lol
U don't know every uni dept/level now have WhatsApp group where they easily pass information? When they want to research little info as simple as definition of terms they will have to go to a cyber cafe? Do we even still have cyber cafe around? It will be difficult for any student in the university to survive without a smartphone in this present world. Smartphone can make schooling easy, depending on how one choose to use it. It is not all bad! There are good sides to it as a student.

Providence2020:
Am I really the only one seeing the California license plate there. If this story says it's in benin then why is the damaged vehicle spotting a different country's license plate?

What kind of journalism is this?

It is an imported vehicle yet to be registered in Nigeria. Tokunbo

nuel000:
With all these responsibilities you failed to state the salary

They can't state it because what they will offer can only be peanuts

headofclits:
Hi Nairaland!
I got this message from an unknown number. I intend going but some of my friends have been discouraging me. Someone should advise me please. And tell me anything you know about the business - Own your life investment- and the hotel where the stuff is supposed to hold.
Mod please take this to the front page.
Thanks

Did u apply for the job??

Andrew87:
There was no legal binding between them nor bride price...He refuse to do that because of another woman which is why she had to leave because he was not always around for them..

Whether there is legal binding or not, by nature, those kids belong to that man! U can't take them away from him. Regardless of what u do now, that boy will still look for his dad when he is grown. His mother feeding him with lies so he can hate his dad won't work forever. But to u, if u don't concentrate on your own kids, u will be the end loser in the long run. If u are sterile & can't father a child, go adopt legally & stop dragging another man's child with him! Don't act f00lish this time!

Andrew87:
The challenge here now is just that from a reliable source, he wants to take the kids from my wife and take care of the responsibilities without her setting her eyes on them again.

How is that any of your business??
Are u impotent?
Don't u intend having your own biological kids?

Romanoff:
Lol. Who said they are property of her ex husband?

I doubt they were even ever married cause OP never stated it. So I'm assuming it's a baby mama and baby daddy situation.

Even if they were married, they could still get shared custody with the man paying child support if she takes him to court. It's only alimony she will not be entitled to since she's married to another man.

Whose property are they?
Your husband?

Romanoff:
If he doesn't want his kids being raised by another man, he should have wifed their mother. Are you saying single mums cannot marry because their baby's father cannot take another man raising their kids?

That decision should have been taken by using protection or marriage.

Outside that, a co parenting agreement should be made.

The kids are property of her ex husband, she is getting married to her new man with her body & not with the kids! The kids belong to another man. This new man is sounding this way probably because she is yet to produce a child for him, when this current husband start having his own kids, the ones for her ex hubby will start suffering. We have seen this happen alot. Is it not best they go to someone who can fend for them? How u conclude why he didn't wife her when u obviously don't know the reason for their separation only bespeaks how biased u have decided to be on this topic!

Romanoff:
The man is blackmailing the woman with the kids. If he loves them, let him provide for their upkeep at least.

Na born them born for each other, why should they be a thorn in each other's flesh?

What are u even saying??
I thought u are married??
Why do u reason like this?
U think any man will be happy seeing his kids being raised under another man's roof when he has the capacity to do so?? Do u think your husband will be happy seeing his children raised by another man while he is alive & have the capacity to fend for them? Men only allow another man to raise their children when they don't have the capacity to! This is a very simple case, The man is ready to fend for his kids, the kids belong to both the man & woman & should be left with any party in best position to cater for them. The future of the kids is what matters & should not be over ruled by selfish interest!

Romanoff:
To those telling him to let the father take his kids, if you were one of those kids, won't you resent your mother for abandoning you?

Wouldn't you ask that "what type of mother will abandon her kids?"

@Op, you knew she had kids when you married her, I know it's not easy, but you both will have to double your hustle. Get other side businesses, cut your coat according to your material.

If you'll need to downgrade their school, do so, if you'll need to move to a cheaper area, do so.

Do all you can to cut cost.

Those kids will never understand or forgive their mum in the future.

Use two side look the matter.

Another thing your wife can do is to take him to court, especially for child support.

Let her get a good lawyer if she wants him to care for his children.

What kind of biased submission is this??
Does the kids belong to the woman alone?
Now that she doesn't have the capacity to take care of the kids, is it not best they go back to their father? Won't op have his own kids?

@op tell your wife to return those kids to their father, or at least return one, let her keep one, or those children will suffer for nothing & will still end up looking for their dad when they grow up. U have your own life to live & your biological children should come first. Let her return them now, because when u start having kids with this your financial capacity, those children will suffer for nothing. & it will be unfair on those children, especially when they have a father who could have easily fend for them.

johhbekeboh09:
The patient (and other HBV+ patients) need to seriously consider the negative side effects of prolonged use of livolin... which will create new adverse health challenges ...therefore herbal treatment is best and only alternative

There is nothing like prolonged use of livilon for hepatic treatment! Livolin that is used to treat Cirrhosis?? Go look for another line of scam & leave sick people alone! Most especially people living with hep B! Don't u have conscience?? U have no idea of what they are going through. Look for a way to scam those that are healthy & leave sick people alone!

Ishilove:
Another fallacy of hasty generalization.

This thread is so irritating.

*unfollows*

It is not fallacy but the truth!
Ask your brothers, if u have!

Dailyparrot:
The truth is, out of ten children, the probability of having bad ones is higher. In fact, it is even worse that sometimes, one of those children will be dysfunctional (slowpoke) human being.

Having gone through the topics of the poster, I cannot but agree with him in many things.

If you ever come from a large family, you will understand better.

I come from a family of ten with me being the last child. My mother died living alone in the village. My sisters' children were up to 12 years then but none agreed to take their child(ren) to the village to go and stay with my mother.

My brother is so rich that he pays 6 months electricity bill for everyone in our community while giving my mother just 15k for Christmas.

When my mother fell ill, he took her to one local hospital in our village and dumped her there while drinking and merrying at home with friends.

My sister asked her for 17k to buy a drug that my mother needed and he grudgingly brought it out while saying that that was the last money on him.

Well, I will tell you that my mother died out of anger and frustration. My brother spent over 2 million during my mother's burial. The burial brochure and funeral oration omitted the hospital that she died in because it's such a shame to write.

I tried as much as I can but sadly I only just graduated from the university and yet to serve before she died.

I have said this and I will continue to say it to anyone that cares to listen, CHILDREN ARE NOT INVESTMENT.

Live life with yourself as a priority. Wife, husband, children, will all think of themselves first before you.

It's because African parents see children as investment that make them experience what OP's mother experienced: disappointed, betrayal, despair, hopelessness at old age.

Your children will first think of their comfort, their spouse, children and in laws before considering the parents that raised them.

Many complain of their parents being a burden, that they have lived their own life and should allow them to live theirs. Some will secretly be wishing the parents to die so they will abdicate themselves of the responsibility of taking care of them.

When my mom died, all my siblings were saying is that, it's her time, it's God's wish, she knows she will die, etc. All these to justify the fact that she wasn't cared for as she should and I am confident that my mother would still be alive today if she was given the care that she needed.

This is one of the major reasons for low life expectancy in Africa.

Someone up there mentioned old people's home. That is non existent in Africa thus parents stay locked up in their room alone feeling dejected and abandoned.

I will definitely have children but not more than 3 and I will not lay my life down for them like my mother did only to be met with disappointment.

Funnily, when you are training those children, you will hear them making promises of how they will reward and take care of you once they start earning, but immediately they get employed, they will realize they need a girlfriend, a wife, a car, etc.

The tiniest fraction of their income is what they give to the parents once in a while. Maybe during festive periods.

It's sad

Hmm
This is quite sad...

NwaEzefuNaMba:
No president will fold his hands and watch secessionists destroy his country.

Honestly!

drakeskull:
Transmission!

How many es350 07 model have u used to conclude they all have transmission issue?
I have been using 07 es350 for the past 3 years without no single issue!

This particular argument of keeping a woman with game keep reoccurring anytime I visit this thread!!! If I may ask, what is game?? I just dey laugh una. I just believe many of u here are below 40, some probably are students reason for the kind of comments u people make here. Do u people think u can run a marriage with this childish perspective view of women u people exhibit here? Na d!ck una papa take sustain una family? Every woman God created will always look up to a man in every facet of life. It is a natural thing! The Genevieve & Linda Ikeji u people always make reference to, check the kind of men they roll with, men are above them! Even the so called alleged Linda Ikeji baby daddy is a billionaire, an oil magnate. Why didn't she settle for an average joe whose d!ck game was 100%, but despite her wealth, wanted a man whose wealth & social status was above her? All these women are single because they don't want to settle for less, not because they haven't find an average guy whose d!ck game is 100%, but because the men they find worthy are also not willing to settle for them. So they rather remain single than settle for the average joe whose d!ck game is 100%. Anything a woman does, know she will always consider the future of her unborn child, d!ck will not secure anything for her child in the future! A woman will always need a man because there will always be a man richer than her regardless of her wealth! Last i checked the richest person in the world is still a man! Many of u here, when u people start approaching 45 years, seeing your fellow classmate kids calling u uncle & moving their family, many of una orientation go change. U will laugh at the comments u people are making now. If u think a woman that has made wealth, will only need a man for his d!ck game, not for class, his wealth & social status, it only means u still have a lot of growing up to do.

kingreign:
Avoid es35o early model years.

There is nothing wrong with es350 early model years!

Lostchild:
Thank you for taking your time to read and write back

You are 100% right, but we Africans are doing it the wrong way. Africans believes that children are blessings from God and keep spawning kids.

The white man does not believe in having too many children. The white man believes that having many children brings poverty and chaos. They also believes in savings on retirement funds

Many of we africans failed to understand that too many children doesn't guarantee success or enjoyment in their old age, in fact it brings too many problems into their life, this is why I choose the ways of the white man because no one has shared my suffering and no one will follow me to the grave when I die. Having children is still a good thing, but suffering after having them is unjust for me

NOTE: The journey of life is slow and painful.

U have valid points
Our view of child birth is very wrong, though some people are now gradually becoming mindful of the number of kids they have, but not all. It is only in this part of the world u see jobless people producing kids as if it is competition, this has greatly contributed to the hardship we are facing today. Child birth control is very important to the development of any nation, I just hope everyone gets to realize this soonest & be mindful of the number of kids they produce.

@ Lostchild
Procreation>>family is the essence of life. Every other thing, career, business, fun germinates from family. Without family the world would have long gone extinct. Some people naturally don't want children, while some want kids, that is why the world is still going on, because of those having kids. If everyone decides to stop having children today, that will be the end of d world. The society can't function without family. Regardless of how useless a child maybe, the world still need them for continuity probably till when God finally say it is over

rottenPussy:
The epistle really does not matter as it misses the necessary information. A doctor cannot prescribe a medication that runs through for 2yrs for Hep B at the onset.

Usually you get placed on medication to reduce your viral load (DNA). After which you are required to take a test after some months to detect the new viral load. The result of the test would be the determinant of whether you should continue the medication or halt the medication.

May I ask what your viral load is for the DNA? And did you do HBeAg test?

@bold Antivirals can even be placed for 5 years at onset depending on the viral load. If the virus was not detected on time, which is likely op case, one can be placed on antivirals for 3 to 5 years at on the onset! The 6 months interval test is to access the progress of the drug treatment, not that 2 years is even enough.

aydultimate7:
Are you on whatsapp with this phone number above?

Do not message that person!
So u don't take things that will further complicate your liver & lose your money for nothing. The first treatment for hepatitis b is being careful of what enters your body, as everything gets to be process by the liver. Firstly avoid anything alcohol, do not take a sip of it for any reason, it doesn't agree with the liver. Hope u do take livolin?

aydultimate7:
thank you so much,As at Tue 05/01/2021 my test viral load is 2619 and,and yes,i did HBeAg test and what the doctor told me was that i will need to do the test again after 12month to know the number of the remainder viral load and told me to keep taking a drug for the,period of that 2yrs. I can provide it if "any" of those "series of tests" are required,thank you.

Your doctor is right, your viral load has reached treatment level from your result, if your hepatitis b is chronic, u will have to take that drug for more 2 years. Hope the drugs are antiviral drugs & not just liver supplements? Seems you didn't detect yours on time. For your viral load to have reach this level for first test.

johhbekeboh09:
Sorry about that!
However i put it to you that the doctors are liars: there's currently no medicine in the world for HBV+ treatment...no let them put you in panic mode
HMU at bekebohjohn@gmail.com or 08125206928 for natural/herbal treatment to rid you of the virus
You'll test negative within a short while
via N/HT

Did he state anywhere that doctor stated the drugs will cure him?? The antiviral drugs is only to reduce the multiplication of virus, so he can live a normal life. You clearly stated at bold there is no medicine for HBV, but u want him to contact u?? If only u know what hepatitis b patient go through, u wouldn't dare think of trying to scam them.