₦airaland Forum

Odin13:
Tax is important

Funny I Dey Onitsha like this

Eprincess:
The agent is a stranger but her husband is someone that lives with her. Someone who is supposed to protect her against scammers.

bdchange:
This is the most funniest reason I have read why someone packed out of her matrimonial home. What he did is totally wrong but forgivable. Just not to trust him with money again or for a long time, but moving out? Haba...he is not your bf oo. If you can move out just for this, I can't imagine what you will do if he cheats on you or commit grievous offense than this, because believe me..there are so many of it. He married you at 22, which means he played a big role in your success today, except you want to tell me your own family did that. There are things you should have learnt before going into marriage but did not get the chance due to your early marriage. Marriage is not a do or die, either you are in it or you are out of it. Choose one peacefully.

sholay2011:
God bless you.

I wonder if some of those commenting here are actually married in real life. If OP can pack out because of such, she needs to really work on herself, and that is not to excuse what her husband did. I wonder what would happen when her husband does something 'worse' in the future? In marriage, we forgive and forbear. We would offend each other. We would see the best and worst sides of each other, and that's okay. We discuss issues as two adults, and not act like kids. The husband no try at all for not contacting her for 2 months (except there is something OP is not telling us).

Nonetheless, anyone that struggles with forgiveness (no matter how right they are) is setting him or herself up for failure in marriage. OP appears to not be emotionally-balanced and needs to go for marital counselling ASAP, first, alone, then, with her husband.

Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.

I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...

Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.

3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.


My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.

How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.

No insult please, I have cried enough.

Stargurl20:
If you're being honest with all these you accused her of, I wouldn't advice you to marry such woman. Not just a woman, humans shouldn't have high inflated idea of their won importance. We shouldn't be full of ourselves.

However, I think u should have discard her earlier the moment you tried changing all these, and u are not seeing any signs of her willing to. Maybe her virginity got into her head, not knowing they are countless virgins ( forget what they say here.
Anyway, the ball is in your court

Stargurl20:
Don't tell me you're just seeing all these after 3years.

pelumiii:
She can go to any lenght to make sure that her man and family is ok and yet you labeled her a narcissist.. Even though this red flags you mentioned are serious issues, have you tried to discuss these things with her and how have you tried to help her?

I don't know much about your relationship with her but from the little you wrote, I can say you are really amplifying her faults and diminishing her strengths.

She is your woman, so you know her more than we do, but I believe these faults she has are things she can work on if she is willing to...

Most times the way we look at the problem is the problem, imagine someone you already labeled a narcissist, obviously you will constantly be on the look out for her flaws and atimes you might end up blowing things out of proportion.

There is one rule I used in my past relationship, I don't correct or point out my partner's fault when the atmosphere is already tensed or when she is still very agitated, I realized she is more receptive when the matter has died down and she is calm, she tend to listen more and see her faults then, but if I pointed her faults out when she is already agitated, she tend to justify her bad behavior and this will create more chaos because I will now definitely get angry...

But you are the one that know where the shoe pinches, all i said is from my own little understanding of your post, but don't be quick to loose a good woman because because of flaws she can work on if she is willing...

nnamdiosu:
[sup][/sup]

Regardless of all the good things you wrote about her, no 1 alone and no 2 has cancelled, countered, neutralized them all.

Don't get me wrong, no one is perfect. However there is a certain bad someone has, that can outweight all the good the person has.

If she was the kind of person that can take to corrections, even with the bad sides, there would have been hope.

BUT THE MOST TOXIC PERSON TO BE WITH IS THE PERSON THAT WON'T ACCEPT CORRECTIONS BUT RATHER BLAME OTHERS.

Marriage is not always sweet. Is stressful especially when children comes in or finances are not as it used to be. That's when the very patience of one is tested.
Imagine you two in the above situation, can you beat and cope?

Your answer is the answer to the question you are asking on this thread.

voidUpdate:
I didn't fully understand her, till I saw this.

This right here is a red flag (a counselor would have spotted this too).
In every relationship, with everyone, there's a scale balance of power and respect.
In successful marriages, the tilt of power is to the man (biblical example, Sarah called Abraham "Lord" ), and respect is tilted to the woman.

Her bad character no 1, shows she's trying to shift that balance. Women are naturally hypergamous. It starts early in a relationship, they exhibit certain behaviors to watch your response. If you "always and constantly" give into their own ideas and demands, there the power balance begins to shifts towards her. In the end, she will "belittle" you, then move on the next man who she can't do that with.

How to stop this?
1. Break up and date a woman who doesn't make it her sole aim to make all the decisions and manipulate the man to feel he's the cause of her failed decisions.
2. Understand the philosophy of power and respect in every relationship. The fact is many average Nigerian women's goal is to settle down and form a family with a man, eventually (you are actually doing her a favour). If she could turn back time? Stories, time is ticking and in her thirties, no man will seek for her again.

Understand that you are the one doing her a favor.
Try not to react in a way she will want you to (shouting angrily).
Try not to constantly give into every single insignificant demand of hers.

If all these don't work in 2-4months time. Then bro, your peace of mind is what's most important.
Cause in the end, she will "belittle" you and move onto another man.

TooMuchJuice:
https://www.nairaland.com/7315731/dating-female-narcissist

It seems you call every female you date a narcissist. The above thread is about someone else you dated whom you also labeled a narcissist. Either you're misusing the word or you're the problem.

Richy4:
My brother, couple in a relationship fights every now and then. But the ability to make up is what counts..

As a bro, I have to tell you that when you are in a relationship, please throw the I'm not your mate talk to through the window... It doesn't work for anyone... Mutual respect is what matters the most between couples...

You shouldn't stop telling her on the need to apologize when you have checked and reasoned beyond reasonable doubt that she is at fault... If you don't see any improvements within 7months, and u can't stand it, bro end it... Both of you deserves to be happy...

N3wman:
Like someone pointed out above, OP you are the problem. People like this dont change and since you have been tolerating her excesses all these years, she feels its OK.
You just described a lady i'm serving with at my PPA, she fits all the descriptions you just gave. Very rude, can send someone old enough to birth her errands, she said she does not mind sending her MIL on errands that she will ask nicely. I always tell her that i pity the man that will marry her and her reply is that her fiancee understands her and it is understanding that matter. When she is on call with the guy i go just dey pity am, because of the way she talks to him.

OP, what i will tell you is always let her know when she wrong and does something yov dont like, dont hesitate to tell her, make she vex and i will advice you to start now because their excuse is "that is who i am" when what they are is bad.

phemmyfour:
RESPECT is everything even in friendship. If you don't RESPECT your partner, your relationship will be weaken and full of cracks. Other good qualities of her you mentioned won't be enough to keep you guys going

Truvelisback:
From her good sides u mentioned, she is the Best for u. No human on this planet earth that is completely Perfect in character. Nobody wey no get him own for body.

Richy4:

Hmmm!!!!
Buddy!!! Are u really really sure that u can endure that number 3 problem?

Comrade that number 3 is a ticking time bomb that will explode in a long run for any sane individual Both male or female ... And it usually has Osinachi effect if nothing is done...

When you 'count all her blessings and name them one by one in your heart', u might explode within 3yrs of marriage... and kill her in her sleep

Talk about that number 3 with her, if u can't take it buddy, tell her that both of you are not compatible...

cavreek:
Scale ur peace of mind when u're with her, if its above average then take the risk
On the other hand if u think u can endure or manage her excesses rethink

GboyegaD:
Have you tried suggesting therapy to her? Let her know in a good way what you think of her behavior and how you think working on it will help you guys achieve more. What is most important is how you pass the message across.

Kobojunkie:
I am afraid the gal is not the problem, OP. You are!

Please go visit a professional mental health counselor for help in understanding the reason for your lack of resolve. Don't ruin someone else's life because you are not sure of yours.

Chenult:
I masturbate a lot. And my data is always exhausting. 1GB data no longer last up to 3 days due to excessive consumption of porn. This is getting out of hand. I need to limit some certain things I do in my life.

Pls help me suggest any free app I can use to block porn and betting sites on my phone for a certain period of time.

op get busy, blocking porn site will not work for you, you will still unblock it, get busy and pray, you will forget that you masturbate before.

alsudan:
Massive Numbers in the Arewa Spirit of Na Mu Na Mu Ne.

Agbado Gorilla Ba Na Mu Ba and is a fake Muslim to make matters worse.

The permutations Favour PO more each passing day.

LegendHero:
Jagaban Jagaban Jagaban.

This man is an astute politician. If you notice him, he only attends all those public talks that he’s sure can guarantee him votes in the election because he thinks like a true politician.

He is not like those baby politicians who just attend anything for attendance sake even if the demographics are not voters.



You must win election first or else every idea you have will be stillborn.

God bless Asiwaju Tinubu.
God bless Nigeria.

1234ben:
.

Pls analyse ur expenses. I ve 3 kids and a wife, weekly on a manage level, my wife spends up to 30-40k
meat 5k,
Chicken/fish 3-4k
Soup ingredient 2k
Tomatoes 2-4k
Kids Bobo/Biscuits. 5k
Sachet water(2bags). 2.2k
Gen fuel. 2k
Fuel for car. 5k
Miscellaneous. 10k
Total. 36k -44k.
This is based on d facts that there foodstuff at home.

imagrg:
70k monthly on very lean budget. 8 of us.

Efuaye:
I spend an approximate of 30k weekly, and na manage ooh!
Eggs in place of chicken,
Pap in place of Oats, etc.

Wisdom is profitable to direct

abc115:
No Sir, they are not greedy people

Edopesin:
Is a serious something
He fought abacha around the same time when was an accountant and earning six figures in the USA

Buying stocks that must have done x1000000 probably gave him back the wealth he lost

All of us cannot be stupid at the same time, even Atiku supporters are shocked at the degree of lies and deceit

A vote for Peter Obi is a vote for sanity returning to our politics

Wawelexy:
Damn!!!

Those sets of people are expert in what we call 'one sided love'. Not as if they don't love you back, but they shower themselves with excessive love and attention that as a partner, you start feeling jealous and unloved...

The best way to relate with them is pretend as if you don't care whenever they re at it, look for something that makes you happy and concentrate on it 100%...

But as for me sha, I don't mind having one of them as a girlfriend, I mean, why will I be upset cos someone loves his/herself so much, when me sef na Don for One-Man Mopo lifestyle(My own be say, you should know when to stop, don't form narcissist when someone is in danger or sorrowful mood), once I notice any funny attitude, I just look for my AZ and start listening to music(tho I don't smoke anymore)... but music is LIFE.. .