₦airaland Forum

Any politician that travels abroad for medical help should be fined each time they travel.

Btw I love this proposition.

Mummytoo:
Hello nairalanders


Now this is very common where I come from, when a man is dating a girl, everyone calls her his girlfriend, but immediately they notice that she is pregnant, almost everyone automatically changes the word "girlfriend" to "wife" they start calling her our wife without paying any bride price.

And they feel very comfortable doing that, most couples pay dowry when they are old and some don't even pay at all. I don't feel comfortable calling someone's girlfriend "our wife" just because she has kids for him.

That's where some people argue with me, that is only natural for me to follow suit, I said I won't.

Elders and pastors in the house, is it right to call a girlfriend - "wife" ?

Does the Bible accept that?

Marriage is beautiful.

Once the man is committed to the woman in this case, you should let them be.

It's not fair to demean the woman alone since they're both in the same boat.

The next thing is to encourage them to do the necessary ceremony to satisfy people like you.

This brought tears to my eyes.

ThickSharon123:
I'll keep it short. It's for you men. I want to say why are you men like these?
I met this guy, and he loved me and we both took care of eachother. But lately, he's been acting like some freak.

For example, I met my long time best friend, who's a guy, we met at a restaurant where I and my boyfriend went for an outing.
My best friend hugged me and pecked me on the cheek-- I thought it was nothing wrong it was a playful thing we used to do. But the minute, this my best friend finished conversation with us. This guy stood up and told me, next time he sees me with a guy like that he'll make sure he kills me.

That's what he said. I like men who are bold, and a little bit agrressive but not ot threaten me like that, that's too much for a woman.

I'm thinking of breaking up with him soon, because I believe he wants to get married to me. But I don't want to get married, and even if I want to, it wouldn't be with that kind of man.

I'm an independent Alpha lady, but a little beta in some way, and I want to have fun, be rich and have a child with a guy but not with commitment.

If he shows temper again and wants to act and rough handle me, I'll do two things break his head, pepper spray his eyes, and file a report.

Now, my question, why do men have insecurity? It's irritating.

If you love yourself, break up with him NOW!!!!!!!!

Affaberry:
I want you to know that in your house the only person you don't share blood with is your wife. And the only person that don't share blood with you is your wife.
So do not expect her to love you more than her own children whom you're not part of them.
She can only remembering you for putting her through the pain of having her own children that's all.

Is it that bad

Ahn ahn

Once she's well cared for she'll have no problem loving her boo.

Her boo o, not a brawny fighter or an unrepentant cheat and the likes. I hope you understand.

Kobojunkie:
And you think I am not married now because?

Please stick to trying to make your point the best you can.

I remember you!

You're that moniker that always argue for arguments sake.

Noted.

Kobojunkie:
She can, she just doesn't want to.

Don't worry, you'll rephrase your statement after you're married.

If you can count her worthy of your ring, you should give her your love too.

Then watch her shower you with unconditional love.


If you can't do that, don't complain.

DeLaRue:
Personally, I have not found that to be the case.

My wife sometimes says she's the only woman she knows who loves her husband more than her children. She says her love for me increases everyday. I ask, why,...she says she can't explain, that I should just accept it. My in-laws call her 'Ruth.' Everybody around us knows nothing comes before her husband. By the way, my wife absolutely loves our kids. 1000%. She'll go any distance for them.

The children her the same. They absolutely love mummy and daddy.

May be I am just lucky.

Saying that, I live for my wife and children. We do a lot together. I am happiest when I am at home, so you won't find me at a party, joint, or with friends. I am proud of my wife. There is openness in everything we do. My wife is a star. A gem. An independent, progressive, yet supremely homely lady. Her joy, happiness and emotional wellbeing are my priorities. She knows it and it is perhaps unsurprising that she envelops me with such intense love , affection, and friendship.

A woman can love her children and husband equally. But don't expect her to give what she doesn't receive. Many man also forget that children in their innocence requite unconditional love, and the person most likely to be the recipient of such love is the one that takes the most care of them...usually the mother. What happens when the mother receives such unconditional love from the kids, and her husband is a frumpy, uncaring, unfriendly partner. Well, it is inevitable that her love will flow towards the children. The good news for all men is that this state of affairs is not inevitable. It doesn't have to happen if you do the right things.

Words on marble:

A WOMAN CANNOT GIVE WHAT SHE HAS NOT RECEIVED!

Mofun:
So, how about the bond between husband and wife? What's it classified as?

Purely physical.
As obtainable from the way men treat women.

Hathor5:
The advice on this thread.

It is not unusual for a first time mom to be in labor for about 12 hours or more. The doctors and midwife will know when to perform CS. Don't listen to Nairalanders who suggest CS without knowing all the medical details.

I wish your wife a safe delivery. Pamper her and the baby as much as possible after delivery. They have worked really hard.

Please be careful when dishing medical advice online. 12 hour labor is very serious and not the norm.

It does happen but it's not the norm even for first time moms.

cococandy:
Don’t learn from me.
Just learn to read.
Also ask yourself why sperm banks prefer younger men.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3253726/

You have really tried o.

Educating the willfully ignorant!

They just love to twist the world to fit into their small minds. Kudos to you.

officialmario:
Good Morning Fellow Nairalanders
This story I want to share here is a true life story about my family
It happened that my father retired at the Nigerian Brewery PLC in Ibadan in the year 2005.
After his retirement we expected him to set up a small scale business, but knowing that he has another plan in mind.
I had just finished my secondary school when he retired,we are just four and I am the third born,. On the 10th of October my father travelled to United kingdom (UK), without telling anyone about it, it was when he got to the UK that one of his friend came to pass the news to us, it came as a shock to the whole family, the most painful part of it is that he went with his concubine who had giving birth to four children and divorce her husband, and they did court wedding in Lagos,
To cut the whole story short, life is not that easy for us as we had to look for means to survive, my mother is just a petty trader who earns little, I had to pick up a phone call business and I was earning 3k per month.
Life really went too rough for us but thank God we are able to survive..
My father came back last year from London, and it was with surprise because nobody was informed about his coming.
When he got to Nigeria, he had to stay in her younger sisters house in ondo state, so he fixed a day for get together, it was at the get together that he apologized and gave my mum 10k just to forget about what has happened in the past, he has not been sending any support to her right since he travelled


I have an advice and a question to ask on nairaland
Firstly, the advice goes to the ladies, Please and please, don't ever rely on any man to survive, always try as much as possible to work hard and never be a burden to any man, even if your husband ask you not to work, try and find a better business to do because you never can tell what tomorrow will bring..
The second is just a question, if you happens to be in my mother's shoe,Do you expect her to forgive such a man and then accept the 10k gift he offered without any other benefits?

Why did any of you go to see him in the first place?

Do you even respect yourselves?

IgweBUIKE1:
Will train my daughter to be independent and have self worth. ..not be a leech and a manipulator. ..the op did no wrong. .it's where you have land that you defecate when you re drunk

You have little compassion for other people's children and you're thinking others will have compassion on your own.

You're so sure that your money and upbringing will get your child through this cruel world.

Continue. I like to watch narrow minded people like you.

GogetterMD:
Pretty unusual for a minor to get such a sentence, but the crime was too sinister than for him not to be tried as an adult.
Where in the world did he acquire such violent traits?

Movies, games, internet, gangs etc.

falcon01:
he's a man with needs! He has been holding it in for long, what he did was wrong but don't blame him

He is to be blamed. Everyone, including you, we should all blame him.

No one should be in this kind of messy situation. Remember you will have daughters too. What if you don't get enough money to take care of them when you need it, will you ask them to live with men like this?

Let him send her out. Let her leave now. Rape is rape.

BRATISLAVA:
Some of the people who trivialize, excuse and are in support of rape will one day have to fight against their own proclivities when it is their daughters on the line.

That being said, generational misogyny and entitlement are the root cause of rape and violence against women. When that is dealt with there will be a reduction in these kinds of things.

That is why we need to teach boys before they become stubborn:

A girl's body does not belong to you!

We need to teach girls too:

If he's not your relative, don't collect anything without supervision!

Rape is a crime and must be reported.
If we emphasize these facts, it will reduce the rate of rape apologies and mansplaining we have to see in this society.

oluwafeolami:
You are right my dear, but what will make my babe that claims she loves me deny me sex for so long and it’s not a mutual agreement.
I’m not trying proof anything here ma, my girlfriend and I have had sex it’s been a while and we see often, even if she comes we may decide not to have sex not more than twice out of the two weeks she will use and most times it will be rumble sex till she goes it depends on how they want it but in d absence of no discussion and u guys are live in lovers, I’m sure if she has any reason for not having sex then she should tell d guy. Using work as an excuse is totally lame cos even her bosses at work find time for their spouses.

I hope I said something
Drops mic

You have NO RIGHT to demand for sex from a girlfriend.

If she says no, find someone else who would say yes.

NEVER force any female to have sex with you, it's called rape and it carries a maximum jail time of about 21 years!

Obviously your parents neglected to teach you this, but this is how the world works! Do not rape anyone!

BRATISLAVA:
If she was cheating on him, that is more important than him violently raping her? Cheating on him is comparable to him raping her?

Read what you typed again. Read it aloud.

If you see anyone supporting the original poster, they are trying to say they would have done the same thing if they were in the same position.

It's sad to admit, but we have a lot of unapprehended rapists in our society, and since women are being shamed into silence, they are recruiting more rapists everyday to the extent that we are having a society that condones violence against her own daughters.

It's depressing unless we females rise up to say enough is enough. No one will fight our battles for us.

BRATISLAVA:
The first right place would always seem to be the police station, and with the types of men in Nigeria that is not going to do her any good.

Seems Lagos is the only state with sense, then. We don't know if the violent rapist lives in Lagos.

Yes dear, as of present, Lagos State provides the highest relative form of protection for women in terms of rape and other forms of violence against women and children too. Other states are trying too, but Lagos is leading as of present.

Ideally, the police should be the first port of call in case of any problem, but because of their abysmal level of professionalism, only involve them when you have a lawyer on hand.

oluwafeolami:
In as much as I agree with you 100%, calling him an idiot is totally out of it. He brought a situation and you could have still made ur point with clarity and apt ness without the name calling. Good morning

An untrained male child is likely to become a beast.

Lots of Nigerian children for example undergo neglect in the hands of parents who are hustling for their daily bread while learning vices such as violence and bullying, and who are the easiest targets?

Women and children!

Ignorance of the law and morals is no excuse. Rape is rape, violence is violence, bullying is bullying, abuse is abuse. Let's call a spade a spade.

BRATISLAVA:
Do you think anyone would believe her if she reported it?

They will ask her if he's been spending money on her. According to men, that is enough entitlement criteria to rape any female.

Few years from now she will meet one of the morons who parade this forum, and he will say that she went back to her ex who she agreed to have sex with, then felt guilty then said he raped her.

All she has to do is to go to the right places.

She should not go to the police first.

NGOs, activist lawyers can help her, rape is actually a serious offence and I love the way it's handled in Lagos State.

FORWARDEVERLY:
Seems both of you are referring to your fathers... Not the Op.
The post and response from you and Saintmary should be meant for you both Dads..

One truth lots of you are unwilling to face is that.

KARMA IS REAL.

Oya say amen:

May my children be treated the way I treat other people's children.


Whether you say amen or not, you will reap what you have sown, and may your karma come swiftly and harshly.

littlepie99:
Getting married is the way of cleaving to one man to set up a family. It’s not an easy task, it’s a big deal! If you are planning to get married, let us tell you the preparations you should take. The talks won’t end. But before anything is done, these are some things you must definitely not miss out on. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy so that when the very day arrives, you are all set emotionally, physically, and mentally prepared to go into marriage. Here’s our wonderful, amazing, interesting, and exciting bucket list of things you need to do before stepping into marriage.

FINISH READING AT https://www.genuineschoolnews.com/

Counseling only one party in a marriage does little good.

gabbytabby:
At a point even with 6wives/baby mamas and 16 children some were asking if them no fit find old people’s home for 9ja for am. Na beg I beg them oh.

My Dad too was tired and for the first time wanted to travel back with me hence the trip to Canada in 2001 to give everyone a break. Even my doctor in Canada said he was too frail to travel. It was the last time I saw him alive and I am always thankful that we had that time together and when he went back he was more the father I know and so different from when he landed. Alhamdullilai.

I cried ( he was so frail) when I met him at Heathrow to process Canada visa as they closed their offices in Lagos. He walked out without his bags thinking he will get the same treatment he got in 9ja with someone sorting out all his luggage.

I'm glad you did right by your Dad.

Not all children are that merciful.

Lots of people assume that they can control other people's will (right to decide what to fight for) by holding money over their heads.

I laugh.

If you want to play with people's lives by marrying several wives and other concubines, whatever happens to you in old age, and your properties and legacy after death is entirely your fault.

Ask the Lulu-Briggs.

gabbytabby:
My father did try through his will to force his children to what he thought was work together but it was just impossicant oh.

He stayed with me 2 months in Canada around 911 and my hear full with so much rubbish.

Men should think well oh this polygamy no be am. Person no get rest even in him own house.

.
I totally understand.

Mstick:
I know that's what you meant , Even if he writes a will in once he dies it becomes non and void. Because no one we believe he wrote the will with his clear mind especially when he allocates less to those that thought they're his favorite.
Op's dad wrote a will but they're still fighting for allocation.

They are fighting because they have been silenced for a long time under a person who holds and enjoyed holding all the power before his demise.
If he had settled each one before dying, there won't be fights.

Please don't reply me beyond this point.

When you think you have seen it all

gabbytabby:
The handwriting was already on the wall (it was never a peaceful home) but luckily for me I escaped the bulk of it cos secondary in anambra, uni in port harcourt and I travelled out after and why I resolved in my 20s not to deal.

It was actually a relief when my Dad died cos I was always putting out fires and now did not have to deal.

Even when I returned to 9ja non of my half siblings knew for a least 4 years until that December 2017 when I called a meeting to supervise the allocation.

All of my full siblings are okay alhamdullilai and according to my fathers prayers their work is sufficient to feed, cloth and house them.

I wish you all the best henceforth.

Mstick:
Of course he's 100% at fault, as a polygamist no matter how much you put your house together once you're no more that thread breaks and your family become strangers.

Why? Because in a polygamous home the man would ALWAYS have a favorite and in majority of cases its never the first wife, and when she and her kids see this they will keep waiting for "the day", and the other wives are aware of this and they also make their own plans, once he dies or even become incapacitated it becomes a free for all.

Its only people that haven't experienced the burn and evil of polygamy that sees it as ideal, even if you see the wives outside acting like sisters inside it's totally different with different schemes and anger.

Putting affairs in order simply means allocating properties and other possessions, not to become friends.

Even full siblings become enemies let alone half siblings, and there's a reason why co-wives are called rivals.

The earlier men understand that women cannot and will not fully cooperate in a polygamous setting but will wait for their time to strike, the better for everyone.

Wow. This story is too familiar.

I still place the fault at the feet of Alhaji.

If you're a polygamous person, don't wait until old age before putting your affairs in order.

And if you cannot trust your father's discretion, or you're in a polygamous setting, or you don't know how many kids your dad has fathered outside, don't wait for his properties. Travel far and make your own life there. Staying close will bring painful memories and distract your plans.