paradigmshift:
can they do it overseas?


Lastly, in your word, not that the man is lazy sometimes.

I have no recollection of such a procedure performed overseas, though I only know of it theoretically.

Now, the purpose of amniocentesis is to test for the genotype of the foetus amongst other tests, possibly in the second trimester, so if it's SS, the pregnancy will be terminated, imagine traveling abroad only to end up terminating the pregnancy, and start over, all the money gone down the drain, spending nearly 4-6 months nursing a pregnancy only to end up aborting it.


So, every pregnancy will send you abroad until you get your desired genotype, is that not foolish?


I maintain that only a lazy person will claim to love only one person stubbornly to refuse putting themselves out there in order to meet someone else.

jmichael259:

For AS couples to first or only have AS or AA kids is mere luck. It can even be all sicklers, not just their first child.
Each pregnancy conception has a 1/3(SS,AA,AS) on textbook chance of being SS but in reality actually around 40% chance if parents are both AS.

Remember: This is for each new pregnancy to be conceived. The gene does not start counting during childbirth neither does it know how many kids the couple want.

Your head is very correct.


This means that for each pregnancy, there is 25% chance of having an SS child.

Why would any sane man play Russian Roulette with his wife's womb and claim to love her?


The math is not mathing 🤷🤷

1Sharon:



I'm from a 1st world country and amniocentesis is not risky at all. The risk is less than 1%.


If amniocentesis is so dangerous in nigeria, let him consider other options.

There is no need to throw his fiancee away without considering all avenues.

Nigeria is not a first-world country,so this advice is not applicable.



Presently in Nigeria, amniocentesis is still an avant garde dream procedure, we know about it, but we do not have the facilities to perform it, neither do we have the facilities to provide this specific post-op care.


His fiancee will find love elsewhere, they will both be alright at the end.

1Sharon:
AS genotype shouldn't be a hindrance! If you meet a woman that is AS you can still go ahead.

Go for genetic counselling, there are options.

You can do:

amniocentesis OR

pre implantation genetic diagnosis.


Those options are if you have the money and are brave enough.

Do you have any idea how risky amniocentesis is?



They will insert a needle into a pregnancy belly from outside to extract something from inside the belly, thereby puncturing the belly, uterus and placenta.


How many Nigerian medical practitioners have successfully performed amniocentesis in Nigeria?


How many hospitals in Nigeria have such facilities to protect the mother and foetus in such a delicate situation?



How many patients are willing to risk precious pregnancies for such a procedure?


All because a man is too lazy to find a suitable bride?

just2endowed:


ypur number 2 caught me, why is the disease common in Africa? was it from cross breeding from another species of non Homo sapient?

It's a biological evolutionary response to protect tropical dwellers like Africans against Malaria, in my layman opinion


Mind you, I am not a medical doctor

pocohantas:


And the women are at home sleeping. It is only on NL that men work and all their wives are jobless. All around me I see working women. So, I don’t know why they still use that as an excuse to misbehave without remorese. But then, that is for women that would pick them. From my careful analysis of the ones we have here, they don’t even have much to offer a woman who knows her onions.

There is something called arrested development.

Some people are 45 years of age, but psychologically, they stopped developing at 12

Kobojunkie:
In 2023, there ought to be no more excuses left for why a woman would choose to sit tight in a situation she already knows is going no where in her favor. Society is no longer to blame as it is more than clear at this point that marriage was never meant as a prison for anyone including women.

Loud it for those women at the back jare

UselessBuharist:


Nor be all women I know but women easily fall for that bull crap

Easily ke, for where?


Maybe we are looking at different kinds of women o, because, nobody has time for that nonsense

pocohantas:


But “some people” claim they are not benefitting from marriage. When almost every fragment of our culture as a people was designed for them.

Buhahahahaha

You struck a cord right there

The submission is not enough naw


If women can lie down for them to walk on, it's acceptable to them.


How dare women think they are supposed to be treated like humans?


How dare women ask for more?


Shebi they are working night and day


Omoh, the matter tie wrapper.

UselessBuharist:


The way you women sees your pastor as God is funny.

So, you want to lump all women into the same category because of one woman.



No be every woman dey worship pastor

pocohantas:


Well said. She can choose to live and leave. It is up to her. I don’t know why married women act like they were disowned by their parents at the point of marriage. Such that they have to die in the man’s house.

It's shame, the earlier people drop shame, the better.

patoski39:
does she sound like somebody that can afford tfare to run? Talk more of feeding herself and her baby?

You want to give her tfare ni?



Tell her to visit the welfare office in the local police department or local government office.

Kobojunkie:
No be selfishness carry her dey born pikin for inside the same situation? Abegi!

Ah, now it's looking as if I'm making excuses for OP, I'm not.


On the contrary, I think she is putting all the blame on her pastor and husband, she has not accepted her responsibility in the problem.


1. Accepting to marry someone she doesn't love

2. Shoddy family planning

3. Taking more than her fair share of home responsibility

4. Refusing to walk away from a horrible marriage

5. Listening to wicked advisers.


These are the few things I can observe from her posts.

Kobojunkie:
Society isn't always to blame. If women no step up for themselves, who go do am for them? The men who no give a damn?

That's why I'm harsh sometimes, because crasepeople plenty for this Naija.

I remember back in 2016, I was in the process of breaking up with someone, he tried fighting it, so he sent one man to me, I refused to budge, thank God the man respected himself and kept quiet, if not, I was planning to tell him to give the person his 16 year old daughter instead of me.

It's just so exhausting to have this society that is hell bent on making women's lives difficult, fighting for myself everyday, mhen, e hard.

ahnie:
You re an adult with functioning brains and knows what's best for you.

Someone just accused me in some other thread that I instigated his ex wife to leave him whilst I remained in mine,funny enough I don't ever remember doing such.

Going forward Anything concerning husband n wife matter for this nairaland I nor go Eva chook mouth put.

She's actually surrounded by selfish people

pocohantas:


What is the usefulness of a man that doesn’t provide? A question I have asked many times on this great forum. Women should stop overplaying their independence. You end up with men like this. Better to be a gold digger that knows exactly what she wants from a partner than this.

I can’t deal mahn!!

This Nigerian society has never been fair to women

Makakween:
Hello nairalanders, please I am an old user of this platform I had to create a new one because I don't want this in my old account. I have been trying to get a new Gmail to post this,I really appreciate ghettoman I don't really know his moniker for the help he rendered by trying to open a new Gmail for me.

My husband and I got married by recommendations from my pastor, he's was already having a child from his previous marriage,no matter how I said no to this marriage, they had already planned it anyway... now after marriage his daughter came to stay with us,I started working because I don't like staying idle at home so I can also assist in the house.
He usually gives me money monthly so I can buy foodstuffs from the house, but the money is never enough and sometimes I beg from my sister and I use the money at home to cook.

Now the problem is my girl would start thinking and telling people around,that her father sends me money and I don't use it on her... she would be looking at the food like shit...with the country problem everyone is managing this girl own is fish,and meat, since I married my husband gave me money just once to buy clothes for her and my daughter.
I am the one that buys her clothes, everything I do she doesn't appreciate and she just wants it all. I didn't even notice this at all until I was told outside,I was so shocked as to what this child can do. I was so shocked 😨, how come I never noticed until I was told... she monitors my calls and tell her dad,I just don't understand. The money he gives me can't take us 2 weeks, it's not like he doesn't have the money but he doesn't want to bring it out. I was still breastfeeding my daughter it was my prevention for pregnancy,I wasn't seeing my menses and I got pregnant again,it became worst I have complained to alot of people about the verbal abuse I get from my husband,I was asked to endure now the endurance is killing me...

This month because of her,he felt I wasn't using the 20k well and he gave me a list of things to buy at home,but he gave me 10k,and it was first week of January,I later asked for another since we already didn't have anything at home he sent 5k I used it to fill gas 3k plus t fare. He knows there's nothing at home,and school was on holiday, even with pregnancy I didn't mind looking for job still. Now I beg for money to feed,ever since I knew she's like that I hate serving her food cos the money isn't enough for all of us. When her dad came home he gave me 1k for me to use for a week,no garri,no rice nothing. And school has resumed I am the one responsible for giving her money to school,I have stopped since she uses it on the way to school and behaves like a beggar in school.

She is always telling her fellow kids that I can never be her mother,I can't kill myself,I begged him for money on Sunday he sent 1200 to me,I used it to fill gas 1kg,I begged for foodstuffs to cook. I am tired of begging,I almost died last week and I didn't have the money to take me to the hospital, it was God, even the drugs I tried begging no way. Since she thinks everything I own and buy is for her father,and I am not seeing anything,I have been supporting quietly but she feels she is entitled to more and all which I can't give, when 1k finished I begged and was given 2k, which I used for yams,and I cooked small soup,I couldn't help but give her but she still behaved like that, like it isn't worth it...

Now I want to stop feeding her,I go hungry most days drinking the garri I begged for 2 days, nobody knows how I have been feeding,I feel I have been too foolish by covering up this stupid marriage. Now he's even telling me that if I give birth to a female again I would face it alone, right now like this he doesn't want to even send anything to me for the house,i hate complaining and complaining about things, people are already urging me to talk,I don't want people pointing at me on the road,I don't know what is wrong with me but I need help...

I can't endure anymore, sometimes I want to just die,I hate begging people for things but I have been subjected to that just to feed,I needed someone to talk to, people who can give me advice different from what people are giving me here... that marriage is for life, please I need help before I lose it, what do you think I should do,I don't know my fate even with this pregnancy but I want a better one for my daughter. Please drop a comment for me,I would really appreciate the help and advises. Please no insults I am not really that strong still fighting some health issues,thank you.

What are you still waiting for, the primary responsibility of a man is to provide for his family, if he's not doing that, you should walk away

Weirdcamila:
Run away .
This things are simple .
Run
I mean run first , run from the marriage .
Anything that mess with your mental peace .

RUN

They will not listen

A University Management that can't keep the students safe should resign.



Appeal for calm is stupid.

Elkidz:
Please I need a good advice on this issue from matured minds.

A friend of mine called me yesterday and was seriously crying that she wants her daughter that just got married to come back.

REASON:
Last year, her daughter of 21 years got married. From the look of things, the marriage was contracted on falsehood.
The man( daughter's hubby) was introduced to the girl by another woman. The young man and his mother presented themselves as very good people. The young man claimed to have money and working in Abuja as "interior decorator" . He made the girl believed that he has money where's he was borrowing to do the the marriage rites.
After the first stage of the traditional rites, he lied to the girl that bank seized his money because someone from abroad sent more than the approved amount (ie. millions) into his account. The girl had to use the little money she received as salary to sort out certain things.

To cut the long story short, marriage was scheduled, on the eve of the wedding (the bridal shower night) , the young man beat the girl blue and black to the embarrassment of everyone present including his own friends, that was how the bridal shower ended with the poor girl crying all throughout the night. This is just because of flimsy excuse, to make matters worst, the girl was some weeks old pregnant which he's aware of.
To worsen the situation, after marriage, the man left the lady in the village with the parents, two days after marriage he travelled for a job, while the girl is left alone in the village without any pocket money and without any job since she's stopped the job she was doing before marriage. She's just Living at the mercy of the guy's parents with the mother treating her like trash.

Please Mod kindly push to the front page, I need matured advice.

The woman should go with some men from her family to the family house and pick up their daughter.

Depending on tribe, return bride price, and help her get back on her feet.


Something you people can solve in less than a week, you are here posting stories on social media.

No one is hailing him now.


If you decide to be foolish, you will suffer the results alone.

handsomeyitayo:
can you explain that ? I want to know why ... because am scared of marriage. Nowadays couples are scaring us away from doing marriage. Most men are going through a lots in marriage they won't tell you..

Most people marry for the wrong reasons.


Men for ownership, women for the title.

When love is not genuine, this is what you get

AnayoDivine:

Yes I'm currently awaiting admission and by God's grace everything works out fine. I have talked to them about the skill acquisition but they want me to wait till I get admission. I'm meant to be learning skills now so when I get there, I'll earn for myself there🤦🏾‍♂️.
My Grandparents are both not too well, I really don't want to stress or bother them at this time but I'll look into telling my Pastor.
Thank you for you Advice, I am beyond grateful.

Your parents are setting you up for big trouble in the future.


Simply look for a vocational shop around you, start learning there by yourself.


You need a skill that will bring you money depending on your gender.


You need to be really strong because they will oppose you vehemently but this is your life we're talking about.


Be respectful, do your normal chores at home every morning and bounce off to the shop. Inform them when they ask you where you always go, expect serious punishment but never change your plans unless they support you.



Your life is yours, if you don't succeed in life, they will turn around and insult you.



Be wise.

ctex4real:
Hello everyone, I never knew I could be in this situation even though I read other people's stories here.
I would appreciate the advice from experienced married people here pls.
I am married with 2 kids.
My wife and I work in the UK and although I earn twice as much as her, she supports bills in the house. We contribute towards the mortgage together as well.
We do not have a joint account, however, we pledged that we would inform the other party whenever money is being sent back home as courtesy.
Due to her level of support, I agreed to send money to her parents whenever I send to mine. Her mum is based in the US but not really financially buoyant (still not as bad as my retired dad in Nigeria)
However, I realised that she wants such fund split 50-50 between our families. This has caused problems in the past. Hence, I resorted to sending money secretly to my parents who are usually cash strapped.
NOW THE ISSUE
Wife caught me on one occasion sending money to my parents without her knowledge. She asks me and I denied initially but later admitted and apologized, tried to make up in some way.
To find out if I had been sending money severally in the past without her knowledge, she plays a mind game by telling me that her co-wife (my brother's wife) who had just come into the UK with my brother told her (my wife) that my mum secretly advised her (my brother's wife) to be sending money very well back home(to my parents) like I do and that she should not let my wife know about it. By this, my wife alleges that I have been sending money back home.
I denied I ever used to send money secretly, insisting that that episode was the first and last. She agrees and lets it slide.
3mths down the line, I ask my mum if she ever said anything like that and my mum's voice broke down, she denied it with her life and was was really disappointed that my wife could lie against her.
I have pleaded with my mum to keep mum about the issue and I have full trust she will.
I feel really hurt and cannot understand why my wife would go to the extent of lying against my own mum. I want to confront her and express my profound disappointment.
My wife has also sent money to her mum without telling me and although I found out 2mths ago, I have not mentioned it just waiting for the right time.
I always wanted to be open/honest but my wife being inconsiderate by demanding 50-50 was what pushed me to send money secretly.
She denies ever being against sending money to my parents.
What would you advise me to do please? No insults and matured comments only please.
MODs please send to FP pls!

Unless your family is in a tight situation, you should be free to support your parents.


Tell her to divert the money she spends on the home to her parents, and stop apologizing for being a good son.

dollynnn:
Ladies in the house, how do you cope with washing the dishes, cooking and other things with fixed nails?

It's not easy at all

Press-on nails are bae.


Looking beautiful without stress is the goal

Lionmachala:
🤭 is 5 0clock somewhere

Yup, right here, right now

folak48:
I have caught my husband several times cheating on me, either he saves his concubines' phone numbers with a male name or he doesn't save but constantly chats with them even while I sleep beside him.

I would like to know if it's a common thing with men to crave for another woman and accept my fate.

No one can tell you how to live your life.


Just know that if you walk away, only few people will understand you and show you support because cheating is generally forgiven in Nigeria, so, you may find yourself on a lonely road.



If you stay, you will always wonder how it would be if you had loved yourself more.


The ball is in your court.

Anal55:

This is an ancestral home you can't sell such thing

Okay o.


I bid you good luck.

vince96w2:
certain things don't change sister..

If you say so

Anal55:
Nairalanders how do you tackle this kind of problem especially when it has to do with family and property
My nephew is dragging right with me over our family house his father was my elder brother and the first born in our family we where five in number 2 boys and 3 girls although my female siblings are married .
My parents left us with a family house as the where now late so my brother lives in the landlord palour which was a self con apartment when he was alive although his relationship with his wife didn't work out as the woman wasn't married by my brother but she had kids for him now after my brother death I moved to the apartment as and started living there although I did a little renovation on it and others .
Until I have to travel all in the hustle although I was still in Nigeria but I moved to the northern part of Nigeria only to receive calls from my neighbors that my nephew has break into my apartment and do some retouching in my own house
Note there was never a time I ask them to live the compound or anything infact this is a family house as everyone has a room why must it be that my own.
I need advice as am very very pissed off
I brought this here for wiser contribution
Modifying[b][/b]
The thing is that this boy am talking about went to HK only to pick money from it as I heard only to come to break into my own apartment if he thinks he needs a room there are many there it's is literally insulting

Your father is late, your elder brother is late, get a lawyer, sell the house and share the money accordingly.


Shikenan

vince96w2:
They world is only Changing on the side of the women abi? Continue...

The world is changing for everyone.


However, those who have been enduring discomfort will have the loudest voices asking for change of the old order, in this case it's women.


I hope you understand.

eleniyan2020:
is only about Nigeria God de show all this pastors,what happen to all the rest of the world!

God has children in every country.