ahnie:
You re an adult with functioning brains and knows what's best for you.

Someone just accused me in some other thread that I instigated his ex wife to leave him whilst I remained in mine,funny enough I don't ever remember doing such.

Going forward Anything concerning husband n wife matter for this nairaland I nor go Eva chook mouth put.

pocohantas:


What is the usefulness of a man that doesn’t provide? A question I have asked many times on this great forum. Women should stop overplaying their independence. You end up with men like this. Better to be a gold digger that knows exactly what she wants from a partner than this.

I can’t deal mahn!!

Makakween:
Hello nairalanders, please I am an old user of this platform I had to create a new one because I don't want this in my old account. I have been trying to get a new Gmail to post this,I really appreciate ghettoman I don't really know his moniker for the help he rendered by trying to open a new Gmail for me.

My husband and I got married by recommendations from my pastor, he's was already having a child from his previous marriage,no matter how I said no to this marriage, they had already planned it anyway... now after marriage his daughter came to stay with us,I started working because I don't like staying idle at home so I can also assist in the house.
He usually gives me money monthly so I can buy foodstuffs from the house, but the money is never enough and sometimes I beg from my sister and I use the money at home to cook.

Now the problem is my girl would start thinking and telling people around,that her father sends me money and I don't use it on her... she would be looking at the food like shit...with the country problem everyone is managing this girl own is fish,and meat, since I married my husband gave me money just once to buy clothes for her and my daughter.
I am the one that buys her clothes, everything I do she doesn't appreciate and she just wants it all. I didn't even notice this at all until I was told outside,I was so shocked as to what this child can do. I was so shocked 😨, how come I never noticed until I was told... she monitors my calls and tell her dad,I just don't understand. The money he gives me can't take us 2 weeks, it's not like he doesn't have the money but he doesn't want to bring it out. I was still breastfeeding my daughter it was my prevention for pregnancy,I wasn't seeing my menses and I got pregnant again,it became worst I have complained to alot of people about the verbal abuse I get from my husband,I was asked to endure now the endurance is killing me...

This month because of her,he felt I wasn't using the 20k well and he gave me a list of things to buy at home,but he gave me 10k,and it was first week of January,I later asked for another since we already didn't have anything at home he sent 5k I used it to fill gas 3k plus t fare. He knows there's nothing at home,and school was on holiday, even with pregnancy I didn't mind looking for job still. Now I beg for money to feed,ever since I knew she's like that I hate serving her food cos the money isn't enough for all of us. When her dad came home he gave me 1k for me to use for a week,no garri,no rice nothing. And school has resumed I am the one responsible for giving her money to school,I have stopped since she uses it on the way to school and behaves like a beggar in school.

She is always telling her fellow kids that I can never be her mother,I can't kill myself,I begged him for money on Sunday he sent 1200 to me,I used it to fill gas 1kg,I begged for foodstuffs to cook. I am tired of begging,I almost died last week and I didn't have the money to take me to the hospital, it was God, even the drugs I tried begging no way. Since she thinks everything I own and buy is for her father,and I am not seeing anything,I have been supporting quietly but she feels she is entitled to more and all which I can't give, when 1k finished I begged and was given 2k, which I used for yams,and I cooked small soup,I couldn't help but give her but she still behaved like that, like it isn't worth it...

Now I want to stop feeding her,I go hungry most days drinking the garri I begged for 2 days, nobody knows how I have been feeding,I feel I have been too foolish by covering up this stupid marriage. Now he's even telling me that if I give birth to a female again I would face it alone, right now like this he doesn't want to even send anything to me for the house,i hate complaining and complaining about things, people are already urging me to talk,I don't want people pointing at me on the road,I don't know what is wrong with me but I need help...

I can't endure anymore, sometimes I want to just die,I hate begging people for things but I have been subjected to that just to feed,I needed someone to talk to, people who can give me advice different from what people are giving me here... that marriage is for life, please I need help before I lose it, what do you think I should do,I don't know my fate even with this pregnancy but I want a better one for my daughter. Please drop a comment for me,I would really appreciate the help and advises. Please no insults I am not really that strong still fighting some health issues,thank you.

Weirdcamila:
Run away .
This things are simple .
Run
I mean run first , run from the marriage .
Anything that mess with your mental peace .

RUN

Elkidz:
Please I need a good advice on this issue from matured minds.

A friend of mine called me yesterday and was seriously crying that she wants her daughter that just got married to come back.

REASON:
Last year, her daughter of 21 years got married. From the look of things, the marriage was contracted on falsehood.
The man( daughter's hubby) was introduced to the girl by another woman. The young man and his mother presented themselves as very good people. The young man claimed to have money and working in Abuja as "interior decorator" . He made the girl believed that he has money where's he was borrowing to do the the marriage rites.
After the first stage of the traditional rites, he lied to the girl that bank seized his money because someone from abroad sent more than the approved amount (ie. millions) into his account. The girl had to use the little money she received as salary to sort out certain things.

To cut the long story short, marriage was scheduled, on the eve of the wedding (the bridal shower night) , the young man beat the girl blue and black to the embarrassment of everyone present including his own friends, that was how the bridal shower ended with the poor girl crying all throughout the night. This is just because of flimsy excuse, to make matters worst, the girl was some weeks old pregnant which he's aware of.
To worsen the situation, after marriage, the man left the lady in the village with the parents, two days after marriage he travelled for a job, while the girl is left alone in the village without any pocket money and without any job since she's stopped the job she was doing before marriage. She's just Living at the mercy of the guy's parents with the mother treating her like trash.

Please Mod kindly push to the front page, I need matured advice.

handsomeyitayo:
can you explain that ? I want to know why ... because am scared of marriage. Nowadays couples are scaring us away from doing marriage. Most men are going through a lots in marriage they won't tell you..

AnayoDivine:

Yes I'm currently awaiting admission and by God's grace everything works out fine. I have talked to them about the skill acquisition but they want me to wait till I get admission. I'm meant to be learning skills now so when I get there, I'll earn for myself there🤦🏾‍♂️.
My Grandparents are both not too well, I really don't want to stress or bother them at this time but I'll look into telling my Pastor.
Thank you for you Advice, I am beyond grateful.

ctex4real:
Hello everyone, I never knew I could be in this situation even though I read other people's stories here.
I would appreciate the advice from experienced married people here pls.
I am married with 2 kids.
My wife and I work in the UK and although I earn twice as much as her, she supports bills in the house. We contribute towards the mortgage together as well.
We do not have a joint account, however, we pledged that we would inform the other party whenever money is being sent back home as courtesy.
Due to her level of support, I agreed to send money to her parents whenever I send to mine. Her mum is based in the US but not really financially buoyant (still not as bad as my retired dad in Nigeria)
However, I realised that she wants such fund split 50-50 between our families. This has caused problems in the past. Hence, I resorted to sending money secretly to my parents who are usually cash strapped.
NOW THE ISSUE
Wife caught me on one occasion sending money to my parents without her knowledge. She asks me and I denied initially but later admitted and apologized, tried to make up in some way.
To find out if I had been sending money severally in the past without her knowledge, she plays a mind game by telling me that her co-wife (my brother's wife) who had just come into the UK with my brother told her (my wife) that my mum secretly advised her (my brother's wife) to be sending money very well back home(to my parents) like I do and that she should not let my wife know about it. By this, my wife alleges that I have been sending money back home.
I denied I ever used to send money secretly, insisting that that episode was the first and last. She agrees and lets it slide.
3mths down the line, I ask my mum if she ever said anything like that and my mum's voice broke down, she denied it with her life and was was really disappointed that my wife could lie against her.
I have pleaded with my mum to keep mum about the issue and I have full trust she will.
I feel really hurt and cannot understand why my wife would go to the extent of lying against my own mum. I want to confront her and express my profound disappointment.
My wife has also sent money to her mum without telling me and although I found out 2mths ago, I have not mentioned it just waiting for the right time.
I always wanted to be open/honest but my wife being inconsiderate by demanding 50-50 was what pushed me to send money secretly.
She denies ever being against sending money to my parents.
What would you advise me to do please? No insults and matured comments only please.
MODs please send to FP pls!

dollynnn:
Ladies in the house, how do you cope with washing the dishes, cooking and other things with fixed nails?

It's not easy at all

Lionmachala:
🤭 is 5 0clock somewhere

folak48:
I have caught my husband several times cheating on me, either he saves his concubines' phone numbers with a male name or he doesn't save but constantly chats with them even while I sleep beside him.

I would like to know if it's a common thing with men to crave for another woman and accept my fate.

Anal55:

This is an ancestral home you can't sell such thing

vince96w2:
certain things don't change sister..

Anal55:
Nairalanders how do you tackle this kind of problem especially when it has to do with family and property
My nephew is dragging right with me over our family house his father was my elder brother and the first born in our family we where five in number 2 boys and 3 girls although my female siblings are married .
My parents left us with a family house as the where now late so my brother lives in the landlord palour which was a self con apartment when he was alive although his relationship with his wife didn't work out as the woman wasn't married by my brother but she had kids for him now after my brother death I moved to the apartment as and started living there although I did a little renovation on it and others .
Until I have to travel all in the hustle although I was still in Nigeria but I moved to the northern part of Nigeria only to receive calls from my neighbors that my nephew has break into my apartment and do some retouching in my own house
Note there was never a time I ask them to live the compound or anything infact this is a family house as everyone has a room why must it be that my own.
I need advice as am very very pissed off
I brought this here for wiser contribution
Modifying[b][/b]
The thing is that this boy am talking about went to HK only to pick money from it as I heard only to come to break into my own apartment if he thinks he needs a room there are many there it's is literally insulting

vince96w2:
They world is only Changing on the side of the women abi? Continue...

eleniyan2020:
is only about Nigeria God de show all this pastors,what happen to all the rest of the world!

EriMma1:
This may sound weird but it's my situation now.

I have been a single and independent lady for a very long time. Though I really looked forward to settling down in my 20s and thirties but because I was the over careful type, I couldn't as I kept being picky due to men's character and behavior.

Fast-forward to my lat 30s, I began to lose interest and started getting more comfortable as a single. The upheavals in today's marriage also got to me. As in the way marriages are packing up, the cheating aspect, abuse and domestic violence in marriages all further affected me and changed my whole perception of the union called marriage. So I unconsciously resolved to remain single as long as I'm happy, comfortable and financially independent.

Some of the reasons I also made up my mind are.
As a single, Im very much at peace, with no one dictating what and when I should do things or get out of bed. I love my bed.
No one is body shaming me when I add on some pounds due to excessive eating and no one is questioning my eating habits as its sometimes the case with some married women. Also running errands when you don't feel up to it just because hubby wants you to do it. Some men can send their wife on errand like crazy and me I hate running errands.

No one is disturbing me when I need time alone which could last for hours. I love my space and privacy. So the thought of having to give up all that scares the hell out of me.

Now, back to the matter.

Recently, some close spiritual leaders in my denomination have been trying to match make me with a single pastor and that one too is shining teeth that he has seen a jimjim sister. When they now openly mentioned it yesterday with the said man around and he too was nodding and agreeing to the proposal, it dawned on me that these people are not joking. When I got home, i sank into my comfy space and began to fret. I mean... The thought of giving up all that freedom is just so scary. I suddenly discovered that marriage no longer excites me and my inner self was fighting it.
Also, the thought of carrying pregnancy for nine months with all the stress of looking after babies, tending toddlers ( poo poo) and that motherhood life made me sick instantly. The thought of joggling my job with family life gave me the chills. I see how my married mates struggle with this. Huh. Men...

I don't know. I don't feel cool about this cos it makes me feel like I'm about to be put in a cage and everything about me is going to change.

Now, before you talk about me not loving the man, I think I fancy him and can love him cos he looks so much like my ex of years ago. So that is out of the question. He is a happening lovable man but....... I no longer feel excited about marriage. at least, from what played out yesterday.

Do I need any form of therapy cos my family won't hear of it but this is my situation now ooo... Hmmm

Handsomejok:


Thanks

Handsomejok:



Thanks

onumadu:


This marriage is damaged beyond repair, unless you are prepared to pay in your old age.
Emotion and sentiment has nothing to do with it.
If I were you, I would start marking SERIOUS plans to replace the woman. Start all over with another woman if you must.
Get yourself together, and move on.
Unforgiveness is a deadly sin; but a lot of women do it.
It is their nature.

Timtim007:
What a man sows he will reap...
The fact about life is that we reap the consequences of our actions and decisions...if you don't reap it in the short run you will reap it in the long run..
Na how the life dey balance..

vince96w2:
when men were chasing the women as young girls una no know abi?Guys go they hustle una go reject am for rich men..when them dump una and him don make am, una go use him picture go Shiloh..Deceive am with love and wife material stuff .him marry una come say make him no enjoy wetin u enjoy? Baba na lie oo..I will be rich and if I notice my wife and kids doing that I will go and marry another and will everything to her

ahnie:
I m always an advocate for hard working women,it thrills me seeing women that are hard working making their legit money in their various careers, businesses and skills without depending on their partners.

My admiration goes mostly to wives making legit money to cater for the home fronts,standing as pillars,no shakes in carrying the family along without depending on their other significant halves.

Do you know that making your own money gives you an edge,it gives you confidence that anything height is attainable.

The beautiful thing is that...making legit money and investing it wisely is sexy.it saves you from unnecessary fuvks, unnecessary swollen eyes, unnecessary see finish, unnecessary insults.

The single hard working ladies are not left out,make God bless your endeavors


It's makes you definitely not to give fuvks.


So men,what's your takes on a woman that is legitimately making her money?

Pls let's not derail or make this thread a gender war.

Cc
Nlfpmod
Dominique
Lalasticlala

Choilila:
Because Men abandoned women during their youthful days chasing girls in the name of sidechicks.
So it's the responsibility of the chicks to look after the Men when their old age rocks.

ejimatic:
It has been observed that many more crises are taking place in families nowadays. One of them is our focus here. Many wives and children now abandon their husbands after the men retire. Some turn children against their fathers while some wives plan to kill their husbands so as to inherit their husband properties. Why is it that wives want their husbands husbands dead so as to inherit them? Why is it that when husbands are sicks WIves always try to know what is in the wills of their husbands? Why do wives abandon their husbands at the old age and pack to another apartment? Why do wives want to be in control of their husbands at the old age! Why do families crack when the old age is about to set in . A man was abandoned by his wives and children so much so that he was crying for help in his apartment. When thean died the children slaughtered cows and painted the house.What do you think about this development? What is happening in the families now?

Mindlog:
Biologically from the onset, the XX make up of females gives them a protective advantage when it comes to survival, reason boys are more likely to be stillborn than girls and under 5 infant mortality is more prevalent in boys.

So from conception, childhood, adolescenthood, adulthood to old age.....males die earlier.

fyzaila:


To help provide solutions that can savage her relationship with her husband.

fyzaila:
I don't know how i can help this situation gaskiya. My sis has been troubled ever since she went through her husband's WhatsApp chat with one particular woman. She told me she has been suspecting her husband who is always with his phone 247 for like 4 months now. She said he is always pressing his phone even till past 12am. When she noticed this she talked to him about it but he told her "it is his phone not hers, everyone should do whatever they like with their phone" she said she even denies him s3x sometimes because of this and also she's nonchalant about cooking and house chores all so that he can change and stop. But he doesn't seem bothered. And they have 2 kids.

So one particular night he slept off and the phone fell off his hand so she took it b4 it locks and went through his chats. She discovers he has been having emotional affairs with a divorced woman. It seems to her the woman was his ex. He is planning on marring her as his 2nd wife. And the woman also has two kids.

She said he hasn't defaulted in his responsibilities to the family. Me personally, i don't know what to do to console her to accept reality. Since our religion permits polygamy.

Nairalanders please what can you say about this situation now.

AmuDimpka:
Wedding outside wedlock is sin...it gives birth to Omo Ale as Yoruba will call it

pacino26:


Oh how much I love Nairalanders and their savagery. Lol. This write up is not to confirm if there was a rape or not or gather sympathy. The culprit admitted what he did at the police station and some other place. So it’snot a question of the girl lying. The write up is for those who may be in a similar situation tomorrow and I dropped flaws that has prevented the lady from getting due justice. Your POV follows general assumptions of Nigerians. The man was crafty enough to drop cash with her under duress to invalidate all claims of rape and nothing can be done to state otherwise.