₦airaland Forum

Kikikiki

Let's see how this goes

Hope rising

americaninja1:
if Ino give dem tfare make dey no come nw.. ori won baje

Why the curse?
I want people who will go for cross cultural marriage to understand this.
It has destroyed a few Igbo/Yoruba would-have-been marriages.
The girl's family hosts the traditional marriage, which for Igbos, is the real marriage when the girl is handed over to the man's family.
Any other celebration in Church or court is the couple's business and both parents are coming as invitees.

234GT:
I am confused here. Very confused. Who organises a wedding? Is it the bride's family or the groom himself?
I think the bride's father is the one to organise the wedding based in his capabilities, and the grooms family is to provide financial support to the brides parents.
If my thoughts are wrong, someone should PLEASE enlighten me.

Among the Yorubas, the girl's family sponsors the wedding.
Among the Igbos, the bridegroom spends to marry a wife. He will even clothe and transport his parents-in-law for his wedding.

*They are deliberately targeting Christians for attacks in order to provoke the Nigerian Christian community. *

When the EU said this, they were accused of being biased. Now MURIC has confirmed that Christians are the target.
I'm still surprised at this man's change! God bless Amotekun

As expected.

Next....

GeorgeTheCoder:
Why is Amotekun troubling the sahel dwellers so much ? All this noise and we haven't even unveiled our militia in the Niger Delta.

Way to go!
All regions should start theirs
Nobody has the monopoly of violence

SirLiquidGold:
I guess it's time to start having 6 wives and 50 children

And breed thugs and thieves.
Not worth it

SirLiquidGold:
Why is it that a certain group of people thinks they decide who rule?

Answer is their inflated numbers

Story story story
Once upon a time

mordsith:
Men in South Sudan typically marry as often as their wealth—often measured in cattle—will allow. Perhaps 40% of marriages are polygamous. “In [our] culture, the more family you have, the more people respect you,” says William, a young IT specialist in search of his second wife (his name, like some others in this article, has been changed). Having studied in America and come back to his home village, he finds that he is wealthy by local standards. So why be content with just one bride?


Few South Sudanese see the connection between these matrimonial customs and the country’s horrific civil war. If you ask them the reason for the violence, locals will blame tribalism, greedy politicians, weak institutions and perhaps the oil wealth which gives warlords something to fight over. All true, but not the whole story.
Wherever it is widely practised, polygamy (specifically polygyny, the taking of multiple wives) destabilises society, largely because it is a form of inequality which creates an urgent distress in the hearts, and loins, of young men. If a rich man has a Lamborghini, that does not mean that a poor man has to walk, for the supply of cars is not fixed. By contrast, every time a rich man takes an extra wife, another poor man must remain single. If the richest and most powerful 10% of men have, say, four wives each, the bottom 30% of men cannot marry. Young men will take desperate measures to avoid this state.
This is one of the reasons why the Arab Spring erupted, why the jihadists of Boko Haram and Islamic State were able to conquer swathes of Nigeria, Iraq and Syria, and why the polygamous parts of Indonesia and Haiti are so turbulent. Polygamous societies are bloodier, more likely to invade their neighbours and more prone to collapse than others are. The taking of multiple wives is a feature of life in all of the 20 most unstable countries on the Fragile States Index compiled by the Fund for Peace, an NGO (see chart).
Because polygamy is illegal in most rich countries, many Westerners underestimate how common it is. More than a third of women in West Africa are married to a man who has more than one wife. Plural marriages are plentiful in the Arab world, and fairly common in South-East Asia and a few parts of the Caribbean. The cultures involved are usually patrilineal: ie, the family is defined by the male bloodline. And they are patrilocal: wives join the husband’s family and leave their own behind. Marriages are often sealed by the payment of a brideprice from the groom’s family to the bride’s. This is supposed to compensate the bride’s family for the cost of raising her.
A few men attract multiple wives by being exceptionally charismatic, or by persuading others that they are holy. “There may be examples of [male] cult leaders who did not make use of their position to further their personal polygyny, but I cannot think of any,” notes David Barash of the University of Washington in “Out of Eden: The Surprising Consequences of Polygamy”. However, the most important enabler of the practice is not the unequal distribution of charm but the unequal distribution of wealth. Brideprice societies where wealth is unevenly distributed lend themselves to polygamy—which in turn inflates the price of brides, often to ruinous heights. In wretchedly poor Afghanistan, the cost of a wedding for a young man averages $12,000-$20,000.
By increasing the bride price, polygamy tends to raise the age at which young men get married; it takes a long time to save enough money. At the same time, it lowers the age at which women get married. All but the wealthiest families need to “sell” their daughters before they can afford to “buy” wives for their sons; they also want the wives they shell out for to be young and fertile. In South Sudan “a girl is called an old lady at age 20 because she cannot bear many children after that,” a local man told Marc Sommers of Boston University and Stephanie Schwartz of Columbia University. A tribal elder spelled out the maths of the situation. “When you have 10 daughters, each one will give you 30 cows, and they are all for [the father]. So then you have 300 cows.” If a patriarch sells his daughters at 15 and does not let his sons marry until they are 30, he has 15 years to enjoy the returns on the assets he gained from brideprice. That’s a lot of milk.
Valerie Hudson of Texas A&M University and Hilary Matfess of Yale have found that an inflated brideprice is a “critical” factor “predisposing young men to become involved in organised group violence for political purposes”. Terrorist groups know this, too. Muhammad Kasab, a Pakistani terrorist hanged for his role in the Mumbai attacks of 2008, said he joined Lashkar-e-Taiba, the jihadist aggressor, because it promised to pay for his siblings to get married. In Nigeria, Boko Haram arranges marriages for its recruits. The so-called Islamic State used to offer foreign recruits $1,500 towards a starter home and a free honeymoon in Raqqa. Radical Islamist groups in Egypt have also organised cheap marriages for members. It is not just in the next life that jihadists are promised virgins.
The deepest deprivation
In South Sudan, brideprices may be anything from 30 to 300 cows. “For young men, the acquisition of so many cattle through legitimate means is nearly impossible,” write Ms Hudson and Ms Matfess. The alternative is to steal a herd from the tribe next door. In a country awash with arms, such cattle raids are as bloody as they are frequent. “7 killed, 10 others wounded in cattle raid in Eastern Lakes,” reads a typical headline in This Day , a South Sudanese paper. The article describes how “armed youths from neighbouring communities” stole 58 cows, leaving seven people—and 38 cows—shot dead “in tragic crossfire”.
Thousands of South Sudanese are killed in cattle raids every year. “When you have cows, the first thing you must do is get a gun. If you don’t have a gun, people will take your cows,” says Jok, a 30-year-old cattle herder in Wau, a South Sudanese city. He is only carrying a machete, but he says his brothers have guns.
Jok loves cows. “They give you milk, and you can marry with them,” he smiles. He says he will get married this year, though he does not yet have enough cows and, judging by his ragged clothes, he does not have the money to buy them, either. He is vague as to how he will acquire the necessary ruminants. But one can’t help noticing that he is grazing his herd on land that has recently been ethnically cleansed. Dinkas like Jok walk around freely in Wau. Members of other tribes who used to live in the area huddle in camps for displaced people, guarded by UN peacekeepers.
The people in the camps all tell similar stories. The Dinkas came, dressed in blue, and attacked their homes, killing the men and stealing whatever they could carry away, including livestock and young women. “Many of my family were killed or raped,” says Saida, a village trader. “The attackers cut people’s heads off. All the young men have gone from our village now. Some have joined the rebels. Some fled to Sudan.” Saida’s husband escaped and is now with his other wife in Khartoum, the Sudanese capital. Saida is left tending five children. Asked why all this is happening, she bursts into tears.
“If you have a gun, you can get anything you want,” says Abdullah, a farmer who was driven off his land so that Dinka marauders could graze their cattle on it. “If a man with a gun says ‘I want to marry you’, you can’t say no,” says Akech, an aid worker. This is why adolescent boys hover on the edge of battles in South Sudan. When a fighter is killed, they rush over and steal his weapon so that they can become fighters, too.
Overall, polygamy is in retreat. However, its supporters are fighting to preserve or even extend it. Two-fifths of Kazakhstanis want to re-legalise the practice (it was banned by the Bolsheviks). In 2008 they were thwarted, at least temporarily, when a female MP amended a pro-polygamy bill to say that polyandry—the taking of multiple hubands—would be allowed as well; Muslim greybeards balked at that.
In the West polygamy is too rare to be socially destabilising. To some extent this is because it is serialised. Rich and powerful men regularly swap older wives for younger ones, thus monopolising the prime reproductive years of several women. But that allows a few wives, not a few dozen. The polygamous enclaves in America run by breakaway Mormon sects are highly unstable—the old men in charge expel large numbers of young men for trivial offences so they can marry lots of young women themselves. Nevertheless, some American campaigners argue that parallelised polygamy should be made legal. If the constitution demands that gay marriage be allowed (as the Supreme Court ruled in 2015), then surely it is unconstitutional to disallow plural marriage, they argue. “Group marriage is the next horizon of social liberalism,” writes Fredrik deBoer, an academic, in Politico , on the basis that long-term polyamorous relationships deserve as much legal protection as any others freely entered into.
Proponents of polygamy offer two main arguments beyond personal preference. One is that it is blessed in the Koran, which is true. The other is that it gives women a better chance of avoiding spinsterhood. Rania Hashem, a pro-polygamy campaigner in Egypt, claims that there is a shortage of men in her country. (There is not, but this is a common misconception among polygamists.) If more rich, educated Egyptian men take multiple wives, she says, this will make it easier for women to exercise their “right to have a husband”. Mona Abu Shanab, another Egyptian polygamy advocate, argues that polygamy is a sensible way to assuage male sexual frustration, a common cause of divorce. “Women after marriage just disregard their men [and] focus on their kids. They…always have an excuse for not engaging in intimate relations; they are always ‘tired’ or ‘sick’. This makes the men uncomfortable and drives them to…have a girlfriend.”
Some men see polygamy as a pragmatic response to female infertility. “My first wife was issueless,” says Gurmeet, a 65-year-old landlord in Lahore, Pakistan. At one point “she said our inability to have a child was because of my medical condition, not hers. I was enraged. I turned to religion and was guided [by God] to take a second wife.” He had been planning to try in-vitro fertilisation but God’s advice looked like a sounder investment. Initially, his first wife was “unwilling to share my affections with another woman”. But as time passed, she accepted the situation, says Gurmeet. He divided the house into two parts, so his wives could live separately. He divided his time equally between them. “It worked,” he says. The second wife had six children. But Gurmeet grumbles that she dressed less elegantly than his childless wife and did not keep her rooms as tidy.
Polygyny is hard work for men but good for women, says Gurmeet, because it is “undesirable” for a woman to be unmarried. Asked about polyandry, Gurmeet says, “I strongly disapprove. It is against nature for a woman to have multiple partners.” He elaborates: “As a young man I kept chickens. The cock has many hens, but he does not allow the females to mate with more than one partner. So it’s against natural law.”
Bad for brides
Polygamy “can work fine, provided you do justice to [all wives] equally,” says Amar, a Pakistani judge with two wives. “If you do not prefer any one over the others, no problem arises.” He admits that if two wives live together in the same home, “a natural rivalry” arises. Dividing property can also be complicated and leads to a lot of litigation.
But Amar thinks he gets it right. “My routine is: I spend one night with one wife and one night with the other. That way, nobody feels treated badly. And I give them exactly the same amount of money to spend: they get one credit card each. As a judge, it is [my] foremost duty to deliver justice.” One of his wives enters the room and offers to give her side of the story. Her husband banishes her, with visible irritation, before your correspondent can ask her anything.
Although women in a polygamous society find it relatively easy to get married, the quality of their marriages may not be high. Because such brides are often much younger, not to mention ill-educated, they find it hard to stand up to their husbands. And brideprice is not conducive to a relationship of equals.
In South Sudan, nearly 80% of people think it acceptable for a husband to beat his wife for such things as refusing sex, burning the dinner and so on. Divorce requires that the bride’s family repay the brideprice; they may thus insist that the abused woman stays with her husband no matter how badly he treats her.
Polygamy is also bad for children. A study of 240,000 children in 29 African countries found that, after controlling for other factors, those in polygamous families were more likely to die young. A study among the Dogon of Mali found that a child in a polygynous family was seven to 11 times more likely to die early than a child in a monogamous one. The father spends his time siring more children rather than looking after the ones he already has, Mr Barash explains. Also, according to the Dogon themselves, jealous co-wives sometimes poison each other’s offspring so that their own will inherit more.
For Akech, the South Sudanese aid worker, growing up in a polygamous family “wasn’t easy”. Her father, a former rebel commander, had eight wives and numerous concubines. She has 41 siblings that she knows of. When she was six, she used to fetch 20 litres of water each day for her mother to use to make siko , a form of moonshine. Sometimes her father would come round drunk, bang on the door and take her mother’s money to spend on another woman. Akech remembers her parents quarrelling a lot. That said, the extended family could pull together in an emergency. When her father was shot in the leg, his wives teamed up to bathe him, get him to hospital and pay his medical bills.
One day, when Akech was at university, her father asked her to come and see him. “We had never had a father-daughter bond, so I was excited,” she remembers. When she arrived, he introduced her to a fellow officer and ordered her to marry him. She was horrified. Her father’s friend was 65. Akech was 19.
She pretended to accept the proposal and said she just wanted to pop back to her college, which was in a neighbouring country, to collect her things. Her father agreed. She went back to college and stayed there.
That was more than a decade ago. Akech went on to complete university and find a good job. She recently bought her now-elderly father a house, partly to show him the value of her education, but also out of a residual sense of guilt at having once defied him. “In my culture, your parents are your earthly gods. I tried not to disappoint him,” she says. He has never said sorry for attempting to sell her.

Brilliant analysis of polygamy

Kescott:
@Poster this is my one cent but I hope it helps. Your issue is more spiritual than it is physically because the spiritual controls the physical so first thing is to work on the spiritual aspect first.
Secondly, you have an unusual sex drive (Lidibo) and it is completely natural in most cases. I also suffer from a habit that I am not proud of but I am a work in progress.
If I were to be in your shoes, what would I do?
First I will go back to God. Talking to God is the simplest thing to do in life because He is always listening however hearing from God is the most difficult because of too many distractions as you already know I presume. Now talk to God as you would talk to your earthly father, let Him know your challenge but this time, don't try to help God to help you. Allow Him to help you through it completely. You need to stop helping God to help you. Finding things to distract you is only temporary. I had a friend that told me how he cured masturbation was first to avoid the triggers and then He prays and kabash every time a thought of it comes to him, and one day he realised he doesn't feel the urge anyone.
I also need to point out that in your journey to abstainence you will have relapse, you will fall but don't allow the devil trick you into believing that you are irredeemable. Don't remain down when you fall, rise up, ask God for forgiveness and each time, the lessons learnt, the triggers, and more importantly prayers can do a long way to solving the issue.

I just found answers to the habit I wrote about (Masturbation). I also need to mention that I started masturbating about six years ago and it is not frequent, sometime, I won't for months until I let my guards down and I have not slept with any woman for over 19 years because I made that commitment (Vow) to God until marriage.

Thank you for sharing your story and I appreciate the efforts to get right with God because that's the ultimate goal

The God Whom you seek to please will abundantly reward you for honouring your body which is His temple.
I hope you're planning to get married soonest

Roadtorecovery:
I am going to allow your negative energy to fuel my resolve to become a better person. It is easier to judge people in a faceless forum like this because you don't have an idea what they are going through.
I am seeking for help but that doesn't mean i will swallow every suggestion hook line and sinker. At the end, I will be alright.

So good to see that in a society that's normalizing immorality, there are still people who want to do the right thing.

Bacteriologist:
So how about we fix the one we're on before moving to another planet?


But at least this will humble the silly notion some theists project that a god somewhere behind the sky created everything that exists because of humans and made us in charge. Millions other habitable planets exist and anything could be on them. Which could well include organisms far superior to our intellect and evolutionary/ecological advancement.

The universe does not give a shit about us. We only exist on this marble as an insignificant life form on an insignificant portion of a very very very big collection of marbles.

But somehow religion creates this nonexistent important image of humans. And that's why the world is in chaos.

I beg to disagree, Sir.
I find this discovery an evidence of an Intelligent Design who's still creating new universes.
My brand of religion, the Christian faith, admits that there are other worlds and other forms and phases of life.
Man is in control of only one planet called Earth, not the entire universe.
God rules His vast creation.
Thanks for your patience.

"Nobody can control cow if he is not a Fulani."

I can't stop laughing!!!!
So those who own big ranches all over the world are Fulani?
Illiteracy! Gross!!

illitrate:
These are all Iranian Americans.

I think so. They don't want their country of origin destroyed. Or those sympathetic to their cause.

PrecisionFx:
I don't feel any condemnation.

Then you're not ready for a change

LtChisom:
I've tried so much and still go back right to those evil things.

Have you prayed with a broken and a contrite heart until you felt the condemnation lift?

LtChisom:
I wish I can really dedicate my all to Jesus the way my heart yearns for it, seriously, I love Jesus but pleasing him have been so hard
1. am a pentazocine and caffeine addict
2. I have anger and forgiveness problems
3. I lust after women's breast not really that I like sex per say cos the pentazocine reduces my urge to feel to have sex.
if there is a way Jesus can just say a word and change my heart and purge it of all those nonsense in it, I'd be very perfect to serve him in spirit and in truth.
I've tried all I can to stop these but to all no avail.

If you want a change, a real and comprehensive and lasting change, go to God and with a broken and contrite heart, confess every sin you remember committing, promise Him that you won't go back to them again and hold on in prayer until He lifts the burden and fills you with joy and peace. This is the born-again experience. It is not a prayer someone else will pray for you. You can have access with God and you will quit struggling to do what is right. You won't struggle not to smoke cos God will take away even the desire to smoke or drink

xcelentattitude:
This is rather insensitive of you OP. You don't know if the children are alive? Instead of you to look for the children and think of a way to help them by contributing your own quota as little as it might be, you brought the story to nairaland.

What is now the moral of this story?

The moral is be faithful to your spouse. Is that difficult to grab?

Will some men hear?
They will argue that they were created polygamous and must kill themselves and others to prove the point

Eeyyaa for the large number of people who have not travelled by air.
God will create opportunities and finances for such travel this year.
I remember being on a flight with a first time flier. He bombarded me with questions: how will he pick his luggage, how should he use his seatbelt, what of his cabin baggage? I shared his excitement and helped him take pictures to show his village people.
He held me tightly during takeoff and landing

Nooil:
Lol, this your post made me laugh. I know that feeling of nothingness when you decide to believe in nothing. It's like you are just existing. There is nothing more blissful than putting your faith and hope in a greater power. Some prefer idols who they think are quick to action. But I prefer God who knows the beginning from the end and is ever strategizing to give me an expected end.

Tips to help you embrace God better this year:

Pray consistently. There is a reason Muslims pray four times a day, they are not stupid. If you can pray more than them, prayers will get answered in a matter of weeks (it's a heavenly algorithm).

Add fasting. In your moment of desperation add fasting. Your spirit connects faster to God when you fast because your flesh is relayed to the background.

Avoid fornication. Every other sin is outside the body, but this defiles the body. And the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. People lose business deals, job opportunities, and lots more because of it

Develop a personal relationship with God. It is good to go to church to renew your faith and fellowship with your brethren. But you strengthen your faith more when you spend time reading your Bible and praying.

I wish you a happy new year.

I love this!!!
Don't mind sad and miserable atheists

maddman:
To be straight with you brother, you're about to embark upon a difficult task. Just hope your brain isn't self-destructive, if not, you'll fight the urge for a while and eventually relapse, and then realise how stupid you've been and make new resolution only to fail again and, like that, the cycle continues.

Gambling dey make your brain release dopamine, one chemical wey dey totori body, 10 times more than your normal activities fit release.

I will not tell you to pray - it won't help you - but I go like make you stand gidigba for the monster ahead because, right now, only you can help yourself.

I knew gambling was addictive, but never knew the extent. I don't gamble

Hire those priests to curse our wicked politicians

I wish Igbos well.

Road network in the SE is easy to do because of the small landmass

solmusdesigns:



yamree yamree

Airpeace next.. Nigeria Airways loading 24.3%

when they run their mouth you think they have backup.. but one shot na yakata them go fall


..

I agree with you. In this selective fight against corruption, it's unfortunate being an Igbo

For once, I agree with this senile man

Bookmarked

Great information!
Just to add the University of Port Harcourt Teaching Hospital as one of the IVF centres

Job losses loading.
Dangote increases monopoly